F67
Dominant men,domineering men,abusive men
February 14 2013
Comments
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Mr_MrsAraps
12 years ago
Nice post Freya.Being with a woman who is submissive has been empowering for both her and myself. There is a lot of trust both earned and given and a hell of a lot of communication. Someone who is submissive always has the right to say NO or stop at any point if they are not comfortable with what is going on and a respectful dominant will always listen and act to that request. The sub is giving their trust for the dom and one would not exist without the other. The line never to be crossed is whatever is negotiated before hand on what you want to do and what you don't. Abusiveness is when there are is no concern for the other person and the abuser does something whether they like it or not, even if they say no or stop. Dom/sub is empowering where as abuse is soul destroying.
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RHP User
12 years ago
For me it's a sweet, sexy balance between him knowing who he is and what he wants in life, hungering to be with me and 'have' me, making sure I know how much he wants me and eating me up from time to time (with his eyes, and the rest of him :)) - BUT, also having restraint (the true mark of maturity in a man) and getting pleasure from giving into me and indulging me because I'm cute/sweet/cheeky/irresistable.
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RHP User
12 years ago
What an interesting topic... I'm sure I'll change my mind many times... but here are some thoughts...It has only been in recent times that I've discovered my enjoyment of (and suitability to) taking a leading and, sometimes, dominant role. That's directing, making decisions, having a plan and articulating it clearly, being in control and adapting the plan to suit all parties. But its a role, and it only works - for me - if the other party/parties are making informed consent. Consent doesn't have to remove enjoyment or spontaneity, it just has to be established and recognised. As Araps says, that consent can be withdrawn at any time, for any reason. Domination doesn't have to be bound (gag intended) to S&M, but of course they're great bedfellows (more puns intended).There was a thread a while ago that featured a discussion of a man ordering food for a woman - what I recognised in that discussion is that, for those that were positive about it, it was fun for both as a kind of role play. As the dominant, he is so focussed on her that he has thought about her enjoyment to the n-th degree. In this example, the dominant must choose something that the submissive will enjoy, that will excite them and hopefully even challenge them. That means the dominant must know the submissive well, and be confident to make choices for the submissive's benefit. Both are taking a risk, both are exposed - the dominant as they must hold it all together and be confident and thoughtful, the submissive as they must trust the dominant and provide cues for the dominant to read.The line isn't fine, at all, I think. The actions may be similar - a domineering partner might choose the restaurant and your meal, but he's doing it because he is selfish or trying to control you. A dominant might make the choices to show you love and intimacy.
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RHP User
12 years ago
say I have ever felt the need to dominate a woman.. I like a woman who knows who she is and while I am quite happy to do a bit of spanking and bondage I am not into violence.. I have seen the abusive side of some relationships and have felt nothing but sadness that some women go back into this sort of disaster... Mike
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RHP User
12 years ago
I love a man who tells me what to do, in a soft voice, without ever calling me names. A man that pins me down and fucks me with his hand on my throat, while paying close attention to my reactions. The line? "No." Simple. If you're a real man, I won't even have to say it out loud. Disrespect my boundaries and you're gone. No second chances. Though that has never happened.
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RHP User
12 years ago
is "no, stop or a safe word" cross it and your done.I need a dominant man in mind and body. Big, strong, confident that can fark my mind as well as my body.Push my buttons, pin me down and take me like there is no tomorrow....hungry and urgentRound 2 is slow and tender
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RHP User
12 years ago
so if someones in an abusive relationship. eg always getting pushed around slapped hit or what ever..and people see that as wrong and the victim needs to walk away before it goes to far .permanite injury or worste death.. why anyone want to go into or seek a dominate relationship..from what i can tell there's not much difference between the two,apart from one says yes and the other says no.. i worked with young guy couple years ago and he was telling me about a girl he was knocking off..kept asking him to slap and punch her during sex,when he ask my view ,i told him yeah well that might sound all good and fun but take in mind if she a bit loopey there good chance of rape case coming your way...i dont see anything wrong with bit of kinky fun but if it leaves a mark then thats asking for trouble..nobody likes a wife or girlfriend basher..
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RHP User
12 years ago
My line is very clearly my safe words "too much" or an agreed action (if I can't speak) but I haven't had to use them lately...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'zx10knight'so if someones in an abusive relationship. eg always getting pushed around slapped hit or what ever..and people see that as wrong and the victim needs to walk away before it goes to far .permanite injury or worste death.. why anyone want to go into or seek a dominate relationship..from what i can tell there's not much difference between the two,apart from one says yes and the other says no.. Two words: INFORMED CONSENT. Dominance and abuse can be on opposite sides of the spectrum!
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Mr_MrsAraps
12 years ago
Quoting 'zx10knight' so if someones in an abusive relationship. eg always getting pushed around slapped hit or what ever..and people see that as wrong and the victim needs to walk away before it goes to far .permanite injury or worste death.. why anyone want to go into or seek a dominate relationship..from what i can tell there's not much difference between the two,apart from one says yes and the other says no.. i worked with young guy couple years ago and he was telling me about a girl he was knocking off..kept asking him to slap and punch her during sex,when he ask my view ,i told him yeah well that might sound all good and fun but take in mind if she a bit loopey there good chance of rape case coming your way...i dont see anything wrong with bit of kinky fun but if it leaves a mark then thats asking for trouble..nobody likes a wife or girlfriend basher..and is all about respect, trust and communication which is so far removed from abuse as you can get. As msD says so as long as everyone is consenting then it shouldn't matter what your kink. Everyones different and everyone enjoys different things and what is someones extreme is another ones vanilla doesn't mean that when they are out of bed they are a bit loopy.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Wow, great topic. For us, there is a an enormous disparity between 'dominating' and what we would term 'power and control'. The former can be extremely erotic provided, as the OP very clearly states, that there is informed consent at every stage and the respect on all sides to desist at any stage when requested (either verbally or non-verbally). In fact, in our experience, the idea of domination encompasses a level of extraordinary trust between the partners. We both have very stressful, responsible jobs in which our daily decisions impact on other people's lives (sometimes in negative ways) and we take that very seriously, so sometimes it is absolutely delicious to have all decision-making processes taken out of our hands for a time. When MrF2P takes Mrs F2P to a nice restaurant after a shit day at work and orders for her, decides what cocktail she wants, takes her home under whatever carriage hehas selected and ....... you can guess the rest, she will be a very happy lady. Having said that, if she were single and on a first 'date' and that happened, very bloody different story as that would smack of power, control, manipulation etc which is NOT COOL. Not ever. Huuuuge difference between physical violence that stems from hatred, loss of control and lack of respect and mutually satisfying, respectful role play between consenting adults. Think the OP had it spot on in the title: dominating versus domineering. World of difference :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
I only like being told what to do during sex, most definitely not anywhere else. Me ex's favourite words were "You should..." I dumped him. Nuff said.
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RHP User
12 years ago
For me it can be a fun game to play during sex, but it doesn't carry over beyond that. I have found that I can do almost anything a woman wants me to do with, for and to her. Almost anything. But once that is over we can go have a coffee or dinner or just snuggle up having enjoyed the experience. I don't think I could be in a 24/7 Dom/sub relationship. I value other people's views and opinions too much. I like someone who will disagree with me and argue with me, I find it intellectually stimulating. But in the bedroom, she can be anything she wants, I can be anything she needs and one day perhaps I can experience a little of that too. Devious nailed it. Informed consent. And a safe word if she wants to say no and have me keep going, because if there is any doubt in my mind about what she wants, we stop until I know.
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Mr_MrsAraps
12 years ago
anyway the dom/sub is just for role playing that we both enjoy but in all other aspects of its back to normal with both being equals with our own personality, views and decisions. 24/7 is way too full on and not for me.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have had both and they are in no way related. As other have said, one is consensual, where there is open communication, respect, boundaries, trust and if “play” enters into an area where one of the parties doesn’t like something.... then “no” or similar is obeyed immediately. It is about MUTUAL pleasure where both parties are giving/receiving what they desire. This relationship works well as both parties are secure. Abuse on the other hand is non-consensual, selfish and about fear, bullying and a lack of respect. Where one party will prey on and exploit the other for their own gratification. This relationship has insecure people at the helm. I need/desire to be dominated sexually as it allows me the relinquish control, feel feminine and small. I am normally a strong, assertive, intimidating woman, so in my “down time” I love a man who can stand up to me, take control, bust my balls (so to speak) and drive. I spend so much of my life with a tough, protective exterior , that nothing pleases me more than having a strong man crack my shell open ....but he’ll have to work for it and be worthy of the runny goodness that is released.
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RHP User
12 years ago
all things are equal.... sometimes I will take charge, sometimes he will. . In life.... I have very traditional roles within my relationship. We are both happy with that. My man would like to think he can order me around but all I do is laugh at him...openly... . I dont do submission very easily at all. In love, lust or life.
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RHP User
12 years ago
On the most part we are not literally talking dominance as in 'Mr Grey', or dominance as in tell you what to do in every facet of your life (that's abuse) There is pure domination and then there's the pleasure in having a strong, confident, set the pace in the bedroom sort of guy. The latter which I like, but then it's nice to also be the one to initiate the sex, set the pace and so on...
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RHP User
12 years ago
am in no way a 'dominant' male.... its not who i am... gentle is what i do, and gentle is what my wife insists upon....she's had 'dominant'......but it went sour and became 'abusive', what began as play eventually became a fixation, and turned fun into a nightmare for her..... his loss.....my gain.
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RHP User
12 years ago
The "you should", it's a clear indicator in retrospect isn't it? Msfun
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RHP User
12 years ago
Any such activity should be matched with taking the time to get to know the other person, what they want and how to deliver these wants in to safe and sane activity. Once a connection is established so is trust and any man that gets pleasure from doing abusive things to a woman that she does not want to gain pleasure for himself in a sick and twisted way is not really a man. Best advice is take the time to get to know the male if you are wanting to play the submissive role ladies, if he is a true Dominant his patience will show through unlike all the 50 Shade wannabe Dominant CEOs....
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