Emotional attachment and intimacy

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  RHP User

  12 years ago

  Friendships can be what ever you want them to be...I have been in the same situation as you friend where my husband was jealous of my relationships with my girlfriends (ummmm control freak!!)...For me Friendships can never get too intense....it's unconditional.It's about BOUNDARIES...A true friend will respect them.I've had males as best friends (dam awesome)- they have always wanted more than I can't give - such a shame when that happens - that can ruin friendships.. :(I have one golden rule...NEVER SLEEP WITH MALE BEST FRIEND!! MALE BEST FRIENDS can not provide sexual intimacy.....unless of course in a couple relationship with then I call them "PARTNER"...

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  RHP User

  12 years ago

  I had a close, female friend who spent a great deal of time with me. There was no sex ever but a good deal of sexual tension at times. My first wife and I were mismatched. Our marriage was very tumultuous at times and she was not at all happy with my close friendship with another woman. I expect tht if our relationship were healthier, I would not have needed such a close, intimate, female confidant. My current partner more than meets all my emotional needs and what's more, is never jealous of other females that might chat with me.

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  RHP User

  12 years ago

  are to be treasured of either sex. My ex had a problem ith me spending time with male friends, I really didn't understand, due to the fact that I work in a female dominated environment. It was important to me to get some time (one evening) with friends of the same gender as while I am comfortable in my hetero relationships I felt the need to just be a bloke and about male issues with other men. She however thought i valued my male friends more than her. (wrong) My mother died and I was having a hard time coping (damn black dog) and was having trouble sharing my difficulties with her. I found some comfort talking about my problems with my mates who were very supportive. After 10 years of commitment and after telling me she would NEVER cheat she lobbed up one day and said she was leaving. I found out later that she had been having an affair with a workmate for about 2 years starting just after my mothers' death. I still have my mates at least.   Mike

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  Mr_MrsAraps

  12 years ago

  no one relationship can provide all encompassing needs no matter how strong it is. An example is a good friends of mine that both work from home and see either other a pretty significant amount of each and every day. I don't knowhow they do it. Super fox and JM you make a good point about controlling but would like to add there is a difference if someone chooses to reply on their partner for the vast majority of their emotional support and friendship v a controlling partner who forces someone to ditch any friends they deem as a threat.

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  RHP User

  12 years ago

  Allowing that friend to interfere with your relationship and come between your partner and you is another. If that friend takes more time away from your partner then it can be similar as cheating. It does not have to be sexual for it to be cheating. Imagine how you would feel if your partner had to talk, text, chat to one of thier friends several times a day? How would you feel if they consulted said friend on every important detail in their lives over and above you? How would you feel if your partner decided that they would go out several times a week with said friend leaving you to your own devices..or worse, got into a huddle with thier friend of the oposite sex and shared inside jokes, laughter and comaraderie EXCLUDING you because you wouldnt understand or you had to be there? Be realistic...a friend is a friend and meeting for coffee occassionally, phoning occassionally, catching up every now and then is fine....dont make your friends your life and exclude your partner....because then it is emotional cheating! . No. One person can not give us all our emotional needs...otherwise we would not be herd animals, living with mother/father/siblings/friends/lovers, significant others. One person can indeed provide for everything you need sexually and I know people who have been married and faithful for 50 years plus to testify to this. . It is all about balance!

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  RHP User

  12 years ago

  As I had post to the previous topic my best friends are two sisters which I know them since I was 14 years old... Until now we share everything except the bedroom... 3 years ago the older one got married and her husband is still very jealous of our relationship - friendship... And in general most of their boyfriends or most of my girlfriends were very jealous of what we have....That cause us from time to time to have some breaks for a couple of months which eventually made us promise to each other that nothing and no one will stand between us no matter what. So dear Freya13 your topic is almost my whole life. My advice....keep and have your friends the way you want them and they want you.

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  RHP User

  12 years ago

  Some people are insecure of themselves and their relationship which is why they make those ridiculous accusations. :-/ I have a few really close GF's, my closest I have been friends with since I was 10 long before hubby came along. That is 32 years. We are like sisters. It's a shame that some people would be threatened by that. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  12 years ago

  I don't agree that all relationships have to be casual. Although I assume you are talking about sexual relationships with women? Yes, If you want to keep things casual a bit of space is a good idea. Doesn't always work though. It was the rookie mistake I first made when I started on RHP and was still struggling to understand what friends with benefits meant. I thought at the time that if you got on really well and the sex was good, why wouldn't you explore and see if you could have a deeper emotion or relationship there. Mind you I decided this after sleeping with the guy for three months. I know better now. But it's harder for alot of women as we see the intimacy, the hand holding, the slow sex, the hugs, hugging all night in bed, the intimate things men confide in us as sign that there is the potential for a relationship. That it is a sign of deeper emotions developing, that this is more than just casual. For men this is all part of sex that is something to be enjoyed & doesn't mean anything beyond friendship and caring as a friend. Women care a lot about you dumbass men. You know. :) - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  12 years ago

  Can a friendship indeed be too intense and get in the way of the primary relationship or should we just recognise that one person can not provide everything we need,emotionally or sexually? I have a lot of friends, I tend to keep them , unless the friendship becomes toxic And that can happen Sometimes my female friends have got a bit weird on me, as in not getting on with my other friends and wanting me to be their one and only best friend. For ages I had no clue that a female friend had a crush, until I invited her into my lovers bed for some fun and she was so onto me, he was amused and she was tipsy and kept trying to kiss me and said she loved me. it blew me away. I kept friends with her and just told her I was not in love with her, I do not fall in love with women though I don’t mind a bit of slap and tickle with one now and again. I do not do intimacy well at all, it frightens the shit out of me. I do nice warm sexy , and delicious sensual sex I am friendly , warm and enticing but I keep my heart under lock and key. I have love for my husband , but its more a comfortable thing No one can fill all of my needs that’s why I have several lovers. I think if a man managed to round up all of my needs and take me in that intimate way, I would cry like a baby..and big girls don’t cry

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