Encouraging a partner to experience ....

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  You have a conversation to have with your partner.... - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  what Stirry said

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  DynamicCouple36

  9 years ago

  If you feel that you need to "encourage " or persuade your partner to "swing", when she emphatically says "No", you are skating on thin ice and the result could be disastrous for your relationship. No means No. And if you have asked her and she has said No, you need to respect her decision and push no more. As you already have a "Diamond membership " on here , and are clearly sleeping around (by your own admission albeit discretely ) behind her back, and engaging in "safe sex if required " (ie only using a condom if required / not required ) perhaps it's time to move on and to find a new partner who may be more willing to satisfy your sexual urges ? When we decided to start swinging, it was something that we had both thought about and discussed, before joining a swingers site and taking any tangible steps in that direction. Trust, communication and respect are extremely important in a long term, loving relationship. Swinging can really test the relationship and either strengthen it or damage it. Think carefully about what your priorities are. You say that your relationship is very strong ? Would it still be strong if she found out about this post , your RHP profile and discrete forays into "swinging " as a "single" male? - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  Would it still be "harmless fun" if your partner found out? You are the very reason why I don't play with "attached " men, and pay a company to do background checks first. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  Not really but it'd be sweet if it was. You cannot persuade people to swing, if you have raised the topic with her and got a emphatic "No" then I wouldn't push the issue. We have seen so many people where one was not interested just doing it at the behest of a partner and in all honesty most of those relationships dissolved soon after they started swinging, some marriages of 20+ years. Tread carefully if you like you life as it is.

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  I'm not in a position to answer the OP's question, but I would've been interested to hear some useful responses rather than the expected ones (that were received). As if people going into the discussion didn't each have their own little list of 'sweeteners' for the deal prepared in advance before broaching the subject at what they deemed was a good time - even if you'd both been thinking about it beforehand, since I'm assuming you don't have mental telepathy. I've seen posts on here that said one or the other broached the subject, and the other person was hesitant but after talking about it they took the plunge - perhaps posting how they addressed those hesitations. Some people have a natural tendency to just say "nope" to anything new, and then once fears of the unknown are addressed they're OK. Why was it a straight out "no"?

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  I don't judge so let's put that aside. But let's look at it this way. The horse has already left the gates, without the mare. She's completely oblivious and let's be honest, that's not going to end well. Sometimes, partners will pick up the slack, except and get game and give it a go, but honestly, she would have to be VERY sexual to do that. Obviously she's not with your current choices. So that conversation I think you need to have, yeah personally I think it's the 'we need to have a talk' talk

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  to clarify, I definitely wouldn't encourage you or anyone to ditch their partner and throw your relationship away, that's not what I meant. But any kind of relationship, whether it be monogamous, open or whatever, needs to be based on trust and honesty. The talk I think needs to happen is the outing talk, be honest about what you have been doing, talk about your needs and desires, first ask yourself how important that is to you, but also expect that this might dissolve or contribute to dissolving your relationship. The only other avenue is to continue the way you are, how is that good for either one of you, particularly her? But if, as you say, your relationship is good and you want to continue in it, tell her that, make that clear, that it doesn't lessen your feelings or desire for her. Then deal with the way it pans out, but that honesty has to be there. I also wouldn't necessarily be giving this advice to a partner in a younger relationship. Your age was a factor for my response. Younger couples sometimes need time to find their feet, mistakes will be made, they're still finding themselves sexually, which can be a process. I'm also not judging your wife. I've been where she is also, in the sense that this life was not of interest/unknown whatever. When the switch is flipped however, it's flipped, difficult for anyone to go back to a conventional sex life when that part of you has been opened up. Just my thoughts, good luck

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  'accept' I meant in my other post, not 'except'

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  when i said I'd been where your wife is, I meant conventional vs swinging, not with a straying husband, just to be clear about that

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  So true. Automatcally say no to trying the unknown. But then you think about it, wonder why your partner brought it up, discuss it with them a few times. Its planting a seed. Stepping back and letting it take root on its own. You dont need to harp on about it. Same as when I was 18 and my fiance juggested we try anal. I said no way! But it ended up a part of our play that was enjoyed by both of us So agree with S here. Would love to here some stories from solid swinging couples of how they both got on the same page. Andd how lonng it took. I know of one couple who started talking about swinging and were both keen to explore it,but didnt actually start for another 10 yrs.

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  It's not like this is something he wants to bring up with his partner so that they can potentially start to get into swinging together. He's already started without her and without her knowledge, so I think people are going to be more judgmental and frankly in posting the topic I think the OP has to accept that he will get some judgment. Also, it's just a fact that it's also going to be a significant factor in how things go from here for the OP and his partner, whether or not he tells her that he's been swinging and whether or not she decides to try it. However you go about it OP you will need to think about things very carefully. Swinging couples normally need 100% honesty and trust to swing successfully together, so you haven't really started off all that well in that respect.

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  Thanks for the comments .... and yes I expected and dont mind the critical ones ..... but also some thought provoking comments also and I do appreciate that

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  Let her know you'd like to try it....maybe use a realistic dildo with suction cap at first if she doesnt want to. Show her pics of younger guys on RHP who are into it.... - Posted from rhpmobile

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  hotdelights

  9 years ago

  We have been married for long time so its like sitting down and chatting most important thing is relax feeling...... a few drinks being on your own together and nothing to do is apart of saying mm how about meeting new people ....and make it a new adventure in the next stage of your.. lifestyle let her come out of her thoughts

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  Have you asked her about her own fantasies? If you showed eagerness and excitment and willingness to fulfil all her desires, maybe she'll be more open to other ones. Then get to the reason she doesn't want MMFs. Is it an issue that can be resolved? Your cheating would make me wonder if she doesn't feel you have her back and she might not have the trust in the relationship she needs to swing (even if subconsciously). Surely swinging is about building on a relationship, rather than satisfying one persons needs? I don't think people need to arrive at the exact same thought at the exactbsame time, for it to work for both. I like the idea of MMF porn, maybe some raunchy novels, postbcoital discussions. Good luck

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