M54
Enlightenment - The Separation & Legal process journey.
February 07 2015
Comments
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RHP User
10 years ago
This is not only a sex site, no not all the women here are free whores. Please ask first before you show your cock picture, and make sure its not your profile picture. If I want to see a cock first thing in the morning while eating my cornflakes it better be from a naked man I know standing in my kitchen. Face pictures are the best way to get a woman's attention, put it in your private album if your Brad Pit and do not want Angie to find out. Do not text or get all raunchy till you actually have spoken to a person or met. Sending pictures of your cock can be an offence and someones kid might just pick up mum or dads phone. And do no text all call when your pissed at the pub at midnight and cant find a root. Please be honest, if all you want is a one night stand with fresh meat fine, just do not crap on about how you are looking for Ms/Mr right before you fuck and then are to much of a coward to reply to contacts with a thanks it was nice but I cant see us getting our pink bits together again. Show your true self, I mean your pictures and your status as in married or not. Fucking people is fine, fucking them over is another thing all together. All male new guys under the age of 40 have to bonk me as a right of passage, if they are spunky hunks of course. its a sorting thing, as most will leave RHP, screaming ohhhhh the horror the horror.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I so have to put my glasses on, I missed the point of your post. I have learnt to bloody read the post first, lol, now wait I have not learnt that yet
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RHP User
10 years ago
Great advice for newbies to RHP. I am 39, I clearly missed your RHP induction and right of passage. I am struggling ahead without it though. OP I wonder does rhp provide 'support' during the seperation process or in reality just a much needed distraction and opportunity to live life differently? Good subject though as the two are most surely closely linked. - Posted from rhpmobile
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TallBaldSexy
10 years ago
incredibly negative for any newly separated person to need to browse past.
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TallBaldSexy
10 years ago
Hello if you are newly separated. There shall be many people on here who have been in that same boat. We all understand how daunting the separation process is. My experience was not an easy one, it shall not be the worst by any stretch but certainly not the easiest either.....Im saying that because I realise there will be some with terribly sad stories and my heart goes out to you....So if ok with you I would still like to share one or two things over the duration of this thread which I feel may help someone else....or at least I would have liked to hear when I began the process..... Like a lot of people the process for me began years prior before finally reaching the point of no return....Ill not bore you with the details...But I have learned a few things.... In my case as a loving caring father in the matrimonial relationship, after the love had long gone, I found myself completely devastated at the prospect of walking out the door on my children....That was how I viewed it or at least how I thought they would view it....The prospect that I may be the cause of my children feeling that way was truly more than I could bear. So I decided to listen to my friends > go seek professional help. I searched and searched for who I thought the right person would be....Then I found him. A Clinical Psychologist specialising in childrens issues....I thought who better but someone highly qualified at understanding childrens minds. After all, I had chosen this path & knew I could deal with my personal feelings but didn't have a clue how to help them.... As it turns out there was one thing he said that made everything twig for me....... He asked : How do you know they will be so so very devastated ? I said : WTF of course they will their father is walking out on them. < Tears rolling down my face > He Said : What you are experiencing is completely normal <believe it or not > He said you as an adult are estimating how your children will feel - through your adult mind complete with adult logic, executive reasoning, etc etc....He went on to say They will not see it the same way......They will be, more than likely given their age, more concerned about where teddy or blankie will be and how they will get it from home to home....the convo went on.... Those few words were my light bulb moment....It chokes me up now because I love the little buggers so much and would have given my right arm for them to feel as less pain as possible.....I know now I succeeded in helping them very very much.......I am so glad I sort professional scientific help..... You can help them make it much much easier! Thats my first point... Take Care SA
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Missb4u
10 years ago
that goes for male and females involved in separating. Act like adults, remember most of it is not about you it's about the children think "is this in the best interest of my children" how will they look back on how I handled this, everything else is not important. It's so easy to get caught up in the negative emotions playing mind games the blame game none of it is important walk away with your head held high and your self respect and dignity and make the right decisions. That's what I did anyway, step through it all a day at a time make the hard decisions and know that it does end and life gets better for everyone.
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TallBaldSexy
10 years ago
Quoting 'Missb72' that goes for male and females involved in separating. Act like adults, remember most of it is not about you it's about the children think "is this in the best interest of my children" how will they look back on how I handled this, everything else is not important. It's so easy to get caught up in the negative emotions playing mind games the blame game none of it is important walk away with your head held high and your self respect and dignity and make the right decisions. That's what I did anyway, step through it all a day at a time make the hard decisions and know that it does end and life gets better for everyone.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I was a child bride :) pregnant at 17 married at 19 and separated at 24 with 2 children who were 7 & 5 at the time. Half a life time ago! My husband was and still is a wonderful man, we were young. And he just stopped communicating with me. He has since been diagnosed with Aspergers, but at the time I thought it was my fault :) When I left my marriage it devastated him, he to this day thinks there was someone else which wasn't the case. And it initially affected how much he saw the kids. He thought that there was no place for him. Luckily we were able to eventually work through it, so that he knew that no one else could or would take his place in his children's lives. It was really bloody hard. Every Wednesday we set up family dinner night, where he would come and we would have dinner as a family unit. And on Sunday's we would go out together as a family. After a year he had more confidence and started to have the kids every 2nd weekend as well. As they got older he moved a couple of streets away from us, and the kids could be with either of us with no set schedule for who they were staying with. There was no disruption to their schooling or their kid social & sporting lives :) As early teenagers, my husband broached the subject of the kids going to live with him full time. I cried bucket loads! He really wanted that full time connection, so we talked to the kids and we all decided that we would let it happen naturally. It was not only good for my husband, but great for the kids too :) and there was hardly a day where I didn't see them. It worked for us, but we had to work hard, together, to make our kids our number 1 priority. 25 years later we have 2 very well adjusted adult children leading productive lives :) we did ok. And we still have family dinner every Wednesday night :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I've been separated for just over 6 months now. I have 2 wonderful daughters, aged 6 and 4. I am lucky to have moved into a unit close by and see them often and have them stay regularly. They seem to have adjusted to the change quite well and as mentioned above, they don't have the same thoughts as an adult. I've encouraged conversations about the situation with my daughters and answered all questions honestly in age appropriate language. I have made sure I have avoided saying anything negative about their mother around the girls as like it or not we will all be in each others lives. I know that a lot of things my ex does annoys me, and I'm sure I probably annoy her too. Having an argument with her or bottling it up are both unhealthy. I am fortunate enough to have found a special someone who is kind enough to listen and offer advice when I need to vent. Family and friends have all been very supportive, of which I am very grateful. I feel like I am getting my life back on track. The dividing of property and divorce are the next things to worry about. I have avoided thinking about it too much. I would like to think there is a way that I can end up with a fair share after 19 years of marriage without petty bickering that ends any civility between us and the lawyers getting 80%... I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens....
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TallBaldSexy
10 years ago
The kids father your ex is a lucky man to have such a wonderful ex partner.....yours is a story of great success. congratulations to you all for making the kids no1..... SAx ps its so bizzare to look that far back into our lives isn't it.....when we know like you say its half a life time ago.....blows my mind for some deep obscure reason....
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TallBaldSexy
10 years ago
thanks for your post mate....actually I was not linking the two, the term newbie ive used relates to the newbie to separation....but yes agree there probably is strong link between the phases of separation and RHP newbie...
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Twisted_Mister
10 years ago
You're amicable in any way during your separation, the legal process doesn't have to be overly onerous (except if there are custody disputes). Consent orders are about $500 relating to property matters, and a divorce is about $800, a year and a day after separation. Our young bloke (who also has Aspergers, incidentally) was initially devastated but they are incredibly resilient little buggers. He was 8 at the time - the key is giving them a bit of control. When his mother moved out (we'd agreed week on week off custody) I walked him into his room and gave him a choice - which toys would you like at Mum's place and which would you like to stay here? He gave this some thought, then looked up and said 'So I get two lots of toys?' With a big smile I said 'Yep. You got it.' It's been all good ever since. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
have to go back and remember those pure moments of joy and wonderment in the minutes after they are born, where you swear to do what ever you need to do, to protect and nurture them. It's not the kids that are ever the issue, but in the way we interact as adults to overcome the difficulties to make the transition to separation easier for the kids. You are never going to forgive yourself though. Sad but true. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
YOUR CHILDREN ARE NEITHER WEAPONS NOR HOSTAGES !!
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Missb4u
10 years ago
RubenesqueRed what will you never forgive yourself for? I think your story is amazing what an incredible woman you must be to have been able to make that work. mine is really the opposite oh apart from the fact that I was the one that walked away. I despised and I do mean hated my ex for a very long time now I am just indifferent but I still wouldn't say I like him very much. Every step of the way though I encouraged the kids to see him and spend time with him going against my own family to do this and it has absolutely been worth it to see the relationships these gorgeous girls now have with their dad. mine, his and their lives are so much better because I left. One of the best decisions I ever made.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I am an insensitive Leo. I read your post wrong. My advice is to treat the x with respect no matter how much it hurts. That us why I live with mine after being divorced and seperated 14 years. We always kept ut family and kids first. He has always taken care of me and my kids dispite being my x. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
And a tad arrogant SA.While Silkpeach may have missed the point about the newly separated,her advice to newbies to this site was relevant and maybe shock horror helpful..Many people join this site with unrealistic expectations and often put their size twelves right in it..every week we see posts mainly from men wondering where they went wrong because in the nano second nice they joined,nobody seems to want them .
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inspirit
10 years ago
Your kids are not pawns - They too get all fucked up and if any one says they don't - they do. The older they are the harder it is for them too. There is light at the end of the tunnel but life will never be the same as you thought it was going to be. Oh and never put your ex partner down in front of your children. That is just childish and inexcusable. Even if he/she doesn't pay child maintenance and how much you hate that and have to struggle. You have no right to paint a coloured picture of them to their children. All in all though separation sux!
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RHP User
10 years ago
I must've missed the point of the entire thread? Did wires get crossed somewhere?
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RHP User
10 years ago
Dont run down the other parent within the childrens ear shot actually better yet try not to say anything derogatory when the children are in the house at all. And watch what you allow your friends children to hear. No matter your issues with your ex your children dont need to experience your emotions along with you . They are your kids not your friends or confidants. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Sometimes it feels like forever till the pain eases, although having a ex who is the devil who would willingly destroy you to get things thier way in court can chaff something shocking every time you think on it. Especially if you feel as though (or actually know) that the crap thrown at you was absolute lies. It helps to see a counselor to deal with your anger in a healthy way. - Posted from rhpmobile
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TallBaldSexy
10 years ago
Like you post mate....& Agree negatives about the ex should never be mentioned in front of the kids.. < naturally where no violence exists> ...Its harmful enough for the poor little buggers they've had no say in the decision to separate usually...the more they are kept away from the negativity between their parents the faster they adjust... <Im being careful with generalising like this - there are extreme examples of where this wouldnt apply> Financial separation from what ive seen can be as easy or as difficult as the two parties make it......After 12months of conciliatory approaches seems ive found myself amongst the extreme cases here unfortunately....believe me Ive tried everything to avoid this but luckily for me there is an alternative route when all other reasonable approaches fail....Positively when the acid is thrown on us to perform its interesting to observe our own actions...Ive found myself calmly logically and purposefully dedicating blocks of time to it....Suppose my thread on same demonstrates what mode im in right now....oooops busted having a break.....very therapeutic though.....Exercise works wonders and so does Sexercise...Without question I will enjoy a drink or ten when done and by dedicating blocks of time to this im getting to smell the flowers along the way.....My advice on this - No matter what is said nor what is thrown at you stay calm take what ever steps are necessary for you to do that IE look after your - self...
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TallBaldSexy
10 years ago
Hi, title of thread is: Enlightenment - Separation & Legal Procces Journey.
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