M53
Exclusivity
February 06 2014
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
You always got to have he talk DG. As every women should know... With men you can't assume anything. Although the friendships I have had have always included chat about our sexual adventures. Since starting on this "open" road I haven't felt the need for exclusivity with anyone. I hope if I ever do become that involved with anyone they won't mind be keeping my friends, or one friend in particular. Another reason why everyone should know each other. :p
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gazpacho
11 years ago
For me, philosophically, liberty is to apply broadly. I'm lucky to be loved at all. It surely must be difficult. I don't want to spoil that be getting all dictatorial and possessive. So, if you're my lover, you do what pleases you most. If I can't live with that, I won't. That's really up to retaining my liberty. It doesn't have to be difficult. HugsGazpacho
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RHP User
11 years ago
So that isn't really exclusivity then. ☺️
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RHP User
11 years ago
Sent this to a potential playmate today after he asked if I would be put off about something, this is verbatim. "Honesty is everything to me. I have several lovers of which I'm unapologetic for. I don't expect exclusivity from you either. I'm single after a 20 year relationship and just want to be FREE! I am exploring my sexuality and hope to meet with like minded people who don't judge, who just wants to enjoy each others company and who want to fuck like root rats when they can. No ties, no pressure, I'm not looking for a boyfriend, just some quality lovers." And I'd be just as open if I was expecting a monogamous relationship. Bugger pussyfooting around, no one is a mind reader.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I don't think 'the talk' about exclusivity usually rears its head until the heart becomes involved. It's definitely a much easier conversation to have if there are two hearts involved rather than one. Sometimes it has practical aspects, like safe sex, daily lives, spending more time together that may mean less is available for others. . To comment on your 'leave the anti-monogamy comments aside' bit - I'd just point out that even though someone might identify as being pro non-monogamy, this doesn't necessarily make them 'anti monogamy'. I believe that you can choose to be monogamous in a relationship whilst still believing in non-monogamy as a philosophy/way of life. Again, many 'open' couples often choose to be monogamous because of the practical aspects of their relationship at a certain point in time. . In my experiences with 'the talk', there has often been some mutual assumption involved, however I'd always broach the exclusivity topic as openly and honestly as possible, even if it meant putting my heart on the line. Better out than in. . Flirty x
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RHP User
11 years ago
My heart is involved, He_Shift's less so but that is something I have come to accept given our relationship. We have had "the talk" a year ago when we furst started to seek other couples to enjoy time with. I have few friends I would trust to respect my boundaries enough where I'd feel comfortable. This by no way reflects on He_Shift's behaviour or the way he treats me as he has always been honest, caring and respectful of how I feel. Now we've opted to try a couples profile and again "boundaries" and "rules" have become a hot topic once again. I spent a long time suppressing my feelings where he is concerned, yesterday he got the lot and I think he has a better understanding now of the level of my emotional involvement and the struggle I've had in trying to compartmentalise my feelings for him and put them into perspective. I have given 6 boundaries, unfortunately 1 of them reads more like a rule. To his credit he has agreed, knowing that by admission that one rule also forms part of my self-growth and should I not be able to relax it then I will "exit with grace" as I will acknowledge that it's all too big a headfuck for me. These and other topics like it constantly drum into us the benefit of constant honest communication. Well, I can't be anymore honest than I have been and if I may say now "Thank you He_Shift, for giving me a companion who gets it, didn't bail on me and validated my feelings in tandem to your own." I gues we'll make interesting viewing on occasion while some may wait to see if we derail in a screaming mess lol. Or just slip quietly into that good night. No doubt there will be discussions, some hard but also some animated and punctuated by squeals of laughter ~ She_Shift xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
I don't want to share you. That made it pretty clear :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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sweetgem
11 years ago
But I would definitely put the discussion on the table at the right timing, and have things discussed and agreed with instead of just assuming, because no two concepts are the same and what I feel right might not how he feels towards me deep down. Therefore, honest discussion is always a must in my book. Frankly speaking, I am a very private person when it comes to sex, as well as a committed person when I'm in a serious relationship. So, exclusivity is important to me and I cannot do open relationship, I admit! Hence, I don't expect to meet my future Mr on a sex site like RHP anyway :-) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Well, I think being in a relationship but still having group sex as long as you are both in the same place or in the same group is an acceptable definition of exclusivity to me.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'nuevodia'I don't want to share you. That made it pretty clear :) Nue said it all in one sentence.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Paradigm_Shift' My heart is involved, He_Shift's less so but that is something I have come to accept given our relationship. We have had "the talk" a year ago when we furst started to seek other couples to enjoy time with. I have few friends I would trust to respect my boundaries enough where I'd feel comfortable. This by no way reflects on He_Shift's behaviour or the way he treats me as he has always been honest, caring and respectful of how I feel. Now we've opted to try a couples profile and again "boundaries" and "rules" have become a hot topic once again. I spent a long time suppressing my feelings where he is concerned, yesterday he got the lot and I think he has a better understanding now of the level of my emotional involvement and the struggle I've had in trying to compartmentalise my feelings for him and put them into perspective. I have given 6 boundaries, unfortunately 1 of them reads more like a rule. To his credit he has agreed, knowing that by admission that one rule also forms part of my self-growth and should I not be able to relax it then I will "exit with grace" as I will acknowledge that it's all too big a headfuck for me. These and other topics like it constantly drum into us the benefit of constant honest communication. Well, I can't be anymore honest than I have been and if I may say now "Thank you He_Shift, for giving me a companion who gets it, didn't bail on me and validated my feelings in tandem to your own." I gues we'll make interesting viewing on occasion while some may wait to see if we derail in a screaming mess lol. Or just slip quietly into that good night. No doubt there will be discussions, some hard but also some animated and punctuated by squeals of laughter ~ She_Shift xx Far out!! You have given him 6 boundaries? What the? I don't worry about all that. I let my feelings grow as I don't really see that as a problem. Besides I hate talking about this stuff! Suppose I should..... nah
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'nuevodia' I don't want to share you. That made it pretty clear :) Couldn't get any clearer. So.... were you cool with that? As that's the thing I think the OP is asking, when you pass that line and get close and special, does it need to be communicated? I certainly think so, but I also get the assumption of deep feelings and expectations. I also adore Gaz's perspective: "For me, philosophically, liberty is to apply broadly. I'm lucky to be loved at all. It surely must be difficult. I don't want to spoil that by getting all dictatorial and possessive. So, if you're my lover, you do what pleases you most. If I can't live with that, I won't. That's really up to retaining my liberty. It doesn't have to be difficult." How complex is life? And how sweet it is....
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'MissKay' Quoting 'nuevodia' I don't want to share you. That made it pretty clear :) Couldn't get any clearer. So.... were you cool with that? As that's the thing I think the OP is asking, when you pass that line and get close and special, does it need to be communicated? I certainly think so, but I also get the assumption of deep feelings and expectations. Hang on a minute, why does getting close and special and falling in love........have to lead to exclusivity?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Until someone doesn't want to share you. Hence me asking if she was cool with that?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Cool
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RHP User
11 years ago
in the case you find someone who ticks the sexual boxes and most of the non sexual. However as some said, honesty is the way to be...I believe you cant go back to a hiding place after you have been here for a while.I believe in love.....and I believe in monogamy...but not as a rule of mine exclusively....you have to talk and consider both.Again it wouldn't make me sad to be monogamous when we both are happy with our sex life and personal life, and it wouldn't make me sad when he would propose a couple to have sex with.However I wouldn't do a threesome with another women, only with another man. There I would maybe be in trouble. lol I think I would be still married and monogamous when my husband wouldn't have past away... but this is a statement I make without him there.Who knows.I just loved him and had a great relationship with this man.Litonya
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Smilingwithfun
11 years ago
Really says it all as far as having a discussion as a couple.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Seems we all like a pigeon hole to slot our lives and what's in our lives into. Perhaps DG in this inquiry. the answer may be as simple as: If that certain other is turning out to be all that you need romantically. erotically etc in a relationship. at this time. in that way.... then perhaps that sense of fulfillment will naturally slot into the bracket of exclusivity with that person as a consequence of being those ways, doing all the things you do together and perhaps having a love together as a result. Be Do Have...
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
Quoting 'nuevodia' I don't want to share you. That made it pretty clear :) - Posted from rhpmobile Im a bit of a romantic at heart.... when its relevant, and I like that. But theres a small cynical part of me that still translates that as ..... "I dont want to share you...... you're my possession, but I'm not bound by the same rules"
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RHP User
11 years ago
Nuevodia, I may have misunderstood, so he doesn't want to share you but he can share himself with others? When someone says to me 'I don't want to share you' it sounds one sided, not really saying whether they too will not have other lovers on the side besides you (what DG said)....but then again I guess I'm a skeptical person If I was in such a situation I'd be more happy to hear the words 'do you want to just make this about us only and no others?' Or something like that - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I thought exclusivity was effectively banned when those "Property of a hot aussie boy" Australia Day singlets had to be removed from stores shelves.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'nuevodia'I don't want to share you. Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' But theres a small cynical part of me that still translates that as ..... "I dont want to share you...... you're my possession, but I'm not bound by the same rules" Quoting 'Nat27'Nuevodia, I may have misunderstood, so he doesn't want to share you but he can share himself with others? So just because Nue's partner didn't add "And I don't want you to share me either", you both wonder if he's intending on seeing other people? Cynical is right.
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
Ohhhhh the exclusive talk...... I believe it is when the people involved make a verbal agreement together and want to make the relationship "exclusive". I believe it's a choice and both people should have that choice. I think there is nothing wrong asking for what one wants or expressing it. Foxy
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RHP User
11 years ago
And I'm cynical - just to go off topic slightly - about people's desire to be exclusive but that's another story. DG..... I'm guilty of having the talk as I believe that unless you're both on the same page, how can you progress the relationship together?? But..... I'm guilty of never initiating that talk too :). If a partner wants to be exclusive, then my partner will say so. If not, meh, that's her problem too right?? - Posted from rhpmobile
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Smilingwithfun
11 years ago
Bit Cynical. You've taken what could be a magic moment & turned it into a Chasm of doubt.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Re: Meander and smilingwithfun; I did ask and stated I may have misunderstood the statement. We don't know the full story, I have merely given my opinion as I was once in a situation where a guy said to me it gave him comfort that I'm seeing just him and he didn't want to share me(not in those words of course); I automatically assumed he too was just going to be seeing me, turns out it wasn't so As for the doubt you mentioned smilingwithfun, there would be no doubt if all cards are laid on the table (now, seeing as I don't know anything about Nuevodia's story, this comment is purely just a general one and based on my own personal beliefs) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Nothing wrong with exclusivity...as long as BOTH parties are on the same page... A friend of mine was so excited when her new guy asked her for exclusivity, only to realise over a couple of weeks that he expected HER to be exclusive to him, but that he was not extending the same courtesy to her... I'd call that a double standard douchebag... Hp xo 💌 Because you're worth it...
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
Quoting 'Highpriority' Nothing wrong with exclusivity...as long as BOTH parties are on the same page... A friend of mine was so excited when her new guy asked her for exclusivity, only to realise over a couple of weeks that he expected HER to be exclusive to him, but that he was not extending the same courtesy to her... I'd call that a double standard douchebag... Hp xo 💌 Because you're worth it... Greedy pants I call it...wants the whole cake and nothing but the whole cake. Not an option in my books...and yes your right "DOUBLE STANDARDS" too in my eyes. Not going to happen with me. Because...I'm worth it, plus a little bit more!! Foxy
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
don't think I could do it...just not right now in my life. If I were to be exclusive to that one person, emotionally just don't think I could. However it does not mean that I go out and sleep with every Tom, Dick or Harry. It just means I have other priorities I want to do. Also when I say "I like you as a person" it does not mean I want an "exclusive relationship", it just means I want to spend time with you as I like what we have and company, nothing more, nothing less. I've had some men say, to them it means "being in an exclusive relationship"...errrrrrrrrrrr NO! So therefore, I think "Exclusive" means a lot of things to different people. Foxy
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passion8_l
11 years ago
can't be implied, absolutely needs to be discussed and agreed upon by both. Particularly if you met through this site, which is considered a sex site by many even though it clearly advertises itself as an adult dating site.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Assume nothing man or woman! - Posted from rhpmobile
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
And to think..... I inferred what you outlined.... and was labelled (after self admission) cynical. That evidence now brands me a realist. I AM worth it hahaha. DG - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Are always worth it DG. I spent 15 months with my eyes closed in a relationship where she didn't understand exclusivity... Let alone practice it... ... It's a pretty simple concept really... Hp xo 💌 Because you're worth it...
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RHP User
11 years ago
just this morning. He was very quiet on the issue. Then I remembered that he needed new batteries. Yep, we're exclusive.
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RHP User
11 years ago
That Bruno won't fuck anyone who hasn't fucked you first paint_me... Share and share alike... Hp xo 💌 Because you're worth it...
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