F110
"Experiences which expanded my empathy."
January 02 2015
Comments
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RHP User
10 years ago
When I died ... thinking of the life I had lived..... There was no one to put me to burial... I had no one to offer me a funeral..... and I realized all the people I never loved, how would have they left when they die unloved....... Its a crucifying pain........ When you are helpless lying there for the vultures of the urban world to take over your body and treat it like they desire... when you are subjected to rituals you never believed in.... and you are judged at your funeral by the people you considered never more than pathetic..... It kills you a second time..... better be ditched in the hell rather than subjected to fake sympathies and pretentious love.... It made me angry and I defied death and cam e back to live in the world like an undead monster to torment the inhabitants of this plagued place.... and to make them suffer...... It Made me the MONSTER I am ;)
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RHP User
10 years ago
I meant understanding what others feels, not the megalomanical self-involved fantasy you just posted. Try again?
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RHP User
10 years ago
My sister has bouts of it and I never understood it. I was the person saying, come on, pick yourself up, you can do it, just do this, just do that... Then I got it very briefly, maybe a couple of weeks and I was quick to pick up on it because it definitely wasn't me, I can do anything, be anything, survive anything, but not at that time, I was my own worst enemy. I realised I was in a rut and the more i was digging the bigger the hole got, I couldn't climb out. I got to the doctors quickly and was medicated and got over it really quickly, I am so thankful for that, it was sooo horrible.
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inspirit
10 years ago
WOW!
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madotara69
10 years ago
I had to go into surgery to have a minor operation and some pins fired into the repair. Then getting a flash blue fibreglass cast the Plaster Caster Came in with a new young lady training Plaster Caster to supervise her Plaster Casting my arm they just shot pieces of steel into me bone with a gun. So the Upper Plaster Caster was to0 busy chatting up Tara which I did not mind except until we were on the way home and the fibreglass set so tight by the time I got home I cut it three quarters off, remembering the Upper Plaster Caster saying to the cute sweet and so trying attentive soothing Plaster Caster, not to wrap the mesh to tight while he was locked on Tara's smiling eyes, which I don't mind. Then going back to have surgery to remove the pins fired deep into my bone from a gun, the medicine man came in to see me and mentioned he had three attempts at knocking me out last time, he discussed that he was opting to do a bit of this and that with his medicines and I guess he was asking permission of a sort, I just asked him to give me the best of all he has in his bag of tricks, he smiled and later while wheeling me in my nice bed the other cute sheet nurse made so nice for me, he was chatting to me about his confidence with the cocktail he had developed, Guess it is a bit tricky, Then I was under a big bright light, Dr's and pretty nurses all wearing flash bandido's and pumped up some blues on the stereo, grouse, then my mate the medicine man came over and said enjoy, and fuck me did I do that on the way out, they reckon I was still in conversation with them while I was out, I reckon I was talking to dead people. So I realised that just because these people were in life death and all about it, they are party animals that know their shit. I can't blame the Upper Plaster Caster, cos I would have been the same looking into Tara's smiling eyes. Mado Mado Tara xx
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TallBaldSexy
10 years ago
The first time I came across an individual who clearly was troubled. I asked myself how can I help this person....I really feel for them...... There is a funny side I was actually having a bonk @ Nobbys beach<true name>. nice comfy front seat reclined, 12 midnight, cool summer breeze tempered with salt air, Moonlight abounds, Otis Redding playing softly, stars out, windows down, passion flaring, the hard but sweet truth exposed, groans moans pleasure everywhere.....then fuck me this random nutter rocks up to my window and says can you help me im lost - doesn't sound strange does it - however she was dressed in her pyjams, hospital issued type.... I did not shit myself regardless of the laughter you are having, i dint! no not at all!......I do not care what you think.... ps great thread....ill be back....
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'ralf74'Depression My sister has bouts of it and I never understood it. I was the person saying, come on, pick yourself up, you can do it, just do this, just do that... Great example!
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TallBaldSexy
10 years ago
I distinctly recall one of my mates saying that his kid missed him when he came to the sport we both were heavily involved in....I remember thinking yeh ok but what about this (our sport)................................................................... Then I had kids. ** opens up ** They are the love of my life. Its impossible to know how they will effect you until they come along......Well it was impossible for me anyway....then I had to make the hardest decision of my life...to leave their mother.....I fucking cried and cried and cried and cried some more for a year.... silently, no one knew, no one...........Ive changed a lot in those past 10 years and even more in the past two years ive been gone....Ive become a better father.....Ive learned so much about life and myself and am closer to my children than ever before...... I now deeply empathise with any parents sufferance. ===\This thread is a credit to the originator.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Didn't fully understand how hard it was for the alcoholics I worked with to just say no, until I quit smoking and everyone else around me kept puffing away and offering me cigarettes. Great lesson.
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RHP User
10 years ago
A very long time ago while I was at TAFE I worked at an after school/vacation care centre while I was studying. (I was about 18-19yrs old). We had one disabled child in our centre. One day, being the only female worker that day, I had to take primary care of her, including toilet duties. I remember thinking I couldn't wait for that day to be over, because it was hard and emotionally draining. Great credit is due to the folks that take this on on a daily basis, and the parents who take it on 24/7.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I had never really put any thought into how people with disabilities both physical and mental, people who have had suffered trauma from events in their life like pedophilia and rape, even down to menopause and prostate problems. My job has enlightened and also empowered me to help people in these situations. I could never have imagined the amount of people who are suffering and not able to enjoy a normal sex life if it wasn't for my job. It has certainly opened my eyes to the plight of many seeking normality in a world we take for granted.
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RHP User
10 years ago
…and my father was so far advanced with Motor Neurone Disease as to be completely paralysed.I had left the home I grew up in 3 years earlier to begin my apprenticeship, but I never lived more than 20 minutes driveaway. My mother became his sole carer..with occasional help from a Blue Nurse in the latter stages. On one occasion I happened to visit, I assisted her with toileting my father..the suppository, etc. At the time..it was not how I wanted to remember him..the Father, Teacher, Artist, Author, Role Model. But his body had failed him.He died a few months later and I felt guilt for years for not being there more often for my mother and father during those 3 years between diagnosis and death.
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PL1963
10 years ago
I 1st started suffering from this 20yrs ago, my Mum understood as she suffers too, Dad was old school & didn't believe it existed, both brothers steered clear of the "problem". Dad suffered depression when he had to retire early due to ill health, my oldest brothers wife suffers badly from it, my younger brother suffered it himself & 10yrs later admitted how wrong he was. I had a mate @ 63, chain himself into a car & torch it, I was the only one to sense something was wrong, but typical of older ppl he said he was O.K. 3wks prior. I still suffer, but not as bad as I did once, I'm an "open depression" case, after our mates sad death, when I sense something is not right, I follow up & help the person. I once sensed it in a guy I had only worked with for 3mths, I fronted him, he denied anything, 24hrs later he fessed up & told me he had lost custody of his kids. If somebody always loved going fishing & all of a sudden has no interest in it, beware, these are type of signs that someone is doing it hard. They need to see a good G.P. that understands depression & get a referral to a Pschycologist or a group that have been thru it themselves. Make the appointment and go with them. Please be aware that this is an epidemic in our society, the young to a certain extent know about avenues to get help, the older ppl don't. I hope this has helped some of you that are suffering or have a loved one that is suffering. Regards P.L.
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RHP User
10 years ago
My history teacher gave me Emile Zola's Germinal to read...I think it was them that I developed a strong sense of social justice...I had huge fights with my father about the White Australia policy....but it was not until years later when I started working with people who have a disability that I came in contact with a man called Wolf Wolfensberger and his philosophy of Social Role Valorisation that I developed a deeper understanding of not just the physical wounding but the wounding of the spirit that happens to marginalised people on a daily basis and the effects that constant rejection and being viewed as having little or no value to society has on someone.. xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
and thankfully the only time so far, that I experienced intense, overwhelming and prolonged grief, I learned just how many people are going through the motions of their days while masking deep emotional pain, with no-one to see them, no soft place to fall, no way to drop to their knees and crumble, to just be held until the storm passes. It completely changed the way I connect to people. It softened me and taught me to recognize vulnerabilities behind the brightest smiles. Whenever I get the chance, even in the most subtle of ways, I want to let people know that I really see them. And to strengthen this lesson in humanity, I was lucky enough to see a simple but hugely impactful video some years ago. It showed a bunch of people going about their daily business, some at work, some on the street, some visiting the hospital. They all had completely different expressions on their faces and showed a range of body language. Some looked morose, some angry and aggressive, some calm or happy etc. And then the video slowly started to fade in thought bubbles above each person's head with their 'story' ... eg while the angry person was scowling at the checkout operator, he was thinking about his 3 year old boy in hospital, dying of terminal cancer, his dad furious and defeated by the unfairness of life. If only we could see the story of each person's struggle flash in front of us as our paths crossed I believe we would judge less and reach our more. Beautiful topic Meander x - Posted from rhpmobile
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Hottie1
10 years ago
On a personal level, for many years I watched ,my mother 'love' my siblings more than me. She would kiss and cuddle them, talk sweetly to them etc. whilst I was constantly ignored. I accepted that because I had been told all my life I had been a difficult child. I forgave all her bad behaviour, which still would continue today if I let it. I have had two children myself, I couldn't tell you which I love more. My daughter is going through a difficult stage, do I love her less because she is more challenging. No, looking at my mother through a mother's lens, I know exactly how not to be. On a professional level, since having children I am a better teacher. My philosophy is always, treat others children how you want your own to be treated. That means the young people I work with will be treated with care, empathy and understanding. And sometimes I will have to be the disciplinarian but I'll temper with all the integrity that is needed to ensure my relationships with them are maintained in a positive way. This is evidenced by the number of students current and ex who drop in at our place for coffee, a bevie, advice, uni help etc. You're never to old to learn. Mary xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
Some beautiful and very touching responses. Thank you for sharing.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'madotara69' I realised that just because these people were in life death and all about it, they are party animals that know their shit. I think I know what you meant. I think?
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RHP User
10 years ago
Until I came to Australia I had an extensive and successful career, I thought it would just carry on as I gained a role as a CEO of a small but highly successful company. No one knew my history, I joined the company without any formal fanfare, quietly .. During my second day, a male senior exec whom I had not been introduced too, told me that he and the director were going for lunch and asked me to mind the phones on reception and get the coffees in on their return. He had no idea I was the new CEO. I sat there like a stunned mullet and just shook my head without thinking.. And said ok. After all I was just another temp, just another woman.. 20 mins later a sheepish exec returned with a profound apology and said no one had told him who I was.. I told him it should not have made any difference. I realized that the guy in front of me was someone I recognized although I had never met him. For 20 years as the guy I was, I had been him. It was my first appreciation of discrimination against women in the workplace, a wholely different world to the male one in which I had excelled. The assumptions, the irony are not lost on me, my righteous indignation only drew hilarious laughter from my female friends and family, it was my first real taste of life as a woman. It changed my perspective on life and made me realize that women, no matter how successful or smart you think you are, you have to fight for what men take for granted. Respect. It was my most valuable lesson on my journey.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' I meant understanding what others feels, not the megalomanical self-involved fantasy you just posted. Try again? You think people cannot 'come back' or you think I cannot feel :) lol.... Oh shit! you got me I am monstrous :P hahaha
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madotara69
10 years ago
Its like being back stage with Rock n Roll Band, 100,000 folks waiting to see the show thinking the maniacs will be out soon. When they do come out, they have what it takes to get the job done. But they aren't maniacs, just passionate about what they do and make it look easy on their own stage. But they still need to act like maniacs so they do. A bit like the Medical gig, Doctors, Surgeons and Nurses have that passion as a team and when they are needed, they have what it takes to get the job done. They can't really be seen the way I saw them in that surgery room, because they operate while Stevie Ray Vaughan is cutting out some freak of nature licks on his six string, and the maniacs that loaded me up on truly medical marvel stuff to send me into a coma and dance while they are sticking knives and all sorts of tools, Cavey would go nuts over. Well it takes a bit more than that to put me into a coma, the medicine man and me worked that out and I reckon they all knew it. They did not wait for me to leave consciousness, they took me there, felt like I was there for a guest appearance. Never knew they could feel like that, they look like Doctors and Nurses. Not nerds.
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inspirit
10 years ago
What a wonderful story and I totally get it. It is a battle to earn the respect that men take for granted. No matter what people say there is still a lot of discrimination in the workplace. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Empathy is something that has grown within over a period of time...remember that song about there being someone somewhere much worse of than you are? If you are feeling the bumps in the road of life it helps to remind yourself that you are but one and others have there own trials and tribulations.My elderly Mother lives in CHCH she survived the quakes unscathed and came to WA for a while in 2011, we set her up in comfortable surroundings, looked after her as best we could but we couldn't keep her here. Her house was uninhabitable, so instead of it being her last residence it became the end of a chain of temporary "homes" before she got settled in a retirement village. I have been back to CHCH three times since the big shake in 2011, firstly to clear out her munted house and shift her into a medium term rental house then to help settle her into the retirement village, and last time just for a visit. The point I'm trying to make is that I've witnessed how people have lived through and with large scale destruction. Everybody has an earthquake story...none are boring! My current profile main photo is one taken at the memorial for the victims of the February 22nd quake, each white chair represents a life lost, the baby capsule, the wheel chairs and so on all represent an individual. It is a touching memorial, my photo was taken because a woman offered to take it, she was in a building next to the memorial site, which was opposite the disastrous CTV site, her story is but one of those I'll remember. Mado, I found your comments on the medics to be interesting...one of my cuzzies is an emergency Doctor at CHCH A&E he was on a day off when the quakes hit but made his way to worked and joined in and did his bit, resuscitating one high profile victim and losing others...he describes it as one of the best days of his life. I doubt I was the first person to give him a puzzled look at that remark...he got to do what he was trained to do. I'm grateful to have empathy, it helps keep me grounded.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I could never have imagined the amount of people who are suffering and not able to enjoy a normal sex life if it wasn't for my job. It has certainly opened my eyes to the plight of many seeking normality in a world we take for granted. Documentary called "Scarlet Road", about an Australian sex worker who works with people with disabilities, opened my eyes to that.
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RHP User
10 years ago
This is a bit weird but a week or so ago young lady posted about a problem she was having with her own body and lack of understanding of it. I thought it was very strange that someone could reach adult hood and not know their body. It came up in conversation with a female friend and she said something that I had never actually realized. As a woman you can not easily look at your vagina, especially if a little over weight and not to flexible. That it can be difficult to work out whats what down there especially if raised in a subculture that frowns on sexuality. She said that it would have been best to use a small hand mirror so this woman could check her self out. Makes perfect sense when you think about it. I kind of felt rather dumb that closing in on to 50 years and I had never realized that that could be an issues, how can you not know your own body. Well later I had to have a look at part of me I had never seen, the bit where the sun don't shine.. OMG.. Ill spare the descriptions. So easy to make assumptions about others, and the only way to find out is to be told, or experience it. I also learnt some sights are best unseen...
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