F34

Experimenting before marriage.

June 12 2019

Has anyone lived the hotwife lifestyle before actually getting married? So back story first... After bringing this topic up over and over again over the past few years, my bf of 7 years has slowly managed to convince me that this is something I might want... He has given me freedom from day 1 of our relationship to do whatever I want, provided Im honest... but apart from light flirting, I didnt have any interest in messing around, as my bf ticks all the boxes and I am fulfilled with him in every way. Last year he convinced me to talk to one of my old friends and I basically initiated a late meet up. Obviously he didnt force me... There's a part of me that became curious after he explained the whole vixen/hotwife lifestyle... My old friend came out and saw me, knowing I was going to blow him, and I did. It was hot, thrilling, taboo and just the wrongness of it all made it such a turn on. I didnt expect to, but I rode him for a few seconds just so I could have him in me just before we packed up. Neither of us climaxed. That night I went home to my bf and blew him twice while I told him what I had done. While I was horny, i felt like such a sexy, slutty bad girl. I remember my bf telling me how sexy I was blowing him so passionately, and aggressively whenever I started talking about how I felt with my friend... But all that came to a crash... As soon as he made me orgasm, I ended up in a fit of crying and feeling dirty and ashamed of myself... It made me put a stop to it. Earlier this year, I was talking to my bf about strippers and then this topic came up again. I found myself getting turned on, and within seconds of my bf telling me that were not married yet and I still have time, I felt that slutty feeling coming over me again.. This time he helped me along. He started a online dating profile for me and encouraged me to register it and experiment. It was a lot of fun actually. So many compliments and quite a few really attractive guys. I met a candidate with a few hours. I needed to check if this was what I wanted though... So I went into the deep end by calling my old friend and meeting up with him again. I told my bf I would only make out with him. Pants on and definitely no sex. I came home successful, and ended up ravaging my bf to let off the steam (sluttiness) lol. Then came the guy i met online. I went out one night and met up with him. He was sexy as! We hooked up... And then I felt weird again. After that, I decided to stop again... This brings me to today... Firstly, I'm amazed that I can turn it on and off so easily, but my bf thinks it might be because I know that our wedding is planned for 2021. He's still encouraging me and reminding me that he won't be happy if I pursue this after there's a ring on my finger. He means the world to me, so I definitely wouldn't do that... Then there's the fact that since I've taken things that far, I've become a little more naughty in the way I flirt with guys. I wouldn't be exaggerating if I said I enjoy giving attractive guys an opening to take things furthur. I think the only reason why nothing has happened is because I always tell them I have a bf and I guess guys see that as a barrier. It's a good thing. Finally, my bf keeps reminding me of my previous encounters, and points out that Ive already done it. Its true, Ive already been naughty... Why not keep doing it... I'm hoping I can get some advice here please... Should I actively pursue this while I can? Has anyone else been in this situation before? Have you been able to turn it off after marriage? Or after a mutual decision to stop? I just want to add that I have not lost any respect for my man. He is my one and only and if I'm being honest with myself, I think that at least 50% of the reason why I would consider this is because it has actually made us stronger as a couple. He loves seeing me happy and have fun. He genuinely gets off on it and I love giving him that satisfaction. Anyway... sorry for the long post. Please share your wisdom :) Thanks. Shara - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

6 years ago

If i saw it in a bookshop I would probalby buy it (or sneakily read it)I didn't have that experience because I got married v young, but I think many peole in the swinging scene do feel that incredible wave from energy and enthusiasm one day to embarrassment the next

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sw1ng3rz

6 years ago

Op I guess I’m just a little confused as to why, if it is such a turn on for him and it seems he is the one encouraging, does it have to stop once your married if you are both enjoying it? It’s a piece of paper and a ring...... you guys get to make your own rules and set your own boundaries and enjoy your journey together wherever it may take you. Good luck 😊

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RHP User

6 years ago

Just_Friendly Lol yes the post turned out to be a lot longer that I expected. Sorry about the long read. I'm not sure if I'd call it an embarrassing feeling... I mean I do feel silly for taking things furthur with my old friend. I lost a friend in the process because now hits me up every few weeks just for one thing. I think I might be scared about maybe one day this will all come back to bite me...

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RHP User

6 years ago

sw1ng3rz I completely agree with your point about making our own boundaries. It's just something that was agreed upon before I even allowed myself to indulge in the idea of exploring my options. I think I really do want to just dive in and have fun, but I'm just scared of the not knowing where this journey might take us. There are so many "what if" questions that pop up in my head that make me feel like it might be easier just to back away. When I tell my bf this, he keeps telling me I only get one shot at life.. Live it up and enjoy it... I guess if I knew there we're others that have had similar experiences, it would give me comfort... I hope that makes sense..

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RHP User

6 years ago

Great read, I really enjoyed your openness, hence a long story. Your B/f is very understanding and obviously confident within your relationship. I’m really unsure later in life if you can always remain off or totally monogamous. I mean it’s nice and a natural high if someone makes you feel special. Good luck working this out ... just wondering out of curiosity is the BF allowed to experience others prior to your marriage? Enjoy your story

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RHP User

6 years ago

Sorry, enjoyed your story

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sweetnsensual

6 years ago

Love to see the same effort put into your profile lol!

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OkeyDoke45

6 years ago

Sharaxo, it would be interesting to know what kind of family or household you grew up in. Was it a conservative one? I have known people from religious families over the years that, once they leave home and no longer feel watched, slut right out (and I use that term for both men and women) and go a bit wild with everything. Once the sun comes up and the alcohol starts to wear off though, those feelings of shame you describe hit them. I get the same when it's a long time between drinks (sexually speaking), I get a buildup of energy and find myself doing things that feel great at the time, but leave me with buyers remorse later when it's all over. Not always, but a reasonable percentage of the time. I vow to not get quite so desperate again, which works for a while but then it starts all over again. Another thing - why do you think that experimenting has to stop once you are married? This is the other point that leads me to believe you come from either a religious or very conservative household. You have the perfect partner - he lets you go do the things you want to do and still loves you when you get home. You can spend the rest of your life with this man and fulfill your wildest sexual dreams for all of that time.

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RHP User

6 years ago

nqsands I mean It's more of a choice. I have this image of what married life should look like which motivates me to be monogamous. I'm sure there will be guys that make me feel special after marriage, but that's normal isn't it.? I don't think I'd be inclined to act on it. I hope not lol... Hmm is my bf allowed to experience others? This was a question that haunted me when he first brought this whole thing up. I thought for sure that either he's cheated on me and wants to balance the scales, or that he wants to pave a path to allow him to. To be honest, I've never told him that hes not allowed. He's made it extremely clear that he's doing this for me, for the stories and for the excitement. So to answer that question... No he's not allowed. I'm super jealous of the thought of him flirting, so it's definitely not something I would support. I know that sounds selfish, but I want him all to myself.

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RHP User

6 years ago

OkeyDoke45 I was raised in a conservative family with strong religious beliefs and values. And so was my bf. Your post makes a lot of sense. It's been about 3 years since we've been entertaining this topic, and it's about 3 and a half years since we moved out to live together. Its been fun living together. The only difference is, the sluttiness didn't come out by itself... My bf played the biggest part in making me feel like I have no one to answer to. I mean, living with my parents, naturally I lived under their rule. Moving in with my bf, I live under his rule and this is out of choice. I love looking upto him. I feel loved when he appreciates the way i love and respect him. So he kept bringing up the fact that no one should tell me how to live my life and to live on my terms. He just reminded me again this morning that I'm not tied down. "Yolo" lol I mean obviously this makes it so much easier for me to just go out every night and sleep around if I wanted to. And I love knowing that when I get back home he will be the same loving person. I just don't know why I'm stopping myself to be honest. See, marriage is a big deal in my eyes. Once he puts a ring on my finger, the most important thing for me to belong to him completely. Ive been with him for a long time so I trust his choices and his intentions when it comes to what's best for us. I find it to be fulfilling to let him lead. I hope I'm making sense... And yes, this also means if he wants this later in life after were married, I will definitely consider it to make him happy. But for right now, I'm content with the knowledge that this will end when we get married. It's what I want, and I know he appreciates that.

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RHP User

6 years ago

Thank you all for the thought provoking replies. :) Just thought I'd add this before I forget... I'm starting to feel as though it's not about sex with others... I mean, if it happens, it happens... It's about knowing that I can. Having the freedom to. Freedom to flirt, or get a number, or go on a date, or hook up with a sexy stripper.. Whatever it may be... It's a turn on knowing that I can. Knowing that it's a secret between me.and my man and my family and friends have no idea. Thats really hot to me... This is why our sex is so amazing. Especially after a night out with the girls, guys chatting us up and some sexy guy giving me attention... I Just can't wait to please my bf when I get home. I want to be slutty with him after some random guy danced with me and maybe pulled me close and i felt his bulge. The trust and love I feel from him make me want to submit, I guess. Wow... this sounds so weird lol... I wonder if my bf already knew I'd react like this if he gave me freedom without boundaries...? Maybe he planned this. Maybe he wants me to create memories now that I can tap into after we're married? Hmm I'm exhausted trying to figure this out lol

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RHP User

6 years ago

sweetnsensual Point noted. Let me make sure this (Red Hot Pie) is where I need to be first, then I'll definitely fix up my profile :)

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AnnieWhichway

6 years ago

Firstly you are reprogramming your values regarding monogamy. What was not acceptable in your life is now becoming acceptable which won't be magically switched off when you get married. Secondly, as was mentioned earlier, the magic of marriage changing things. It's just a bit of paper and an expensive ritual. Acceptable behaviour before and after? For those married, there is no magic just because you have a ring. What worked/didn't work before marriage is the same after but just harder after the honeymoon wears off and the alladin lamp doesn't get polished so often

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Sawadee

6 years ago

Digressing for a moment ... Being a man who's sex life is driven by testosterone . Ill put my hand up and admit l can be a sexual powerhouse one minute ' and the next completely uninterested the .. Meaning once l ejaculate and things gradually die down , i wonder what all the fuss was about .. That is of course till next time lm aroused... then the cycle starts all over again . Shara , the reason i mentioned this up front , is because your excellent post alluded to what you described as your sluttish behavior, sexual release , then questioning why you suddenly feel uneasy about it all. I can see a parallel here.. Hot sex , release , mixed feelings. Truth is , you are the type of woman who craves sexual gratifycation and cant see why you should feel uneasy because of this. I think this is normal. I also think because your bf encougages this, it further confuses you.. You are both bought up in good religeous family , making this lifestyle completely out of kilter .. I might be wrong , but l think having this type of background plays a big part of your uneasyness.. Religeon has a habit of doing this.. Finally , i think you have a right to feel uncomfortable about your future with your bf should you commit .. monogamy is a tough one and is why rhp is full of ppl looking to spice things up. You need to have a good talk to yourself and ask the tough questions . Follow your heart and dont ignore your strongest feelings.. Good luck Shara... 😊

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RHP User

5 years ago

Sharaxo It would be great to see you write here together with your thoughts,perceptions after 24 mints of marriage. Thinking you definitely have it under control and will be successful. Again enjoyed your read

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needadude

5 years ago

I agree with the comment about marriage not changing anything and believe me.... after a few years of marriage even if you both were equally into the situation, it will always be the first thing that’s brought up in an argument. You don’t completely change your, dare I say it, moral standing once you’ve scribbled your signature on a piece of paper.

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Experimenting before marriage.

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