F53
FWB's
February 04 2018
Comments
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Xxalex
7 years ago
I posted a reply in another page earlier tonight.. I think it was the communication importance one.. I have had this exact thing happen and I've ended up losing one of my most awesome friends.. We just clicked and were so chilled in each other's company. Then it a suddenly ended with her pushing me away. And I have no idea why.. I can only tho k from some of our last conversatios, that she was becoming to attached.. I miss her more the I can describe. And it's the friendship, not the benefits that I miss the most. And how am I dealing with it.. I'm not... Hence very drunk at this point in time. š Much love to you midnight - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
I have a lover who just want's to be friends. Of course I want more.... We have great chemistry, so the sex is amazing. He is a good person. But there is nothing I can do about the differences we have. I made a decision to not let it eat away at my emotions or affect my confidence. I dont want to lose what we already have. Which is a lot. That would be shit. š LC.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Change is the only constant.
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gazpacho
7 years ago
Relationships evolve I reckon. Once you start boxing people into their little niche itās unfair to them, especially if theyāre not happy in their allocated seat. Set them all free. Thereās not enough time to force them back in their seats. Let them wander about, meet each other.... who knows what can happen. FWB. What a hopeless place to be stuck. Hugs Gaz
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The_Phoenix
7 years ago
LC, Iām very similar, I build solid friendships too. Some are purely platonic due to distance, Iām great friends with MidnightB for example. Love ya girl! Being fiends is my preferred way to maintain a sexual relationship. The chemistry, understanding and intimacy is what I seek. Iāve always been a touch needs type, so if you are looking for a guy to fuck on the way home then kick me out sans cuddling and talking, move right along please. I can and have taken sex off the table to maintain a friendship. Iāve been very emotionally and sexually invested with someone, but a point came where we realised what we wanted sexually was very different, yes were talking Kink. The friendship has been maintained without the physical touch for the whole time. We didnt even meet on RHP. BB - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
to see you go op. You're a beautiful soul and it also made me sad to read your post. I hope you're okay xx It's so hard sharing intimacy then retracting back to our lives. I've practically put it on hold, though not officially. I was for a long time, happy to meet just for sex. But it's never just sex, not for those of us who love easily. I think I've loved every guy I've been with to some degree. I can't have sex without feeling something for them. I've used the age difference as a barrier, knowing I can't let those feelings take over, and that has worked although there are a few I miss terribly, and as time has worn on, found them hard to replace. Have never done the fwb thing, only fb, but still felt close to them after a few years of ongoing contact. I'm now a lot busier with life, finding time to see anyone is difficult, and taking my time waiting for someone special to come along. It's not easy, not lonely in a general sense, but lonely for that deep connection that seems elusive. You've been a great presence here on the forum, well liked and respected. Hope to see you back soon. Meantime, look after yourself, take care of you
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lovebitten
7 years ago
I have been on both sides of this scenario and it's hard for both. Big hugs to you midnight. I know it doesn't make anything easier, but people come into our lives for all sorts of reasons X - Posted from rhpmobile
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OkeyDoke45
7 years ago
Never had the FWB thing, but I have always wondered (and have asked this question on forums here in the past) how they would go in the long run. Surely one person or the other is going to start developing feelings that are not reciprocated? What happens then? This is apparently what happens. I think Midnight (sending you vibes off into the ether now that you are no longer active) that he/she would probably never have been accepting of you being a member here and/or being adventurous. To be honest they sound like one of those morons that wants all their partners to be the virginal type, although I obviously don't know the person so could be wrong. I am sometimes wrong. Occasionally. Every few years or thereabouts.
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RHP User
7 years ago
My heart goes out to you...your post made me so sad. I hope you're ok. I have loved reading your posts, you come across as such a genuine lovely person. I'm not sure if I read this correctly but your friend wanted you not seeing anyone else but didn't want any feelings to develop between the two of you? I was in that scenario myself...I had a friend with benefits who was very attractive to me, was a great lover and we enjoyed each others company. We saw each other a couple of times a week and it was great. Neither of us was looking for a relationship when we first met. We also saw other people, but he was not comfortable with that, so we agreed to be exclusive to each other. Unfortunately I developed feelings for him in this new arrangement...had I continued to see other people I'm not sure this would have happened. Rather than discussing this with me, he ended things suddenly. It came out of the blue and as such a shock to me....it was the friendship I missed the most. I don't understand if somebody says they want a FWB arrangement but then ask you to be exclusive...because then it's heading into relationship territory. Forgive me MB if I have misread your situation and just gone on my own tangent. Wishing you all the best xxxx
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tall60
7 years ago
The FWB balance for particular people is obviously different compared to others. Too much friendship may destroy or dull the benefits .... too much benefits in the mix and not enough friendship likewise may upset any couples balance...the middle path may be best for longevity and least emotional damage when things change..............Take what u will from my opinion.
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Redux
7 years ago
I've found to be a true FWB you have to be encouraging and supportive of your lover to go out and find the one for her. Yes you do go through periods of internal and external conflict, these are the times to step back from the benefits, reassess your boundaries, nurture yourself and ensure you are being respected. In my experience both sides have always come back into the arrangements with deeper levels of understanding and friendship. Should it turn out to be final don't worry about how good the sex was, it takes two to tango and I'm sure you were the better half... XO - Posted from rhpmobile
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The_Phoenix
7 years ago
Midnight is ok, we talked and messaged quite a bit in the last few days, I know MB's and the new mans situation so please don't assume he's an ass for not being so understanding of MBs RHP persona. Ill certainly miss the topics and insight you brought to our little corner of the world. A piece of me is sad but having communicated extensively the last few months, I am also very glad your world is getting brighter and I'm very happy for that. BB
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Sawadee
7 years ago
Boxing someone in becomes less about enjoyment and more about anxiety .. No matter how you feel , set them free ' and if they do happen to come back' at least you know you always had a friend... If they don't ' it never was, so don't waste good emotional energy on bad , total waste of time. Remember ' you can't force anyone to think the way you want them to think, you can only think for yourself. ?
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RHP User
7 years ago
Yep, wise words š
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MsSuperFoxy
7 years ago
That's why I never really put it out there how I feel. I wait till it is brought up by the other. I've learnt the hard way. Lessons learnt. Relationships can become all to messy and complicated. Sometimes continuous talk about "feelings", does my head in. I do not stop my life for anyone or put things on hold. I just keep doing what makes me happy. I have one lover over the years had many ups and downs. Suddenly things have done a complete 360. I'm loving what we have. They recently cooked breakfast for mum and I. Ms Foxy
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MsSuperFoxy
7 years ago
I agree with you both. Giving someone their freedom and space, is the most loving kindest thing one can ever do. There's a fine line between suffocating, being affectionate and being needy. Being needy actually turns me off and pushes me away. Ms Foxy
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sweetgem
7 years ago
But similar in concept. I was the one that had developed feelings for a FWB. I was seeing the same FWB for four years. He is a good person, attentive to me when we got together, treated me right and with respect, very understanding of my home situation too, so I never had to stress about anything with him. However, being human, I let my feelings developed and told him about it. He couldnāt give the same response, as love is not what he after, which I respected and we continued to be each otherās FWB for a little while more. But his behaviour towards me changed since he knew that I had feelings for him. He began to keep a distance emotionally, as well as not being so attentive to me in all aspects, and at one point, he took over a month to reply to my message and didnāt seem to care about it too! It was quite heart aching to be treated like that to be honest, but I accepted the reality and moved on. Itās been almost a year since, so this incident is now just an experience. How did I handle it was, I went out to have a number of seafood feasts, and watched many horror and action movies for good two weeks, then I reminded myself that life is too short to waste my time and energy on something and someone that arenāt worth to waste for! Of course, it also helps being busy at home with my duty of care. Hence, I didnāt have much problem with getting over the whole thing and moving on. Best wishes for a happier year ahead, Midnightblue71, look after yourself in the meantime. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
have your cake and eat it too...... If this guy asked me to delete my profile and see only him, I would be making damn sure that he deletes his as well. Think its outta line to even ask
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egr2please69
7 years ago
Midnight, like the others in here my heart aches for you sister. Tough situation but as others have said, keep your mind open and let your wings fly. Clear your head, let some water flow under the bridge and let time do what it does best, heal. Hopefully for your sake, even if nothing else can be re-established, try to resurrect the friendship if the situation is right and he is willing to talk with you. If he isn't then I'm sorry for your loss and wish your heart all the best to mend and give you a big fat virtual hug to help take some of your pain away. I was lucky though with a FWB experience I had. We both steadfastly set the rules of engagement and agreed that the friendship above all else was our paramount driving force and that the benefits was a bonus plan. After a couple of years of occasionally seeing each other when life and time permitted she felt she wanted to find more in a relationship with someone and that a guy she knew from her past had re-entered her life. She wanted to pursue that avenue and because we had developed such a fantastic friendship we stopped the benefits and she moved towards seeing the other guy. To this day, we have a wonderfully open friendship still and she uses me as a sounding board at times, not only about relationship stuff but about growing teenage kids etc and all matter of subjects that life throws at us. I couldn't be happier for her and they have moved in, formed their own blended Brady Bunch and life couldn't be better. We still talk and she knows if she ever needs a friend for any reason I'll always be there for her regardless of the situation. We both realise that it was the awesome sex that brought us together but it was our open minds and understanding of each as life has evolved that keeps our friendship so strong. Relationships are tough, 20 years of marriage followed by a relatively (luckily) clean divorce has shown me that but I still know if you aren't careful that lines can be blurred in an instant and messy situations can evolve and feeling s will get hurt. To those that have experience that I wish you all the best going forward and hope you can find the magical path to finding what makes you happiest and suits you best. Geoff
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RHP User
7 years ago
I agree totally but some assumption there. If that were the case, I'd say danger Will Robinson. I've almost fallen for that a few times myself, never again, particularly jealousy. It represents control and no-one will control me that way š
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RHP User
7 years ago
I found myself in true emotional love with someone I had been with for some time as a "FWB". When it ended I was trashed for a fair bit though got up and blew the dust off. Pain is inevitable...suffering is optional. ā”ļø - Posted from rhpmobile
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Sawadee
7 years ago
By asking you to delete your profile , that would effectively make you exclusive ? Which is fine providing the feeling is mutual . That wouldn't sit well with me me, but everyone to thier own..
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RHP User
7 years ago
But my heart goes out to you Midnight as I would find it hard myself. I hope it never does happen to me as I tend to give my all to anyone I care for. I hope my open and honest communication will allow this not to happen to me, though I realise that sometimes this is not always the case. I do have one thing I believe and give fully with FWB's and that is the benefit is friendship as sex is easy to find and if you can't well there is always your wallet. Hope you are feeling much better and this situation has not stopped you from loving and trusting again.
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gazpacho
7 years ago
Yeah, no profile -> no playmates? Thatās wishful thinking. Iām not prepared to speculate why little missā profile is gone. However, having a profile doesnāt mean playmates either. Plenty of people can attest to that!! I simply donāt support the whole āownershipā downer. People are who they are. Iām sure we have all tried, and failed, to be someone that our partners expect us to be. All you can really do, pies, is be who you are. If theyāre not happy with that, then theyāre unworthy! Hugs Gaz - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
Thank you to everyone for all your great advice. I have had a chance to reflect on a lot of what has been said. Had several conversations with my ex and also FWB on peoples agenda's over a period of time. We all have our own and sometimes those agenda's, wants, needs and expectations don't meet. It is only if both are willing to meet half way will any relationship truly work and only if you keep working towards common ground. That is why people grow apart I guess. I really do not know where I go from here as I don't have the answers. I have given myself a chance to really think about what I want. People will only stay in your life if they want to be there and you cannot make anyone do what you want no matter how much you want them to. I am a really good person and so trusting and caring of people even the ones who I know will cause the greatest hurt. But I am still willing to give them the benefit of the doubt because that is part of who I am. Maybe that is a naĆÆve way to see the world and set myself up for a huge fall but that is the consequence I have to live with. You guys are all so amazing!! Thankyou for your care and your honesty. Banana boy you are worth more than gold and I can't thank you enough for all your support over the last few months. Apologies touch I was on here under another name and was a little angry at the time with my comment but you weren't to know it was me. You are so right though.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Him Not being able to get his head around this lifestyle, and had never really knew that people did this kind of stuff in real life was a bit of a shock and until I joined I never knew this little world existed either. I made the choice to be "exclusive" while I am seeing him or until it had run it's course. Which as stated kind of makes it a relationship (never thought of it that way)!! It was my choice to delete because I have enough respect for someone if they don't want me seeing other people then I will at least try to accommodate them. It is not for everyone. I get it and maybe a bit of jealously thrown in too. I just want to point out that this guy is pretty amazing. I would not normally do any of this for anyone I have met on a dating site. So please do not be quick to judge as the choices I have made were my own. I knew a few weeks in that it would be near impossible for me not to have feelings for this person. I relate to him on a deeply personal level which makes this all the more complicated. I am so comfortable with him but then it goes back to my previous comment about agenda's. I really don't know what his is??
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madotara69
7 years ago
When I first fell for Tara, the thought of her being with other guys made me feel ill, I've never felt as though she was mine, only she is her own person, so I could only feel the way I did, not control her or what choices Tara made, we had been together for over twenty years before we began toying with the lifestyle, lots of chit chat over quite some time, it hasn't been a bed of roses either, sometimes caution rings a bell and perfectly natural feelings need to be expressed, some things hurt, others fun, love and lust, care and understanding. What is most important. I personally don't believe that jealousy is always the curse, love is way more powerful an emotion IMHO Mado Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
7 years ago
think jealousy is a curse. Fuck that, not for me. It makes me feel really uncomfortable and I would never want to be in an intimate encounter where any of the participants suffered this wasted emotion
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RHP User
7 years ago
I think you know the problem here, you know the answer to your own question. This guy is what they call a player. The heart is a tender thing. Beware. Those of us offering advice aren't jealous omg we're simply trying to say we've been stung by such people and they are selfish
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RHP User
7 years ago
Reading backwards again š Does anyone else do that š I missed reading your comment above that. No problem regarding the other stuff. Half the time I'm not aware, so busy all the time, brief visits here don't give me the time to scrutinise properly lol but also very forgiving and understand emotion is an important part of posting on a forum, without it, it would be like reading a clinical account š
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RHP User
7 years ago
was also harsh, but if I'm to be honest, it's happened a few times because like you, I've wanted to see if it would work, it didn't for me, and some lessons learned along the way. I have become quite cynical of men lately. There are so many who don't treat women with the respect they deserve
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madotara69
7 years ago
When you got to honestly, I started running for cover, I had it set in my mind you were gonna take a crack at me, pheeww, dunno what got over me.I apologise for even thinking of it. You are right, I've been harping on for years about how I believe respecting a woman in a relationship has it's virtues, like her wanting to be a friend is a biggy, I truly believe.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Yes, there's no doubt you have mutual respect, the core of any relationship š
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RHP User
7 years ago
Just down the road midnight kick me outforfun69r - Posted from rhpmobile
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bonefide
7 years ago
MidnightBlue always enjoyed your input which inspired many.
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RHP User
7 years ago
How things can change in a few days. I stuck to my guns. Was just upfront and honest as I always am. Lots of things discussed, issues resolved for him which made a huge difference. Obviously deeply personal and not to be discussed on here. He needed to hear some harsh realities and I only did so because I care. The whole situation of course has two sides and you guys only know mine. Emotionally have stepped back a bit and will roll with the punches. I have invested my time though and will see how it goes. Life is way too fleeting to at least not take a chance. Hugs peepsMs Midnight
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RHP User
7 years ago
... it pans out for the both of you Ms Midnight
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Sawadee
7 years ago
Good thinking.. At least you had enough sense to take a few steps back and take a look at where your heading.. This is something we all should do time to time.
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