M50
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March 26 2013
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RHP User
12 years ago
So your Ex Girlfriend is introducing her child ( is it yours also??) to your daughter from your exwife? If so i cant see any dramas there they are both your x so it makes no difference doest to the kids does it ?
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RHP User
12 years ago
sorry to clear that up It shouldnt make any difference to the kids at all they are just kids. if they are related i.e. same dad then Fantastic , if there only common point is one is your child and the other is your x grirlfriends child , then kids dont carry the baggage . Let the kids be kids
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xFunlovingx
12 years ago
On how long they have been dating? I can't stand women or men that introduce kids really early in the piece...kids get attached quite quick and if it doesn't work out and a new man/woman is on the scene within weeks it confuses the kids and they aren't taught a good lesson in life about relationships! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
12 years ago
Ok I know this is confusing so I'll clear it up my x girl has no kids my daughter was introduced to her new partners kids , my daughter likes x so I can cope with that But I find it strange that this has taken place and it has now strained the relationship with x wife Which we both worked hard to keep friendly for our daughters sake
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have no idea how long they have been dating I don't know who he is full stop And although it's a perceived proposition What If they don't work out , would my xwife then take the time to get to know him so the kids can still meet up ? Which is what angers me with her I told her my thoughts but it seem she has full control of my daughter and I have no input It really is snowballing for me
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RHP User
12 years ago
if they are your 'ex'.....isnt it their business? children are children....they'll either be friends...or not. let them be, if the women can be friends, then the children most certainly can be as well, let the kids be kids as well....they wont care, in the long run, who is who, so long as they are loved, happy and healthy
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RHP User
12 years ago
I'm assuming that is a female perspective Be intresting to know your hubby's thoughts
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Mischeviouslad
12 years ago
You lose that "control" when you lose the partner.You can have an opinion, but you wont have the capacity to make the decision.... so..... let it be OK (unless its weirding the kids out)DG
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RHP User
12 years ago
Kids are kids, they have their own friends at school and the kids of the adults that they know (parents' friends and such) are mostly superfluous. They play together when they are together but unless they see each other all the time they aren't going to really form any strong bonds. I think you are making a bit of a mountain out of a molehill.
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inspirit
12 years ago
i'm xxxxxx-ed out..if x is friends with you xx then who allowed child to meet y's children who the x is fucking. What I don't understand is WHY x still has a place in your c's life where she can control who your c meets UNLESS your xx has allowed this. If your xx has allowed this then I think u are f'd. There is no say. Key:x = ex girlfriendxx = ex wifey = x's boyfriendc = childu = "slimshady"f = yep fuckedI so much prefer pictures :(
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RHP User
12 years ago
I dont have an issue with it, I think you are over thinking it OP. I think its just polite and mature of her to be honest, if theyre going to be moving in the same circles. If the exes are friends, and the kids all get along, then why ruffle feathers???
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RHP User
12 years ago
Algebra was never my strong suit either . OP, if your child is being introduced to a man who is your xgf,s new lover and she is not the mother of your child but has a relationship with child and you are happy for your child to continue to see her then.. Go meet the new bf and his children with your daughter,if all seems good let them continue to all hang out. If you are not happy discuss with the xwife.If your child is having sleep overs with this family you have every right to be concerned just the same as you would if she was staying with any other family.....I hope this helps.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Lol I like the keys Yes I am fucked I have no input Lesson has been learnt Don't allow xx into my life at all
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think I need to clarify I love my daughter and kids are kids it's not the fact that there playing together Its the fact that when relationships end there are things that need to be let go of If I see xx family in the street or at a function I'm more than happy to say hello but I don't go on family picnics with them , how many people hang out with there x and there kids ?
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RHP User
12 years ago
If you don't want to hang out with your ex, don't. If things happen and the kids no longer get together, they'll all get over it. Kids are more resilient than we give them credit for. Friends come and go in their lives and they handle it even better than adults do. Relax and enjoy being a dad for the real stress begins when the boys start getting interested in her. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hi, well you know your life better and us but if they are planning on being friends ect for a long time I suppose it will have to happen. Honesty is the best policy (in most case) We have looked after my mans exwifes partners kids before. I think it's great for everyone if everyone can get along and that is mainly for the kids sake. Kids don't have to know all straight away. For kids it's just someone to play with. Hard one but the parents normal know what's best for the kids in any situation so go with your gut feeling.
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RHP User
12 years ago
...if it is just a case of kids being kids hanging out at the occasional BBQ. Is it possible that your too hung up on the fact that it is your ex girlfriends new partners kids? It might be helpful to try to look on it from another perspective such as your daughter is simply hanging out with her mothers 'friends' kids (as kids do when they do).
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RHP User
12 years ago
Well If I am being honest here are the things that bother me Yes there is a slight hang up about the x and new But I don't think I'm the first human to ever experience that My main concerns are that it is very apparent that as a father I have no input into my Daughter I had no say in her getting christened I had no say in what school she attends I generally have no say And this situation is just another example where my feelings / input mean shit So if one of my xx decisions on my daughters life turns out to be incorrect Am I then responsible because I didn't contribute Cause I can see that coming lol On a positive note sexy kiwi bred :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Therealslimshady'I'm assuming that is a female perspective Be intresting to know your hubby's thoughts dont asssume anything ... theres no issue, if they can all be friends...actually, you should celebrate that they do 'get along'... its the healthiest outcome you could hope for... we all 'get along'.... my wife, my ex wife, our kids, her kids... we're just one big 'happy family'....lol....
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inspirit
12 years ago
forget the X factor though in your case XX and X and Y that puts U in the P O O with XXXY fuck freya ... I love algebra..... lmao
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RHP User
12 years ago
xx =y f and x =xgf then r x+xx=04u ? yep Inspirit is right,Algebra clarifies the problem,u is not part of this equasion.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Xy= Zero X=good mother , but no support in c teenage yrs And that will be a battle royal I promise to not laugh C= my girl who is so like her dad , will always be my priority U = has to accept , but will never agree
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RHP User
12 years ago
You know, thinking back all those years to my childhood, I remember most of the time the children of my parents' friends were usually little brat dick heads. It's pretty rare that I would become actual friends with my parents' friends' kids. I remember being confused about it and talking to my sister about it. We often wondered how our parents could be friends with people who had such obnoxious kids. Just remember that your daughter will see the situation very differently to you. She will see the new x's boyfriend as whatever the kid's name's Dad, not as your ex's boyfriend. She'll also probably see the kids as just some kids she has to play with sometimes. Making it about your lack of perceived power as a fatherly influence on her life is where the damage will be done. Creating a point of argument between your ex-wife and yourself over something rather small in the scheme of things does more damage than not getting to hang out with some kid she used to see on weekends every now and then. No kids want to see their parents fight, and they will blame themselves for the arguments. If you're picking your battles, this is not the most important one to get involved in.
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inspirit
12 years ago
I thought xx was the mother of your c and x is the latest redundant package who has no c's but is now shacked up with y. Do you pay child support?! I feel for you as I do and I have no say either. I just get abused.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Yes I pay child support , but xx was generous and didn't bust my chops So I don't complain there and we share extra curricular expenses All that you say about scenario is correct That is it in a nutshell if I can't have an input in my daughters life now Then don't complain when you need my support and it dosent arrive lol
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RHP User
12 years ago
I missed an x :) lol talk about confusing
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Therealslimshady'Well If I am being honest here are the things that bother me Yes there is a slight hang up about the x and new But I don't think I'm the first human to ever experience that My main concerns are that it is very apparent that as a father I have no input into my Daughter I had no say in her getting christened I had no say in what school she attends I generally have no say And this situation is just another example where my feelings / input mean shit So if one of my xx decisions on my daughters life turns out to be incorrect Am I then responsible because I didn't contribute Cause I can see that coming lol On a positive note sexy kiwi bred :) As a man every girl needs a role model and dad. You cannot control a lot of things in life, all you can do is love her and support her as best you can. She will see that when she grows up and will grow closer to her dad so long as he was there waiting in the side lines with open arms. My two girls have always had dad there for the big decisions , the ones they go to dad for once they are a bit older They ignore me for those ones, they say sorry mum have to run this past dad. We have been divorced ten years , yet I gave him a 26th anniversary watch yesterday That is a celebration of love and respect for him as a father and friend and support when us girls needed him Just be that Man Others will drift in and out of their lives, but if you are the constant and the calm and rational that’s all that matters.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I am a real influence on my daughter and I have to be carefull how I go about things And I am going to let it go I'm not concerned about Xy and there kids But if my xx will not listen to my concerns and I have to accept that Then I have the right not to listen to her concerns and she can accept that In those shitty teenage years when she at her wits end I know who I'm going to support lmao
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit' i'm xxxxxx-ed out..if x is friends with you xx then who allowed child to meet y's children who the x is fucking. What I don't understand is WHY x still has a place in your c's life where she can control who your c meets UNLESS your xx has allowed this. If your xx has allowed this then I think u are f'd. There is no say. Key:x = ex girlfriendxx = ex wifey = x's boyfriendc = childu = "slimshady"f = yep fuckedI so much prefer pictures :(
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RHP User
12 years ago
my daughter OP ,had almost no contact with her dad ,not because I didn't want her to,but because we lived interstate and he was very ambivalent about being a dad. The good news is, that now when she is 28 they are actually becoming friends...it's been a difficult journey for both of them but they are both making a huge effort...she flys to Melbourne on Saturday to visit him for a week. Children need to know that you love them and care for and about them....make yourself available to her when and if you can....don't make her a battleground where nobody wins.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Shinas' Quoting 'inspirit' i'm xxxxxx-ed out..if x is friends with you xx then who allowed child to meet y's children who the x is fucking. What I don't understand is WHY x still has a place in your c's life where she can control who your c meets UNLESS your xx has allowed this. If your xx has allowed this then I think u are f'd. There is no say. Key:x = ex girlfriendxx = ex wifey = x's boyfriendc = childu = "slimshady"f = yep fuckedI so much prefer pictures :( YES POST OF THE WEEK...but I am still confused.Foxy
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RHP User
12 years ago
I am not much good in the Forum..However I do wish you all the luck with this one.FoxyPS- I have a 17yr old daughter and she's the happiest she's ever been cause no matter what, I have encouraged her and her dad to have an awesome relationship..I may not like some of the things he does, however I will support what ever it takes to make her happy. If that means to have a relationship with her dad forever I will encourage and if that means never to speak ill of her dad I will... and if that means biting my tongue till it bleeds I will......Actually the other day she thanked me for being her mum and for doing what I do, so she can have that relationship with her dad...boy did that feel soooooooooooo good...way better than an orgasm :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
What is OP? And most importantly , my relationship with my c is undoubtedly, extremely strong . There are no issues with my girl Where solid as a rock :) My relationship with my xx is now under question and not to turn this into a sympathy discussion She forgot my birthday this year I had to remind her of it after the date Its a two way street unless it's only one way I think I need involve the union on here lol
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RHP User
12 years ago
Some people just connect and they don't see why it should effect the x factor, just because you don't feel comfortable with it, doesn't mean they have to comply with your wishes, sure if there is shit stirring and an ulterior motive to stir up trouble but if it is just for the kids emotional well being as they don't judge then there shouldn't be a problem and it is not your business to interfere. You will just have to get over it, just because it makes you feel uncomfortable, as long as it is good for the kids wellbeing you should put their emotional needs before your own, it is what a good parent does in this situation, it is hard enough for the kids to have their mum and dad separate, they need to be comforted and reassured, to deny them contact with kids they connect with is quite selfish, parents make sacrifices either as a family unit or an extended one, move past your own personal emotional issues for the kids sake, there will be many/similar matters like this that may arise so you need to deal with it in an adult way not just bury your head and hope it goes away, you may cross path many a time so dealing with your personal issues about this would be a best bet, kids don't choose to be born in this world so it is up to us adults to make their life the best it can be under the circumstances.
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RHP User
12 years ago
As a parent you should not only look after their financial well being but their emotional one too, it is best to remain civil at all times because they would love both parents at their milestones ie. 16th, 21st wedding, so it is important to talk to the ex civilly and of course voice your opinion but also listen to their reasons etc it is as two way street, communication is important and sometimes one has to be a bit flexible or open to change, sure one has their foundational beliefs but we have to step back and realise maybe that option is not the best under the situation. remember we should always put kids welfare first despite our own emotional issues, sure if there is a danger, the other parent is on drugs or the environment isn't good for the child then you have every reason to protest but I am thinking that you just don't feel comfortable with this situation for whatever reason, a lot of separated relationships work well with communication, compromise etc and what's best for the kids interest they put away their own personal issues, it is not a time to be selfish
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RHP User
12 years ago
If written authorisation was not sent to you ,by one party or the other ,explaining that the 2 women wanted to be friends ,and if it was all right with you.The Union would recommend disowning the 2 of them !
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thank god for the union !!!
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RHP User
12 years ago
In a court of law you have just as much rights to say and be a part of your daughters life. Unless you have given full parental responsibility to you ex wife. Although i don't have much faith in the legal system at all. Not everyone gets what they want when a relationship breaks up its not about what you want or what your x or xx wants its just about what's best for your daughter. If you don't think she's in any danger physically mentally then there's nothing you really can do about the situation. Kids aren't silly they see through things. The most important things is just hug and kiss your daughter and tell her every chance you get that you love everything else doesn't really matter- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
So many people lose focus on one key point. You're still a parent despite there being no relationship. My advice based on the lessons I've learnt from my own kids....you're their father, noone else can or will be in their mind. Unless they're in physical or emotional harms way, then just concentrate on the relationship you have with your child/ren. Afterall, that's all they want. - Posted from rhpmobile
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