M50 F49
Feeling a little more educated..
May 30 2013
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
But yes here on the posts and from talking offline to trans genders.I had my views but now they are not all out of one eye.thanks to the brave people on here who spoke up on forum I actually started.
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On_Safari
12 years ago
We've known her since she was 13 and she has always dressed and behaved like a boy. I have to use "He" now, because that is who he is, it's not his fault he's trapped in a girls body. I asked hubby the other day after running into him and having a laugh "Would you support your daughters if they decided they were male? (My usual bluntness) Would you buy them a dick, help remove thier breasts and love them just the same?" He's old fashioned and initially bucked then asked why I asked. Told him how ****** has changed her name to Nick and how he seems so much happier and looks so amazingly male!!! I adore this kid, he's awesome. He has had relationships through high school with girls (at that time occasionally persecuted for being a lesbian. So relationships were fraught with trouble then. Uncertain as to relationship status now but he does make me smile. Know he has had trouble with his parents and again I don't delve there either. ***** is and always has been just Nick. A beautiful person inside and out. It's no one else's place or business to think any differently really. Just my 2 bobs worth. Contemplative Safari
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RHP User
12 years ago
Intersex people have x and y chromosome's, so one from each sex. Some don't find out until they are trying to have kids. Years ago they use to assign a gender to the kids and operate accordingly, we have a friend that was brought up male but is female and her partner is male but was raised female.
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RHP User
12 years ago
No Slm - I was talking specifically about transgendered people - biologically one gender but 'psychologically' the opposite - girls that feel like they should have been born a boy and vice versa. It's less common in girls than boys but just as challenging and more easily overlooked, probably because 'tomboys' are more readily accepted in society than boys who are 'Girly'. Safari - thanks for sharing. Do you think there's a gender difference in how easily we accept transgendered people I.e do you think women are more accepting than men broadly?- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Clearly, an intersection has nothing to do with this tread (*blushes deeply)- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I work with a fair few transgender women, as well as a tg man and an intersex woman, so I thought I was rather well educated. But to answer your question: I saw some documentaries about children as young as three clearly stating they were a different gender. I was amazed at how early on we have such a strong sense of "self". Hugs to all the Transgender and Intersex hotties on here!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'InAdditionTo'Clearly, an intersection has nothing to do with this tread (*blushes deeply)Intersection. Crossroads.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Ms_Devious' Quoting 'InAdditionTo'Clearly, an intersection has nothing to do with this tread (*blushes deeply)Intersection. Crossroads. Like it! Smart Phone
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RHP User
12 years ago
Mrs InAddition, what are the name of the docos you've been watching?
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RHP User
12 years ago
I saw one on sbs about a girl becoming male, very touching.I have no personal experience with this phenomena but I do think these people are just so incredibly brave.
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RHP User
12 years ago
He was about three years older than us and was just an asshole. Wouldn't give us a lift home from school- he was also attending the school, would spit on the chocolate before we got home so we couldn't eat it, just really annoying, morose and negative, anyway fast forward a few years... And he is now my friends sister, has full support from all of her family and is a very lovely and fulfilled person in all areas of her work and social life. Making such a complete turnaround, I had to wonder if it was the stress and pressure of not being who she wanted to be. I do also feel for people in this position, it must be a really hard road to travel, especially if you have no support and have to do it alone. Warm hugs to those out there dealing with this.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'zu7bcv'Mrs InAddition, what are the name of the docos you've been watching? Msfun
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'funtwo4fun' Quoting 'zu7bcv'Mrs InAddition, what are the name of the docos you've been watching? Msfun Thanks MsFun. I completely missed this post, otherwise I'd of replied (my bad) Yes, that was the series and the other one was about an English family - it was on straight after and I think it was called 'Boy'.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Personally, I have trouble sympathising with anyone who identifies themselves as transgender. we all face difficulties in life, we all face social and familial expectations (women especially) and if we don't fit social ideals, then we all have trouble socially. We learn to do the best we can, to be the best man or woman that we can be. to me, someone saying they are a man or a woman, and then informing others that they are "transgender" is like them saying that they're a man or woman but they're actually a "special" kind of man or woman and that they should get special consideration because they're too lazy to try and conform to what is expected of the rest of us. Sorry, I believe we're all human and as such, everyone should be treated equally, if you're a man or a woman (regardless of whether you were born with the right parts or not) then do what the rest of us do and simply shut up about it and be yourself! the best you can be, THAT i'd respect.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'mis__understood' Personally, I have trouble sympathising with anyone who identifies themselves as transgender. we all face difficulties in life, we all face social and familial expectations (women especially) and if we don't fit social ideals, then we all have trouble socially. We learn to do the best we can, to be the best man or woman that we can be. to me, someone saying they are a man or a woman, and then informing others that they are "transgender" is like them saying that they're a man or woman but they're actually a "special" kind of man or woman and that they should get special consideration because they're too lazy to try and conform to what is expected of the rest of us. Sorry, I believe we're all human and as such, everyone should be treated equally, if you're a man or a woman (regardless of whether you were born with the right parts or not) then do what the rest of us do and simply shut up about it and be yourself! the best you can be, THAT i'd respect. But you want special consideration as a woman !
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RHP User
11 years ago
hey everybody , In regards to topic .... Im early stages transexual mtf ( 2.5 weeks of hormones so far yay!!) .... My experience is that people are far more excepting than i though they would be .... The hardest part is mental struggle , the hate and pain you subject on yourself in your own head ... The best advice i can give to any thinking they are trans talk to cousellor , friends , pyschologist .... They all helped me so much get myself in better place emotionally .... As for relationships , heh thats another kettle of fish i get countless msgs from guys wanting NSA or hookups but the second you meantion dating/relationship heh i swear you can smell smoke coming off their feet as their running .... Women i dunno havent much of a respone ....so relationship wise alot harder than when i was full guy , be honest kinda given up on that part of my life for now ... so that is also something to be considered for anyone consider this change
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cheekyvanessa
11 years ago
are you serious miss_understood ?? "too lazy to try to conform " whose rules ???? in my opinion i only had one choice .. to live my life as me or to live a life of depression and supression ..... i dont believe anyone should conform to anything ... who sets what we conform to ?? who decides what is right or wrong for one self ??? politicans ? the church our parents ?? who ??? i am shutting up and being myself and dont want your respect or sympathy or anything from you ... just a shame your not making an eductaed comment ... I believe i have the heart mind and soul of one sex and the body of the other sex .... and really would it be better to live a life of not being true to oneself??? I am living my life as me and not hurting anyone by doing so ... LIVE LOVE LAUGH ...... life way too short
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'mis__understood' informing others that they are "transgender" is like them saying that they're a man or woman but they're actually a "special" kind of man or woman and that they should get special consideration because they're too lazy to try and conform to what is expected of the rest of us. Sorry, I believe we're all human and as such, everyone should be treated equally, if you're a man or a woman (regardless of whether you were born with the right parts or not) then do what the rest of us do and simply shut up about it and be yourself! the best you can be, THAT i'd respect. These positions make no sense to me. First of all, how is not conforming 'laziness'?! - the struggle is the very opposite, as Mrs IAT pointed out. Secondly, the idea that anyone *should* have to conform personally disgusts me. It also directly contradicts what you're saying about people being equal, and being yourself. On a completely unrelated sidenote, it amuses me (and excites me) that four of the first five posters have their very sexy heels on display in their profile pics. I like this trend!
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RHP User
11 years ago
What I get from mis_understood's post is that she (as many others still) doesn't quite understand what being transgender entails. So I suggest reading up on the subject so you can have an informed opinion. But please correct me if I'm wrong.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting '50zkool' Quoting 'mis__understood' Personally, I have trouble sympathising with anyone who identifies themselves as transgender. we all face difficulties in life, we all face social and familial expectations (women especially) and if we don't fit social ideals, then we all have trouble socially. We learn to do the best we can, to be the best man or woman that we can be. to me, someone saying they are a man or a woman, and then informing others that they are "transgender" is like them saying that they're a man or woman but they're actually a "special" kind of man or woman and that they should get special consideration because they're too lazy to try and conform to what is expected of the rest of us. Sorry, I believe we're all human and as such, everyone should be treated equally, if you're a man or a woman (regardless of whether you were born with the right parts or not) then do what the rest of us do and simply shut up about it and be yourself! the best you can be, THAT i'd respect. But you want special consideration as a woman ! at no point have I EVER said I want "special" consideration, I said it would help if people DID consider the situation in life that single women tend to face. That to YOU is "special" because I gather anything that requires you to consider anything but yourself comes under that classification: "special"
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Ms_Direct' What I get from mis_understood's post is that she (as many others still) doesn't quite understand what being transgender entails. So I suggest reading up on the subject so you can have an informed opinion. But please correct me if I'm wrong. Incorrect! I'm actually pretty well informed on transgender, and also on what a transsexual is and the difference between them. Quoting 'cheekyvanessa' are you serious miss_understood ?? "too lazy to try to conform " whose rules ???? in my opinion i only had one choice .. to live my life as me or to live a life of depression and supression ..... i dont believe anyone should conform to anything ... who sets what we conform to ?? who decides what is right or wrong for one self ??? politicans ? the church our parents ?? who ??? i am shutting up and being myself and dont want your respect or sympathy or anything from you ... just a shame your not making an eductaed comment ... I believe i have the heart mind and soul of one sex and the body of the other sex .... and really would it be better to live a life of not being true to oneself??? I am living my life as me and not hurting anyone by doing so ... LIVE LOVE LAUGH ...... life way too short Vanessa, As far as I'm aware, almost EVERYTHING one needs to change their situation in life from being male to being female (as far as I know things are a little more difficult going the other way) are/is available in this country today. Surgery to adapt the primary sex characteristics and their (basic) function from one to the other is available, once that is done legal recognition is available, hormones, hair removal, voice training, it's ALL AVAILABLE. post-op transsexuals can marry people opposite their rectified sex, they're protected under the same laws and females etc etc etc I know of transsexual females who you could not pick out from any other female without medical scans. They quietly live life like all the other women in the world tell no-one and people are none the wiser (IE, they don't IDENTIFY themselves, as per my original post, to others), they aren't judged or discriminated against, they find work and romantic partners with little/no trouble (not any more than most women anyway, at least that's how it appears to me). Why? how could they possibly LIE to everyone about the fact that they're really a boy they don't believe within themselves that they are lying. the life of most females is fine by them, including the risk of being raped, abused, objectified, of not getting equal pay etc etc etc, it comes with the territory to them, they're as pissed about it as most females are but they accept that it is part of being female. So why is it you promote that you're "trans"? why when you signed up here did you not just mark the box "woman" for your profile? do you not truly believe yourself? there must be something in it for you? This is all I'm saying, if YOU believe you ARE the opposite sex to what everyone thinks/thought you were then wouldn't you just be that as best you could, some do, some can. Please excuse my "directness" here, it's not intended to come across as personal, I've witnessed the struggle how it effected people I love and care deeply for, its my compassion that makes my writing here sound "passionate".
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cheekyvanessa
11 years ago
i think i now get what your saying ..... To answer your question re why did i tick the trans and not as a woman....... well first and foremonst it is a safety thing i wouldnt get a guy back to my bed or house without him knowing what stage i am at ... meaning what i have between my legs... i was in a situation once where he didnt know and when he found out became violent ..... plus in the past people have complained that i was being misleading etc if i was post op ( had gender reassignment) i wouldnt use the trans word i would just say woman ... but then the question needs to be asked does a guy your about to have sex with have a right to know ??
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RHP User
11 years ago
Equality and the path it takes to achieve it. We all notice difference between ourself and others - big, small, red head, brunette, shy, social etc. Many of the most basic differences lead us to compare, judge and determine someone else's value. This is biological and social conditioning - like attracts like, safety in numbers and all that - but it's also fraught with intolerance and discrimination. We all need to be vigilant about the way we judge others, because in the end discrimination is about what we do not about the attributes of another person. I don't think we'll ever have a world where we don't notice difference - we understand the world through reference points eg based on what I know or believe about this thing, what does that thing mean? Noticing difference is not the problem, what you say to yourself and others about it, and what you do - those things are the problem. When is the last time you were walking down the street with someone, and just after you passed another person, one of you whispered 'definitely gay!'? Noticing something about the person is human nature. Judging and labelling it as though it somehow matters or makes a difference is a choice (and damned unnecessary!). People on the receiving end of our choices are in a fight for equality, a fight to be noticed for what's in their heart and spirit, not for their hair colour, gender, size, sexual preference etc. They don't quite get the luxury of not fighting and just letting things be, because letting things be equals a life of stares, sniggers, judgment, harassment etc. They ask simply to be seen as human beings and treated with the same love and respect that everyone deserves. They have to ask, to be vocal about it, to seem 'special', because the rest of us do a fucked job of genuinely accepting difference. Because our collective actions - from stares and sniggers and inappropriate questions right through to attacks, make their lives miserable. Equality starts with each one of us.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'cheekyvanessa' i think i now get what your saying ..... To answer your question re why did i tick the trans and not as a woman....... well first and foremonst it is a safety thing i wouldnt get a guy back to my bed or house without him knowing what stage i am at ... meaning what i have between my legs... i was in a situation once where he didnt know and when he found out became violent ..... plus in the past people have complained that i was being misleading etc if i was post op ( had gender reassignment) i wouldnt use the trans word i would just say woman ... but then the question needs to be asked does a guy your about to have sex with have a right to know ?? have a right to know what? that she can't bear and give birth to children?.... I guess he'd have a right to know THAT if things looked like becoming long term and serious kind of thing, perhaps it's important to him that he gets to have biological children, and certainly! she should be respectful of what he wants and his beliefs (just as he should be respectful of what SHE believes). But that wasn't what you were saying was it? you said you THINK you get what I'm saying, I said: Personally, I have trouble sympathising with anyone who identifies themselves as transgender. It seems you missed what I said in my response to you COMPLETELY (despite saying otherwise) so I'll try and make it as clear as possible: to answer YOUR question, Do people/potential partners have a RIGHT to know? I know what I believe is the right answer for that question, I ALSO know how the transsexual born women I've had the rare privilege of meeting would answer that question. I ALSO know how I believe (in practise) YOU would handle that situation (if by some remote chance you ever face/d it), and also the multiple reasons WHY you would probably handle it the way you would. As I said before, I've witnessed it (from the very start to the finish), I've seen the effect (the real thing) has had on people I love and care for deeply. I'm more "educated" on it than most and than I care to be, our lives, all of them, would have been much better had it never happened. peace to you.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Three_Wise_Words'Equality and the path it takes to achieve it. We all notice difference between ourself and others - big, small, red head, brunette, shy, social etc. Many of the most basic differences lead us to compare, judge and determine someone else's value. This is biological and social conditioning - like attracts like, safety in numbers and all that - but it's also fraught with intolerance and discrimination. We all need to be vigilant about the way we judge others, because in the end discrimination is about what we do not about the attributes of another person. I don't think we'll ever have a world where we don't notice difference - we understand the world through reference points eg based on what I know or believe about this thing, what does that thing mean? Noticing difference is not the problem, what you say to yourself and others about it, and what you do - those things are the problem. When is the last time you were walking down the street with someone, and just after you passed another person, one of you whispered 'definitely gay!'? Noticing something about the person is human nature. Judging and labelling it as though it somehow matters or makes a difference is a choice (and damned unnecessary!). People on the receiving end of our choices are in a fight for equality, a fight to be noticed for what's in their heart and spirit, not for their hair colour, gender, size, sexual preference etc. They don't quite get the luxury of not fighting and just letting things be, because letting things be equals a life of stares, sniggers, judgment, harassment etc. They ask simply to be seen as human beings and treated with the same love and respect that everyone deserves. They have to ask, to be vocal about it, to seem 'special', because the rest of us do a fucked job of genuinely accepting difference. Because our collective actions - from stares and sniggers and inappropriate questions right through to attacks, make their lives miserable. Equality starts with each one of us. three wise words, But it also needs to be understood that for some, whilst the difference is inborn it was never the ultimate goal or focus. Some promote their differences, others do not, others work so that their differences aren't noticeable, not to avoid judgement, but because they themselves deeply hate/dislike those differences. The fix their "problems" not for everyone else, but for themselves!
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RHP User
11 years ago
I don't consciously know any transgender people, so this post is not based on practical observation.Some things are a matter of choice. When I chose to smoke cigarettes I took on the consequences. Wrong and bad on the part of the marketers of tobacco, but my (stupid) choice, my consequences. If I wear a Raiders jersey in a sea of Bulldogs supporters again, my choice and my consequences.I don't understand being transgender as being any sort of choice. The word 'identifies' may be a little misleading here, because being an active verb, it tends to imply an active choice. As I understand it, the condition is one of actually, truly, and accurately believing that (say) although one has testes, one should have been born with ovaries - and all the consequences.So to become what you truly and accurately believe you are, you have to go through years of hell - some little hells, some big ones. Wrong dressing room. Can't play rugby, have to play netball. Can't wear dresses, have to wear boy's clothes. Called David, when you want to be called Dianne. Being given toy trucks when you desperately want a Barbie. . Looking in the mirror and desperately wanting to see stubble. And the way out is an operation, continuing drug treatment, and I don't know what else. An operation just to be yourself! Not like the op I had a coupla years ago so they could have a look inside my ticker, or the ops people have to fix broken legs, but an operation to be yourself. Our maturation is, of course, heavily invested in out sexual identity. I understand that many outdated gender roles have been and are being discarded, and I enthusiastically support that. But still, there are men and women, and we approach our lives and our attitudes in different ways based on that difference. And transgenders are born destined for the wrong one, as it were. This is not like being born a redhead, or too short to play basketball, or with bad eyesight. Transgenders, like others who have been born with disadvantage, deserve understanding, sympathy, courtesy and all the assistance they can be rendered. I am lucky. I am a white man at a time when that is by far the most fortunate thing to be. I cannot imagine the pain, the uncertainty, the anger that a transgender must feel, but I thank the OP for raising the issue on this site.One final thing, Vanessa raises a disclosure issue. When I was in my teens and twenties, hanging with a fairly rough crowd, there were from time to time anecdotes about straight men going home with what they thought was a women, only to find a penis there when they reached down. Most of the anecdotes ended in the straight man bashing their companion. I think as a matter of safety, you should disclose. I also think, as it happens, that while a trans is pre op, the person who is about to take them home does not have a 'right' to know (in the sense of a legally enforceable right) but certainly a legitimate interest in knowing.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'kingoftheroad'I don't consciously know any transgender people, so this post is not based on practical observation.Some things are a matter of choice. When I chose to smoke cigarettes I took on the consequences. Wrong and bad on the part of the marketers of tobacco, but my (stupid) choice, my consequences. If I wear a Raiders jersey in a sea of Bulldogs supporters again, my choice and my consequences.I don't understand being transgender as being any sort of choice. The word 'identifies' may be a little misleading here, because being an active verb, it tends to imply an active choice. As I understand it, the condition is one of actually, truly, and accurately believing that (say) although one has testes, one should have been born with ovaries - and all the consequences.So to become what you truly and accurately believe you are, you have to go through years of hell - some little hells, some big ones. Wrong dressing room. Can't play rugby, have to play netball. Can't wear dresses, have to wear boy's clothes. Called David, when you want to be called Dianne. Being given toy trucks when you desperately want a Barbie. . Looking in the mirror and desperately wanting to see stubble. And the way out is an operation, continuing drug treatment, and I don't know what else. An operation just to be yourself! Not like the op I had a coupla years ago so they could have a look inside my ticker, or the ops people have to fix broken legs, but an operation to be yourself. Our maturation is, of course, heavily invested in out sexual identity. I understand that many outdated gender roles have been and are being discarded, and I enthusiastically support that. But still, there are men and women, and we approach our lives and our attitudes in different ways based on that difference. And transgenders are born destined for the wrong one, as it were. This is not like being born a redhead, or too short to play basketball, or with bad eyesight. Transgenders, like others who have been born with disadvantage, deserve understanding, sympathy, courtesy and all the assistance they can be rendered. I am lucky. I am a white man at a time when that is by far the most fortunate thing to be. I cannot imagine the pain, the uncertainty, the anger that a transgender must feel, but I thank the OP for raising the issue on this site.One final thing, Vanessa raises a disclosure issue. When I was in my teens and twenties, hanging with a fairly rough crowd, there were from time to time anecdotes about straight men going home with what they thought was a women, only to find a penis there when they reached down. Most of the anecdotes ended in the straight man bashing their companion. I think as a matter of safety, you should disclose. I also think, as it happens, that while a trans is pre op, the person who is about to take them home does not have a 'right' to know (in the sense of a legally enforceable right) but certainly a legitimate interest in knowing. very insightful of you in many ways king of the road, here's the thing most people overlook though. "trangenders" don't actually change sex "Trans" means to go from one to the other, or to change or cross over, "gender" refers to how we express ourselves, relative to masculine or feminine, "SEX" refers to physical characteristics a penis or a vagina in this case, so to trans-gender is to change between masculine-feminine (socially, man woman), to trans-sex is to change penis vagina. Many transgenders SAY they are pre-op transsexual, because they think it gives them some "validity" as the female sex and that mainstream society will more readily accept them, but they have no intention of actually ever getting a vagina. There is no such thing as a Pre-op trangender, there are transgenders, and there are pre-op transsexuals and men and women who were PREVIOUSLY (or "born") transsexual. I know one VERY young previously transsexual girl, she's 18 (she was fortunate, her parents understood and helped her get her op at 17, after quite a few serious other issues spawned by her condition, cutting, drug addiction, an eating disorder, suicide attempts, she was in incredible pain due to her body), I've also had the unheard of privilege of meeting two VERY long term post transsexual women (both are now 30+ years post-op one is 40+) they're both married to men (one has been to the same man for going on 25 years). Not one of them could handle people seeing them naked pre-op, let-a-lone stand to be touched by a man (let's not even talk about having sex with one) whilst there birth organs where in-tact. their bodies disgusted them to the point of constant suicidal thoughts and attempts. That is a transsexual. A transgender person on the other hand, is happy with what they have, they promote it (not for safety reasons, but rather) in an effort to find men who seek it. The forth TS I know fits the same patterns as the others, but she's part of my family (she's the only reason I got to know the others) and so I won't say more than she'd never had sex or been naked in front of a man until her twenties AFTER she was able to correct her issue. If a TransGENDER person wants to sleep with a man, the YES it is in their best interests to tell him, but that question would not arise in the first place because if he's there to begin with, it's BECAUSE they have a penis and that is what he wants.
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RHP User
11 years ago
http://sixtyminutes.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=8674056 This is how a transsexual typically begins life. This girl is lucky, her mother and father support her, not all get that.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'kingoftheroad'I don't understand being transgender as being any sort of choice. The word 'identifies' may be a little misleading here, because being an active verb, it tends to imply an active choice. As I understand it, the condition is one of actually, truly, and accurately believing that (say) although one has testes, one should have been born with ovaries - and all the consequences. Years ago a woman from the Gender Centre in Sydney told me to never use the word "identify" as it can be quite offensive. Trans women don't think they are female, they know they are. Accurately. Fantastic post, king.
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