F58
Fifty Shades of Caution
December 28 2012
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
Very sound advice.
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inspirit
12 years ago
I have not read 50 shades of grey however I was reading an article the other day whereby they said he was not a very good Dom.
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inspirit
12 years ago
I have not read 50 shades of grey however I was reading an article the other day whereby they said he was not a very good Dom.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hahaha not only was he not really a dom, he wasn't much the literary kind either! If a dom told me he reads pulp trash like that, I'd instantly lose all respect for him. Check out the book review at Things Bogans Like. Hilarious.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Is there a recognised qualification one can get that one could use in a court of law?. If not then experience or not you are all just enthusiasts.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have seen a few profiles here and on another site that were just plain scary.Fifty Shades of tedium seems to have influenced a few who probably haven't even read the the book but are just opportunistic sadists.Hopefully because they are so transparently lacking in any real skill or understanding others will not be taken in by their puerile attempts at posturing as a dom.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I'm not into BDSM, and when I guy wrote me recently claiming to be Dom, I politely declined. He replied by telling me I play games with people, as my profile clearly states I like dominant men. I suggested he Google both words, and do the same for Sub and submissive while he was at it.
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RHP User
12 years ago
What was the question?Don't fucking look at me.RA
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RHP User
12 years ago
On another site I had a dom on chat, he was nice enough and from the pics he had he certainly looked real enough... nipples, pegs wax and all the rest... wanted to play some games with me, out of curiosity I asked what he had in mind, he wanted me to go peel a carrot cut it to a specific length and insert in my vagina for a specified period of time... to which I replied that I could not take it seriously and that if he planned to make a sub out of me his work was going to be cut out for him and me both as I would probably require a whole lot of spanking for giggling in class. He has given up trying to convert me and we have really good chinwags every now and then, he is a very interesting man. Oh and enough of the fifty shades profile names...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Where are all the female doms? :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thought it was some of the worst literature I have ever read and gave it to a friend...I am surprised a man would read that book...'tis hard enough dragging them along to see a chick flick! I have read some profiles on here too of men claiming to be Doms...they scare the shit out of me! I suppose it is no different than watching porn and believing that going from Vaginal penetration to Anal penetration then back into the Vagina or mouth without using any condom is what every woman is secretly begging for...mmm...mouth full of Escherichia Coli...
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xFunlovingx
12 years ago
Quoting 'Saskia72' Oh and enough of the fifty shades profile names... Lol I could be blamed for that! There is one guy in chat who sits on cam in a suit at tmes and one day I called hm "my Mr Grey"...Not because of the "dom" thing but more because he looks hot n a suit and actuallly has a gray tie (Like Mr Grey in the book)...He has changed his name a couple of times to Mister Grey for shits and giggles and I loved it! I would prefer a name to do with Fifty Shades than hothardhungfuckyouallnight nics that you see everywhere!! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
12 years ago
I can be Dominant ,you should hear me order my lunch ..... ONE CHICKEN BURGER,CHIPS and a COKE!The things women have to put up with .....
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ruby_blossum
12 years ago
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'RandomAgent'What was the question? Don't fucking look at me. RA Your profile says you're a non-smoker? Too bad you live in St Kilda though. I'd like you to get me fairly drunk.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Come RA... You love people looking at you! You look a bit gangsterish in your profile pic. It's a good shot. :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Excellent post Mistress T So many wannabe's -
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RHP User
12 years ago
Any male who is willing to lay claim to performing like a character from fifty shades, thus admitting to actually having read the book in enough detail to substantiate his claims is probably a questionable character anyway, and best avoided!
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RHP User
12 years ago
What makes an expert in this field?. As someone with little interest in BDSM, I would like to know where classifications come into this subject, who's an expert and who is an amateur?. What defines light BDSM, heavy duty etc...I appreciate the OP's thoughts and sentiment, but it does seem to me that some sort of high ground has been assumed here, and as this is the case from the perspective of dishing out advice and labeling certain people as "wannabes" I think it's only fair that the uninitiated are brought up to speed.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Can some of you nice "LADIES" and when I say "LADIES" (I mean the female ones with vagina's) contact me as I would like to discuss this topic in privacy. many Thanks.
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inspirit
12 years ago
There should be a Dominant. Since he (assuming it is a man that is the dominant, not always true) has the power, he also has the responsibility to the submissive. That includes giving her pleasure, knowing and doing what makes her happy, prodding her to be her best, helping her reach HER goals and dreams, etc . He does not try to shape her in his own preconceived image of what she should be, but instead helps her blossom into the complete and wonderful person that she is. He knows what is her best, what she wants, what is best for her because they have a totally open relationship in communication. The Dom should respect the Sub's advice and point of view, but the decision is his. This assumes the Dom makes decisions not based on ego or emotions, but logically figures out what is the best decision. If the Dom does something that hurts the Sub, she should be able to tell him in an informative manner, not an attacking manner. The Dom will also tell the Sub how he feels about her actions in an non attacking manner. As I have often said, for the relationship to work, both sides must respect the other to not attack and also to trust enough not to assume an attack. That right there, which is a form of a break down in communication, is what causes the most problems in relationships. The Dom should be secure and strong enough to admit when he makes mistake. Doms are not gods, they will make mistake, but once again if the basic assumption is that there is respect and trust on both sides then the mistake will be an honest one. Doms control not by fear, but by building desire in the Sub to obey. Essentially, Doms have the power and they use it to make the life of the sub more complete, happy, not to abuse them. In reality the way it works is that the Dom acts more as a discussion leader then an arbitrary decision maker. By leading the sub through a balanced discussion, including parts of the issue that the sub may be unwilling to face, then the sub can make the right decision for herself. Usually the Dom, because he knows his sub so well (due to the open and honest relationship and the intense intimacy that it brings) , can often see things that the sub cannot or will not admit. Once the sub makes the decision, the Dom supports her, and possibly helps her stay "motivated" (many wonderful ways of doing that :) in implementing the decision. The Submissive should obey her Dom, and strive to please him, for essentially for one reason; because that is what makes her happy (that assumes she trusts and respects him). Notice what I said should be among the things that should please the Dom, prodding her to be her best, helping her to reach HER goals and dreams. Thus, she is motivated to do what she should do by TWO reasons now, first it is what she wants to do, and because it will please her Dom. Because there is open communication (something I demand), if the sub has a problem either what her Dom says or anything else she tells him, she should feel free in telling the Dom her opinion and thoughts, but trust in him to make the fair decision. Most subs start out with what could be called split personalities, a somewhat Dominant, commanding persona, and a submissive, little girl persona which she hides. A good Dom first builds the environment where the submissive can let out the hidden persona and feel safe doing so. It enables the sub to explore her self and her desires and fantasies. Because the Dom accepts ALL of the sub, including the hidden persona (actually if they are like me are attracted to that persona), she should gain strength in her hidden persona, not look at it as a flaw or weakness. This is the key to the D/s relationship, and that is acceptance. In a battle of wills, you do not accept, you fight to win. If someone exposes a weakness, you exploit it for victory. Thus, both partners feel insecure because they have a "secret" persona that one hides and feels threatened by. The key to all of this, as it is in any relationship, is communication both ways. The openness in a D/s relationship is what is missing in most marriages. For one thing, openness, by constantly expressing your thoughts and feelings in a non attacking manner to a partner who is concerned with them, builds intimacy of the mind. Mental intimacy is much more powerful in bonding then physical intimacy. That is why cyber/long distance relationships can be so intense and go so fast, because all you do is communicate, with occassional physical meetings. Mental intimacy also leads to Mind Sex. Mind Sex is the ability to make your partner orgasm with NO physical contact by anyone, including masturbation. Just your mind, her mind and his voice. It creates a new level of intimacy. Unfortunately in most marriages, because there is a battle of wills, one does not want to open up completely for fear of giving something that the other side can use against you. Thus as the battle continues, communication and openness drops, and so does the intimacy of the mind if it really ever existed. People often confuse a D/s relationship with a Controlling one. My former in-laws have that. The man is a controller, where he controls just to have control and is not concerned really at all with his partner's welfare. Generally the controller is so insecure that they have to demonstrate their control over everything, thus they control by using fear.(A Dom builds desire to obey, not fear) The woman meekly obeys out of fear (no physical abuse but some emotional abuse) and "for the good of the kids" even though now the kids have gone. Her spirit has been broken and she survives by doing things behind his back. Her children have told her to leave him, but that is not the way of her generation. Many think this is what is meant by being submissive. It is not. It is being weak, for she constantly gives and never gets back. I personally think in a true complete relationship, both sides get back much more then they put in, for why be in the relationship if you do not benefit from it. Bottom line, the D/s relationship is a circle where both sides concentrate on meeting the needs and desires of the other from their different roles. If one gets pleasure out of pleasing a partner, and that is true of both sides, then the relationship is built on one will, not two and the conflicts (assuming as always, that you have picked the right partner) will be minimal. The relationship will provide you the benefit of having someone you can be TRULY (mentaly) intimate with, and gain strength that comes from exposing your perceived weaknesses and having your weaknesses nurtured and cared for and turned into strengths. It is not about control it is about communication and mental intimacy.
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RHP User
12 years ago
wow - interesting inspirit
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RHP User
12 years ago
I am in complete agreement with you! Though i get the feeling many people on here wont understand the difference anyway...
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RHP User
12 years ago
1) How can anyone read that filth and still maintain any veneer of self respect 2) How can any woman read that and not get the wrong idea? 3) How can any woman take any man seriously who has read that book and is willing to admit it? 4) The Story of O, and Venus in Furs, were infinetly better, and I dare say subtler and more psychological. 5) While I do have some experience in the field, nothing trumps ones own personal responsibility, except sound judgement. 6) I have openly admitted many times that I am a sadist by nature, with a dominant personality, although the two are by no means mutually exclusive even if Mr. Grey himself says so... 7) We have to accept at face value, that any woman who has read fifty shades of gray was not of sound mind 8) We have to accept that until a Cert IV in BDSM or Masterdom comes along, then we're all just enthusiasts with varying degrees of experience, perception and definitions of what the scene is and isn't as defined by a niche minority of people who run clubs or do it professionally. 9) There's also TPE or Total Power Exchange to consider. Not to be confused with what we have to assume is a woman's bad judgement, poor taste in men, or in this case her pathetic taste in dominants. 10) the run-off is that you'll have a majority, if not an entire generation of youth, growing up thinking Fifty Shades is normal, and they're going to open themselves up to massive amounts of abuse, individually and collectively, because they see it as either normalized or desirable. Its the old sociopathic excuse of, its easier to be forgiven than ask permission and from what I hear, the only reason Mr. Grey abuses women is because he was abused by women. Not that I've read it, though I wouldn't have to because its predictable, trite and cliche from a psychological point of view. Man that was exhausting. I'm out.
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RHP User
12 years ago
That really is interesting and the two types of relationship are really poles apart when you look at it like that.
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RHP User
12 years ago
MissT is a femdom and is a real live mistress. She is obviously heavily in the scene so does have some expertise in this area.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I don't think Mr Grey abuses her, and yes it felt like she was "saving" him from his depraved perversions (due to his sexual abuse) with her love. I read the first book. That was enough. :-/
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RHP User
12 years ago
Inspirit, thank you! And Nick, I even enjoyed your post. "a Cert IV in BDSM or Masterdom" would be awesome! But... "I am a sadist by nature, with a dominant personality, although the two are by no means mutually exclusive even if Mr. Grey himself says so..." Are you suuure you didn't read it?
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RHP User
12 years ago
I'm just a straight (and straight) forward guy who likes mutual satisfaction in mind body and soul .... Sometimes I am in control Sometimes I am out of control Sometimes I have no control Sometimes I loose control hahaaaa Nothing bdsm about me - sorry Just like honest fun Is it too much to ask ? I think not, maybe ?!?!?
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RHP User
12 years ago
I don't think a lot of guys know what it is to be at that edge, That line between, "personal sexual fantasy", and "attentive mutual sharing" is a very fine line to play near.Dom and Sub are strong words to use for people that flirt in places like this.I personally play the game soft on both sides. At times I come from playing dom thinking, "hey what about me" and then at times of sub, guilt about being so selfish . But I do play. If the safe word comes up and then in retrospective relaxation you say, "I did not mean it..." I can't go play again. If I utter the safe word. I do so in such a way that I hope you understand and stop, but no!!! just push a little harder.. FUCK.... oh well that's why I play the game softly..There must be very few that do it just right. Scary
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RHP User
12 years ago
When it works best, its trust with teeth. I am crazy, who here claims not to be? :)
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inspirit
12 years ago
Quoting 'upinthesky' I'm just a straight (and straight) forward guy who likes mutual satisfaction in mind body and soul .... Sometimes I am in control Sometimes I am out of control Sometimes I have no control Sometimes I loose control hahaaaa Nothing bdsm about me - sorry Just like honest fun Is it too much to ask ? I think not, maybe ?!?!? You are on Dom Perignon
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Nick_Wilde' Talk About Length Eh? I think Nick prefers his Subs to be Footlong.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Nick_Wilde' 7) We have to accept at face value, that any woman who has read fifty shades of gray was not of sound mind Maybe this should have been point number 1, and perhaps it goes hand in hand as a warning to men along with MisstressT's warning to women.
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RHP User
12 years ago
That relationship to me sounds magnificent and I would dearly love to explore it.
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RHP User
12 years ago
the author,she not so crazy lady...50 million reasons to be insane
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RHP User
12 years ago
Some of my fetishes are a bit extreme and there is no way Im putting my body at the mercy of someone who does not know what they are doing. There is the real possibility permanent physical harm. Miss T. If I ever get over that way again Ill definately be looking you up with my box of needles at the ready. :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
I assume that is why Sex sites are so popular these days as its a mental intimacy you can have with someone,and if it dose develop in to a physical relationship ,both party's know what to expect threw dialogue/trust that has been built up over cyber time.Cheers for the great post
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cbdlivin
12 years ago
That book series has a lot to answer for, having been approached by a few people who use that as there basis of what the scene is about. I ended up spending more time straightening them out than anything else. I will be glad when that series disappears from peoples mind as a guide to BDSM.B
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RHP User
12 years ago
I just can across this message in my inbox. This gives me the creeps :-( "do u ;ike a situation where the man takes comtrol and slow;y removes your power and privacy so you willingly serve him"- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Sounds like a Telstra Technician disconnecting your internet
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inspirit
12 years ago
Quoting 'kizza1973' I assume that is why Sex sites are so popular these days as its a mental intimacy you can have with someone,and if it dose develop in to a physical relationship ,both party's know what to expect threw dialogue/trust that has been built up over cyber time.Cheers for the great post however your assumption may be correct. All relationships must be built on trust - honesty and respect. If you do not have this then I feel you are living in denial. Many relationships don't have this for people fear to be themselves as they fear rejection and in many minds rejection means loneliness. People have to be very careful of the cyber world as there are many out there who tell you want you want to hear both men and woman alike. Kizza... most people really just want to role play and would never begin to understand the D/s lifestyle. This is where it gets dangerous as my understanding. By the way... never make an assumption ...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thanks inspirit for that comment, I did read the first book but found it to be a load of crap, it did have its moments although I dont see why so many girls are infatuated with it???
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RHP User
12 years ago
I read all 3 books, as did a lot of my friends, and although it was no literary classic i found the psychology behind it interesting. the porn side of things got a times a bit boring but i think it has its place. A lot of very straight, long married mums read it and then spiced up their sex lives a bit so that has to be a good thing. I dont know anyone who really thought too seriously about the D/s side of things, other than to see him as a man who wanted and loved her so much that he dominated her so she would never want anyone else. Now whether that is a true portrayal of those type of relationships im not sure-possibly not but it has aroused a lot of interest, caused open conversations to occur, and brought a bit of spice to some lives. I read "The story of O" in high school when i was 13, and was affected heavily by it, and have been curious ever since, i can remember it well (it was a long time ago) and i find that world intrigued me for different reasons. I do agree that one must be very careful when going down this road...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Great advice about the inexperienced doms.....Crap book....soccer mum soft porn :(
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RHP User
12 years ago
I Did read 50 Shades- oops how embarrassing! no harm done though and I certainly didn't get the impression it was a serious reference text on BDSM. But for some it is enough to wet the appetite, and everyone starts somewhere. Like this thread though, it answers lots of questions. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'MissPoppins' That relationship to me sounds magnificent and I would dearly love to explore it. Interests me as well.
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RHP User
12 years ago
That's why we have the classics
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RHP User
12 years ago
Ok i loved 50 Shades Triology. If it has helped women grow sexually with their parteners great! I was one of those pleasentville married women,that hadn't sucked cock. Married twice and both husbands thought oral was filth. Just imagine if everyday housewives realise,to give and thall shall recieve. Maybe just maybe more marriages will last.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'teasegoddess' Ok i loved 50 Shades Triology. If it has helped women grow sexually with their parteners great! I was one of those pleasentville married women,that hadn't sucked cock. Married twice and both husbands thought oral was filth. Just imagine if everyday housewives realise,to give and thall shall recieve. Maybe just maybe more marriages will last. Very true, OK I'll concede that 50 shades has it's place... I remember what I was like out of coming out of pleasentsville...
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team_Pringle
12 years ago
50 Shades was soooo vanilla that it has no place of mention on this site.............A very pathetic book to cater for the timid type...........NO place on RHP
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RHP User
12 years ago
totally agree teasegoddess
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RHP User
12 years ago
the story databae.com Most depraved stuff you could read Cant find it now its a shame
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RHP User
12 years ago
Read one page of that horrid book. Was painful to read with horrible syntax
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RHP User
12 years ago
Its a nice recipe for pumpkin soup. It would seem everyone is trying to decer the original post and interpret the meaning, which has lead to some interesting posts, however the OP assumed the position of expert and mention safety separately from the emotional aspect, unless there's a little clarification though we're just speculating.
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RHP User
12 years ago
My ex dropped off her copy of 50 shades and asked me to have a read and give her my opinion not of the book or literary value but an assessment of the character. I didn't read the entire book but enough to know I was of the opinion that the character was an egotist and more of a control freak than anything. Much of the character I could relate to the ex partners of some women I know that were beaten and stalked by the guys after the relationship ended. Anyway, it's all good and well to be "Dominant in bed" but wayyyyyy too much hard work to be a true "Dom".
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madotara69
12 years ago
I am a Mado. I give Tara a little smack on the bum when she is naughty. We don't have time to read books, however we read good quality literature in the Perth room, Sorry chat rooms.ps she says ouch, and stop that, then do that again. Maybe she is the dominant one?
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RHP User
12 years ago
I read excerpts of FSOG and loved it… I was more than just turned on by it… ANYTHING that spices up your sex life & MIXES it up a bit can't be bad…My current GF can be quite the SUB at times and getting her off is what the DOM in me is all about…I do agree with MissT that there would be some scary dudes here and on sites like this…Lets be honest you don't even have to be online here to see that - take road rage for example !!!Anyway…Dominating a partner and giving her pleasure ( by her not being in control ) is something i will continue to explore…I am NOT fully into BSDM which I regard that as a turn on...My current partnertrusts me and that is a turn on !!!Btw FSOG has created interest and that is a turn on too…Communicate + Trust + Play = Fun…It's simple maths…I don't have a PHD in BSDM and I am not a FULL TIME DOM…But i do love the odd vid from kink dot com…
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RHP User
12 years ago
Very sound advice, it is very easy for people to get involved in something that could cause them great stress or even harm. I have 'played' with both couples and singles who wanted to try something new. I always follow a few 'rules'. 1) everyone is a willing participant, ie male partner not coercing female into role. 2) Try and determine some boundaries, 3) ALWAYS have a safe word,, usually favourite colour, when this is said everything stops. 4) communication during play. I never use binding in areas where either blood flow or breathing can be affected, and with 'newbies' wrist tying etc is always done with a self release knot, which means the person being tied can release themselves.At the end of the day it has to be fun, a little challenging and safe.By the way I think 50 shades of grey the book is crap lol
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inspirit
12 years ago
Is always fun and indeed opens our sexual maturity further to places unimaginable as before. I do not berate the book as I have never read it however as Miss T points out there are men/woman out there who are using the information obtained from the book for their own ego's. These people are dangerous as unless you understand the safety implications many can cause damage both physically and mentally. As an example bounding of the wrists can lead to permanent nerve damage whereby fingers become numb. It happens! I posted my previous post - which was extracted from another site by an unknown author- to merely give those who do not know much about D/s lifestyles a clearer picture on what to expect of a true DOM. It is hard to know if you are not informed correctly. I hope people do read it and understand more that a D/s union is NOT just role play! I do agree with a lot of the other posters here in the fact FSOG has opened many doors for woman to have the confidence to explore their own sexuality further with their partners. This is truly fabulous. It appears Mr Grey may suffer more from narcissistic behavioral disorder though I may be wrong. xxx
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inspirit
12 years ago
Quoting 'nameisinuse' Its a nice recipe for pumpkin soup. It would seem everyone is trying to decer the original post and interpret the meaning, which has lead to some interesting posts, however the OP assumed the position of expert and mention safety separately from the emotional aspect, unless there's a little clarification though we're just speculating. What is it we are speculating on..... as I see it if a person comes across one of these do called Dom's.... he ties her up and makes her do things she does not want to through fear she will have both physical and mental scars. Am i missing your point?!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Well said. I agree, things can and do go wrong and pretenders are dangerous as is the game.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Well said. I agree, things can and do go wrong and pretenders are dangerous as is the game.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Inspirit, having re read the initial post again I think my request for a little clarification is fair. The majority of people it would be fair to say would be rather unaware of BDSM and what goes with it, I read your earlier post and got some insight regarding the relationship but it still left me none the wiser as to the practices which brought about the thread, because looking at the original post it reads like an OH&S concern as opposed to a mental health concern, with the reference to safety. The lack of real clarification in the original post made me wonder exactly what was the OP getting at, she's obviously an avid enthusiast and far more familiar with the extremes of BDSM, so I would have liked to have seen perhaps a follow up post detailing what attention she herself pays to safety, such as CPR for instance, first aid etc....Everyone who has posted so far has reiterated that inexperienced people shoul,d be careful etc etc. and expressed concern about the emotional well being of the sub, yet none have talked about physical safety, what people may be getting up to in a BDSM situation and the measures they put in place to prevent loss of life or at the very least an embarrassing trip to casualty. So far the thread reminds me of the life of Brian in the scene where Brian drops his shoe.
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RHP User
12 years ago
lol, I have come across lots of guys that think they are the dominant type. But, when I ask them about certain things, they have no clue. One guy has even used the fiftyshades of grey as his username, but when you check him out, he is nothing like Christian Grey. I asked him why he would use that as his username, he said that he had heard his girl friends talking about it and thought that it would draw our attention. I once was chatting to this one guy and was about to organise a playdate, then when he said that he was going to come over, beat me black and blue, make get on my knees and beg for more and if I didn't do it properly he would kick me in the stomach, it was an automatic block for me. They are on the wrong site, if they want that shit.
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RHP User
12 years ago
the approriate site for a man like that is Wacol
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Freya13' the approriate site for a man like that is Wacol Don't send them near my place of employment.....NO THANKS!! MARS may be a more suitable option...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Giggy1' lol, I have come across lots of guys that think they are the dominant type. But, when I ask them about certain things, they have no clue. One guy has even used the fiftyshades of grey as his username, but when you check him out, he is nothing like Christian Grey. I asked him why he would use that as his username, he said that he had heard his girl friends talking about it and thought that it would draw our attention. I once was chatting to this one guy and was about to organise a playdate, then when he said that he was going to come over, beat me black and blue, make get on my knees and beg for more and if I didn't do it properly he would kick me in the stomach, it was an automatic block for me. They are on the wrong site, if they want that shit. I too have been chatting with some guys too on this site...They have told me A LOT of women on this site put that SH*T on their profiles...that they want to be beaten, hit and abused etc etcNo wonder men are f*cked up at times - if women put them selves out there like that it ruins it for others!!I am yet to come across a man's profile that says they want to beat the shit out of someone - turns them on... F*cking sicko's if you ask me...
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have been a supervisor of sorts of construction teams in some damned hot locations in Australia.. I thought I did my job well because I was a fckn Dom... Now.. I realise that is BULLSHIT... I do it well because I am really a pussy creche operator.... There goes my street credo :(
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MissSarahCurious
12 years ago
Even I'd someone is about to play with an experienced Dom with years of experience, a city full of references, etc, I still think there's no excuse for not doing some real research and educating yourself so you know what you're actually getting into. I know it goes against the fantasy but in real life you have to consent, and cannot do so unless its INFORMED consent. Even subs need to take responsibility for their safety.
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MissSarahCurious
12 years ago
Even *if*
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RHP User
12 years ago
I bought the book thinking it might help my palette. It didn't.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Modern day bodice ripper but lots of predators love it because it has provided a whole new raft of ignorant prey...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Could I just confirm, my user name is 50_shadesofgrey, and I was NOT the person you are referring to.
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RHP User
12 years ago
It would make no difference if I had a master's degree in advanced bondage and flogging or if I was simply a vanilla lady looking for casual hookups. My warning could have been made by anyone who had met the guy I was talking about in my post.In his book SM 101: A Realistic Introduction, Jay Wiseman tells the story of a panicked submissive who cracked the skull of the dominant with a pair of metal shackles. It is this type of situation I would seek to avoid by warning people about these types of inexperienced doms.The safety aspects are simple commonsense, something that seems to be more and more lacking these days. Many years ago in an effort to gain experience and insight I once submitted to a man that told me he had 10 years experience. 10 months maybe. It was a lesson in what NOT to do. His mistakes were stupid and the safety elements non existent. I would spare other women these kinds of inept ministrations.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hi All! i tend not to weigh in on the heavy discussions, i like to keep it frivalous and light-hearted, but when i came across this thread i couldn't pass up the oppertunity to add my 2 cents... hehe Thanks to MistressT for raising this issue, it's a serious one and She is absolutely on the money with Her advice: "if you're not sure, don't play, walk away!" i am a sub, looking for a Dom on this site, so you can imagine that my inbox gets flooded with all sorts of weird and wonderful offers and people claiming to be experienced Dominants... pffft! Now most of these are just harmless chancers, men with inflated ego's looking for what they think will be an easy lay, lol.... WRONG! This is an easy fix, set them straight, and if they continue to pester you... just click on that pretty little button that says "BLOCK" lol! The other type is the truly dangerous one, the Sadists and massogynests who are smart enough to pray on the naive, novice and unsuspecting and lure them in to truly dangerous situations, or use their false sense of power as an excuse to inflict harm and degrade women under the guise of being a "Dominant" This is not what this lifestyle is about! I could go into the symmantics of what constitutes a true Dominant, but there have already been so many insightful posts on this thread that far out-weigh the closed-minded and uneducated opinions of BDSM. So instead i thought i would highlight a few points: - Just because you've tied a couple girls to some bed-posts and consider yourself dominant within the bedroom, does NOT make you a Dominant. Lol, there's far more to it than that! - D/s and BDSM are not mutually exclusive, nor are they dependant on eachother. Not every Dominant is into Sadism, or practices all the kinky activities that the world of BDSM has to offer... it depends on the type of Dominant, and there are as many different types as there are personalities in the world... after all, we are all people! - Similarly, not all submissives are masochists, or weak-minded people who let men degrade them and treat them like door mats. Most submissives, are highly educated, opinionated women, successful within there professional careers, and distinguished within their social circles. submission is an informed choice, and one we make gladly... it's never forced ;) - my advice: Use your common sense! If some man claims to be a Dominant, and his idea of a first meet is in an abandoned public bathroom for a fantasy rape play (yes, I actually received a request like this!) then...DON"T GO! lol, this wouldn't be acceptable if it were any other male suggesting it, so just because he calls himself a Dom, doesn't change that! A true Dom never seeks to do harm. He will engage you on your playing field, where you feel safe, and allow you to get to know him, and feel comfortable first, before any expectations or demands are made. Respect is paramount, and it goes both ways, regardless of the roles within the relationship. - Always adhere to this: Safe, sane and consensual, that's what any relationship should be, not just those that revolve around the world of BDSM. ;) Trust your instincts. If something feels out of place, or "wrong" about the situation, don't go along with it. Look after yourself, and walk away... There doesn't always have to be a tangible reason, sometimes it's just that little whisper at the back of your mind, or that uneasy feeling in your tummy that let's you know "This is not ok." You don't owe anyone any explanations. Have fun out there ladies, just be smart about how you go about it ;) S.s
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'nameisinuse' What makes an expert in this field?. As someone with little interest in BDSM, I would like to know where classifications come into this subject, who's an expert and who is an amateur?. What defines light BDSM, heavy duty etc...I appreciate the OP's thoughts and sentiment, but it does seem to me that some sort of high ground has been assumed here, and as this is the case from the perspective of dishing out advice and labeling certain people as "wannabes" I think it's only fair that the uninitiated are brought up to speed.As someone who teaches various physical and mental aspects of BDSM, and who counsels people who are damaged by the predators and idiots, those question is not only loaded but worthy of a dissertation.Everyone has to learn. The trick is knowing your limits. Physical limits, abilities, self control. If you are an accomplished martial artist familiar with weapons then wielding a flogger is not going to be the challenge that others may find it and so on. If you are an amateur psychologist then resist the urge to 'fix her up' with your brand of BDSM; mental illness is best left to the experts. LEARN your art. Seek out accomplished practitioners before messing around with another person's body and mind. Crawl before you walk and walk before you run. Be responsible! And for the D-types (dominants, tops etc), be aware that the s-types (submissives, bottoms etc) can teach you stuff as well - just in case you are new to things.And one other thing; know your motives.The BDSM mantras 'safe, sane, consensual' and 'risk aware consensual kink' are both good but have a think about what they actually MEAN. They very easily become cliche.Have fun. Do it MINDFULLY. You don't need to be an expert but you need to have sufficient competence to match the situation and your partner/s.Enjoy!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thanks for the compliment Sweet_submission. I agree with every word in your post. You seem to understand the mental side of BDSM and not just the physical. I hope you find the kind of Dom you are looking for.You are right about limits RichMosaic. One of the things I am pedantic about is monitoring restrained submissives. It's one thing to push boundaries but you can't breach the limits without doing damage.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Like any relationship a D/s relationship is no different. Time is spent getting to know each other, understanding each other and developing respect for each other. I have numerous horror stories over the years of folk calling themselves Dom etc. that have no intention of putting in the time to the relationship, not establishing a connection and bond with a person, their sole motive is one of destruction for lack of a better word. From my experience the most rewarding experiences I have had come from a people I had a genuine connection with and respect for. For me, submission should be cherished, developed and cared for in every regard. A D/s relationship is no different in that all involved have to put the effort in to the relationship, communicate openly with each other, respect for each other and grow and develop together.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Such great posts, MistressT, sweet submission, EssentialDom and Rich Mosaic. The main problem with 50 Shades, as I see it, is that it has a fair bit of Twilight Syndrome. A female willingly putting herself in the position of 'victim' and putting up with all sorts of crap from an emotionally unavailable man. Take the kink and porn out of it, and it's not really a romance story to model on! I've been practising BDSM my entire adult life, so I don't think my judgement is too jaundiced here. There's just much, much better BDSM porn out there! If 50 Shades was a gateway for anyone here, you should definitely check out other subbie girl porn like the Sleeping Beauty series by A.N. Roquelaure (Anne Rice writing under an alias) or even The Marketplace books by Laura Antoniou. As to those who ask how you are supposed to get 'qualified'? Well, you wouldn't start a new hobby in carpentry by building a house, would you? You'd work up to it over a few years, right? And after those few years, you'd be much more confident taking a few risks, trying more complicated projects and making a few mistakes along the way while doing simpler things which will help you be safer and smarter with the harder stuff in future. And if you think other carpenters won't recognise those skills pretty much immediately, you're obviously not very much into carpentry! MsKinkster (formerly MsValkyrie)
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