First time anal sex

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  RHP User

  18 years ago

  This is from the site Freddy and Eddy. Hope it helps. Here’s a down and not-so-dirty guide to having (and enjoying!) anal sex: 1. Lube: Before you even think about having anal sex, get some lube. The butt has none of its own lubricant, so you have to use lube. No, saliva doesn’t count as lubricant, and I’m living proof that you can injure yourself as a result. 2. If you have a chance, prep for anal sex: Our anal canal is a passageway for things to head out, things are rarely stored there without us being aware of it. But for those of us that want to make sure we’re nice and clean, here are some tips. Wear a condom. Non-tested partners should be wearing condoms anyway to protect each other from transmitting STDs. The anal canal’s surface is fragile and can micro-tear easily (see the steps about lube to help prevent this), so it’s especially wise to use condoms during anal sex. Condoms have the added bonus of easy clean-up if the butt isn’t as empty as you’d like it to be. Eat foods that day that will be nice to your body (meat and potatoes, no Indian curries!). Having a nice, solid, bowel movement before sex is the most natural way to be clean. Clean yourself out with warm water. There are many methods: using your finger while in the shower to “rinse out” the area; using an anal douche to clean out the first 10 inches or so of your goods; or by rinsing out using a get-up attached to your shower head (there’s even a “travel version”). Many people want to know if an enema is necessary before anal sex; all of my sources (including former registered nurse Nina Hartley) believe enemas to be too invasive for regular anal play. Enemas clean out much more than is necessary; you only need to clean out the bottom 10 inches or so of your canal for good, clean, anal play. A quick note about what happens when you aren’t as clean as you’d like to be. Shit happens.. Be aware that every once in a while, things might not be as clean as you want them to be, and understand that it happens to everyone, and is completely normal. Think of it as “used food” (Todd Perkin’s words), or as a fact of life like menstruation; “you just need to respect it and work around it,” Todd advises. Just laugh about it and hop in the shower, and be done with it... beating yourself up over something that is a normal occurrence doesn’t help! 3. Lube: Are you remembering the lube? I bring it up again already because it’s that important. The inner walls of our butts are fragile, and without the slippery stuff lube brings to the table, you can give yourself micro-tears that make you more susceptible to STDs and other butt injuries. 4. You have to seduce your ass every time: That’s a direct quote from my favorite sex educator and porn star (and friend) Nina Hartley. And yes, you have to seduce your ass every single time. I first massage the opening with the pad of my lubed finger (even better with latex gloves on them, easy clean up and no worries about nails!), till the opening relaxes. Promise your partner you won’t go inside (even if playing with the opening is as far as you get this session), and stick to your promises... if your partner thinks you’re going further than they are ready for, they’ll tense up and you won’t get anywhere. Once you feel the opening relax, you can slip the first digit of your finger in, or the tip of a small toy. I love the Small Ripple, it’s silicone (which means it’s boilable, bleachable, and dishwasher safe... a must for anal toys), and it’s not much bigger than your finger and no nails! Insert it slowly, you’re waiting to feel the butt relax and accept this small bit; remember, don’t go further than you say you will, or your partner will tense up and you’ll be back at ground zero. A quick note about toys: most toy materials are porous, which means they absorb bacteria (read our articles about toy materials for more details: Sex Toy Materials—Silicone, and Sex Toy Materials—Latex, Glass, Wood and Cyberskin). Soft toys are better for beginning anal players, and silicone is by far the best (and easiest to clean) of soft toy materials. If you use a toy that’s not silicone, be sure to put a condom on it to keep bacteria from coming into contact with the surface of the toy. Also, be sure anything you put near your butt has a flared base; your butt can create a vacuum and can suck non-flared items up further than you’re game for (that’s why we hear such insane emergency room stories). 5. Lube: I know I mentioned this before, but it’s that important. I use Sliquid Silver (silicone lube) because it doesn’t dry up quickly, and our bodies expel it when we’re done. If you use water-based lube, be sure to re-apply often, as you might not realize that you’re lube has dried up deep inside you. 6. Anal sex shouldn’t hurt: if it does, slow down, start smaller, and use more lube. Another one of my favorite Nina Hartley quotes: “Butts cannot be forced, willed or guilt-tripped into complying.” She says that her husband can play with her but whenever he wants, but he can’t fuck it till IT wants. “It’s his job to get my butt to want his dick. It’s my job to relax and let him pleasure my ass till it’s desperate for him.” What does that mean? “Our butts are moody,” says Nina. There may be some days it just doesn’t want to be played with. Be aware of this and be willing to back off if your (or your partner’s) butt isn’t cooperating... there’s nothing that will shut down wanting/getting your partner to want anal sex faster than pushing when the butt’s not ready. Also, be aware of your anatomy, and work with it, not against it. The butt curves (towards the G-spot in women, and P-spot or prostate in men, yeah!), which can cause pain if you don’t work with it’s curves and angle so you can go in comfortably. 7. Lube: Yes, lube, AGAIN. I’m bringing it up again to remind you to make sure that all the bits you’re touching stay lubed throughout your play. Use gloved fingers to push lube up inside the ass (because having just the first few inches of your anal canal lubed isn’t enough). 8. Our eyes are bigger than our orifices: So you’ve warmed your butt up... it’s agreed that having something (small!) in it can feel good. How do you work your way up to a penis? Slowly. Once the opening is happy to play with, it’s time to go in past one knuckle or the tip of the Small Ripple. Don’t forget that patience will reward you in the end. (‘In the end’, get it? Ha...). Gradually work your way up to multiple fingers, or a slightly larger toy (but smaller than the intended penis), and then the butt should be ready for more. Going for gold right away will push your sphincter muscles faster than you want to, and pain (or injury!) can result. A good anal play session for me results in a slew of toys and a few gloves used before the penis gets to play. 9. Did we remember the LUBE? I hope you’re getting the point by now that using lube is THE essential thing to learn about having anal sex. Once you’ve started warming up the butt, it’s not a bad idea to add more lube, and as far in as you can reach, just in case. 10. Dealing with the aftermath: Depending on how well you worked your butt up to anal play, the time till your butt is back to “normal” should be short. If you have any type of adjustment period (things are looser than they, um hem, should be... for an hour or more), then you probably didn’t go slow enough, or warm up enough. Pay attention to your body, and take note for next time what it needs. I asked porn star (and anal sex lover) Chloe Jones whether she worries that anal play will stretch her out, she adamantly said no. “The ass works like any other set of muscles,” she said. “The more you work them out, the tighter they get.”

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  RHP User

  18 years ago

  Go slow! If your partner (or you) are a bit squeemish it may be worth using an enema first (up to you guys). Wouldnt take laxatives as it may end up giving you more mess. In reality you are unlikely to end up with any stuff coming out. Maybe just a little smell but hey .. its earthy! Use lots and lots and lots of lube. Dont stress about the lube cos its gunna be tight anyway. Start with a little finger .. move it in and leave it there until she relaxes as the feeling of something up there is a bit like having to pass a motion but she will relax if patient. Then progress to your largest finger or maybe a small.. read small ... vibrator. Once she is relaxed about using this there then slowly give it a go. Did I mention lube. If she can get over the odd sensation and relax into it your anus has more nerve endings than any other part of your body. It will (eventually) feel great. Time and patience is the key. If you rush it you may not get back there again )

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  RHP User

  18 years ago

  I think they lost my post... Anyway, this is from freddy and eddy’s site. Hope it helps... Here’s a down and not-so-dirty guide to having (and enjoying!) anal sex: 1. Lube: Before you even think about having anal sex, get some lube. The butt has none of its own lubricant, so you have to use lube. No, saliva doesn’t count as lubricant, and I’m living proof that you can injure yourself as a result. 2. If you have a chance, prep for anal sex: Our anal canal is a passageway for things to head out, things are rarely stored there without us being aware of it. But for those of us that want to make sure we’re nice and clean, here are some tips. Wear a condom. Non-tested partners should be wearing condoms anyway to protect each other from transmitting STDs. The anal canal’s surface is fragile and can micro-tear easily (see the steps about lube to help prevent this), so it’s especially wise to use condoms during anal sex. Condoms have the added bonus of easy clean-up if the butt isn’t as empty as you’d like it to be. Eat foods that day that will be nice to your body (meat and potatoes, no Indian curries!). Having a nice, solid, bowel movement before sex is the most natural way to be clean. Clean yourself out with warm water. There are many methods: using your finger while in the shower to “rinse out” the area; using an anal douche to clean out the first 10 inches or so of your goods; or by rinsing out using a get-up attached to your shower head (there’s even a “travel version”). Many people want to know if an enema is necessary before anal sex; all of my sources (including former registered nurse Nina Hartley) believe enemas to be too invasive for regular anal play. Enemas clean out much more than is necessary; you only need to clean out the bottom 10 inches or so of your canal for good, clean, anal play. A quick note about what happens when you aren’t as clean as you’d like to be. Shit happens.. Be aware that every once in a while, things might not be as clean as you want them to be, and understand that it happens to everyone, and is completely normal. Think of it as “used food”, or as a fact of life like menstruation; you just need to respect it and work around it. Just laugh about it and hop in the shower, and be done with it... beating yourself up over something that is a normal occurrence doesn’t help! 3. Lube: Are you remembering the lube? I bring it up again already because it’s that important. The inner walls of our butts are fragile, and without the slippery stuff lube brings to the table, you can give yourself micro-tears that make you more susceptible to STDs and other butt injuries. 4. You have to seduce your ass every time: That’s a direct quote from my favorite sex educator and porn star Nina Hartley. And yes, you have to seduce your ass every single time. I first massage the opening with the pad of my lubed finger (even better with latex gloves on them, easy clean up and no worries about nails!), till the opening relaxes. Promise your partner you won’t go inside (even if playing with the opening is as far as you get this session), and stick to your promises... if your partner thinks you’re going further than they are ready for, they’ll tense up and you won’t get anywhere. Once you feel the opening relax, you can slip the first digit of your finger in, or the tip of a small toy. I love the Small Ripple, it’s silicone (which means it’s boilable, bleachable, and dishwasher safe... a must for anal toys), and it’s not much bigger than your finger and no nails! Insert it slowly, you’re waiting to feel the butt relax and accept this small bit; remember, don’t go further than you say you will, or your partner will tense up and you’ll be back at ground zero. A quick note about toys: most toy materials are porous, which means they absorb bacteria (read our articles about toy materials for more details: Sex Toy Materials—Silicone, and Sex Toy Materials—Latex, Glass, Wood and Cyberskin). Soft toys are better for beginning anal players, and silicone is by far the best (and easiest to clean) of soft toy materials. If you use a toy that’s not silicone, be sure to put a condom on it to keep bacteria from coming into contact with the surface of the toy. Also, be sure anything you put near your butt has a flared base; your butt can create a vacuum and can suck non-flared items up further than you’re game for (that’s why we hear such insane emergency room stories). 5. Lube: I know I mentioned this before, but it’s that important. I use Sliquid Silver (silicone lube) because it doesn’t dry up quickly, and our bodies expel it when we’re done. If you use water-based lube, be sure to re-apply often, as you might not realize that you’re lube has dried up deep inside you. 6. Anal sex shouldn’t hurt: if it does, slow down, start smaller, and use more lube. Another one of my favorite Nina Hartley quotes: “Butts cannot be forced, willed or guilt-tripped into complying.” She says that her husband can play with her but whenever he wants, but he can’t fuck it till IT wants. “It’s his job to get my butt to want his dick. It’s my job to relax and let him pleasure my ass till it’s desperate for him.” What does that mean? “Our butts are moody,” says Nina. There may be some days it just doesn’t want to be played with. Be aware of this and be willing to back off if your (or your partner’s) butt isn’t cooperating... there’s nothing that will shut down wanting/getting your partner to want anal sex faster than pushing when the butt’s not ready. Also, be aware of your anatomy, and work with it, not against it. The butt curves (towards the G-spot in women, and P-spot or prostate in men, yeah!), which can cause pain if you don’t work with it’s curves and angle so you can go in comfortably. 7. Lube: Yes, lube, AGAIN. I’m bringing it up again to remind you to make sure that all the bits you’re touching stay lubed throughout your play. Use gloved fingers to push lube up inside the ass (because having just the first few inches of your anal canal lubed isn’t enough). We just started carrying the Lube Shooter, a disposable device that can help you get lube further up inside you, if you need help. 8. Our eyes are bigger than our orifices: So you’ve warmed your butt up... it’s agreed that having something (small!) in it can feel good. How do you work your way up to a penis? Slowly. Once the opening is happy to play with, it’s time to go in past one knuckle or the tip of the Small Ripple. Don’t forget that patience will reward you in the end. (‘In the end’, get it? Ha...). Gradually work your way up to multiple fingers, or a slightly larger toy (but smaller than the intended penis), and then the butt should be ready for more. Going for gold right away will push your sphincter muscles faster than you want to, and pain (or injury!) can result. A good anal play session for me results in a slew of toys and a few gloves used before the penis gets to play. 9. Did we remember the LUBE? I hope you’re getting the point by now that using lube is THE essential thing to learn about having anal sex. Once you’ve started warming up the butt, it’s not a bad idea to add more lube, and as far in as you can reach, just in case. 10. Dealing with the aftermath: Depending on how well you worked your butt up to anal play, the time till your butt is back to “normal” should be short. If you have any type of adjustment period (things are looser than they, um hem, should be... for an hour or more), then you probably didn’t go slow enough, or warm up enough. Pay attention to your body, and take note for next time what it needs. I asked porn star (and anal sex lover) Chloe Jones whether she worries that anal play will stretch her out, she adamantly said no. “The ass works like any other set of muscles,” she said. “The more you work them out, the tighter they get.”

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  RHP User

  18 years ago

  whoops! Sorry about that mass posting.

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  RHP User

  18 years ago

  I think that a word of thanks is in order for Lili and Lustbirds for their efforts and sensible comments on this topic which is normally taboo and filled with mis-information. Thanks Again Toyota

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  RHP User

  18 years ago

  A Pleasure

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  RHP User

  18 years ago

  I am just curious about which type of lube people should use as I know from reading the information on condom packets that they recommend a water based lube for use with condoms to avoid chemical deterioration of the latex condom, yet in the above information, silicone lube is recommended. I also know from using builders silicone sealants that silicone comes in acetic and neutral cure. For example acetic should be used in shower screen type applications to prevent mould, and neutral cure used to affix mirrors, because the neutral will not eat away at the backing of the mirror. Handling instructions also indicat the need to avoid contact with the skin and eyes. Now admittedly these are industrial products but given the name silicone, they will have some similar properties to the lube. I have pointed out this difference between silicones to highlight how silicone can attack or be attacked by other substances and therefore can possibly attack the condom material or given the problems with silicone implants, attack the body. Can anybody shed any further light on this topic of concern for people???? Mark

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  RHP User

  18 years ago

  Again, from one of my favourite sites...freddy and eddy... There are basically 3 different kids of lube; below are descriptions of each, with some general tips to round things out. Oil-based Oil-based lubes were the first recorded lubes; Egyptians started using olive oil back in the hieroglyphic days. Without better options available, we’ve been reaching for anything slippery, like cooking oil (olive oil or Crisco) and the make-up remover Aboline; all oil-based and all will cause yeast infections in women, and break down latex (destroy condoms and toys). It’s only in recent history that we’ve found out that oil anything wreaks havoc on the vagina, harboring bacteria and creating yeast infections. Some sex educators therefore reserve oil-based lubes for anal sex and male masturbation; recent research is also ruling out use for anal sex, as some say it can coat the lining of the rectum, providing a haven for many potential infections. Whether that’s true or not, I’m not one to try and use one lube for my anus, and hope that none gets near my vagina; the trouble and expense of a yeast infection simply isn’t worth it to me. Oil-based lubes also break down latex, which will either render your condom useless, or destroy your favorite toy. Which leaves us with male masturbation, which oil-based lubes are uniquely suited for. They are super slippery and thick without being sticky, ideal for men’s use. There are oil-based lubes based on mineral oil, which are liquid at room temperature, hypoallergenic, and clean up with soap and water. Petroleum also fits into this category; white or food-grade petroleum is what products sold as sexual lubricants use; yellow has more impurities and is not good for the body. It’s solid at room temperature, hypoallergenic, more slippery than mineral oil, and doesn’t clean up very easily, though you can wipe off as much as you can and call the rest “moisturizer.” Common ingredients: Mineral oil, petroleum Water-based Lube as we know it descended from a cellulose/water combination called Surgilube, released in the 1950s and still common today for “medical applications,” translation, one-time insertion. Astroglide was one of the first lubes designed just for sexual play back in the 1950s, though most lube (and sexual health) studies have been in more recent years. What about KY-Jelly, you ask? It was designed to aid with medical examinations, and it tends to gum up quickly when used for sex play; though KY has designed actual sexual lubes since. The majority of lubes are water-based; they are a great all-purpose lube because they are condom safe, generally don’t stain (depends on if coloring has been added or not), and can be flavored easily. Because they are water-based, they dehydrate (dry up), but remember that the slippery ingredients are still there... so a quick dunk of your hand in a glass of water on your bedside table, touch the lubed area, and you’re back in business. Water-based lubes are thicker than silicone lube because water molecules are thicker than silicone molecules, so are often recommended for anal sex (more padding back there is a good thing), though some prefer silicone lube because it doesn’t dry up as quickly. Water-based lube cleans up easily with soap and water, though some of the better water-based lubes will just soak into your skin (and double as a moisturizer with the right ingredients). The only across-the-board disadvantage to water-based lube is that it’s water-based, so it dehydrates quicker than other types of lubes. Most water-based lubes are glycerin-based; glycerin can turn into a sugar when added to the vagina, causing yeast infections for those of us that are prone to them. Unlike silicone lube, which is made out of inert ingredients, water-based lubes can contain ingredients that might react with our bodies, depending on what we are sensitive to; I get yeast or bacteria infections with any glycerin-based lubes, and have reacted to lubes with lots of parabens, too. Common ingredients: Glycerin or plant cellulose (slippery stuff); Methyl, butyl, ethyl and propyl parabens (preservatives, bonding agents and antiseptics); propylene glycol (thickening agent and preservative). Silicone Silicone is clear, thinner, and feels... slick. If you just touch the cap of the lube bottle, you’ll feel how slippery it is without even having to put it on your skin. Though it tends to be more expensive, a little bit goes a long way, so your bottle will last twice as long as a similar-sized bottle of water-based lube. Silicone molecules are smaller than water molecules, therefore, you stay a little more in-touch with what you’re rubbing against and don’t have as much padding; personal tastes dictate whether this is a good or bad thing. Because silicone isn’t naturally occurring in the body, it doesn’t absorb like water-based lube can; though you might think this is a bad thing, when you factor in that your body expels foreign substances, silicone lube is actually out of your system faster than you might think. Silicone is inert, which means it won’t change your pH balance or react with your body’s chemistry, a big plus if (like me) your body is just looking for an excuse for a yeast infection. Because it’s not water-soluble, it’s also the perfect choice for using in or under water, too, though be careful... it will make the floor of your shower super-slick too. It also makes a great massage oil because it doesn’t dry up before you’re done with it (try it as a shave cream, or to make your latex clothes shine, too!). Soap and water will wash it off with a little effort. The only disadvantages in my book: if, or should I say when, you spill it on your sheets, it will leave an oily ring (that washes out over time, but still). Also, the only thing that bonds to silicone is silicone; so using silicone lube with lower-quality silicone toys can gum up the surface. To be clear, this is toys that use lesser-grade of silicone (called “tin” silicone, I’ve only found it in Vixen Creation toys) or a combination of silicone and other materials (like many of the new products created by the big toy companies; if a toy smells, it’s not 100% silicone). All Tantus Silicone and Fun Factory toys are made with “platinum” silicone (medical-grade quality silicone) and don’t have any issues. If you are unsure what type of toy you’ve got, do a spot-test on a small area; if it’s going to gum up, it will do so immediately. I also recently found out that silicone isn’t so friendly on the digestive tract; so using it for oral sex might give you the runs if you ingest too much. Common ingredients: Cyclomethicone, dimethiconaol, silicone, dimeticone copolyol, all silicone liquids that combine together to create inert silicone lube.

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  RHP User

  18 years ago

  Thank you guys for your advice. It is much appreciated and certainly a great help to us.

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  RHP User

  18 years ago

  You’re welcome Ozz, hope you have a great time.

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  RHP User

  18 years ago

  Great info .. just one more bit. Silicone sealant is based on a silicone polymer material .. not the same as silicone oil which is in lube

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  RHP User

  18 years ago

  Wow there is some good advice in here... like most things in sex its better to go slowly and gently and make sure your partner is comfortable. It may take quite a few sessions to go all the way, or it may not - provided you keep it fun its all good ;-) On the other hand I have found that first timers who have used toys anally are often not such first timers after all ;-)

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  RHP User

  18 years ago

  Thanks for all the info everybody!

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