F53

Following on from how big is too big?

January 04 2018

Apologies for being a serial poster. So much in the media about body issues and what is attractive. I have had to work very hard to attract the opposite sex. I have always been the one to approach and felt that I was unattractive. Mental health issues, Bad relationship choices with dominant controlling alpha males and the way I see myself have lead me to believe that I was not attractive in my own mind anyway. However since joining RHP I have learned that I am attractive and maybe my issues with my self esteem and body issues are maybe more in my own head than the way that others see me (men mainly or other women). It has boosted my confidence considering some of the playmates I have had. I never ever would have thought they would be attracted to me. So my question is does our self image affect who we attract and do guys care that much about looks, battle scars, curves and bumps etc?? Ladies is self esteem and body image something you battle with and how do you boost your confidence and feel about yourselves?? MB

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RHP User

7 years ago

My story relates pretty much to yours, I found myself internet dating at 50, looking at all the buff young 30 somethings I pretty much sold myself down the river, then I started live chatting and I guess my personality carried a bit more weight than just looks and pretty soon I was doing really well. Success breeds success of course and a confident outlook reaps it’s own rewards. These days I carry my head pretty high and am totally ok with just being myself without the background critic telling me otherwise, I mean even rhp hasn’t broken me and believe me a few have tried. I keep a check on my weight, I enjoy the outdoors and exercise but I do it for me so it’s not a chore. I know I’m not your average sheeple but I revel in that. Just be who you wanna be, revel in it and everything else follows. X sb. Did I answer the question ?

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RHP User

7 years ago

Self image can affect who we attract but you could probably apply it to most areas of life. It can be hard to be positive about yourself with everything you see in all forms of media and entertainment. I have to say I am a bit sceptical about some of the media types and celebrities who talk about promoting positive and realistic body images because there's lots of contradictions and hypocrisy in the celebrity world. I wonder how serious they really are about these issues and whether we pay too much attention to what these journalists/movie stars/entertainers have to say. - Posted from rhpmobile

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megz85g

7 years ago

Opening up my marriage and exploring with many different partners, I have grown enormously in confidence. There will always be someone who doesn’t like your size or body shape, but guaranteed there will be 2 others who do! I have no issues now with getting nude with others, and them being comfortable too helps. - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

7 years ago

I think for me looks and appearance do play a part in who I'm attracted to but it's not the only thing. I still want to be able to have a conversation or hang out socially with whoever I'm attracted to. Also, what I find attractive aren't necessarily all athletic women or one with model looks. There are plenty of women I've seen around who probably would never be in a magazine shoot or feature in gossip mags because they might be a bit bigger, have battle scars, bumps, too short, too tall, too curvy, not curvy enough etc but I find them really attractive myself. To be honest I've seen more women just in the local pub/street/shop wbo in my opinion are more attractive than the celebrity who might be the flavour of the month in the media. After reading this you may think I'm a little bit shallow (which I am) but I think we all are to a certain degree when it comes to attraction, just maybe not in the ways we assume. I'm sure there's a few others out there who feel the same way I do. - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

7 years ago

Sailbad yes you answered my question. Megs I am the same having more confidence in myself. egbdf44 always value others opinions whether I agree or not and no I don't think you are shallow. Everyone has their personal preferences.

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inspirit

7 years ago

... and say bugger it. I'm ok. We are our own worst enemy. Can I ask what goes through your head when you are with someone and you notice he has a pot tummy or bit of a droopy bum? Is it like me, I don't care as I am more attracted to how he treats me. I think guys feel the same. We just need to accept that. Yes I do think out self image has a lot to do with meeting or not meeting. Some days I feel fabulous and meet, then other days I bench sit. It is normal tho for everyone. Kudos to you for regaining your confidence too. 😁 - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

7 years ago

Interesting post, I think most of our confidence is dependent on our own judgement. We are our own worst enemies. In my 20s I was a tiny size 6. People actually asked me if I ate! Ruuude! ( yes I ate- more than most burly men) Yet I was insecure even shy at times. I covered up, no midriffs or short shorts for me. Now my late 30s, after 3 children I have a Mum tum. Bugger curves, heavier, a perfectly average size 12. And I feel fabulous! More confidence, more carefree ( most of the time) I think us woman are too hard on ourselves and each other in general. Megz I agree ☝️ I wonder if my confidence came since opening our marriage too? - Posted from rhpmobile

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PurePeony

7 years ago

... a tum-tum and aaaaaiiieeee!!! Cellulite! I saw it all when I stood in front of the mirror in bright daylight on a recent solo staycation. My initial reaction was shock and dismay. However, because I've been meditating and focusing on self -love (because you apparently can't love someone else unless you love yourself first, otherwise it can easily descend into a co- dependant relationship), I didn't wallow in muddy sorry, snorting my sorrows away. 😄 Next thing I knew, out came my little mobile stand, selfie timer on, and I started to indulge in lingerie shots! When I took shots that exposed my tummy, it was obviously not airport runway flat 🤣😜, but as I was sitting there, wondering if I would dare to submit that photo to Amateur Pics, I thought, "What the hell! Let's just do it!" Power to the folks who try hard but still carry physical scars, bulges, droops, etc that's part and parcel of the ageing process. Anyone can pay to have nips, tucks and augmentations, but there and then, I decided that my less-than-perfect body has served me well, and still functions well despite my health battles, thank you so very muchy, I love my body as it is! 😃 Of course I'll always try to lose even more weight or at the very least, maintain what I've lost. And I'm more than happy to share my weight loss tips with friends and strangers who've asked me. But part of Mindfulness is to live in the here and now. So OP, right here, right now, tell yourself that you love yourself when you look in the mirror! 😉 Affirmations work and eventually, you'll have this radiant glow that self-love and confidence give you. 😊🎊 We are often our own harshest enemies. I've found that most people are nice and don't write you off because the body ain't like Miss Universe! 😁 And like I used to write in my profile, "I am more than the sum of my body parts!" 🤣 PS. OK... Pussy goes out of hand sometimes and takes the reins! 🤣 But I'm still more than just a pussy! 😉😆

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RHP User

7 years ago

Put on 25kgs (due to medication). I didnt feel like myself sexually anymore. But have already lost 10kg of that from a change in meds and because of the lover i have now. Self esteem is a very personal battle. One that for me has gotten easier with age.

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PurePeony

7 years ago

I feel for you. As a teen, I was prescribed meds that caused me to pile on 19kgs in less than a year! By the end of that year, I was lugging around an extra 21kgs! Needless to say, I plunged into despair and depression and isolated myself from friends. Overnight, I'd gone from a hot chick who turned heads to anonymous bystander whom no one bothered to glance at. When a friend spotted me in a mall, I was so embarrassed I walked right past him, pretending not to know him. When he called to ask, I insisted it wasn't me and he said, "Yeah... couldn't have been you because that girl was much fatter!" (In Asia, people don't mince words and fat is fat! 😣😔) One of my parents told me I looked like "Ugly Duckling" and had thighs "bigger than a soccer player's". 😠😧 At least it's a gentler society here, but on the other extreme of mollycoddling. Lovechild, hope that you'll lose the remaining weight soon but seriously, who cares as long as you are happy, healthy, and fit! 😉😄 We don't get to choose our body issues, esp hereditary traits, but what's stopping us from loving ourselves, flaws and all, and having a great time anyway? 😄

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RHP User

7 years ago

Pure. Appreciate it. LC.

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PurePeony

7 years ago

It's my pleasure. 😉 I'm all ears for you! 😉

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lovman8

7 years ago

I'm on hormone treatment for prostate cancer and I've gained 12 kgs ( a over hanging belly, big bum and boobs ) and this coupled with loss of strength, stamina , body hair and sexual function means I find myself rather repulsed when I look in the mirror. I find I am still very interested in sex and women, but not inclined to initiate any thing physical. So my main sexual outlet is these forums. Hearing all you stories makes me feel like a whinger and perhaps makes me think I am being a little too self critical. Thanks for all you relevations.

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compressor

7 years ago

to be honest most of the ladies on this site are attractive ans sexy I are beautiful and sexy take it from me

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PurePeony

7 years ago

It's always a bitch when one puts on weight because of compulsory medication. Sadly, we can't delude ourselves that it's ok because you always hear people say, "I need to lose weight!" and rarely/ never, "I need to put on weight." But, despite that being the rhetoric, we can choose not to be affected by it and march to the beat of our own drums. 😉 Self-Love and acceptance, and the loving support and affirmations of loved ones and friends are so important at this stage, lovman. You've just had an op, and I'm sure it might still elicit some emotional reaction from you? I hope your health is much better! Weight gain or not, you are still you! 😉 Maybe seek complementary therapies and see if they might help? Maybe discuss the side effect of weight gain with your Specialist/GP and see if they have workable solutions for you? I hope to always see you in the forums. 😉

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RHP User

7 years ago

The one thing I know as I have had a lot of ups and downs due to undiagnosed bipolar for many years through my teens and twenties is if you notice how you are feeling and what you are projecting daily you will see huge differences in attraction of the opposite sex. I think most could keep a diary of their daily moods and make a correlation between attracting attention and how we were feeling that day. And mb so glad you gained that confidence and discovered that you are beautiful

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Hawt1

7 years ago

I did contract ross river virus. (Before you lot get weird it is not contagious except by mozzie bite) I know exactly where I did get it, after the rains last summer as I was on a hot gold patch digging away, the mozzies were that fierce they were biting me through my gloves. The symptoms are different for everyone, mine was like having screwdrivers driven into my knees and left there. I had to lift my legs out of bed with my arms as it relieved the agony of moving them by themselves. I am a determined bugger, I did not take one day off from work, with every step enough to make me feel to howl. Well... that did slow me up some, after work I would collapse. Consequently I have a few extra kilos on me belly. I must admit to feeling a bit self conscious about it, but also incredibly lucky as my symptoms seem to have dissipated. I did read about a policeman that ended permanently in agony and in a wheelchair with this damned disease. So.. I have resolved to get back on the horse, am going to start exercising more starting this February as I have the month off and after sweating all day at work the last thing I want to do is sweat more. It is a strange thing as for most of my life I was skin, muscle and bones weighing 65 kilos and always wanted to gain weight. Midnight, I think looks do matter a bit.. but I think attitude counts for a lot also, to answer your question. Battle scars, hey can we compare?

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RHP User

7 years ago

Dangly bits and saggy bits... Don't matter in the slightest to me. I used to be embarrassed with my own body (skinny legs, pot belly etc), but not any more. Attractiveness/sexiness is WAY more than just physical appearance. Hope that helps

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