M58 F46
Friends.. with Benefits??
November 06 2012
Comments
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cbdlivin
12 years ago
With my late wife we had friends with benefits, and it made good relationships, with socialising as well as adult fun, it was a nice mixture. But in the end with anything like this I put it down to pot luck we connected with the right people.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I was part of a couple once...a long time ago in a galaxy far far away... And together we met a awesome couple from here......we started as playmates.. ..but then bbqs, poker nites began and eventually great mates whilst still playing and yes your rite the playing improved tenfold......and it would have continued methinks except that they were transferred interstate due to their careers. So sad and I still miss them..now us two girls are just FB buddies. Its hard work moulding 4 people together.. god nowadays its hard to find two people that blend well ...but keep searching and perhaps (as yous stated in your OP) that when you do eventually meet a couple you enjoy and want to keep on seeing..simply tell them...thats what our friends did with us..it felt strange the first time we went around for like just a barbie (by agreement) at their place but it was a hot nite and then we had a spa and it then it was on and on and on... :) Good luck
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RHP User
12 years ago
There are a lot of variables that come into it, is she exclusively with you 2? Is she free to play wherever whenever? I'm just posing questions because I'd love to try a trinogomous relationship
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RHP User
12 years ago
Playing twice??? Who'd have known people actually play at all, let alone twice :p
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RHP User
12 years ago
We are relatively new to this scene and we have been so blessed and hit the jackpot with the first couple we met on RHP. We have played together more than twice and sometimes twice a week now, also have met up with them a couple of times just on a social level as well.All of us have clicked so well and every day we thank our lucky stars that our first couple turned out so well. For me it is exciting to know that over time we will all learn what our likes and dislikes are in the bedroom (which we are starting to already) which can only take it to a higher level.So Mrs C I really hope you do manage to find your "FWB" it is awesome :-)Mrs N
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RHP User
12 years ago
I look forward to reading these responses..sounds like alot of fun if it works..
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RHP User
12 years ago
We agree the norm appears to be play once with most, suppose that can protect the primary relationship as lots will consider the purpose of swinging is sexual variety, so why play twice? We have found it really comes down to personalities to how adventureous everyone gets in the bedroom. One of our best nights was a concequence of chatting to the others wife.."I asked, Can your husband go the distance, he is not a cum in 5 minute guy or does not like giving girls oral", Well said that to the wrong couple, we ended up saying "we are stuffed" after 8-30pm to 11-30pm of playing! We have had two instances where we became friends, the first over 4 months, unfortunately one died 8-10 years ago we still talk about them how it would have worked in and out of the bedroom. We were new to swinging then and we were their Trainee swingers, they were very sexy lovely teachers. The 2nd couple was over two - three years, got on great socially but allways a problem in the bedroom the other girl was bi and was wanting to convert our lady to bi, so girls played guys watch. We never ever agreed to that, they agreed to partner swapping and played over 10 times but allways a drama. The deal breaker was when she came with just after sex, Had one cock had them all. How rude! Imagine a guy saying to a lady after sex....been in one pussy been in them all! We do like the idea of 1-2 couples in a tight group on a regular basis, sexual safety is a real worry for us, we are not happy that condoms only protect from a couple biggies.
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RHP User
12 years ago
We totally agree with you OP. We have yet to find a couple to meet with on a more than one off basis but we have one fantastic male FWB who we play with semi-regularly (every couple of months) for over two years now. You're right, it's much better to get to know the person(s), that way we know what works for everyone and there is a much better mental connection as well as the benefit of being more physically in sync. The anticipation leading up to a play meet is also heightened for us as a couple because we look forward to trying new things each time :)Nothing against ONS if that floats your boat, but we would definitely rate an ongoing friendship - more caring and intimate.Good luck with your search
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RHP User
12 years ago
Cliche, ours is in no way exclusive. He is totally free to do whatever he likes with whomever, but it's just nice to have someone to regularly play with that we like, know and trust.It would be interesting to see what the dynamics of a three way monogamous relationship would be ... tricky one, we would imagine, but hey, Jack Thompson did it for a long while :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hi Cupcakes! Absolutely it's possible. Most of our experiences have turned into "friends with benefits". Only a few have been one offs. We are careful with who we meet and have always exchanged numerous messages and spoken over the phone in advance. In my opinion, you can tell if you are going to click by speaking with them and so far, our instincts have been pretty spot on. Taipan - it is a lot of fun. It's nice when you can feel totally comfortable with other singles or couples and can share your fantasies, dreams..... everything! Trust is a powerful thing. XXX
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Mr_MrsJones
12 years ago
Yes it can work. We currently have one such relationship in our lives and would ideally like to have more. You are right it does make things more interesting when you are more familiar with the likes / dislikes and which boundaries are soft and which ones are hard so to speak!It isn't something that happens all the time and sometimes you can meet the same couple a few times and things look like they are going great and then something happens, or doesn't happen, or there is a lack of communication and things either go very pear shaped or they just fizzle out. The thing to remember is that most people are not really looking for friends as such. They are just looking for someone to hop in to bed with. We have found that the thing that makes our current situation work is that we have a lot in common. We both have kids the same age, we live in similar areas, we like to hang out and the conversation flows freely. The thing that makes it work the best is HONESTY. There are no expectations and no assumptions. We operate on the proviso that you can ask, just don't be offended if the answer is no. We accept the ebb and flow of each other and it just seems to work. Having said that we have had situations where we let our lives get a bit too intertwined and it hasn't been productive. But hey that is life. Just don't take anything too seriously and there won't be much harm done.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Trinogomous ? Is that a word? Cupcakefortwo, yes this does work and I know a few couples that have friends with benefits. Are you looking for another couple? Well I suppose that is a little harder as all four people have to be turned on by the other four so a little harder to achieve but not impossible. Meeka xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
Would be awesome for sooooo many reasons
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RHP User
12 years ago
I met a lovely married couple and we had great times on all occasions. The sex got better each time and my preference now would be threesomes all the time. The husband got transfered to another state and hoping to find another couple very soon. Have meet with one couple and have made a date after coffee and 3 hours of chatting. Also been chatting to another couple and going to meet this week. So he's hoping I find another great couple I can see on a monthly basis.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Torturedcliche' Would be awesome for sooooo many reasons Hmmm I see that you are straight. Sooo... two lovely ladies just for you huh? Sounds fun. lol.
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RHP User
12 years ago
from my limited experience i feel the important factor to any relationship is to be friends first and lovers second.being the third person in a threesome is an amazing experience, the sex is mmmmmmmmmmmmmm i've been in a causal relationship for two years and i'm very lucky to say that they are close and great friends as well as lovers. the friendship is some thing that lasts longer and can bring you even more closer during those those times when we can't meet, i makes those times we spend together even better, nothing is strained or feels uncomfortable, every thing just feels so natural. we can talk for hours with out even thinking of any thing naughtyif you can find some one or a couple who you like both in and out of the bedroom you will find that a friend with benefits is someone very special
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have a couple that I play with a few times a year. I would count them Both as friends, we enjoy dinner out, a spa, massage, good conversation and ofcourse sex. The only downside is that she isn't Bi, so I always feel one of us is left out. Now if I could find that with a couple where the lady is Bi, that would be the ideal situation and a lovely addition to my life. Here's hoping ;)
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Cheekyarses
12 years ago
Yes! But for it to work both couples need to have mutual attraction n friendship for the other couple...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Friends of mine have been swinging for a very long time, I have to say probably around 30 years, they started before they got married and continued through, never had kids, decided they enjoyed life without that. They often talk about the great friends they met and knew for many years as well as many other failed meetings where they didnt click. It can depend on your rules as a couple for swinging. They never played alone, if they both didnt like those they met, they didnt play at all, even if 1 partner wanted to. Their thing was to change their wedding ring during the meeting phase to say if they wanted to play. If one didnt move their wedding ring, then they called it a nice dinner and leave. Of course lots of only one meets, but they took the good with the bad. Now they are older, He plays with me, she has had depression and health issues and no longer interested in sex. although I will have dinner with them both, we have the friendship, go shopping etc, and that works for us. I dont know many couples who have many couples they swing with regularly. One couple I know, they will have dinner with a couple but only play with 1 of the couple. That sounds confusing LOL but they play separately not only as a couple so they will still have couples for friends even if only one of them will play. (Now I am confusing myself tryin to explain that!) Possibly meet couples more for the social side and decide about the playing separately. Then you have both, just not all playing at once.
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RHP User
12 years ago
we hoped for the same thing when we started playing 3 years ago.. now we have a few couples and singles we catch up with when we can... sometimes we play, sometimes we dont :>
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RHP User
12 years ago
Had it, lost it, miss it.
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RHP User
12 years ago
To have F.W.B. We have a couple we play with on a regular basis that we met some years ago at one of the swingers clubs. It's nice to have formed not only a play friendship but also one that looks past the lifestyle.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Mrs Rainbow here hehe! I cannot connect sexually without some sort of friendship, trust and intimacy works better for me. I know other people can get off on random encounters and one nighters, and I can play along but it is not as fullfilling as having friends on the same wavelenghth and feeling they respect and really like me also.....and want to catch up again!Mr Dolphin here, We are looking for friends with benefits and are in the process of making some LOL happy to have fun in the bedroom and out of it.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Recently had a 'mistress' (didnt want to call her that, she came up with it). I guess we were lovers and tried to tone it down to 'friends with beneifts'.well, we were already in love so all I succeeded in doing was ripping her heart out of her chest.I left my wife for her, and she had already ditched me and i didnt know it. Yes, I dragged the chain about not getting divorced, but TRYING to be FWBs when it is already WAY past that is NOT GOOD.I have however met a lady who SEEMS completely happy with the arrangement, i just dont trust it.SEX is the strongest drug in the world, and it takes a strong (or cold) person to be able to separate feelings from sexual pleasure.
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TWOfourYOU
12 years ago
We never started out for it to happen....But yes we have meet a couple that we have a "Vanilla" Relationship with.....but we certainly love the times we get down and have some "Chilly" time together. In our regular relationship, we have had some great family trips camping etc and always have a lot fun! ALthough hard at times with the control issue! lol Can be done!
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RHP User
12 years ago
had a few FWB's when i were a single guy...one couple... a little older than me at the time, would ask me over more weekends than not, but it kinda died a natural death when she became more possessive of me than either i or her husband were comfortable with....didnt see it as healthy that i was receiving gifts in the mail at home and at work, or that she got 'pissed' with me when i decided to spend my birthday with another lass i had met.....i think familiarity ruins it more often than not, and thats a shame........
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RHP User
12 years ago
We have been lucky enough to make few friends with benefits over a few years. We have found that making a connection socially makes for more relaxed and fun play times. It does take a bit of effort to find people we are able to become friends with benefits but it is so worth it as it is not what many seem to be looking for. That's fine to as each to their own but friends with benefits is definitely our preferred situation. We have recently met a Wonderful couple and are really enjoying becoming friends and the benefits are so much more than only sex. That's a yes from us. Mr srfun
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RHP User
12 years ago
everyone for responding to the topic.It's something we definitely look for, but so far, it's not exactly happening! I mean, I think we're pretty awesome people (read with tongue in cheek hah!) but yeah.....I'm definitely looking forward to those people we meet, connect with, and become friends with......benefits with....xx Mrs C
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RHP User
12 years ago
Ill be in touch soon.
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warmfrends
12 years ago
Hi Mrs C,We've been fortunate enough to have had 2 long term FWB relationships with other couples, one a bit older when we were going through our child bearing years - sweet couple and very considerate, and another that lasted for many years before they moved overseas.Both were fantastic in their own rights, although like all friendships both came with their challenges. The first couple lived a long way away up near Newcastle so between the travel and the babies it was a seldom relationship.The second was wonderful, although communication is the key as there were times when 3 people had in mind it was a BBQ play night, while sometimes the 4th thought it was a BBQ friends night full stop. This was never a major drama, but does illustrate the need for 4 people to communicate like all close couples do to minimise frustrations - especially when your all good friends and no-one wants to rock the boat or embarrass anyone. Balance is everything ...We've chatted on MSN before and look forward to it again ....WF
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RHP User
12 years ago
As a single guy (yes one in a gazillion here) I have been fortunate enough to have had some repeated pleasurable encounters / FWBs I can openly and honestly say I have even met these people on a social basis and not even played - how's that for shock horror I think it's nice to have the friendship (assuming all are in agreeance) as it provides a nice environment to have familiar fwb meetings One (or a couple) has to be careful though that it is clearly open and no one gets an attachment to the other person/s thst is unhealthy for their primary relationship I encourage fwb and welcome creating some good friendships along the way I have often moved towns, states and even country's but love keeping in touch with others good luck everyone :-D
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RHP User
12 years ago
We have had FWB and loved it. We prefer to make a connection with a lady/couple. As others have said on here we can find all the likes, dislikes, fantasies etc.The only issue we have found is that becoming close friends can work against you. Thoughts and feelings come into play once a close friendship has developed and this can lead to shyness due to not wanting to hurt anothers feelings due to a higher level of friendship. Kids on either side can make the FWB a more vanilla friendship than a swinging friendship as well. This in turn leads to a different type of FWB where openness and flirting changes. Warmfriends comment about communication is crucial. If there is no communication then the B of FWB can fizzle out.FWB can be and is the best way of swinging for us. We look forward to more of it :-) But swinging or not, having friends with the same mind frame, whether you actually have sex or not, always make for a great evening of entertainment.
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RHP User
12 years ago
although its very early on we have justed started a great friendship with a couple that we also play with. all four of us get along great, weve played on most occasions we have caught up, but have just hung out and enjoyed ourselves with dinner and a few drinks. we have met their friends from the otherside of life (although remembering the made up back story was a little hard) making plans with them like you would any other friends wasn't hard for us, and its great knowing we may play, but arnt hanging out just for that and theres no expecttations... other times we have made specific play dates, its all good we don't see any problems, and hope we have made lifelong friends, if our situations change and the play stops we think a great friendship will continue :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
we arnt married but are in a long term, committed relationship... although only a fairly new thing, we have become great friends with a couple we met on here. we have a great time when we play and its happened most times weve met up. but we have also caught up with them just to hang out, or to simply have dinner and a few drinks like we would any of our other friends. we have met a few of each others friends not in the scene and unaware of what we do behind closed doors. all four of us get along great, although our relationships are different, we clicked straight away. its great to have genuine friends who we can talk to about this side of life and whilst its good to know that theres a chance we will end up playing, there is never any expectacions. we just take it as it comes I don't think theres anything stopping playing working in a friendship, there just has to be a little more honesty and a higher level of trust between partners, than if it was a conventional friendship. ours is going along great :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
age old wisdom familiarity breeds contempt
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Mr_MrsJones
12 years ago
Something did occurr to me as I was reading though other people's responses to this. A friend made the comment to me a while ago about FWBs. They were friends with another couple in what could be described as an FWB. The second couple were having some relationship issues, which is completely normal and they were unloading some of those onto my friend. Her attitude was I am your friend and I am happy to be a sympathetic ear / shoulder to cry on / etc BUT if I get too intertwined into this then there will be no going back to the benefits if and when the situation is resolved. Personally I think that is probably a great way to see it. Once you have seen the ugly side of someone you can't really hop back into bed with them. Unless the relationship has gone to a whole different level that is way more involved than FWB.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'lapetitemort'age old wisdom familiarity breeds contempt
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RHP User
12 years ago
We would love to meet up with a suitable couple for a FWB relationship. We are really looking forward to the day we can link up with a relaxed attractive couple we would feel comfortable with and vice versa.. Not that we are snobs' far from it.. But because we both kept the bodies and appearance up to scratch, meeting similar would be nice in return of course... As many have said above, that chat over a coffee is a great starting point.... as yet not happened but patience is a virtue and I'm sure someone will come along...lolReading the above posts with some of the friendships that have been formed sounds great.. Once you get to that point and are relaxed with each other, the world must be your oyster...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'lapetitemort'age old wisdom familiarity breeds contempt its true, people become possessive and begin to take 'liberties' with your friendship, and make unreasonable demands of your time etc... its very different to what we all experience while in a relationship tho, as 'permission' all be it tacit, has been given for the other to place expectations on your time, your company and your attention....
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RHP User
12 years ago
Yes, this is our current situation. We have three or four couples who we regard as very good friends indeed and who we see socially as well as sexually.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Mission impossible it seems for us. Life, kids etc etc all conspire against us as well as geography. Oh well, onwards and upwards.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Had one couple however lost it Now don't have anyone
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RHP User
12 years ago
i would like to explore with another female then couples hopefully maybe friends with benefits if all works out but i would expect every weekend or constant phone calls jus a every now and then . but i see its not easy to meet people here
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JugandDan
12 years ago
J has a regular playmate(m) and it works for usl
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RHP User
12 years ago
This is an absolute YES! We have been very fortunate to have several FWB, it really is the luck of the draw....to find 4 people that get on well socially and sexually can be very tricky. We really do treasure the relationship we have with these couples and consider them very very special friends! Don't give up on it there are some wonderful couples out there :)
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WHY_NOT_LOOK
12 years ago
I've meet couples and singles over the last 7 years and yes the people i meet are usually people id like to hang out with as well.... so over the years I've been single and partnered played and not played but i still see most of these people in social and socially sexual dates all the time... I've gone on outings with my kids bowling ect with them and have also had hot horny times as well.... One friend drove me to my wedding and yes were friends ..the benefits have got less but still right there if needed its how you look at the swinging lifestyle, most keep it totally separate to there "normal lifestyle". Mines one big open bag no secrets it will only work thou if like a relationship/ friendship you communicate well and trust and respect everyone concerned... again this ia easy for me because that's how i am with everyone i know and i still have friends from school and friends over 20 years... not many can do this but for me its easy... just don't make it hard ... well yeah that can get hard any time ;-)
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DTE_couple
12 years ago
We have had quite a few meets now and we would love to find a couple we could go camping with or boating. And meet on a semi regular basis at other times as well. We thought we clicked with a few, and others thought they clicked with us. I guess we just have to be patient and we will find who we are looking for. But friends with benifit I guess is what you would call it !
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