M91
Friends with exs??
April 18 2012
Comments
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RHP User
13 years ago
yea....why not? sometimes its easier to be friends.....than it is to remain enemies..... my ex wife and i shared 2 beautiful children, and to be honest...theyve grown to young adulthood, without ever hearing either of us utter a harsh word to, or about the other.... we might not any longer live in each others life, but we are respectful, and considerate towards each other, and whats going on in our lives..... we 'problem solved' like adults, and shared parenting responsibly and thoughfully.....and yea, shes called me for advice on her relationship woes and hiccups.... I've been more fortunate with the choices I've made, but thats been good fortune, rather than good planning....we get on...with the business of life... for the sake of our kids, and for each others 'peace of mind'...........
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RHP User
13 years ago
I have remained friends with all my ex's except the last one. Over the years we have been social friends with each others friends & families, they all know our history so there is no problem.The last guy 2.5 yrs got a new girlfriend, tried the friend thing with me and got so guilty about it all (we did cheat a few times a year after our relationship ended ) that he decided we could no longer be in each others lives.....His choice.Life moves on regardless but I think its always possible to remain friends depending on the circumstances of the breakup.Never say never.......friends forever.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Nope....but I just love peppermint creams chockie boy...those handmade polish ones.....or any ol' ones really..
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RHP User
13 years ago
I have more than one significant ex.......the thought of being in the same room as any one of them makes me want to be sick. Move on and never look back works for me!
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RHP User
13 years ago
he wants to be friends..................he broke up with me.................i am still in love with him.....................broken , confused, as i was honest with him from start. i cant just be friends................. all or nothing..............but it is hurting like hell.................wasnt ready to end it like it did............trying to move on but just cant shake him from my system............no one will ever replace him........ever.
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RHP User
13 years ago
...would really only be worth much with a bit more detail. Relationships vary in substance...investments of time, emotions and family. If the relationship had substance, it's not uncommon to go through the four (or five depending on whose model you choose) stages of the grief process and the first is always denial. Couples with a long term investment will often initially separate on a trial basis, preferring to practice separation or divorce...and often liaise to heal emotions and quite often sex is involved. | From an ideal perspective, the goal is actually ambivalence or apathy....no love or hate, happiness or anger expressed by either. Once you get to the "I nothing you" stage then perhaps you can be genuine friends but without that you are still emotionally tied. It appears that you are still somewhat in that state where you are watching from the sidelines...and seem quite pleased that you managed to slip one under the radar even though she was well and truly involved in another relationship the ultimately end for her in a marriage with a family. I would suggest that she is quite happy and has moved on...and hopefully you do have a genuine friendship of some sort however unless your relationship was substantial or invested, I certainly would wonder why. | To each their own...I think most of us past the age of 21 would have a story to tell but whether or not I would tell or seek out the opinionated judgment of others is a curious state of affairs indeed. | Close the door, lock it...and throw away the key, then knock to see if a friend answers the door and lets you back in by invitation. If not then walk away.
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RHP User
13 years ago
No i think it is too hard for the new partner to accept and why should they..they are an ex for a reason..cut the ties..
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RHP User
13 years ago
if you have kids together...that they are exes becomes just another thing to deal with.... you're attached by your children for the rest of your life..... the adult thing is to just get along...that doesnt mean sending each other christmas cards or sharing valentines day....but it does mean being respectful and civil. if one or the other has moved on, to another relationship....it should then be easier to remain on talking terms than not... dont do what so many do to their children....dont abuse your kids by brawling with your ex.. thats not fair on yr kids....at all...and doesnt teach them how to 'problem solve' like adults.. dont bitch and gripe about your ex and certainly dont bad mouth them....all you do is put yr own kids off side....potentially with you both...... i'm civil with all my exes...... especially the mother of my children.......its what makes us all adults, how we behave, in the face of adversity , and how we deal with disappointments........of life.... suck it in, and move on, and if you cant, at least be respectful and civil...at all times.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I have two exes in Perth - one that I changed countries for and one who I stay here for The first was "the love of my life"- he recently married someone else (for the second time) ...Im still recovering..although long term she is better for him than me...We had stayed friends and I have met his new wife and shes quite lovely, but the ex and I have agreed not to continue our "friendship"our of respect for his new marriage and life...its hard because he was a connection back to my homeland, my family when they were alive and a life that we both understood. He was not only my lover but my best friend...and its the friendship I miss more...I long to ring him and share stuff, but I cant and I wont..Ive deleted his numbe out of my phoner, but not out of my head.. I do hope though that he is happy The second...well quoting Midnite Close the door, lock it...and throw away the key, then knock to see if a friend answers the door and lets you back in by invitation. If not then walk away. pretty much sums up the second ex (nice statement Midnite) I admire all those who have kids that can maintain a civil relationship for their sakes, cudos to you...if it can be done, then all I can see is all benefitting, long term But in general, Im along the lines of Taipan thinking...their an ex for a reason...
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inspirit
13 years ago
Glad you have that off your chest now thx for sharing such a beautiful story
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RHP User
13 years ago
i wish all mine would die a slow and painful death by fire, drowning and being burried alive BUT..... i have to play nice because of the children...so i do Hugs
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RHP User
13 years ago
There's friends... and then there are..... friends.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Unfortunately no matter how civil some would like to be with the ex for the sake of their children, its not always possible to control what the ex will do or say. In my experience the more lies and slurs on the values and morals of the mother of their chidren the merrier the ex and the replacement wife are. Then its violent threats of retribution when not one derogatory word has been uttered about either. You can only rely on yourself to do whats right and fair and keep trusting (heartbrakingly bearable-just) that as children grow and mature they will know in their hearts what and where the truth lies.... So no, cant be friends.. Indifference in time is bliss....
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WarningGeraldton
13 years ago
Indifference is what I'd love to aim for!!! Hate, jealousy, anger etc are so soul destroying.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'MrandMrsErotic' Unfortunately no matter how civil some would like to be with the ex for the sake of their children, its not always possible to control what the ex will do or say. In my experience the more lies and slurs on the values and morals of the mother of their chidren the merrier the ex and the replacement wife are. Then its violent threats of retribution when not one derogatory word has been uttered about either. You can only rely on yourself to do whats right and fair and keep trusting (heartbrakingly bearable-just) that as children grow and mature they will know in their hearts what and where the truth lies.... So no, cant be friends.. Indifference in time is bliss.... its easier.....and less work to be friendly. and to be honest.....much much more rewarding.... we've managed for nearly16 years to be civil, and see no reason for it to change. we ended our relationship amicably, and with 2 'special needs' children to co-parent, found it simpler, and less exhaustive, to operate as a team..... we still do, even tho our kids no longer require the close supervision they once did....and....my wife actively involves herself in, and actually promotes the relationship my ex wife and i have...... sadly, the same cannot be said of the woman i lived with between my 2 marriages.....she could burn in hell, and not one of us would bat an eye as a response.....
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RHP User
13 years ago
I'm the best of friends with my ex-husband, he's family really. It will always be that way and anyone that comes into our lives will need to accept it. My more recent ex, the love of my life, cut off all contact after our relationship ended and broke my heart into a million pieces. So I think it's horses for courses :)
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RHP User
13 years ago
after being friends with my ex for longer then we were actually a "couple" im now finding it really hard to deal with the fact the he is seeing a much much older woman. what hurts the most is that even when we were not a 'couple' by name we still acted as one in every other sence. in that we still did everythign together, i mean everything. now im feeling cast out of his life even as a friend. ex's are complicated creatures. it steel leaves me wondering would i have it any other way??
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RHP User
13 years ago
As said earlier - relationships vary in form and substance. If the sum total of your relationship was catching up for dinner, heading out with friends, social activities etc etc. Then unless you’re already in the same social circles ... they’re probably not someone you'll follow-up with. I've had one significant relationship, 10 years, was married and have a 4 year old child. Friendship, mutual respect is expected. We have our son 50% each ... share in his decision making and always spend time together during change overs. This is important to us for our child’s development and well-being. Does that mean where going to get back together or heal emotions with sex – Absolutely NOT! Does that mean she can call me at 2am in the morning or ask for money when needed – Absolutely YES!Can it make forming new relationship harder - Yep...
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RHP User
13 years ago
Yes it is. I broke up with my ex about 4 years ago & we're still best friends, in fact we even live together with her fiance. We had a fantastic relationship when we were together but sadly it came to an end because of an inability to commit...she was worried about living together. The irony is we ended up living together (with her daughter) shortly after breaking up & have done so ever since! She got back with an old ex a while after we broke up but we already had a holiday planned together which we still went on & he was cool with it. They bought a house together which I moved into aswell (originally it was only going to be until he sold his own house & moved in too) but here we are over a year later all one happy (non incestuous!) familly. I guess not everyone can do it, but if you're mature enough to realise & accept that a relationship has come to an end & don't get caught up in petty jealousies, why not?
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RHP User
13 years ago
my oldest daughter got married, so her mother was there - with her partner My second daughter was flower girl, so her mother was there - with her partner My youngest son was with his mother who was still with me. All the mothers know each other, along with the mothers of the others.. who weren't there. And whilst, they/we are not always cordial, through one reason or another, to all intents and purposes, there is acceptence pretty well all over. I visit my ex's, and their new partners (all have long term partners) accept that .. IF I decided to settle down, the new lady in my life would HAVE to accept it also.. these people have all been my friends for between 25 to35 years.. why should we end that? caveman.. (-----------)
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RHP User
13 years ago
Tranquility,composure,acceptance of fate....a little bit more than indifference but a wonderful place to aspire to be in. The more we hate the ones who harm us ,the more they continue to harm us and the more we continue to suffer by allowing those painful memories to dictate how we think and feel in the here and now. XHugs H ps what an amazing cave ya got there cavey....neanderthal?.....I think not x
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RHP User
13 years ago
The more we hate the ones who harm us ,the more they continue to harm us and the more we continue to suffer by allowing those painful memories to dictate how we think and feel in the here and now Thankyou my dear friend Hesione.....those wise words are so relevant for me today.....oh so very much for today... xxx
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RHP User
13 years ago
My ex and I are okay now. Civility replaced animosity when I chose to pay my respects at her mother's funeral. Jennylee's ex is still the lowest form of life on the planet though and even civility iss impossible for him.
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Hanna_ybbn
13 years ago
Well, I live with my ex husband. Although we are technically still married, we have lived separate lives for 4 years now. I left in 2008 and moved interstate. 4 Years down the track, I find myself living back in our 'home' in Qld.Couple of reasons this works ; he is my best friend. We do not have a physical relationship. We are terrific housemates and financially it made sense for both of us. I have had 2 relationships since 2008. I moved across country for one - he turned out to be an abusive negligent alcoholic and after 8 days in a foreign town I hightailed it out of there at the first safe opportunity. Prick harassed me for 6 months. The other relationship was with someone I met via RHP early last year. Once again, I moved and completely uprooted my life and career - happily so at the time - to the Gold Coast.Long story short - I left him in January this year.My mother passed away a month later and on the same day I found out he'd been cheating on me the entire relationship.So those 2 guys can go get on with their sad lives and I will return to a man who is my best friend and loves me unconditionally.I think my story demonstrates that there is not really a set rule for this argument. Each situation will be handled differently - otherwise you have not really learned much from the time before have you?Hanna xx
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