M44
Friendships: To love but not be in love
January 17 2014
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
For things I missed that you may ask: - We weren't intimate for long. She met her ex early on and only has been with me then him. I've been her support. She's been mine. We never fooled around while I was in a relationship, she was married, or since. Hence why its smacked me from out left field. - I'm not attached so she's not trying to break me up. Her divorce is finalised. - She really wants kids. That bio clock has been getting to her. - Its not about physical looks. She's a big girl but I've never had a problem with it because we just get each other. - Could I see her as my partner? Yeah, if I was looking to be in a relationship. I'm not going to keep her around for when and if I'll ever be ready and want to. - I want to save the friendship. If you've had a friend you shared everything with and lose them whether male/female you lose a part of you. Thanks again. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Could you simply tell her the truth? If you're not ready for commitment, she how she reacts. Maybe she'll wait a bit? Eleven years is a really long time to hold that back, you both would have changed as people through that period. If she's recently divorced it could also be an emotional outreach obviously pending what transpired in her breakup. What I mean by that is simply vulnerability and she may unknowingly be reaching out for something longing without any logic in her path. Communication is the key always, be as honest as you can possibly be and don't make any forms of commitment, you could ask her to give it time while you're still recovering without a promise - you don't want her to feel like she's on a waiting list. Did she really give you the ultimatum? This or nothing? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
11 year's is a long time by anyone's standards. The skies not falling on you, and biological or not, time is always ticking away. Maby this is a wake up call for you to sort your frienship. You've been friends a long time, bond's form. You've already had sex, she's fallen for you, but how long has she felt this way? "Blurred lines" Honesty is the best policy Take some time to think about it all, you've done 11 years of knowing this lady. Use your head and your heart, talk to her about the situation before it goes pear shaped or ruined. We all walk our own paths, some collide, part, cross etc. If your not in love with her and not ready for a committed relationship with her or anyone, shouldn't 11 years count for something, how well does she know you? Ask yourself "why now" what's going on in her life that she's brought this up? Talk it out. X
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RHP User
11 years ago
You have to figure it out, but I believe deep down you know already what to do.
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RHP User
11 years ago
just tell her exactly how you feel about her! hopefully she's sensible enough to still accept you for all you can or have to offer and value your friendship. she may choose to end your friendship for her sake (to help herself move on and get over you) but that's entirely up to her.. Just be honest with her and don't worry about ie hurting her feelings (cuts heal and far better than scars) Us ladies appreciate honesty! she'll admire you for that ;) don't lead her on if you know in your heart you can't afford to give her what she really wants/need from you good luck ;)- Posted from rhpmobile
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wisnaeme
11 years ago
being in a relationship for 5 years with a guy who started off as a raging swinger and fabulous friend I thought I'd met my match. After 3 years he lost his drive and we're now just fabulous friends. So yes you can save your friendship but she has to be willing to either take what she can get from you and no more or leave and look for someone who is in love with her too. in my opinion as we get older friendship is more important than passion - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
She loves you, that ain't gonna go away in a hurry.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Tell her that. If she loves you she will accept it and still love you. About 20 years ago I was in this situation. I was crazy in love with a guy who I still believe was my "the one". We FWB'd. He then went and married someone else and has never been happier. And that's all I could ever want for him - to be as happy as he is now. And we're still mates.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Tell her that. If she loves you she will accept it and still love you. About 20 years ago I was in this situation. I was crazy in love with a guy who I still believe was my "the one". We FWB'd. He then went and married someone else and has never been happier. And that's all I could ever want for him - to be as happy as he is now. And we're still mates.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Brother your name says it all does it not? Other wise you would call yourself cockfullaspoof !!!! Look inside brother you got a big decision but remember its not only your decision its your friends aswell so sit with her and pour out every dark or light secret or not just get it all on the table now for both of you to see she must do the same time to be truley open with each other , look you can still be greatfriends for life may not be as close but still be friends ?? You let her go because you think your not ready ? Well when do you think you will be ready ?? Only once you have let her go and then realise fuck your in love with that woman guess what the biggest fuck up of your life ?? And thats it your life ?? Better to have loved than never loved at all !! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Is being in love a transient thing that comes in waves between "simply" loving someone? Food for thought. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Are you damaged goods and afraid of commitment (due to past partner/s)?.She's likely bluffing, with threats and ultimatums and forcing an outcome when truly she just wants her love for you reflected back by you. Love seeks this symmetry. If you cannot , for whatever your reasons, do this with her, she is ultimately left to assume...that you're waiting for someone better to come along.
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RHP User
11 years ago
With yourself, and with her. You can't control the outcome, only what you do and say. Be true in that and que sera sera. When being honest, I'd also suggest avoiding weasel words - you know, those words and that kind of general vagueness that can be interpreted many ways. Don't be vague - it gets people hurt. - Posted from rhpmobile
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platinumblonde69
11 years ago
I think you have answered your own question. Tell her exactly what you have written here. If she has feelings for you she will be happy to remain friends as long as you make it perfectly clear thats all it will ever be because you value your freedom so much. Once in a relationship it is very hard to escape without hurting anyone so its better to not make compromises and go with your gut feeling.Plat
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chevtrek
11 years ago
Just tell the truth and if her feelings are strongthen who knows what the future brings........Quoting 'platinumblonde69' I think you have answered your own question. Tell her exactly what you have written here. If she has feelings for you she will be happy to remain friends as long as you make it perfectly clear thats all it will ever be because you value your freedom so much. Once in a relationship it is very hard to escape without hurting anyone so its better to not make compromises and go with your gut feeling.Plat
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inspirit
11 years ago
you are on RHP..should fix it lol
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RHP User
11 years ago
you love her,then let her go.....she wants different things to you,you need to be honest with her no''weasel words'' as CR said....the dynamic of your relationship has changed forever.
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