F56 F56
Frightening the men folk ....
March 21 2016
Comments
-
RHP User
9 years ago
just the way you are Mary.... Those that find it intimidating, in my view won't be able to accept a different perspective.... 😊 - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
We think your attitude is great, you say things how they are and you are never rude to people.Our theory is that a lot of the guys in here are window shopping and when it gets serious they disappear, also from a guys perspective yes guys can be intimidated by overtly sexual women I know in the past I have been. Another thing we have noticed is with the advertising on sites like this they also only ever put sexy, slim & muscled people up to grab peoples attention when in reality we are all pretty normal and average. So a lot of the guys come on here thinking i'll be banging some sexy model chick within minutes of paying for membership (because sexy nympho models chicks have nothing else to do all day) and when they see they have been marketed or shown up on the wrong day they lose the excitement of it all and crawl back into reality.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Is always the best policy. What you see is what you get. Unlike some guys who promise you a sexual array of delicious treats and then just want you to blow them before they scuttle off as Annie says "with their keks around their ankles" But....99% of who Ive met lived up to their promises Theres no point stating you are fruit and nut chocolate then only offering plain chocolate? Be you, not what others want you to be xx
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Are men who are frightened off by strong women people you want in your bedroom or your life? You have enough wonderful people (and no doubt some kick-arse sex toys) in your life that you shouldn't have to settle for less than you deserve. So short answer.. no.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
would you be happy if the sex didnt involve the things that you are into? if the answer is no dont curb it and wait for someone who will appreciate it :) if you can live without it then sure feel free to down play it
-
PurePeony
9 years ago
... on what you want to achieve. If you do want to have more FWB's, and your husband is suggesting that there are certain things that might frighten people, then you can consider a change in your tactics. Remain honest but tread gently and introduce your likes after establishing some rapport. Make them comfortable first, before requesting an open discussion on your kinks and reciprocate by listening to their kinks. Maybe if the guys feel comfortable with you, they may be a bit more open to new things. I think if we are too in-your-face about things that are out of the ordinary and are quite "niche", then yes, we can scare people off. The soft, persuasive approach works sometimes. We don't have to go out all-guns blazing all the time. That'll be like being a bull in a china shop, and the chances of you getting what you want will be near zilch. Good luck!
-
AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
Are the ones that will fail to show up for anyone. So just be the person you are. Real men wont be intimidated, just intrigued........
-
social_suicide
9 years ago
.......... "So guys and gals! Is an open minded, confident, sassy, kinky lady frightening? Should I curb my enthusiasm for all things kinky? Should I talk about it less? Over to you ;) "..........ahhh that's my ideal woman, in fact I married I one just like that.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'PurePeony' ... on what you want to achieve. If you do want to have more FWB's, and your husband is suggesting that there are certain things that might frighten people, then you can consider a change in your tactics. Remain honest but tread gently and introduce your likes after establishing some rapport. Make them comfortable first, before requesting an open discussion on your kinks and reciprocate by listening to their kinks. Maybe if the guys feel comfortable with you, they may be a bit more open to new things. I think if we are too in-your-face about things that are out of the ordinary and are quite "niche", then yes, we can scare people off. The soft, persuasive approach works sometimes. We don't have to go out all-guns blazing all the time. That'll be like being a bull in a china shop, and the chances of you getting what you want will be near zilch. Good luck! A guy might not be into one or more of the kinks and just want sex to be sex, to let it evolve without being overwhelmed with your sexual prowess, due respect, I know that's not the point you're making here, but they do sometimes think they can't match up or worry they won't satisfy you without all these things happening. Just good communication which I'm sure you're already onto, but do they need to know about the strapon for example is they're not into anal sex.? Are these kinks always thrown out there or do you hold back on that information if it appears to not be his thing? I worry about talking about anal sex on the forum, for fear guys who aren't into it will think I need it and wouldn't be satisfied without it, not the case at all, but that's what can happen when the information is given, they can indeed get scared off. I would say hold back and wait to see what he's into before unleashing all this information. I think your hubby has a good point. I'm personally not into strapons, but understand the benefit for men and how that might turn some on, not others. Point I'm trying to make, probably not very well, is to treat every person like an individual and make it clear to them that you love sex in it's natural form, 2 bodies, first and foremost, other things are a possibility if they're into them but not essential, just my thoughts
-
RHP User
9 years ago
...Your most certainly not going to be some peoples cup of tea...but you will be the perfect brew to others. Isn't it wonderful that we all have different tastes....it encourages new flavours.
-
Missb4u
9 years ago
No you shouldn't curb anything. Maybe men need to harden up an put their big man pants on. I get told the same thing because I'm so open and honest and upfront, some even say I'm a brat. If they can't handle that they can't handle me... I make no excuses for the fact that I do require a firm hand
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Missb72'Maybe men need to harden up an put their big man pants on. When I harden up I want to get my big man pants off
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Be yourself. Project what you want to attract. Unless,of course, you feel like a change of pace and want to swittch to sub.
-
Mischeviouslad
9 years ago
Theres only one thing that scares me, and its not a woman with an opinion, her interests or desires. But a womans opinions, interests and desires just might not interest me or work with my own. But scared?No.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
I believe that men are sexually attracted to femininity....however, from your post it feels you are quite masculine. So, you might attract sub mummies boys, but unlikely a masculine guy. Nothing wrong with that, but if you want more men, try a more feminine aproa h maybe. Ms Fr33 - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
it's because you're in an open relationship and most of the men on RHP are after FWB's who dont have time constraints and a list of do's and don'ts to deal with. Better off just being yourself and looking for married men who are also able to play solo....HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Sorry couldn't help myself.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
As a straight guy, I find the fact you enjoy strap ons a little off putting, but I'm also not naive enough to believe that you'd want to push that upon a straight male FWB. Also, most men see themselves as the dominate force in the bedroom, so yes, that would put off a few men as well. As for kinky, confidence, sassy etc, men aren't opposed to that, in fact many quite enjoy it... But men do tend to want to be the driving force in the bedroom - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
How can anyone be scared of those things. Your not a monster. Maybe they just dont like. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
MsJonesy
9 years ago
Don't change a thing.... They are your choices Mary, what you want in a fwb situation. You are a fabulous person who has so much to offer and if they don't want to take that up it is their loss. Xx
-
RHP User
9 years ago
I have been told all my life that I intimidate men,just because I have a brain,more than a two syllable vocabulary and strong but by no means fixed opinions. Why should we tone down who we are...makes me cranky to hear this. Do you really want to be Mary the little lamb? I have met and spent time with you,as I have said to you before,I admire you tremendously..stay who you are.change for no-one,you rock 😘xxFreya
-
RHP User
9 years ago
From someone who perhaps regards themselves as somewhat/sometimes submissive, and not fazed by your other interests, I don't think any of such talk would scare me as a male. In my case a female Dom/Domme is of interest because I am attracted to confidence and experience, perhaps to help bring out more of those qualities in myself. Regardless, please don't stop posting your naughty ideas/scenarios :) The dilemma probably arises for men if/when you might be explaining your interests up front, as you should be to some extent of course, but perhaps they see it as the core part of you and not an addition to the lovely, sensual person you have also demonstrated yourself to be. Perhaps they are wondering if they are going to end up tied upside down to a dungeon wall recieving all sorts of dominatrix style treatment :) Jokes aside, as your husband has suggested, perhaps in some way men are assuming/recieving a misconception of you, rather than your real warm and loving as well as kinky self. But you also have to ask yourself too, are things like strapon play (or lack of) a dealbreaker for you regarding fwb's? Looking through the other related topics, it seems you are certainly not alone in these interests (even as a female), although it remains to be decided whether you present such interests more (often) than others. But this is a reflection of how anyone tries to present themselves, in person or in writing (ie forums/profiles). No-one really gets to know someone's real self without spending a lot of in-person time together. The things we write and the things we say give an idea, and that idea is going to be interpreted based on the experiences, education and certain assumptions of the viewer/reader/listener. At the end of the day, even while we are only being honest and true to ourselves, we still don't really have much control over those things, about how others see us, because we never get to see and compare ourselves from a third person perspective, let alone from the perspective of the opposite sex.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Site having issues so I copied and pasted to save the text, thus the undesired formatting...
-
happy0450
9 years ago
..should be the perfect entree to any perspective suitor. Match ups in the virtual world, lack, at least until one is face to face the majority of the key parts of communication. If we believe the professionals, words only make you 5% of communication. The majority and most impactful being tone and body language, then being very specific online about you and what's important to you makes great sense. So, don't change if it represents the authentic you :)
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'MrApril' As a straight guy, I find the fact you enjoy strap ons a little off putting, but I'm also not naive enough to believe that you'd want to push that upon a straight male FWB. Also, most men see themselves as the dominate force in the bedroom, so yes, that would put off a few men as well. As for kinky, confidence, sassy etc, men aren't opposed to that, in fact many quite enjoy it... But men do tend to want to be the driving force in the bedroom - Posted from rhpmobile forming an orderly queue for the calendar of course
-
RHP User
9 years ago
I think that honesty and openness are a must. Furthermore, I think 'what's good for the goose is good for the gander'. How can a guy expect you to go down on him if he will not show the courtesy of returning the favor? And when it comes to anal...well, we are all equal in that regard. That being said, I am pretty sure that I must have been a fish in a former life, because I just seem to be built for one way traffic. Hence, it is not the honesty or assertiveness that scares me...it is my physical...nay...mental limitations that would make me doubt my ability satisfy you. And I think that a lot of guys...regardless of how broad minded that they think that they are...would have trouble with that and steer away. But one thing that RHP shows us is the diversity of individuals out there. There are plenty out there that would suit you...so keep true to yourself and keep looking.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Short answer no but we also find it frustrating that there is an underlaying assumption or "thing" in our culture which discourages women from being strong, or upfront. We would say "go you!" Lead the way for all women and men. Love the Doctor Seuss quote by the way. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Id be the last person to say, you should change. You are who you are. Gorgeous you, and you should not curtail who and what you are to anyone or anyone's idea of what you should be or how you should behave However Your husband knows you best and lives with you and is the one listening to your complaints, so is it not feasible that his comment does hold some merit ? This is his observation after all and I'm assuming, a valued opinion that you asked for. In the context of your post,you are stating to your hubby, that you are not meeting the type of FWB that you wish to, he replies that in his opinion ( and he knows you better than any of us do) that all that he probably does admire in you is also perhaps too much for others to appreciate or understand. He has a valuable insight, we don't So if your current actions and attitude is not reaping the result you are after, then what needs to change in order for you to get the result you are seeking, being quality FWB's ? We all have the ability to bend, we do not have to break Just my 2 cents worth and said without malice. :-)
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Please don't change...You are who you are and if you change you are not being true to yourself.I would also probably guarantee that if you did change, for some one, the sex would be average because you wouldn't be into it. At least you know if you stay true to yourself than when it does happen you are at least half way there to be a wonderful session xxxxxxHave fun and keep smileing
-
RHP User
9 years ago
I won't be changing anytime soon, I don't think I can ;) I know when I haven't 'been myself' my friends worry that something is wrong or that I may not be enjoying myself! I've tried but I need to be true to myself. My hubby believes that when in chat or on the forums, my enthusiasm for saying what I like doing may put off prospective suitors. Discussions on kink, strap-ons etc are only ever discussed if initiated by my play partner! I'm girly-girl to the max and love doing the non-kinky stuff but look awesome when wearing my corsets and carrying my whip and flogger 😝😱 Thanks for sharing, Mary xx
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Hotwives_Inc' I won't be changing anytime soon, I don't think I can ;) I know when I haven't 'been myself' my friends worry that something is wrong or that I may not be enjoying myself! I've tried but I need to be true to myself. My hubby believes that when in chat or on the forums, my enthusiasm for saying what I like doing may put off prospective suitors. Discussions on kink, strap-ons etc are only ever discussed if initiated by my play partner! I'm girly-girl to the max and love doing the non-kinky stuff but look awesome when wearing my corsets and carrying my whip and flogger 😝😱 Thanks for sharing, Mary xx You are true to yourself, which is fantastic. This has been a great topic and an interesting and honest take on your situation. If that's what really does it for you, then Rowddy is bang on the money. I haven't met you so only gave my opinion in a general sense. But if you strongly lean that way, trying to change or 'tone it down' even, would be futile, the sex would indeed be average because you wouldn't be into it. From my experience, I've found there are lots of guys looking for fem dom's and struggle to find them. I would think you'd be bowled over in the rush lol I'm a sub in every sense so decline their interest if they heavily lean that way. But I know how the sub thing turns me on and how important that whole role play/dominant male is for me to be fully into it. (completely understand how your kinks do it for you and play partners and how they get turned on by that in reverse). Hence, I advertise myself that way, as do you. If we're honest about our sexual selves, then it's up to the person approaching us to decide whether that appeals or not. Always enjoyed your posts, you sound like a beautiful person, which also translates to intimacy or enhances intimacy I mean. And the way you responded to posts here has been classy as always
-
Haleakala
9 years ago
There is a large number of men complaining that they can't find people kinky enough so I thought you'd be inundated with requests. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
Missb4u
9 years ago
It's definitely the opposite. It seems you mention it and the men run a mile. Make mention of being a sub and its even more quiet.... Crickets chirping
-
RHP User
9 years ago
how on earth can anyone pretend to be someone they are not ? Be the truest you can be to yourself .. Which u clearly are .. I personally love all the kinky talk .. Strapons after all a just a toy dick hahhaha and if men are scared of them well a pussy will eat him alive hahah If what your into scares any sexy peeps off then they are to immature to handle it anyway... Don't knock it till you try it I say ... Mary your soul is the most truest of all I've talked to so far on RPH .. Keeping it real girl ... MrsG 💋 - Posted from rhpmobile
-
Seachange
9 years ago
I have met you several times and I have found you very funny, honest and delightful person. Personally, I would not see why you would change. Stay as you are, i,e, keep your kinks and continue on your sexual journey. However, Chichi makes a good point. I am not your target audience and since you have had this discussion with your hubby, obviously, you have some concerns. Your hubby knows you best than most of us will ever do and take his opinions on board. Maybe it is not that you need to change but more the approach? Hope that makes sense. see you around the traps. xxx
-
RHP User
9 years ago
offer a different viewpoint? Sometimes, to get what you want, you need to compromise. Mary, you are amazing just the way you are, but clearly you are not getting what you want. Perhaps try something different? Men need women to need them. Stroke their ego, act like life would be incomplete without them, and make them feel special. Do not mention your awesome husband, no one wants to be the second choice! Mary, perhaps being submissive will get you the sex you want? It doesn't change who you are in your real life. But hey, in your real life you are a perfect school mum and house wife We only get one life. Do whatever you need to do to make it awesome every single day!
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Isn't there a song lyric? Quoting 'MsJonesy' Don't change a thing....Don't go changing to try and please me You never let me down before Don't imagine you're too familiar And I don't see you anymore I wouldn't leave you in times of trouble We never could have come this far I took the good times; I'll take the bad times I'll take you just the way you are Don't go trying some new fashion Don't change the colour of your hair You always have my unspoken passion Although I might not seem to care I don't want clever conversation I never want to work that hard I just want someone that I can talk to I want you just the way you are I need to know that you will always be The same old someone that I knew What will it take till you believe in me The way that I believe in you? I said I love you and that's forever And this I promise from the heart I could not love you any better I love you just the way you are
-
MsJonesy
9 years ago
Thats an old classic! The one I was thinking of is probably just as old.... Don't change a thing by the legendary INXS. The chorus: Don't change for you Don't change a thing for me Don't change for you Don't change a thing for me.
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 14361 Comments: 120840
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1355 Comments: 14709
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2425 Comments: 17234
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2405 Comments: 12737
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 794 Comments: 5154
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1148 Comments: 6957
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 622 Comments: 2145
-
LGBT
Topics: 156 Comments: 1150
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share