M43
Fuck buddy or Friends with benefits
November 10 2017
Comments
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RHP User
7 years ago
My preference would be for a fwb but to be honest, I'd take either atm. It's been far too long between drinks.
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RHP User
7 years ago
I’ve never really done the fuck buddy thing ... Not a huge fan of men who like to ‘blow and go’. Personally I like the idea of FWB, as for me the connection has to be more than just physical, and whilst I’m not seeking a full on relationship, as I value my independence immensely, it’s really nice to be able to converse and enjoy sexy quality ‘hang out’ time with the person you are enjoying sexy time with. Maybe it’s s chick thing I don’t know .. and each to their own, but I know I want more than to be just a booty call - Posted from rhpmobile
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The_Antichrist
7 years ago
A fwb.... Every relationship irrespective of how casual it may be, has its ups, and it’s downers..... Enjoy the good, wind down, so you’re energised and ready for the down times.... And.... The best bit..... You are more comfy to explore more as you already know where most of not all boundaries lie...in all aspects, not just the bedroom. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
Really interesting to hear your point of view. I've only ever done the fb thing, like you, preferred to get straight down to it. I'm still like that, can fully understand how it can put you off your mojo with them when mundane life stuff gets dragged in. The only thing I would like now occasionally, not always I have to stress, is to be asked out for drinks, still with the intention of playing but with time for a bit of a flirt, build up the sexual tension, maybe get naughty in public, but when ALL my meets are usually tucked away somewhere, I get tired of being treated like a dirty little secret. It would turn me on to have guys be proud to be with me in public, no matter how young they are. Let's face it, I could sometimes pass for their mother, slip under the public radar that way 😎 But I'm a very horny woman and love public sex, prefer guys who have a kinky edge and kind of have that 'fuck what people think' attitude re us being together 👍
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RHP User
7 years ago
have met me out in public, hung with me on the beach or in coffee shops, not many though
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Dirtyandfriendly
7 years ago
Quoting 'I_touch_myself2' Really interesting to hear your point of view. I've only ever done the fb thing, like you, preferred to get straight down to it. I'm still like that, can fully understand how it can put you off your mojo with them when mundane life stuff gets dragged in. The only thing I would like now occasionally, not always I have to stress, is to be asked out for drinks, still with the intention of playing but with time for a bit of a flirt, build up the sexual tension, maybe get naughty in public, but when ALL my meets are usually tucked away somewhere, I get tired of being treated like a dirty little secret. It would turn me on to have guys be proud to be with me in public, no matter how young they are. Let's face it, I could sometimes pass for their mother, slip under the public radar that way 😎 But I'm a very horny woman and love public sex, prefer guys who have a kinky edge and kind of have that 'fuck what people think' attitude re us being together 👍 I thinks a bit weak when they do that, age isn't a concern to me and they want to meet you too. I guess if i was to do the FWB it would need to be a fuckbuddy first and go from there. I just find people annoying, I need someone with a piste attitude for it to work though. But sex needs to happen frequently I don't like just a meet up for a drink and go our separate ways.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Maybe I need to move to WA. I'd be proud to be seen in public with you. Plenty of pda included. I don't care what others think when I'm out and about. It's great to build up the sexual tension while you are out.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Yeah I'm the same. Sex is definitely the plan 😉
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RHP User
7 years ago
I like both. Just depends on the person and what you're both after at the time. You make it sound like all FWB are negative. Like who does want to hang around negative people? No one that's who. I remember meeting a couple online a few years ago. She wanted to meet me first for a drink so she could chat to me about their relationship. I wasn't sure what to expect but I got war and peace... all about their ups and downs as a couple. Totally ruined it for me.... I had no interest in their dramas. It just wasn't the time or place for that.
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Livingandloving2
7 years ago
I wouldn't be comfortable unless we were friends first- Mrs LAL - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
I prefer FWB I like a connection and its not the same with every partner..it has no rules or boundaries....fuck buddy no thanks I would rather masturbate!ohh and I wouldn't have any sort of relationship with someone who was negative or allow them to drag me into their shit
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RHP User
7 years ago
I much prefer a FWB arrangement. What can be so bad about having sexy friends? And if you or they are having a bad day, it can always be brightened with a good round of cheer-up sex. I find that I’m much more relaxed and therefore the sex is soooooo much better with a FWB than a FB.
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RHP User
7 years ago
For me it totally depends on the context.... When it comes to 1-on-1 with women, I prefer a solid FWB type thing where there is room for some real emotional exchange. And it's not surprising really. Being solo polyamorous it's what I'm used to, and it's just what works for me. So anything "less" is a bit disappointing in that context. With guys I can entertain something much closer to a FB headspace. But still not quite as casual as some. With couples it would probably be some mix of the two I guess.
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bonefide
7 years ago
a few have met me out in public, hung with me on the beach or in coffee shops, not many though Well that's thier loss, total fools. They don't now when they have a Fab awsome lady in thier presents.
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RHP User
7 years ago
...has for me lost all appeal. Friends first then comes the rest...I'll leave the road-kill laying along side the free-way as the buzzards will eat most anything they find regardless of taste or smell.
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EarthQueen
7 years ago
Everything is better with a friend. I like the connection. Also because I’m single and most of my friends are married it’s fun to have someone to catch up for drink, beach, watch a band and sex after is icing on the cake. I’m at a place where I can like someone without clinging to them. There are no massive expectations apart from being good to each other and having a fun time. I can’t maintain interest in someone with a FB attitude that only calls when they want to get laid. It feels disrespectful. - Posted from rhpmobile
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gedsaid69
7 years ago
Yes a FWB is the way to go it gives me something to look forward to meeting with you - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
Quoting 'EarthQueen' Everything is better with a friend. I like the connection. Also because I’m single and most of my friends are married it’s fun to have someone to catch up for drink, beach, watch a band and sex after is icing on the cake. I’m at a place where I can like someone without clinging to them. There are no massive expectations apart from being good to each other and having a fun time. I can’t maintain interest in someone with a FB attitude that only calls when they want to get laid. It feels disrespectful. - Posted from rhpmobile I feel exactly the same however even via online sites it's almost impossible to find FWBs.Most guys want nothing more than to just hit and run as one forum contributor accurately described it.So few men have any depth or substance to them. More shallow than a kid's wading pool most of 'em.
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Dirtyandfriendly
7 years ago
Quoting 'EarthQueen' Everything is better with a friend. I like the connection. Also because I’m single and most of my friends are married it’s fun to have someone to catch up for drink, beach, watch a band and sex after is icing on the cake. I’m at a place where I can like someone without clinging to them. There are no massive expectations apart from being good to each other and having a fun time. I can’t maintain interest in someone with a FB attitude that only calls when they want to get laid. It feels disrespectful. - Posted from rhpmobileI want someone who likes that kind of arrangement. Do something fun, then have sex and go about or business. Unfortunately it doesnt happen that way often.
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EarthQueen
7 years ago
Quoting 'vampavibe' I feel exactly the same however even via online sites it's almost impossible to find FWBs.Most guys want nothing more than to just hit and run as one forum contributor accurately described it.So few men have any depth or substance to them. More shallow than a kid's wading pool most of 'em. Vampavibe, I thought living in a big city like Melbourne would make it more doable? No? Being straight up makes it easier. Laying out the ground rules, talking about what it means. Then I think they chill and aren't so shit scared of you or them catching the feels. There are still feels, its just not the clingy type. Or maybe when the fantasy becomes reality it just loses its excitement and appeal and you end up friend zoning or just not maintaining contact. I'm not sure? Haven't been doing it long enough. Is there anyone out there with long term FWB who can elaborate.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Quoting 'EarthQueen' Quoting 'vampavibe' I feel exactly the same however even via online sites it's almost impossible to find FWBs.Most guys want nothing more than to just hit and run as one forum contributor accurately described it.So few men have any depth or substance to them. More shallow than a kid's wading pool most of 'em. Vampavibe, I thought living in a big city like Melbourne would make it more doable? No? Being straight up makes it easier. Laying out the ground rules, talking about what it means. Then I think they chill and aren't so shit scared of you or them catching the feels. There are still feels, its just not the clingy type. Or maybe when the fantasy becomes reality it just loses its excitement and appeal and you end up friend zoning or just not maintaining contact. I'm not sure? Haven't been doing it long enough. Is there anyone out there with long term FWB who can elaborate. a few years ago but they both moved interstate for work so those arrangements ended. Ever since, there's just a couple of long term fuck buddies and, as trustworthy, reliable and considerate as they both are, I would like to add a couple of FWB to the mix as FWB is my preference.(I'm well aware that men don't want/like relationships so wouldn't even begin to hope for one of those)Tried for years to again find some suitable FWB.Was very open minded and gave many men the benefit of the doubt when making decisions whether or not to meet but even after discussions around who wanted what, likes and dislikes, asking what I thought were the right questions to ensure both parties were on the same page etc etc, I seemed to just end up with too many men who, once in the bedroom couldn't deliver what they promised and/or were only concerned about their destination and not the sexual journey together.Where one lives, Melbs or elsewhere, doesn't seem to make any difference.So quite a while back I updated my profile to state that I wasn't meeting anyone anymore and am just here for the forum entertainment.And BTW, Thanks heaps everyone for keeping the forum very entertaining xxx I still receive messages and flirts every day from people despite what my profile now says.It's obvious most of them have not read my profile.If they have, and still message me, then I apologise in advance but I won't be replying.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Quoting 'EarthQueen' Being straight up makes it easier. Laying out the ground rules, talking about what it means. Then I think they chill and aren't so shit scared of you or them catching the feels. There are still feels, its just not the clingy type. Or maybe when the fantasy becomes reality it just loses its excitement and appeal and you end up friend zoning or just not maintaining contact. I'm not sure? Haven't been doing it long enough. Is there anyone out there with long term FWB who can elaborate. Yup. That is basically the trick... I have several lovely ongoing connections which would essentially be seen as FWBs by the mainstream imagination. I actually tend to think of myself more as solo polyamorous personally, but that's only tangentially relevant to this discussion...meh labels.... What it mostly comes down to is finding people who are okay with catching the feels, simply because you are all mature people who realize that the feels don't have to inspire anything too clingy or dramatic. Just roll with it and enjoy the warms and fuzzies. Then you can have a FWB-like connection which is stable, open, emotionally satisfying, and can last essentially forever. I've never had one of them go sour before. Even if the sexual content may have waxed and waned, the intimate friendships and affection are ongoing. I think the main reason this is so hard for people is that we (sadly) live in a culture with a very adversarial scarcity model of love. We've made some progress when it comes to de-mystifying and liberating sexuality, but catching the feels is still stuck in the same mindset as sexuality prior to the 1960s. Most people just don't know how to be cool about it, but the trick to successful and ongoing FWBs is exactly that.
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RHP User
7 years ago
I'm too old for a fuckbuddy That just seems like too much effort going from person to person I'd just prefer a nice stable FWB thing. Fuckbuddies is for indecisive 20 year olds.
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Dallas1975
7 years ago
My definitions would be: FWB - someone you see outside of the bedroom, say for movies, coffee, drinks, just hanging out.Fuckbuddy - someone who you see almost entirely in the bedroom....or bent over the kitchen bench, an armchair, the edge of the pool, the backseat of the car....you get my drift ;-)
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RHP User
7 years ago
Yes, but the issue I've always had with fwb is it becomes a relationship. If you're (meaning anyone) enjoying great sex, and enjoying the company of that person for life things, then it invariably ends up going south, one or the other will wonder why it isn't official (not meaning marriage). I just don't see how it can ever work without people being hurt, with the exception of married/attached people in open relationships who partner up with someone in the same situation. I also believe there are many who claim they are happy with that arrangement but secretly want more/love. For me, fb or relationship, the only two viable sustaining options
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MrPlayful
7 years ago
I’d agree with you Dallas as opposed to inthemarket’s post suggesting that a FB is more like a hook up or one night stand. A FB in my book would be someone you meet regularly, or not so regularly perhaps, but not just a once off. And for me, a FWB would do just nicely... friends in and out of the bedroom, someone you can get to know we’ll over time, build trust and a relationship of sorts with, and find a genuine caring yet lusting connection.
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MsSuperFoxy
7 years ago
IMO they are just labels. Most of the time I reckon people put labels in place before they've even met a person. For me when that happens it turns me off. I want a choice in my relationships. As soon as a label is put on me, it adds pressure. I also believe it depends on people, if they are emotionally available or not. I seek/want emotionally available relationships. Relationships that light up my soul. Ms Foxy
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RHP User
7 years ago
I did not agree that this always leads to one person falling for the other. You kind of know don’t you? Nice person, great hanging out but you know you’ll not feel anything more about them. Often you know. Don’t you?
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MrPlayful
7 years ago
I think it is all about open and honest communication. Honesty being the big key, and knowing that if either of you get too close as a FWB then you need eachother’s honesty and understanding to be up front about it and start cooling things off or cutting it off if that is the case. No need to be hurt or hurt eachother, just know and understand that is rules of the relationship. And if one does cut things off then take it as a compliment and thank them for their honesty. Obviously your experience shows though that person is hard to find... mind you, if I were single I think it would be very hard to accept a FWB as just that, easier for my brain to understand being in either a FB situation or a relationship on the other end of thenscale. If I were single I think FWB might muddy the waters too much and leave me wanting more? It is a fine line and understand your standpoint. Xx
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RHP User
7 years ago
Muddy the waters yes. My protection barrier from matters of the heart 😉 has always been the age difference but I just have no interest in casual sex with men over 40 I suppose ball park. They have to be able to offer me something more than a fuck because quite frankly, I have better options if that's all it's going to be. It's very much about timing though, I've discovered. Few guys I've caught just out of long term relationships. I fully understood they needed time to be single for a few years, before reattaching. I needed that also but 3 years along, now need more. I don't want live in or marriage though, definitely not marriage lol purely boyfriend/girlfriend. Do you worry that a fwb will either get too attached to you, or you her? You know, the more time you spend with someone, the heart can start to open up?
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