Getting into the scene when you have children

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  RHP User

  5 years ago

  When I was meeting people as a single, I’d plan a social meet first...something that’s not a huge investment of my time, money, and emotions. And that meeting would be secondary to my planned outing in case they never showed up...but thankfully that never happened. I’d also plan my meets around kid free weekends...obviously your scenario is different. The thing though to remember is to not have expectations that meets are going to end up travelling a particular path......that’s a highway to destination disappointment in my view. Mr dragon

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  RHP User

  5 years ago

  That's fair and I would never go into a meet expecting something to happen that would definately not be cool. More so how do I convey that it is quite a thing to be able to go out for the night and we haven't even managed an overnight yet. It's just how do I word that without sounding like an asshole I guess

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  RHP User

  5 years ago

  And if I found them attractive and wanted to play with them, it never bothered me having to fit round their parenting responsibilities. I've had kids myself and understand that's just part of being a parent. Of course, there had to be an attraction to feel that way and I haven't felt attracted to every couple I've met nor them to me.

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  ReyandJean

  5 years ago

  After blowing hundreds of dollars on babysitters to get to meets that went nowhere, no shows, etc. We made it policy to only meet at parties or events. That way we could be assured of a night out regardless of the results of the meeting.

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  RHP User

  5 years ago

  Wording for me might be different....I’m a tell em as it is and if they have a problem with it, then it’s theirs to deal with kinda guy.. So I’m probably not the best at answering questions about being tactful 😂😂 Mr dragon

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  CandiKane

  5 years ago

  Hey Jase2202! Yep, we feel your pain and unfortunately have not managed to avoid sounding like assholes. As FunLovingGal alludes to, we do come across many understanding and patient fellow parents, but find that very few really appreciate what its like without any outside support at all. We have a young toddler and have to manage without local family support. For us, just getting out the door has been proving a real challenge let alone anywhere near on time. When we make plans, 9 times out of 10 we have to cancel, often at the last minute and the one time we do, we're hours late. Even ones closest and dearest friends will begin to struggle with you let alone meeting and making new friends. The last thing we ever want to do is waste any ones time. We are really keen to get back out there, in fact if we don't start to manage it soon we fear we'll go mad. If only the "RHP babysitting for naughty parents club" was a thing.... ;)

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  CandiKane

  5 years ago

  We must add that RaeAndDean's suggestion of parties and events has so far proven to be our only solution.

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  zzzyyyxxx

  5 years ago

  we do parties & events, its just easy & avoids any complications etc. turn up & have some fun & go home. fits into our schedule, whatever that may be, all good.

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  RHP User

  5 years ago

  Thanks for the advice people parties seem to be the go. We are quite happy to just meet people for drinks happy to even just make some friends there doesn't have to be more than that tbh. Just the entire evolution of it is a complete pain add in travel time for us which is a 2 hour round trip to the city.

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  usrightnow_Again

  5 years ago

  When we were actively playing with people, our children were a constant impediment to meeting up with people. As CandiKane mentioned, something can come up with the little darlings last minute and throw the best organised plans out the window. It can be terribly frustrating, however, it can also be the circumstance you have to work with. Organise a social get together first, if everyone wants to proceed with more, just make sure those you want to play with are aware, upfront, of the situation. Always give people as much notice as possible if you have to cancel, be patient, and work toward another time to try again. It's perhaps easier, with others who also have children, as they may be more likely to understand. Best of luck. Mr. urn. .

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  FeistyFatty

  5 years ago

  Easily Sorry but can't empathise. Every time we've arranged to meet people, they've been there and neither of us has had this issue. Kids rarely even factor in to my thinking...... thats what a Nanny service is for. We also have nk family here so its just us. We make the most od when grandparents visit once or twice a year and have a few nights away. Or just pay sitters...... having a family isn't unusual here so we've never found it terribly complicating.

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  2inBrisbane

  5 years ago

  As a parent of a 16yr old (part time) I’ve always made a point to ensure that anyone we engage with who has children know that family comes first (always). And that it’s never an issue to reschedule for family reasons, in that regard regular communication is the simple answer, My housing situation means that it’s easier for me to be flexible, and open to change, but at the same time when I have my son family comes first. AJ (mr)

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  MsJonesy

  5 years ago

  What we want cannot be attained when we want it. Sometimes life just gets in the way.... in your case, kids get in the way. Maybe you need to park the fun activities until you have more reliable resources at your disposal for babysitting. As a single person who has had alot of interactions and adventures with couples, any pressure placed on me regarding how 'big deal' it was for the couple to get time to meet me was a big red flag. Firstly, their babysitting arrangements were nothing to do with me, and quite frankly a turn off to hear about the dramas. Secondly, that type of talk always made me think there would be pressure to play on first meet so they didn't waste a night off... I have a pretty strict meet first play next time rule. Thirdly, if it was such a big deal to get a night off, then it would probably always be that way, and therefore ongoing meets would invariably be when they could get a reliable babysitter, or the kids didn't get sick, or have a meltdown which delayed them for hours etcetera. In other words, meets would be only when it suited them. I'm not interested in that type of arrangement. Sorry, this post may not meet your criteria of being gentle on you. But it is honest, and I hope it gives you a different perspective. Good luck with your adventures 😊

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  RHP User

  5 years ago

  Definately good to hear the other perspective on it thank you .

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  N4November

  5 years ago

  Just wait until you have TEENAGERS!!!! They are the WORST for having a sex life! 😂🤣

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  scandu4fun

  5 years ago

  We are happy in our own skin so to speak, so if there's a no show we're ok, if late we're fine, if they need to reschedule we understand, it allows us to not be disappointed if sex doesn't pan out so family interruptions don't matter, it just means we had a nice night out together. We can't be the only ones out here like that, just be you and if it doesn't happen often then it's more special when it does. Make sure it's special though. Also if it's a 2 hour trip, try to find people that can meet you half way, and won't mind if it doesn't pan out for whatever reason. Have fun and be safe, after all that's what it's about after all.

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