F58

Getting over it. Possible?

February 23 2016

Hi people of the RHP forums (Fora?). Long time lurker and first time poster here - please be gentle with me. Not sure if I'm looking for your advice here, rather looking to hear if any of you have had a similar experience and how you dealt with it. And apologies in advance for how long this post is going to be - sorry! Way back in 2012 I started hooking up with someone. Both of us single, both us recently out of messy relationships. We also both accepted that the relationship was for now and not forever, for various reasons including age difference (I'm a good few years older than he is), because neither of us was interested in a committed relationship and the fact that at some point he would move back interstate and there was no way I'd ever follow him. The sex was off the Richter scale and just got better and better. There was a level of trust between us that allowed us to explore our sexual fantasies without fear of judgement, and it was fantastic. In 2014, the inevitable happened, and he moved interstate. That was it, I thought. Nice, tidy end to it. But we couldn't stay away from each other, and caught up a couple times. He flew back here once, and I flew over east once as well. Both of us acknowledged the fact that neither of us had experienced sex at that level with anyone else. Also, we both acknowledged that we aren't in love with each other. We remained in intermittent contact via txt... hot and heavy txts lol. Fast forward to yesterday, after a couple of months being out of contact. He txts me to say he's moving back to Perth. Reading between the lines, I get the impression he's now in a relationship. I ask him, and he confirms it. I'm happy for him, although insanely envious that someone else is getting what I'd desperately love to have i.e out of this world sex! He still wants us to catch up (to fuck) but that's out of the question for me. I'm not going to have sex with someone that I know is cheating. I tell him this and he's understanding, although he does push me to change my mind. No deal, and I effectively block him from any further communication. So my question is, have you ever experienced this and how did you move on? I am in sexual thrall to this man, and I find it hard to imagine being with another man and having the sort of sex/relationshipthat I had with him with anyone else. Which was basically a sub/dom relationship, with me as sub. Being submissive doesn't come naturally to me except with him. I guess I want to know if there's any hope for me?? TLDR? Met guy, sexually infatuated with said guy, can't be with him anymore, how do I get over it? Disclaimer: this post is not about the fact that he's prepared to cheat on his girlfriend. Leave it alone, it's accepted that he's a dick for being willing to do that.

Comments

RHP User

9 years ago

Everyone's experience is different and nobody can predict for you how you will cope.But for your sake let him go.As amazing as your relationship was it's now in the past. Although you say you were not in love there was obviously a strong emotional and physical bond. Don't have anymore contact with him is my advice,the cliche of time being a great healer is true..one day I do predict,you will wake up and no longer be in his thrall,and take your power back. I was in a different situation but I let my feelings control me for years until one day I realised what a waste of time and energy it was. Hugs Freya

reply

like
RHP User

9 years ago

strange situation to be so into him but to not feel love? I do understand the dom/sub thing though and how very powerful that can be. That is what happened to me last year and it's hard to walk away from, but I have to say that walking away, as Freya suggested, would be my advice. There are men who are very smooth and know how to press your buttons, which is fine to a degree, but not when it compromises you, your feelings. Not sure that will make sense but he is now with someone else so has moved on and unless she's into sharing, which it doesn't sound like that is the case, then I think it's best to move forward, one foot in front of the other, begin the search for someone else to do that for you. That won't be easy but I like to tell myself it's a big ocean full of fish, all swimming around trying to find another sexy fish

reply

like
RHP User

9 years ago

Well yes, but it will take time ( a major factor) and a change of mindset. Your comment " I am in sexual thrall to this man" is a very telling one. Yes you were and probably still are, but the truth of the matter is that although he probably was also enthralled with you as well , it appears that all he was, as he has moved on when you were apart and formed other formative relationships. This is a reality that you really need to address and work through The fact that this was a sub/dom relationship, (which I have no issue with, so not judging) needs to be examined as well, as these relationships CAN be destructive in as much as they are so powerful that when they end, it can lead one to questioning their role within the relationship, more so than in vanilla relationships Just because you've had awesome sex with one, doesn't mean you won't with another. Sex with others will be different and I think you need to be open to this and not mentally compare your past, present or future partners and accept them on their own sexual merits The old saying "to get over one, one needs to get under another" can help with you "getting over" and dealing with this situation, however I would only recommend this if you feel your emotionally able to separate sex and emotion You sound like you're pretty together though but currently experiencing the natural grief of losing something terrific to another and the fact that your former lover is now in close proximity, leading one to feeling tempted. Although you have stated clearly not to comment on the fact that he is prepared to cheat, this is , in fact, rather relevant. Being caught up in that raw sexual heat can be amazing and intoxicating . He is prepared to risk his all to experience that again which says a great deal about him and his respect for his partner and for you If you go there again, I'm sure you will know, that this is all you will ever be, sexual heat and nothing more. You sound like a smart girl and I think you will act smart. Just be kind to yourself and perhaps, block his number ? Wishing you all the best

reply

like
RHP User

9 years ago

But try and fill your life with other amazing things (including sexual experiences with others) until it longer becomes such an issue. Take the experience for what is was - you had mind blowing encounters with this man and it's something that you can look back on and smile about. As far as other experiences not meeting the same level - take each new experience for what it is. It might be that the guy has a way with words, allows you to be in the moment, makes you laugh etc. rather than always compare like its a score card (not saying you do this but just using it as a point of reference), find the good in each new encounter as different - not better or worse. And hopefully one day there will be another who takes you even further and blows your former lover out of the water! But you have to be open to it. If you think that no one else is going to come close - you're closing yourself and others from the chance of making it happene again.

reply

like
RHP User

9 years ago

so that changes a few things.."No mater which of us.. or both of us were in a relationship.. we would fck"Biologically, I am what I am, the web of life and the chain of command in my DNA made me that.. I have never believed I was born to be a one woman man, and do not believe women are supposed to be a one man creature either.All honest respect for those who chose to be in permanent and singular relationship..but I will not do it.And, the Lord knows I HAVE tried.. "QUOTE"At 4 1/2 months old, a human foetus has a reptile's tail; a remnant of our evolution. Maybe that's what I couldn't escape. You can fight a lot of enemies and survive. But if you fight your biology, you will always lose. "UNQUOTE"

reply

like
RHP User

9 years ago

Quoting 'Freya70' Everyone's experience is different and nobody can predict for you how you will cope.But for your sake let him go.As amazing as your relationship was it's now in the past. Although you say you were not in love there was obviously a strong emotional and physical bond. Don't have anymore contact with him is my advice,the cliche of time being a great healer is true..one day I do predict,you will wake up and no longer be in his thrall,and take your power back. I was in a different situation but I let my feelings control me for years until one day I realised what a waste of time and energy it was. Hugs Freya and I'd also just like to add another small piece of advice, silly though it may sound but from time to time when I need to push myself to do something or tell myself that it will be ok after all and stuff like that, I simply look myself in the mirror and tell myself "You will do this"In your case, look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself "Do not think about him anymore. Get over him now"Funny thing is, it usually works! On another note, are many interstate people coming to Melb for the meet n greet on 5th March?

reply

like
RHP User

9 years ago

You will find someone else sexually compatible with you. I met a guy and we had mind blowing sex but the initial attraction wore off. I missed the sex but a few months later I met someone and its even better. You have to let go before you can move forward. Think of it as one of lifes better experiences.

reply

like
RHP User

9 years ago

Yep, I'm the female version of you. What he said....I think? lol though it sounds to me like the op has feelings for this guy, correct me if I'm wrong op, but I don't think it's all about sex. I think you're saying what you want him to hear, a cover for how you really feel, knowing he doesn't feel the same way. If he did, he'd be with you right? Just my opinion but I do feel this can't just be sex, not for you, sounds like it is to him. You also didn't say the actual age gap? That might shed some light on this 😀

reply

like
RHP User

9 years ago

I get what you're saying, the sharing would happen regardless lol we both have the devil in us, bit like a fetish isn't it? I like being a bad girl, turns me on, pussy just twinged then, seriously, does it for me lol what cavey is saying I believe, is that nothing would stop him, he'd do it anyway, truth is, so would I. However, the op suggested that's not for her. The only other option is a broken heart IMHO unless you're cavey or I_touch lol then it's full steam ahead, ship ahoy me hearties 😁 oops slipped into pirate talk there

reply

like
cleopatrababe

9 years ago

I had much the same thing happen ...he was younger than me it was amazing i fell hard ..he left got engaged after 4 years turned up at my door ..massive shock i let him in how stupid ..it was tough to say goodbye again but the best thing to do let it go move forward you will find it again when ur ready good luck ...koko and freya love your posts btw - Posted from rhpmobile

reply

like
inspirit

9 years ago

You keep it as a beautiful memory and you will always have a candle burning somewhere and thats ok. Maybe you could "categorise" him to the best D/s lover. I had one of those and we will never be together again. There is more out there and there is more to learn about yourself. Best way to move on is get your ass out there and have some fun. Good luck xxx - Posted from rhpmobile

reply

like

Getting over it. Possible?

Comments

Tags

Boards

Forum help