RHP

RHP User

F44

Gossip Mags should be tossed

December 17 2016

Some may wonder why my name is numbers... well I used to be pretty good with numbers... I even thought I could change my name fittingly to Pi, 3.14159... but no . allowed *sad face* I studied Commerce and worked in banking (for too long). During that time, I was going through all sorts of growing pains. Wanting to be accepted, cool, smart, popular, extroverted, being tough, doing things right the first time like Kathleen or Belinda or Susan but never myself. I was too quiet, I had no opinion, I never spoke a word during that whole meeting and every other person did. Then, in trying to be more expressive and extroverted, (completely unnatural to me) I began to hear a lot of gossip. What I learnt after hearing gossip and meeting the people, they were never as bad as the toxic words spoken of them behind their backs. But I was very close to these gossipers because they knew things about people. I realised I would not judge until I meet the person, but still be wary - take every word with a grain of salt. What I found to my surprise was almost always the dynamics were positively different to what they seemed! Keeping an open mind seemed to be the key. Another friend was made. This paradigm came in very handy when I worked for the government in Toronto. A lady came back from extended sick leave when I was only months into my contract. We became very close and she was quietly spoken, but she was very very gossipy and it consumed her. She was trying so hard to get pregnant and looking at others getting pregnant so easily, crushed her inside and I was sad for her. I knew she put too much mental energy, money, manipulating her body with procedures, medication and diets. Nothing seemed to work and it was heartbreaking. She even blamed her husband at one point, but all I could say was maybe it's not that (to give her another avenue). Everytime she talked about someone else to not think of her problems, I had to tell her "T, you have to stop this toxic gossip and give your opinions about people, I don't mind but it's really affecting you. You think badly of people because of the past. I'm not really interested in them. I want to know more about you. Work at your own life, work on your own relationship, stop buying those gossip mags. Let's talk about real things that can help you and your husband. Let's go get coffee on break." In the year that I knew her she invited me to dinners and showed me a lot of Canadian things. Im still not knowledgable about that stuff. We were such great friends, she never told me her age (prob abt 40? But irrelevant if she didn't want to share) nor did we take many pics because she said some rubbish about not looking good in them :( We were so girly together, shopping, lunching, coffee and it made us smile. As I left Canada over a year later, she got pregnant and no miscarriage! I never got to know little S (boy) and later Q (girl) but I couldn't be happier that she finally left her toxic job to chase her dream and possibly (and hopefully) leave her old toxic gossipy life behind to focus on a beautiful life of her own. When the universe opens up, it's really your brain filtering stuff you want into your view and you say - yes! Our focus and language are very important. The buck stops with you, what you decide to let in. In highschool, our teacher asked us to write our answer to the question - What is more important - academic or social achievement? (Can't remember the exact wording but I remember the lesson) I remember at first I wrote academic, but then I crossed it out and wrote social because personality is everything about the person. Giving someone background in a favourable light of that person provides understanding and admiration but horrible backstabbing when people genuinely do their best is absolutely unfair. Anyone else agree or care to share their general or own personal thoughts, positively? #DontSupportGossipGroup - Posted from rhpmobile

Comments

  • RHP

    RHP User

    8 years ago

    And then there are facts - people tend to confuse the two. When I was a lot younger I revelled in gossip. Whether it was about people I knew, strangers or the gossip mags. Looking back now I know it's because I'm intrigued by human behaviour and it also gave me a falsely inflated sense of self worth. People into gossip use it to deflect attention from themselves and what's going on in their lives. Even when it's without malicious intent, it's damaging - not just to the person being gossiped about, but their loved ones and even to the person with the loose mouth. It's serves no positive purpose. It creates stress and drama when there are so many other things people can be doing. It comes from a place of jealousy, competeition, insecurity and greed. I judge people based on their actions, and not the words of others. One persons perception of a situation or heresay can be very different from the actual truth. Well let's face it - most of time it is. I've heard lots of quite cruel and derogatory things said about people, only to find out later it was a complete lie or totally blown out of proportion. It taught me to take gossip and rumours with a grain of salt. As far as the media goes - those magazines prove themselves time and time again to be make completely false statements. But until everyone stops buying their crap, they will continue with their slander and stories because it makes them money.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    8 years ago

    Is damaging ..most social history is based on gossip...we only know about the Celts for instance because of the Roman writers..and they were their enemies. However gossiping can be contagious,the negative kind in particular ..why are we so ready to believe the scurrilous ? Because its far more interesting than the boring truth? The consequences of gossip can be summed up in this old saying..;;Loose lips sink ships Q

  • RHP

    RHP User

    8 years ago

    Very profound *deep in thought* @Q As Vivien says in Pretty Woman, "The bad stuff is easier to believe" best romantic comedy ever - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    8 years ago

    The term 'gossip' is derived from a 16th Century term and is related to the practice of 'women's talk' whilst locked away together during childbirth labour. (Before anyone jumps on me with allegations of misogyny, I will acknowledge gossiping is not the sole domain of women). Personally, I find the practice insufferably tedious. I usually find myself tuning out when conversation turns to idle gossip. The matters which become the subject of gossip frequently speak more to the disposition of the person engaged in spreading gossip. It suggests to me the person doing the gossiping hasn't enough meaningful activity and/or mental stimulation in their own lives. I currently live in a small town (and not for the first time). I've said it before, and I'll say it again: If you want to pass information around a small town, you can telephone, telegram, or tell a local! I don't even like the word gossip!

  • MsJonesy

    MsJonesy

    8 years ago

    Or websites, or trashy tv shows....Waste of space, waste of life, waste of resources. I don't give a shite about celebrities, magic diets, someone's close encounter with their dead 5th removed cousin's best friend's dog. And those mags who breathlessly report so called 'news' which is shared by "a close friend" all deserve to be used to light the nearest bonfire. As for gossip of a general nature...it takes two to gossip. One to share it, one to listen (or read it). So which one are you? (Question is not specific to the OP).

  • RHP

    RHP User

    8 years ago

    I think they work well as fodder to the masses who "need" them.There's got to be reason why they sell so many.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    8 years ago

    I found your post utterly hilarious hahaha :D I personally try not to participate but I at least hear people out. It tells me something about what's going on upstairs. Stopping the verbally spillage only blocks it up for more crap to explode later. So I let people vent when I'm not stressed myself, as it's healthy. Some of it is absolute verbal diarrhoea. Unlike magazines, which is coming from some unreliable source that has no meaning whatsoever. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    8 years ago

    given the majority of gossip mags are marketed to women, it could be argued the women (and men) involved in the production of that garbage really are doing 'the Sisterhood' a massive disservice... The target audience really are being taken for suckers. Beyond the 'articles' and editorial content, when you consider: - the purchase price of these magazines; and - the array of BS products, services and other commercially motivated/related claims that are peddled*; and - the existing inequality of wages and salaries paid to each of the genders, you might question the sincerity, truth and loyalty of those who claim they publish that stuff in the interests of women, huh? It seems to me, adherence to that crap will actually work to keep women in penury! * Diets, cosmetics, fashion etc etc etc ad infinitum (all specifically tailored to make people unhappy with themselves unless they jump on the bandwagon currently trundling by).

  • RHP

    RHP User

    8 years ago

    I have not purchased magazines since the 70's and only read newspapers, usually preferring the Fin Review, if there's a copy lying around whichever coffee shop I choose to stop at on the way to work each morning.Never view trash tv either. Just not interested.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    8 years ago

    Businesses love exploiting emotions, but that's not to say they're all are scammy. Some especially love to prey on impulse buyers for short term, instant gratification, especially making people feel they are not enough or "look at her, she's/he's this, that and the other, look how much better you are". "Oooooh pretty lights!!! Makes me feel wonderful"... yep. Magazines are just the "now" thing. No real substance... it's like something you just flip through in a waiting room. People generally love aesthetics though at least until the fantasy wears off. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    8 years ago

    Who buys gossip magazines..who reads them? Sometimes people like me who read them while waiting..sometimes hours for medical appointments .Reading about Kimmy,Kanye et al lulls me into such a torpor I keep calm.:) Q

  • inspirit

    inspirit

    8 years ago

    Gossip. Positive thoughts always prevail. However we must remember some people just cant stay focused on the positive. I personally believe it's because they're waiting for the sabotage. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • inspirit

    inspirit

    8 years ago

    Ive been on the receiving end of gossip many times and the worse was by some of the RHP Perth community. What did I do about it? Nothing much but certainly deleted these people from my book of "friends". I'm too old for shit. Truth comes out in the end tho but by then it's to late for apoligies. Gossip is damaging as generally in the first whisper its non factual, then as we know it esculated. Apparently I steal husbands. 😂😂😂😂😂 Retards - Posted from rhpmobile

  • AnnieWhichway

    AnnieWhichway

    8 years ago

    Interesting post. Interesting writing style. Could lend itself to gossip about the sandpit........Lol.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    8 years ago

    @Q Glad you find them entertaining... although at least you don't pay for them 😋 I generally just look at pretty pictures and don't read the crap. @Inspirit I mustn't be far behind you, I'm too old! Meh, just be you, that crap is like water off a duck's back. They tryna ruffle your feathers girrrrrl! I would stay away from drama too. @AnnieWhichWay Interesting....I find you interesting! :D What do you mean by lending it to gossip in the sandpit? I don't wanna say what I think it means in case I misinterpret. Does it sound a little far fetched? *now contemplating* - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    8 years ago

    Is a reference to the forums,also sometimes known as the Bakery Q

  • RHP

    RHP User

    8 years ago

    And we're like a bunch of kids playing in it. Sometimes we don't play nice and we throw sand. I haven't heard the Bakery reference before, Q. What does that refer to..?

  • RHP

    RHP User

    8 years ago

    It also refers to the forums..an alternative to the Sandpit..a former poster Littleredengine came up with it Q

  • RHP

    RHP User

    8 years ago

    I love gossip mags and I still buy them. Who seems to be the most reputable but I find flicking through them or viewing the entertainment news on my devices very relaxing. I am looking at the pictures and the fashion and rarely read the gossip content as I think most people are aware that it's not true. I bring the mags to work and most people will look at them. Even men. And i am in a very professional office. It's the same as watching crap on TV - you're giving your mind a rest. Lol

  • RHP

    RHP User

    8 years ago

    We are a nation of which the main story of our news is which footballer stubbed his toe and can't play the game on the weekend. (Total yawn) haha. Men are frivolous too!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    8 years ago

    Yes of course! I didn't want to be presumptuous ;) (also haven't heard of the bakery) I did read Annie's Anything and Everything OP and figured that's what it meant. Annie - so much fun ;) Of course! I already put this post out here and my heart out on the line for the piranhas to come and eat my fresh meat. I know and some of you may know how I can handle it and throw it back in their face. So you know, if anyone comes and causes trouble, there is an equal and opposite force in me that can also unleash at any moment. But the good thing is I don't make it personal even if they try to attack me. Also I do know now to take a step back and when to stop. Self control is a wonderful thing. When some people lose it, they only humiliate themselves, which brings me back to the verbal diarrhoea of gossip. A good thing about writing is that it is all there. It's not heresay, unless deleted. I remember the events and what could be a trigger, but some of it is an illusion and trivial. Unrecorded spoken words and how they make people feel in the moment is a lot different. What they've actually said is forgotten but the meaning that the person, on the receiving end, attached to those spoken words creates and emotion and burns it in their memory. Sometimes you will never know how you hurt someone... but in forums it's easy to see for me anyway. I do have some respect for people here because they are real people with feelings too, but doesn't mean that I'm not careful for them and me, now. I did go too far at times and the karma came back 10x which meant it was me. I did ask for it. I didn't see it at the time and I do admit that my ego was forcing someone to explain. I didn't stop when I should have and for that, I do apologise. I have forgiven all the nay-Sayers because they do not know the dynamics and that can be a variable that is ignored in the process, no matter how much attention is wanted. Cut out the noise and get to the issue. The greats say god/higher force comes through them like a vessel. It is in silence, we find consciousness and clarity, quiet the mind and all the noise disappears and there you will find your true positive voice. Deep hahaha blah blah blah... - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    8 years ago

    *comes through them like a vessel. I think that was Oprah saying it. Decades of discipline, practise, focus and intention ;) - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    8 years ago

    Right there! Our brain just filters out stuff we don't think is important but may have been important to someone else. This is where misunderstandings can happen. Reading my comment now, it does sound so egotistical... :O but it's just my enthusiasm from what I've learnt. Sorry, it can be a bit much. I'll stop now :) - Posted from rhpmobile

  • cat_n_the_hatter

    cat_n_the_hatter

    8 years ago

    Interesting. I can not remember when was the last time someone gossiped in front of me...and long ago when they tried, I would just walk away. Now I wonder if I was disrespectful? Regarding mags or similar things. First system makes you insecure. Then it creates the need and the offer to satisfy it is there. Request too intimidating to accept, and too appealing to refuse. And everyone is reading it, watching it, talking about it. Mind in a loop. I guess when women started reading, it was so much safer to offer them silly things to read... better than letting them 'disturb the circle' (Ms)

  • AnnieWhichway

    AnnieWhichway

    8 years ago

    Not being your first time on here, l presumed you were up with the sandpit term. My bad. Alluding to gossip working out who you reincarnated from. Slightly off topic so apologies and return you all to the regular program.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    8 years ago

    ...or the tv equivalents like Today Tonight and A Current Affair, but i dont mind motorbike mags when I'm on a plane. They've got big pictures, they're colourful and the print doesn't strain my eyes...which ive noticed this year are struggling at the close distances. Had to happen eventually, i guess. It's not that i plan on buying more bikes, but they dont require my total attention, are technically interesting and there's no plot to follow...it's comfort food. Besides, there's something terribly tiring about watching endless movies and tv shows through headphones on those tiny tv screens..

  • RHP

    RHP User

    8 years ago

    @Annie - thank you for the warning, which allowed me to explain :) I really do love your personality and the way you write! It's a compliment that you post on my thread as with anyone :) I welcome it. It's a weird thing, I make friends through absolute bluntness, when they cut through the crap and make it real. When things are light and fluffy, it's nice but sometimes it's not enough. I might be floating on cloud nine and good friends are the ones that come and snap you out of your trance. I've learnt to do that for myself. I respect them more for that. This is the most undervalued and feared thing by some people. But now I have no fear/barrier talking to people. It might hurt a little, but growing hurts. Life hurts, but on the other side of your fear is a pretty good place to be if that's what you want. You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with... if that is yourself, I hope you are a positive person because it's the hardest thing to be around negative people all the time. This includes gossipy people. I think sooner or later, they knew taking to me was like talking to a brick wall, gossiping and complaining hahahahhaa :D One other super gossipy person that trained me in the bank, ended up getting breast cancer a long time ago :'( but she is ok now (thank goodness) and she also left her toxic job to focus on her own life. She used to worry a lot and talk 100 miles an hour. I'm a true believer of not harbouring negativity inside you. Let it out when you can to someone who can listen... I know I must slowly chip away the negativity in my mother. I also thank the little ray of sunshines in forums :) it is such a happy place when you inject your positivity into threads, almost always when people need it the most, like guardian angels ;) - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    8 years ago

    (which cross-pollinates this thread with the 'Honesty', 'Little things' and 'Life Lessons' threads): Given I have not met anyone here (as yet), do not use my actual name (though I am not catfishing), have not identified the names of others (not necessary here), but have brought to light an actual situation (all backed by independently verifiable evidence, so in respect of irretrievable/unerasable cyber presence - meh, you can't be prosecuted for libel or defamation when your story's true )... Would you consider my post in the "Little things' thread earlier ought be construed as a cautionary tale/'Life Lesson' for the young and unwary (honest reporting), or might it be classed as nasty, malicious Gossip?

  • RHP

    RHP User

    8 years ago

    @Summer I agree to be careful on here, but I don't have much to hide. If my story can help others then I have no problem sharing. Haters are gonna hate. Take what you will. I'm on here for the banter and the lessons. Haha I did come in here a bit strong didn't I? :/ funny as it is now!! :D I have very little people I keep in contact here. I see things for myself. I observe and I learn, the beauty of mistakes and imperfections - we all have them. It's colourful character! :D Re: whisperings - Whether or not there are whisperings is irrelevant, don't even worry about that. I also wondered that too because I dislike clickiness, but it is irrelevant to me, I decided. Curiosity killed the cat. What matters is that you continue to be yourself. Things that I don't know won't hurt me. I will never be perfect in the eyes of a hater and I wouldn't want to change to appease either. So is there a point to knowing? You will know in your heart who your true friends are just by how they support you in times of need. Remember to be grateful to them. They know where they stand with you, if you are completely yourself. If you change, it confuses them. Nothing in this world is really yours anyway, it is borrowed :) everything has expiry dates. When someone comes in with loaded guns against some really sweet people here, I like to step up and step in because I can and I'm not afraid, but now I have the superpower of invisibility hahaha ;) (being uncontactable), they can't drag me into things haha, so it forces them to say what they mean or look silly for being impulsive. (I'm actually not interested in getting involved) The delete button should be used more often. It's a bit of a trap they fall into, but maybe one day if they do it enough, they learn to hold their tongue (or thumb?) - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    8 years ago

    I stand by what I wrote: "A good thing about writing is that it is all there. It's not heresay, unless deleted." If the screenshot is never deleted, then it's still not entirely heresay is it? If the entire back and forth conversation can't be screenshot then it's out of context and biased. People should recognise that. But even if it's shown to someone else, people may or may not feel the same about it. Take what you will. People will think what they want to think. You can't control that, only hope that it will be positive. It is their choice how they see it and if they want further clarification. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    8 years ago

    I want to share... with regards to girl groups in my primary school... I used to feel alone a lot trying to fit in but realised a lot of the time, there was stuff that annoyed me about other people. I was trying to fit into the box as a bigger circle. Growing pains... Gosh... how many people have felt this way? I'm sure we all have. We don't need to fit in so much, we just have to get along - love and accept. There was this girl in my class called Kellie and she was perfect in every way. Everyone loved/admired her and she was the most popular girl in our class, always. She was the one of the best, if not the best in everything and I mean everything. I wanted to be like her. Nobody ever hated her and never wanted to be on her bad side (if she even had one). She was lean as well, but when puberty hit she didn't develop very much up top and she started to get bullied :'( but she left to an all-girls highschool. She always had 2 besties at school and I never got to know her much. She was friendly to everyone. When she left I was competing for Dux in my little class of 20 hahaha but I got Valedictorian which for a small class still meant a lot to me. I HAD to make a speech and it was the thing I hated/feared the most. My deputy principal wrote the speech for me. Many other times in my life this fear was challenged until I found the courage to make a speech for one of my besties. She didn't have many friends and she begged me to make a speech as maid of honour while the other 2 stand behind me. I scribbled on a napkin 30min before, just wing it... eeek. We have a beautiful friendship together, I decided I could only speak from my heart... the words just flowed and I made the audience laugh even through all my nervousness. Moral of the story: know your own heart, follow your heart and speak from your heart, always and with kind words. - Posted from rhpmobile