M48
Grandmother who passed away in a foreign country to meet man from online dating site
March 05 2013
Comments
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Mischeviouslad
12 years ago
If their comments are genuine.... there are plenty of people who do travel to meet (ie, hope to shag) someone interstate.... or, several hours drive away.Ive done it once..... A 2 hour drive...... and we had a fantastic weekend where we hung out in her mountain cabin, chatted, cooked, drank wine, and just enjoyed the company............ but we had taken several months to get to know eachother prior to that weekend and she offered the invitation - I didnt seek it from her and had no expectations other than the company of a weekend away.Unless I was travelling to another state/city for work, no... I wouldnt seek to meet someone.... and I certainly wouldnt be seeking a distance relationship..... or sending money to that person.........personal choice.I prefer to approach people that I see going about my everyday life, and strike friendships/etc that way.Some people simply cant be saved from themselves Im afraid.But you should still try.If someone has their emotions engaged, its very hard to use reason to deter them from a certain course of action.I would only discourage someone if I felt red flags for the safety/security of the friend and/or their possessions had risen.DG
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thanks for sharing. The thing is, the papers said she was in contact with that person for some time before going there. I had a similar incident happent to a friend. She met this guy online and was talking with him for 6 months or so. She then wanted to marry him and booked a trip overseas to meet him. Everyone she knew tried to discourage her and she just grew more determined to go. I took a different tack by telling her to get the Australian Consulate phone number and address, some addresses of cheap hotels/backpackers and asked her to be wary, particularly not to accept any drinks from anyone over there. I also knew she had done martial arts so she could take care of herself. She went, had a horrible time, fell sick, found the guy she though she loved was not what she he appeared to be and flew back early. In both these cases, they went overseas to get married to a guy they most probably never met.I had a similar experience. I am talking to this woman I met online. She seems nice and after a few correspondence, she wanted to fly over and meet me. I asked if she was nuts. We barely know each other, she has responsibilities over there and can't afford a trip over here at the drop of a hat. I am not sure if she was testing me or was really serious. We never talked about it again although we still chat online a couple of times a week.Do women (and I guess men) do crazy things when they think they found the love of their lives? That is why I really dislike long distance relationships. It might work for some people but can be very dangerous if you have never met that person in real life.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I know someone who met a guy online, flew to the U.S. to be with him, and they've now been married for fifteen years. And I'm sure there's plenty of others for whom it has worked, we just tend to only hear about the horror stories. And there's plenty of horror stories from people who've met their partner the 'traditional' way. Of course with online it's much easier for the fakes and frauds to operate, but I think it's something that would need to be assessed on a case-by-case basis rather than automatically thinking it's doomed to end in tragedy.
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RHP User
12 years ago
We work with a woman, she just turned 50 she is a single mum to 2 kids in their 20s, never married, she has a thing for dark skinned men. All the men she "meets" online are overseas, i think there has been 3 or 4 in the last 5 years, all end the same way, badly. The first was the worst he claimed he was a solictor in the UK but travelled to Holland for work she sent him something in the order of $35,000 over the period she talked to him. He had her convinced that he had the inside scoop on money making legal loopholes, all he needed was some cash to set it up. She had never seen him on cam, only photos he sent her via email. It nearly drove us nuts trying to convince her that he was a scammer but she wouldn't have it, he was the love of her life. He was probably a 16 year old white kid living in London. The next one wanted her to travel to him because he had been refused a visa to visit Australia, now come on blind freddy would have alarm bells going off everywhere, refused a visa? thats not a visa card we are talking about. He has to be a crimminal or at least a very undesirable person, yes she went over and he did pay for the tickets and hotel but when she arrived she was told not to leave her hotel room. Turns out he wanted to marry her, she thought because he loved her, we thought to get entry to Australia. The others have been disasters too but not as bad. Why are people, women in particular, so gulible when it comes to relationships. What is the fasination with people from overseas, are there no available men left in this country.
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RHP User
12 years ago
As my job takes me to nearly every state and capital city any time I wish :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
i chatted to a guy he lived interstate so from the beginning was thinking past chatting....we then started chatting on cam we did this for a few months then he said he would fly down to meet me...no expectations....no pressure.....didnt expect to stay at my house, we had a great 3 days and he has been down again since and stayed for a week...... i dont understand how anyone can say they have fallen in love and want to marry someone before they have met in person??
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RHP User
12 years ago
and I am sorry for anyone who has been caught out by following their heart. Unfortunately, there will always be people who take advantage of someone's good nature.I would never travel OS to meet someone as the risks are far too great.However, a few hours is nothing - it's not like I'm walking for goodness sake. If I have a connection with someone and feel we would get along well, then why not? People that interest me are certainly worth my time…they are adding something to my life, even if it is an afternoon of banter and nothing more.As for Interstate, it's not a decision I would make lightly, but I'm at the stage in my life where I'm getting older and want to experience more. it's easy to pick up a flight and accommodation online, and knowing myself as well as I do, I will pack a camera and just enjoy the break. If I don't get along with the person, so be it, I've had a few night's away and enjoyed the local sites. If I wasn't prepared to make an effort for someone, why should I expect they make an effort for me.Be Safe, keep it real, have no expectations, no regrets and enjoy the moment.
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Smilingwithfun
12 years ago
I'm sure some of us can't understand it. I'm also sure some of us can't understand the emotional loneliness that some people have. To feel like that must be awful. Unless you have been in that place then it would be very hard to dissuade someone from going. Unless you have walked in someones shoes then you wouldn't know their situation. I mean for them to feel hope again must be such an uplifting feeling.We looking in can see it for all its faults,but they are living it. Best i think you could do is be to there for them, sit them down & have a good talk,not lecture them & if they travel,ensure they do it properly. We all have the need to feel hope for ourselves.
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inspirit
12 years ago
I met some one in Bali once. We had been chatting via emails for a few weeks maybe a month. Being a romantic and young at heart I made the suggestion we meet in Bali. (We were both going over in the near future for different reasons anyway). He arrived in Bali in the AM and I the PM. We met at a designated hotel room and of course the rest is history. He liked Pina Colada's and I like Rare Breed over ice. I have ticked the box on my bucket list on a rendezvous on a tropical island. On another note.. I live in the Pilbara therefore travel is sometimes the only option. As DG stated I would not engage in an long distance relationship, how ever I would travel for fun though not with out getting to know the person more and certainly not with out safety measures in place.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I am watching a doco series called "catfish" on paytv... That's scary sh*t.. I can never really understand people being fake and misleading others?? I could never travel overseas for a man I was chatting to over internet.. I really honour and watch my vulnerability and protect that. Some people I guess just want to feel needed and loved due to loniness, so they seek it over the net..sad but true. I feel for those whose vulnerability has been taken advantage of. It upsets me when I hear sad stories from others this has happened to. Foxy- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I like to hear about those success stories of meeting over net and travelling, those fall in love and marry etc... its nice to hear them... Can never deny anyone of that.. Foxy- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Answer you question what would I do to discourage... Well I would support them in whatever choice they wanted to make and do... Knowing that I know might it be a mistake or wrong...I can't persade them...just support and be there if it turns to sh*t or good..who knows? Either way they have to experience all those feelings of making a good or bad choice for them. I like to think Im a good friend if this happened. Foxy- Posted from rhpmobile
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playfulminx
12 years ago
This is a terrible tragedy but one thing to keep in mind is that this was a classic Nigerian love scam that seems to have gone even more horribly wrong. Most victims only lose money but this lady lost her life. I wonder though if perhaps the murder itself was unrelated to the scam. No offence to South Africans but there are parts of Jo'Berg you simply shouldn't stay in :(Other than Nigerian scams though, I think there's nothing wrong with going overseas or interstate to meet someone you meet online. You should however have realistic expectations which may be hard if you've fallen hard and fast for an online buddy.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have had several friends travel for romance and yes it went pear shaped. No loss except air fares and loss of face. I also had a female friend who I chatted to for a while and then she went, I heard through the grape vine she was found dead, in a barrel with her small child on a farm in the USA. Internet is a risk, does not matter if its over there or over here. How many of us women including me end up somewhere with some one that we do not really know. You can do that by being picked up at a pub. But to go over seas is a silly thing to do, but saying that I have made a lot of female friends that I meet up with in my travels. The sexual component was not there nor the what can I get from this person. You cannot control where the heart flies, and when you want to find love you can have blinkers on . The smartest of us all can get caught in a scam. One of my friends flew to NYC to meet her internet guy, who she had spoken to on the phone a lot and written to a lot. She was 35 and a headmistress of a school. When she got there the person writing was a 16 year old girl and the voice on the phone was that girls 18 year old cousin they finally confessed and rang her as she was waiting at a nyc bus station. I have met lots of men off the internet when I travelled on my own, and took to much of a risk and it could have gone very badly for me. But then I let guys pick me up in pubs in Vegas so the results could have been the same. Its the life we live now, even with just meeting guys for dates its all internet stuff, my single gorgeous 27 year old daughter has had to resort to an internet date site. Men do not seem to court women like they used to, pubs are to noisy to start a conversation. Work is now not a place to meet people so its life on the internet with all the dangers that entails. Men are just as vulnerable, with them sending all their hard earned cash to scams overseas I think it happens more to men but they are just to embarrassed to mention it to anyone.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Lets hope they catch that bastard and your right Tuscan, men send ALOT of money from here all over the world, Ghana, Russia, Poland and that has been going on for years but men are just so unwilling to report the fraud due to embarrasment. These scammers have caused chaos, the hoops you have to jump through to sell a property here in WA now just to prove your not an African scam artist! You have to verify who you are to the estate agent and then also to the conveyancing company.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'MissPoppins' and I am sorry for anyone who has been caught out by following their heart. Unfortunately, there will always be people who take advantage of someone's good nature.I would never travel OS to meet someone as the risks are far too great.However, a few hours is nothing - it's not like I'm walking for goodness sake. If I have a connection with someone and feel we would get along well, then why not? People that interest me are certainly worth my time…they are adding something to my life, even if it is an afternoon of banter and nothing more.As for Interstate, it's not a decision I would make lightly, but I'm at the stage in my life where I'm getting older and want to experience more. it's easy to pick up a flight and accommodation online, and knowing myself as well as I do, I will pack a camera and just enjoy the break. If I don't get along with the person, so be it, I've had a few night's away and enjoyed the local sites. If I wasn't prepared to make an effort for someone, why should I expect they make an effort for me.Be Safe, keep it real, have no expectations, no regrets and enjoy the moment. Paintme will always travel to seek out a new adventure. I will however, always have a plan B.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thanks for all your responses. All of your stories are interesting while your comments/suggestions are helpful. It is sad that people lose their savings and in this case their lives due to making bad choices. I guess it really does not matter whether it is online or in a pub. It is a global phenomena as more and more people get connected, some will abuse others. I have heard quite a few stories of men paying out lots of money for brides or for a girl they 'love' in trouble.In my friend's case, I told her that if she really wanted to go, she should otherwise she would always wonder if she missed out on meeting the love of her life. I advised her on how to stay safe in a foreign country as I have traveled overseas on my own many times. Ok, it is a bit easier for guys traveling on their own I think.I prefer to meet people in my own city so that I can at least have the chance to meet them on neutral territory. While I would love to meet you Inspirit, I am not going up to the Pilbara anytime soon. I am also not going to meet anyone at their place nor ask them to meet me at mine for the first time. Never going to happen. TR, that actually got me thinking about that women I am messaging with in the US. I have not talked to her nor seen her photo. I wonder if she might be a 16 year old girl or a 40 year old guy. Still, kind of weird she wanted to fly all the way to Australia to meet me, especially as we don't really know each other. It gets my alarm bells ringing. I have come across several scam profiles on other online dating sites.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'zu7bcv'TR, that actually got me thinking about that women I am messaging with in the US. I have not talked to her nor seen her photo. I wonder if she might be a 16 year old girl or a 40 year old guy. Still, kind of weird she wanted to fly all the way to Australia to meet me, especially as we don't really know each other. It gets my alarm bells ringing. I have come across several scam profiles on other online dating sites. That is what CATFISH Documentary is about...If you get a chance go and hire the movie out at your local DVD store..it's an eyeopener!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'zu7bcv'TR, that actually got me thinking about that women I am messaging with in the US. I have not talked to her nor seen her photo. I wonder if she might be a 16 year old girl or a 40 year old guy. Still, kind of weird she wanted to fly all the way to Australia to meet me, especially as we don't really know each other. It gets my alarm bells ringing. I have come across several scam profiles on other online dating sites. Do you need anything more?Ask for her photo & say you would like to talk to her on the phone. If she says no, stalls or makes excuses then pull the plug.Even if she says yes, it is a huge risk as it maybe another case of what happened to TR's friend. I've also heard other horror stories.Unless she's been "referred" by a family member or trusted friend, perhaps keep to your own back yard??? :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'SuperFox' Quoting 'zu7bcv'TR, that actually got me thinking about that women I am messaging with in the US. I have not talked to her nor seen her photo. I wonder if she might be a 16 year old girl or a 40 year old guy. Still, kind of weird she wanted to fly all the way to Australia to meet me, especially as we don't really know each other. It gets my alarm bells ringing. I have come across several scam profiles on other online dating sites. That is what CATFISH Documentary is about...If you get a chance go and hire the movie out at your local DVD store..it's an eyeopener! Thanks for the recommendation SF. Going to get it. Cheers.
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RHP User
12 years ago
... was so sad, and so awful on so many levels. Would I travel overseas for someone I bar bar online ? Not a chance. And I would do everything in my power to protect a friend from doing they same.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Should read "met" not "bar". Blooming phone!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Luckdragon23'I know someone who met a guy online, flew to the U.S. to be with him, and they've now been married for fifteen years. And I'm sure there's plenty of others for whom it has worked, we just tend to only hear about the horror stories. And there's plenty of horror stories from people who've met their partner the 'traditional' way. Of course with online it's much easier for the fakes and frauds to operate, but I think it's something that would need to be assessed on a case-by-case basis rather than automatically thinking it's doomed to end in tragedy. Life is short and sometimes You just have to take .........a leap of faith !!!! We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned so we can have the life that is waiting for us - Chris McCandless
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RHP User
12 years ago
A woman who met a man from a dating site site in Victoria was saved by police as she knelt in the backyard grave. The man had tried to extort money from her family but failed and was going to get rid of her when the police made a last minute recue!A fellow forumite offered me a chance to go interstate (with hubby) for a meet n greet a few years ago. I was all for it but the Mr wasn't, so, no go. Peachy
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'MrsPeachyPeers' A woman who met a man from a dating site site in Victoria was saved by police as she knelt in the backyard grave. The man had tried to extort money from her family but failed and was going to get rid of her when the police made a last minute recue!A fellow forumite offered me a chance to go interstate (with hubby) for a meet n greet a few years ago. I was all for it but the Mr wasn't, so, no go. Peachy I remember reading about that case. I think she updated her facebook page asking for help. Maybe it was another person. Remember to fully charge your phones before meeting someone. Just in case.The problem with interstate travel is you are at a disadvantage as you are in the other person's backyard. That is why I prefer neutral territory. If it ever gets uncomfortable, both parties can go, thanks, it is nice meeting you but it is time to leave.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Beyond wrapping yourself in bubble-wrap and never leaving the house, we have no choice but to live, risks and all. Sometimes it goes badly. Sometimes that's because of deception, other times because I bad judgment. Live and learn :) I've travelled interstate to meet two different men from RHP. I'd chatted to both for months before travelling. One asked me and offered to split costs, which we did. The other, I offered at very short notice, and he happily welcomed me. I'm still friends with the first, having met up with him a few times now. The second is the love of my life to date, however after a couple of years together things sadly didn't work out. Partly the distance, partly other stuff. Still, great experience and a result of me taking my time and screening and getting to know them first. I lowered the risk significantly before we ever met. It's not hard to be smart about these things.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Not sure why it didn't go through. But all I was trying to say was that the story I mentioned is a current story. Peachy :-)
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RHP User
12 years ago
I know one couple that met on line and have now been married for 12 years. He was from America and moved here to be with her. My current partner met a woman from Singapore on line and travelled over to meet her. (a few years ago now.) She returned the favour and came over here for a week as well. He said she was a lovely lady but not for him. It does not always have to end in tragedy. All one needs to do is to take the normnal precautions that you would when traveling overseas. Allow the authorities to know where you are, book accommodation and everything. Life is a risk and it is not that easy to meet someone at the local pub like it was when I was a mere lass.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Handmaiden' Life is a risk and it is not that easy to meet someone at the local pub like it was when I was a mere lass. The pubs are still full of couples. I guess they meet online first and then go to the pub to see whether the person is as advertised. While there is no intentions of meeting soon, we are still talking. If things work out, maybe we might meet, either here or in north America or somewhere else. The posts here have been generally positive towards taking a chance. I guess a lot of you take things in stride, hoping for the best while exercising caution without it overcoming you with fear. Good on all of you and your friends and friends, friends (depending on how far removed some of the tales are).
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'SuperFox' Quoting 'zu7bcv'TR, that actually got me thinking about that women I am messaging with in the US. I have not talked to her nor seen her photo. I wonder if she might be a 16 year old girl or a 40 year old guy. Still, kind of weird she wanted to fly all the way to Australia to meet me, especially as we don't really know each other. It gets my alarm bells ringing. I have come across several scam profiles on other online dating sites. That is what CATFISH Documentary is about...If you get a chance go and hire the movie out at your local DVD store..it's an eyeopener! Hi SF. I saw Catfish. It was a good show and very scary. It looked very real and fortunately it ended well in the movie. I can see it not ending well for a lot of other people though. I wonder if there are any Megan's or Angela's over here with their own Abby and Megan. Perhaps it is best not to disclose personal information to people online without meeting them first. Thanks for the recommendation.
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enduran
12 years ago
Quoting 'SuperFox' I am watching a doco series called "catfish" on paytv... That's scary sh*t.. I can never really understand people being fake and misleading others?? What a great movie though...gives you lots to think about, doesn't it?
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RHP User
12 years ago
There is another thread on the forums about this. In Catfish, Angela was lonely and wanted to live the life she wished she had, instead of the one she is living. That is a great motivation for a lot of people. Who among us doesn't wish we had different lives? I do, even though I know that I am who I am because of the decisions and experience I made along the way.Catfish was frightening as the checks I use to see whether a profile is fake or not would fail in that circumstances. Angela was very good at creating different characters to augment the lie. I guess sometimes people have to take the plunge otherwise they will just sit in front of the monitor without meeting anyone.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Glad you guys watched it....makes you think twice - doesn't it??Foxy
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