F41
Guys?.... I'm curious
June 13 2013
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
Bit young to be so cynical aren't we ? Maybe it just seems too good to be true !But to answer your questions;No on all counts.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Testifyyyy *waves arms*
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have had several great friendships that included some amazing sex and never got weird.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I'm more intrigued on the story behind this post...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Just call me the female innerwest ;-P- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
q1 a: No. q2 a: No. I get the impression that some sarcasm is intended with 'your precious independence' and yet, in that same question, you seem to be mocking men that think women are incapable of independent thought. Are your notions of independence conflicted? Is female independence worthy while male independence unworthy? q3 a: No. q4 a: No problem with commitment to the right person - one whose feelings are well understood and reciprocated. Re: relationships - So, be specific about what a relationship is to you. I've heard stories about 'big R' relationships and 'little r' relationships... My guess is that friends with benefits is some kind of little r relationship - differing from the big R by its notable lack of love and commitment.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Men are irresistible. To fuck them once means you will fall instantly in love with them. Pffft!!! ⊂(◉‿◉)つ What annoys me is guys that act like a boyfriend, and tell you all their secrets and you are intimately involved in each others lives and after months and months when a women decides, you know what maybe, just maybe, we can have a future together they act all shocked and the women suddenly becomes a clingy need person in their eyes. I am in a shitty mood this week so forgive me when I say. SOME men are fuckwits and take no responsibility for their actions. Knob ends! Kiss my fat arse! LOL.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Who is the mood for some angry sex?? Mmmm
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RHP User
12 years ago
If you love it enough you all (women) do the same thing; mix your head up and make it more than just sex. :)- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
You're so sexy when you're angry!
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Mischeviouslad
12 years ago
Dear mis_understood... interesting ponderings. I believe that this isnt a distinctly male issue..... but that the street definitely runs both ways for the sexes.Unless one or both of the people involved are totally socially disconnected or hold some degree of sociopathic tendencies, when a man/woman spends enough intimate time with another person, a certain level of emotional investment is made and shared. This investment gives value to the people involved... even if ONLY as a future and ongoing sexual opportunity, but possibly as a life-partner.... or maybe just as a friend with NO physical/sexual intimacy.This highlights that a choice of relationship type can either be exercised, or not..... so I see opportunity, and commitment as different, not inherently linked, but relatable to stages of any friendship.Ask most guys.... and if the woman had enough value to him (by whatever markers he uses)... he WILL want to retain her in his life.DG
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think you guys have missed the point ... A hell of a lot of guys have an underlying belief that a woman will fall for them if they have sex. This belief, whether they know it or not, alters their behaviour. I have spoken to men who simply do not believe a woman can have sex without some emotional attachment which will develop into love... & marriage and babies in her head. Is this why so many men fuck and run? Not sure about forum guys, but men out there in the real world. God. How ordinary. :-/
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RHP User
12 years ago
<===== pucker up sweetheart and kiss my arse!!!
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RHP User
12 years ago
I scratched my head went WTF and reread your post op talk about categorizing the male species it sounds more like a bit of SOL than anything else. But no I don't believe just because I lick my eyebrows and can breath through my ears that any woman I spend some time with will fall head oaver heals in lust and want a relationship. As for FWB yes I have a few of them we catch up for a drink or a meal when the chance comes by sometimes there is the benefit happens sometimes it doesn't, one FWB knows my feelings towards her and if things were a bit different in her personal life yep it would move on from a FWB to the ohhh relationship. One FBW made it very clear the day we met that this is all she was looking for that was 5 years ago and we talk once a week on the phone now and catch up when we can , i have met women just like how you refer to men in your post so guess its a two way street both men and women can be like this .
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RHP User
12 years ago
As Meeka alluded to, you're not going to get answers on this forum from the type of guys you're talking about. For the most part the guys that post on here are a bit more sophisticated in their thinking (or at least like to think that they are). So all you're going to get on here is a lot of "I'm not like that at all and you're lumping all us men into the one category which offends me".But yes, a lot of guys still have this idea in their head that if they sleep with you then you will immediately fall head over heels in love with them, and want the ring on the finger, unlimited access to their credit card, and the successful uniting of one of their sperm with one of your eggs. We women are very simple when it comes to our life's desires, after all
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RHP User
12 years ago
In any group you will find half are immature and half not, another half are dicks the other half not. Half are driven by ego the rest by selfless kindness, half want relationships the others not. Half can be friends half not. You get the idea.So if you get all the requirements you want to overlap it is most likely 1 in 32 people that are what you are after. There abouts anyways. Who they are is not always evident and unfortunately we all have to go through many to find the prize. It sucks but you could sit at home and not bother but thats not going to get you anywhere. I am not for everyone but i know those that I am for are worth the time meeting the others. So keep on looking and enjoy the adventure.
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RHP User
12 years ago
if that is what you truly want just tell him and i'm sure he will be fine with that. offers like that don't come around every day, and yes it does sound to good to be truei think if he know you really felt that way he would be more then happy to oblige
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'I think you guys have missed the point ... A hell of a lot of guys have an underlying belief that a woman will fall for them if they have sex. This belief, whether they know it or not, alters their behaviour. I have spoken to men who simply do not believe a woman can have sex without some emotional attachment which will develop into love... & marriage and babies in her head. Is this why so many men fuck and run? Not sure about forum guys, but men out there in the real world. God. How ordinary. :-/ So, you email a guy, you're up front about what you're looking for: just a fuck buddy, sex! nothing more (you didn't even originally intend on telling him your name, he's just a picture and a few words on a website, if and when you want LOVE, you'll do what normal women do, you'll go look in the real world!) then HE tells you that you don't know what you want, and starts down the friends with benefits track, heck he convinces you that an emotional connection, intimacy, is what you're looking for, the guy (apparently) knows you (and all women) better than you know yourself. You say to him straight out, if you're just telling me what you think I (and most women) want to hear because you think it will better your chances (oh, and FWIW, sometimes some of us women, we're smart, we KNOW what you believe about us, we know that you fail to understand that OUR worlds don't revolve around you personally, and we know you're doing this, telling us what you think we want to hear because you think it will get you laid, please refer to: http://www.redhotpie.com.au/Adult-Forums/The-definitive-guide-for-average-guys-on-RHP-40317, the "pro tip" under point two) , you can stop! I'm secure! I don't need that, I just pretty much want someone to help me with my sexual urges. but no! he continues, and at the end of it all, you foolishly change what you originally wanted, and you consider pursuing a FWB type arrangement, even though you're confident (because you found him on a sex site and if he was truly looking for a relationship, he'd most likely be out in the real world, not in here hiding you and everything else from HIS real world) I'm waiting for it now, if/when it all goes pear shaped, I guarantee it will be because I got "clingy" because I wanted more, when the truth is that all of a sudden it occurred to him, he was starting to have feelings, he remembered that old wife or girlfriend, remembered the shit HIS bad decisions caused for him, got scared and ran away it's always the woman's fault though!, flaky unstable beings that we are! DG, is "emotional investment" the same as LOVE? Love is a strong word, (like HATE) it's one I think many people use too easily (and some men even use in order to MANipulate). Many people are emotionally invested in a lot of things, but I wonder how many of those people would claim to have experienced REAL honest to goodness LOVE?
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Luckdragon23'As Meeka alluded to, you're not going to get answers on this forum from the type of guys you're talking about. For the most part the guys that post on here are a bit more sophisticated in their thinking (or at least like to think that they are). So all you're going to get on here is a lot of "I'm not like that at all and you're lumping all us men into the one category which offends me".But yes, a lot of guys still have this idea in their head that if they sleep with you then you will immediately fall head over heels in love with them, and want the ring on the finger, unlimited access to their credit card, and the successful uniting of one of their sperm with one of your eggs. We women are very simple when it comes to our life's desires, after all Not looking for answers sweets! just having a laugh, taking the piss and calling the BS when I see it, I do love when the man folk get all testosteroniee ya' know
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RHP User
12 years ago
these men you are speaking of are "just not that into you"? lol * the TCs now pack their bags and run for the hills *
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RHP User
12 years ago
Ok I get it now.Cya.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'mis__understood' Quoting 'Luckdragon23'As Meeka alluded to, you're not going to get answers on this forum from the type of guys you're talking about. For the most part the guys that post on here are a bit more sophisticated in their thinking (or at least like to think that they are). So all you're going to get on here is a lot of "I'm not like that at all and you're lumping all us men into the one category which offends me".But yes, a lot of guys still have this idea in their head that if they sleep with you then you will immediately fall head over heels in love with them, and want the ring on the finger, unlimited access to their credit card, and the successful uniting of one of their sperm with one of your eggs. We women are very simple when it comes to our life's desires, after all Not looking for answers sweets! just having a laugh, taking the piss and calling the BS when I see it, I do love when the man folk get all testosteroniee ya' know that whole insecure, aggressive/defensive thing, I dunno why, but it turns me on, makes me wanna give em' a big cuddle and reassure them that it'll all be alright (precious little darlings)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting '50zkool'Ok I get it now. Cya.The Player! hate the game
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'TongueCramps' these men you are speaking of are "just not that into you"? lol * the TCs now pack their bags and run for the hills * OH boy do you deserve a massive spanking!! But that is the point though. The girls isn't that into them either. They just want some mutual fun and pleasure but because some guys think a woman will fall for them they will never come back for more. And yes, sometimes its because they sex wasn't that great... but on the other hand the more sex you have with someone the better the sex gets. You see the conundrum here. These guys are running around having pretty ordinary sex and they don't even know it! Tsk tsk.
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RHP User
12 years ago
So the plot thickens it is a bit of SOL. umm Op can I ask a question why do you and so many other people have this onion that just because you meet someone on a sex site that they are not looking for a relationship? I have read this many times in other forum's and have always wondered about this statement. Not everyone on RPH or any other sex/dating site lives in the big smoke where there is an abundance of venues,opportunists to meet the one person that floats their boat and ticks all the boxes.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Quoting 'TongueCramps' these men you are speaking of are "just not that into you"? lol * the TCs now pack their bags and run for the hills * OH boy do you deserve a massive spanking!! But that is the point though. The girls isn't that into them either. They just want some mutual fun and pleasure but because some guys think a woman will fall for them they will never come back for more. And yes, sometimes its because they sex wasn't that great... but on the other hand the more sex you have with someone the better the sex gets. You see the conundrum here. These guys are running around having pretty ordinary sex and they don't even know it! Tsk tsk. *TCs wander back from the hills for a few seconds...* We didn't actually have a point. We just took it as an excellent opportunity to make a smart-arse and slightly amusing remark, and poke some fun at the OP. *TCs run for the hills again. Hang on...TCs wander back, and wait for Meeka's spanking!*
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RHP User
12 years ago
That's an opion not a bloody onion
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'mis__understood' Quoting 'mis__understood' Quoting 'Luckdragon23'As Meeka alluded to, you're not going to get answers on this forum from the type of guys you're talking about. For the most part the guys that post on here are a bit more sophisticated in their thinking (or at least like to think that they are). So all you're going to get on here is a lot of "I'm not like that at all and you're lumping all us men into the one category which offends me".But yes, a lot of guys still have this idea in their head that if they sleep with you then you will immediately fall head over heels in love with them, and want the ring on the finger, unlimited access to their credit card, and the successful uniting of one of their sperm with one of your eggs. We women are very simple when it comes to our life's desires, after all Not looking for answers sweets! just having a laugh, taking the piss and calling the BS when I see it, I do love when the man folk get all testosteroniee ya' know that whole insecure, aggressive/defensive thing, I dunno why, but it turns me on, makes me wanna give em' a big cuddle and reassure them that it'll all be alright (precious little darlings) Now you wanna be there Mum ! No wonder they run !True story, we meet, first date, flirting, bit of a pash, it's on ! "now you must understand" she says, "this is just fwb and I reserve the right to see other people"3 months of nice sex later........ "when am I going to meet your kids, I feel like your dirty little secret"It works both ways sweetheart !I used to believe that few women can keep the detachment like men can, I now wonder if most men are as good at it as they make out to be !I would have thought that finding a guy on here, happy with what you want would be a piece of cake.Meeka is right though, the best sex is with people who have learnt each other. I am now of the opinion that finding the ideal fwb is as difficult as finding a long term partner.
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Curious1965
12 years ago
I would be happy with a simple fuck buddy no need to make things complicated Commitment should not be a problem either for people life is never without risk but without risk what is life about?- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
No, it's not a "relationship".... it's just friends-with-benefits.... (what's that mean? well, it means we do pretty much everything we would if we WERE in a relationship, BUT!!!! we just don't call it a "relationship"..... so there's really no commitment there see!..... smart huh?)Well I have done the casual sex NSA FWB but yep when does the above not turn in to the relationship? Cooking, shopping, planting, etc I know we've all been burned but. Maybe thats it.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'just_chill_n' if that is what you truly want just tell him and i'm sure he will be fine with that. offers like that don't come around every day, and yes it does sound to good to be true i think if he know you really felt that way he would be more then happy to oblige 1. I DID tell him that MULTIPE times! he either ignored me or wouldn't believe me. 2. No, they probably don't for men, granted, I can understand to an extent why men think about women the way they do, MOST (NOT ALL) of us ARE clingy and insecure. 3. I tried to make it clear to him, you can lead a man to water, but sometimes you have to start a big ol' forum post (like this one) and make a scene before he'll drink just because something sounds to you (as a man) to be "to good to be true" does not make that the case, my views on what could become with (one of) these guys has changed, I've heard a little more about him, and he seems straight up! pretty genuine, and now I believe that if he does truly want a friends with benefits type of thing (perhaps leading to more, perhaps not) then he/it is worth me investigating. HOWEVER!!! I told him in my first three emails that all I personally was interested in (at that time) was casual sex, a FB, and this is the point of this post! HE (without even having met me in person) refused to believe that that was possible, he believed that because I'm female (his words here) that I couldn't be mature enough to have that kind of interaction. Why? Because HE (personally) had never met a girl (before me) who was capable of that. That's why younger guys go for (typically) older women so much, as we get older, we get less insecure (In my case, I just happened to get old in my brain much faster than I did in my body and much faster than most girls my age, I attribute that to life experience)
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RHP User
12 years ago
fuck buddies = friendship based around sexfriend with benefits = sex based around a friendshipRelationship = limited sex, lots of head aches and having to put up with the in laws????oh fuck i don't know i need a cup of coffeee
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Beneath_blueeyes' No, it's not a "relationship".... it's just friends-with-benefits.... (what's that mean? well, it means we do pretty much everything we would if we WERE in a relationship, BUT!!!! we just don't call it a "relationship"..... so there's really no commitment there see!..... smart huh?) Well I have done the casual sex NSA FWB but yep when does the above not turn in to the relationship? Cooking, shopping, planting, etc I know we've all been burned but. Maybe thats it. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free! Men aren't silly hon, know your worth! (don't think you're better than you are, BUT!) recognize what you have to offer someone, and once you do, put a time frame on things, don't settle for less than your worth. I'd sooner die lonely but with my integrity, than have someone there because I was chicken-shit and afraid of being alone (so I reduced myself)
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RHP User
12 years ago
i know this is for guys to comment on, but i have knowledge so can it. there actually is science behind this. women cannot have sex without developing emotional attachment. don't deny science, lady. it will beat you every time. face!
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RHP User
12 years ago
fairy tales,there was a movement in the 60s amongst radical librarians to have them banned...if they had done that then all you young 'uns would not have bought into this crap.....every fairy tale has the same theme,the same characters..dopey girl ie Snow White,Little Red,Sleeping Beauty,blah blah....strong man,Princes,woodcutters etc who come and rescue dopey girls from what is obviously their out of control libidos...mehhhh
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hey same trouble guys have with ladies. met 3 ladies on RHP and AMM and all 3 wanted to jump into the exclusive relationship thing. Its not easy to find someone together enough, independent enough, and i guess at times honest enough to just have sexual fun together without it going that emotional step further. Be friends, be lovers but when some body say "it a sex thing and thats all it will be" respect that. Not everyones life has the space for a relationship.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'z_i_a' i know this is for guys to comment on, but i have knowledge so can it. there actually is science behind this. women cannot have sex without developing emotional attachment. don't deny science, lady. it will beat you every time. face! Let's be clear here. Yes most women will form an emotional attachment with a person they sleep regularly with and have a friendship with, where they also do things outside the bedroom. Let's face it, we wouldn't be seeing the person if we didn't have things in common and didn't think they were a nice guy, so of course we care about them. That is a normal response. Absolutely nothing wrong with that is there? Women are often loving caring people. So shoot us! It's the expectation that comes with this feeling which is the problem I find. Just because I care about someone doesn't mean it has to lead anywhere. Doesn't mean I want to live with them or marry them, etc, etc. I think lots of women seem to feel that an ongoing friendship is supposed to eventually lead somewhere like a Mills & Boon novel. Therefore in my "expert" opinion it isn't the fact that women care about their lovers... its the expectations that women have around this that is an issue. And as the OP has stated men are wary of women because they don't want complications, or a wife, they would like to enjoy sex and friendship for just that.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'z_i_a' i know this is for guys to comment on, but i have knowledge so can it. there actually is science behind this. women cannot have sex without developing emotional attachment. don't deny science, lady. it will beat you every time. face! ZIA would do you mean exactly? Are you saying that women will fall in love with their FWB or lovers? Do you believe that you have be in love with more than one person at a time? Lots of women on RHP have a few regular lovers. Does that mean they will fall in love with them all? Hmmmm. So I disagree that it is science, the falling in love bit, I don't think you will fall in love with all your lovers at all.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I remember when I first joined RHP how I used to argue that FWB was a way of man having a girlfriend without the commitment. Once you have been burnt the first time you are much more aware of how things in any new relationships/friendships you form. At the end of the day you need to know yourself. If spending too much time with someone and doing all those domestic couple things will lead to heart break... don't do them. When a man says he does not want relationship and only wants FWB believe him! If you are heart is getting involved it is time to pull back and never ever stop seeing other people. Yes, I know easy to say... xxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting '50zkool'I would have thought that finding a guy on here, happy with what you want would be a piece of cake.Meeka is right though, the best sex is with people who have learnt each other. I am now of the opinion that finding the ideal fwb is as difficult as finding a long term partner. Hi 50zcool, what does an "ideal" FWB look like? You are not looking for an long term partner though. You are looking for people that you have sexual chemistry with and can form a friendship with. They will not be perfect or ideal. No-one can be that. Maybe your expectations are too high? I have found FWBs, some that I see most weeks and others I may see every few months, each is different and I can tell you now none of them are ideal/perfect. And I wouldn't want them to be either. If they were I would have two spunky bi-boys in my bed tonight!!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Sorry for all the typos. Jeez I hope you can tell what I mean as I often use the wrong word as well. Sorry.....
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RHP User
12 years ago
That's exactly what I meant! Most guys chose the wrong girl first time around (they let their dick do the choosing and it went for the pretty girl who was horny) and because they did that and their decision backfired on them, they deveoped the definition of "relationship" that you have. The truth is, if they'd have picked the slightly less attractive but smart girl, who had her shit togetherto begin with, they'd realize relationship is actually what you've written for FWB. But sadly, most (men especially) lack the humility to examine the reperussions of their youthful immaturity. It's easier to just blame the woman. ;-)- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Firstly, freya dead on! ZIA, give it time! Get yourself a career a place of your own, some independence (all things not many girls experience young, or even EVER) and your views, your understading of men and yourself will change. When you're secure, when you understand that you don't NEED a man (you just would like one) you start to see them for who they are as individuals, not all of them are our equal and not all of them (in fact very few of them) are worththrowing away the next 40/50/60 years of your life for.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
You CAN still have sex with pretty much ALL of them ;-) And ^ that should have been *YOUR* equal (not *our*, I don't think women or men are superior to each other, I operate on a case by cse basis these days!)- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
You CAN still have sex with pretty much ALL of them ;-) And ^ that should have been *YOUR* equal (not *our*, I don't think women or men are superior to each other, I operate on a case by cse basis these days!)- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think its more to do with human nature more than guys beleiving they are irresistable. Maybe you and other girls can easily separate sex and feelings but perhaps more often than not girls and guys too do end up developing feelings.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
The story is no different be it from a female or male perspective. The key is purly both parties need to be emotionally stable and at a stage in their life where a chat and sex is all they want and need. It's not rare for one person to develop feelings....often why a very cool FWB set up fails. FWB 'relationships' has suited me fine over the years and never had a problem with either party involved asking for more than what's expected. Be selective and possibly minimize time spent together apart from the sex...make it feel less like a girlfriend experience if that makes sense.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
The same could be said in the reverse about how women all think we're commitment phobes but ultimately we should all be taken individually on our own merits. And I would certainly like to kiss that very womanly derriere! ;-)
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RHP User
12 years ago
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RHP User
12 years ago
Nope. Didin't say shit about people falling in love with each other. You somehow misread the words emotional attachment. Experiments have been shown to the public to explain what I'm trying to right now. Can't find the particular videos on youtube for you. They even interviewed women who pay for escorts.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I dunno why I even tried, that's what I get for forgetting my place in the world (no-doubt barefoot and pregnant and emotional in some guy's kitchen) and being an outspoken woman. Rule no.1 of womanhood, women are to be seen and NOT HEARD Guess I'm a total screw up as a "woman" huh, independent, not needy or clingy, outspoken! not in need of "meaning" or commitment from EVERY sexual relationship..... with that I'm off down the pub to apply for my "man" card.
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5weeta5kandy
12 years ago
Quoting 'just_chill_n' if that is what you truly want just tell him and i'm sure he will be fine with that. Trust me just chill n , when you tell a guy that you just want the sexual part no emotional connection most don't believe you, and if they say yer fuck buddies is great when you try to meet more than once, they do the whole nah i think you have developed feelings. HAHAHA yer feelings of how good the sex is without the worries. I will say that maybe not a lot of females can have sex without the emotional attachment and i know in some circumstances that has been the case with myself also, but it's a matter of what you are looking for. I have a very causal partner that i have been fucking for over 4 years, nothing more than hot passionate leave each other gasping sex, and that is it. We have never been to dinner, had coffee or done any relationship stuff and it works. And because we have been doing it for so long, we have been able to explore and try new things, having built that trust and confidence with each other that you don't have from a once off encounter.But we are getting the opportunity to meet less and less as he now works and lives away. So look on here for something that maybe similar. But on trying to organise a second meet geez you would think yep you have asked them to marry you. Thanks mis understood and meeka great reading :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'inthekink'So the plot thickens it is a bit of SOL. umm Op can I ask a question why do you and so many other people have this onion that just because you meet someone on a sex site that they are not looking for a relationship? I have read this many times in other forum's and have always wondered about this statement. Not everyone on RPH or any other sex/dating site lives in the big smoke where there is an abundance of venues,opportunists to meet the one person that floats their boat and ticks all the boxes. Missed this one! Why do I assume? because at EVERY stage they say "I'm not looking for a relationship yet" good enough reason?
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RHP User
12 years ago
Where's our spanking?
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RHP User
12 years ago
Wow, I can hear the violins..
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RHP User
12 years ago
Funny topic as I'm in that boat.... Great FWB that wants to be "exclusive".... Well sorry, but i'm in a FWB "agreement" so i dont have to be exclusive, otherwise it would be a "relationship".... But some girls hate the "tag" relationship, even though all the same restrictions would apply.... Tell us what you want, FB, FWB or a relationship.....As to the thing of men thinking we are "irresistible", if something is (long term) ongoing, surely more develops than just sex.... either side, male or female will get "feelings" and more might come of it (or at least the expectation). Jealousy will play a part too....If a man says he doesnt want a relationship, (imo) he's pretty well saying he's enjoying his freedom too much (whether having his own time or fucking different women). If only i could find a decent chick just after "something casual"
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Mischeviouslad
12 years ago
Re emotional investment... No. It is not 'live' Imagine you see a man, to you he is an object of instant lust. You have to have him. That is a level of emotional investment. Imagine you then speak to him, kiss him.... but you need to leave. You really want to see him again. Your investment in him (and/or your view of him) has therefore grown considerably. Obviously, that is not love..... and thoughts that you need to be with him for the rest of your life are also premature. Assume then, you have crazy wild monkey love. = Higher emotional investment.... but is that love? Of course not. And neither is it realistic to consider that the man is concerned that she will fall for him as a result, but, she will want to revisit that investment if its positive. Who wouldn't?! Escalate further.... even if only on a casual basis that is understood by both partners, and you bonk once a week, maybe the odd dinner and social outing. Do you care about that person? It's unnatural not to. Does that care factor grow beyond the casual relationship? Sure. It can. Should it? That's the bigger question. DG
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RHP User
12 years ago
And married, is they do believe you when you say all I want is sex. I think when your still in the frame of finding a mate things can happen that you least expect. Attachment can come up and bit you on the arse. When your married then you pick the guys you will not get attached to, if your smart. I have great friendships with my lovers. I do not step outside the boundary of the bedroom. we do not go for coffee or walks on the beach. containment is my answer. If all you want is fwb try not to go to far into the other areas of dating.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'tuscanred' And married, is they do believe you when you say all I want is sex. I think when your still in the frame of finding a mate things can happen that you least expect. Attachment can come up and bit you on the arse. When your married then you pick the guys you will not get attached to, if your smart. I have great friendships with my lovers. I do not step outside the boundary of the bedroom. we do not go for coffee or walks on the beach. containment is my answer. If all you want is fwb try not to go to far into the other areas of dating.That's precisely the point! guy's don't believe I/we (women, at least at my age) are capable. Honestly! I wasn't even going to tell them my (first) name, just sex! that was all, but they don't believe!, they can't!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Quoting '50zkool'I would have thought that finding a guy on here, happy with what you want would be a piece of cake.Meeka is right though, the best sex is with people who have learnt each other. I am now of the opinion that finding the ideal fwb is as difficult as finding a long term partner. Hi 50zcool, what does an "ideal" FWB look like? You are not looking for an long term partner though. You are looking for people that you have sexual chemistry with and can form a friendship with. They will not be perfect or ideal. No-one can be that. Maybe your expectations are too high? I have found FWBs, some that I see most weeks and others I may see every few months, each is different and I can tell you now none of them are ideal/perfect. And I wouldn't want them to be either. If they were I would have two spunky bi-boys in my bed tonight!! All I mean by ideal is one that works ! Where both sides are happy with the arrangement, wether that be once a month for a chat and a shag or 3 days a week cooking and cooing !
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have guys in my every-day life that I invest myself in emotionally, but this was about something different these guys, I had no intention of investing myself in (again, I wasn't even going to tell them my name). and never in my life have I met a man I HAVE to HAVE. there is a common misconception in the world that humans NEED sex, NO! we don't, if you believe that you're childish (we can literally survive without it), humans WANT sex, and if you can't control yourself and realise that you can't always get what you WANT, then again, you're a CHILD.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Lmfao @meeka and angry sex 😜- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I tend to agree with Urbancowboy. There is so much more to this story.. I don't think I have ever met a guy who would turn down friends with benefits. But then I am perplexed at what is your really complaining about. Your first paragraph bags the shit out of guys for thinking you are falling for them and your "third" bags them for fear of commitment. ...HUH?....Psychology 101, The squeaky wheel is usually the faulty one.And honey JADED is definitely the term.Humans want what they want the trick is to find the human that fits what you want . Good luck with that and happy hunting
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RHP User
12 years ago
If you can't find a man on here who'll fuck you without knowing your name, then we suggest you have a long bath... as you clearly haven't washed for months. As many have said already, much more to this story....
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inspirit
12 years ago
reading all the posts as it appears they are just repeats.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Tonguecramps and Emmy not sure who is writing Mr or Mrs??? Bit rude to not actually say. But sorry regardless of which ever of you is writing you can not talk for how it is with single women! Particularly if it is the Mr talking... and who can tell. Men do say no to FWB. Of course they do as they are worried a woman can not handle it without falling for them. Not all men but there is a lot that do. As for men not fucking a woman that just wants a quick fuck. Yep I have heard that this happens all the time too. I don't know whether a man feels it is all too good to be true so doesn't trust it or whether alot of men who say they want it are really just pussies with no balls. A bit mean Tonguecramps.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit' reading all the posts as it appears they are just repeats. just do what I do. Read the first sentence then the last and make some reasonable assumptions on what the middle probably says........ then put your two cents in without really knowing what everyone has said.Usually works for me. LMAO.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Meeka. .....I think ur generalising and need to get off the wines tonight.....I've had a fwb for years and it's simple.....ground rules first....plain and obvious.......but it's always going to be the case that people develop feelings it's just whether they act on them !- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'Tonguecramps and Emmy not sure who is writing Mr or Mrs??? Bit rude to not actually say. But sorry regardless of which ever of you is writing you can not talk for how it is with single women! Particularly if it is the Mr talking... and who can tell. Men do say no to FWB. Of course they do as they are worried a woman can not handle it without falling for them. Not all men but there is a lot that do. As for men not fucking a woman that just wants a quick fuck. Yep I have heard that this happens all the time too. I don't know whether a man feels it is all too good to be true so doesn't trust it or whether alot of men who say they want it are really just pussies with no balls. A bit mean Tonguecramps. As humour was involved with our previous statement (bad humour perhaps, but humour nonetheless). But in any case our post was far less mean than many of the replies from the OP to other posters. Also Meeks, you state we cannot speak for how it is here for single women - well, we're not trying to. We simply provided a bad joke and an opinion. Nowhere have we stated that guys don't turn down the type of scenario being put forward, just that we are sceptical about the "impossibility" of finding it on here (especially given the frequent threads on here about men wanting sex with little connection). And we would like to point out that the OP has generalised and made sweeping statements putting down an entire gender on multiple occasions through this thread, not to mention calling posters childish and immature simply because they have an alternative point of view. Frankly, we've found most of her posts to be childish, arrogant, self centred and on many occasions in direct contradiction to her own previous statements. Not to mention quite offensive and condescending at times also. We've actually held our tongues so to speak (and boy did they cramp up lol). Sorry, love your posts most of the time Meeks, but have to disagree here. And the "we" that we put in our statements indicates who is contributing the post. Now, lets everyone have their own opinions, and make up. Oh, and where's our spanking? We're still waiting.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'lawnman' Meeka. .....I think ur generalising and need to get off the wines tonight.....I've had a fwb for years and it's simple.....ground rules first....plain and obvious.......but it's always going to be the case that people develop feelings it's just whether they act on them !- Posted from rhpmobile I don't drink sweetie. You are talking from your own perspective, have you talked to other men about this too?. I never said all men either. And by the way you just said the same thing I did, but not as well. M
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RHP User
12 years ago
I haven't been reading any of the long posts.......... just saw yours which seemed a little mean. And Enny's which I disagreed with. Don't mind me, I will pull my head back in. Please continue.
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RHP User
12 years ago
ooops that should say did my skimming techniques let me down. Cause my spelling sure does! lol
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'I haven't been reading any of the long posts.......... just saw yours which seemed a little mean. And Enny's which I disagreed with. Don't mind me, I will pull my head back in. Please continue. All good. And some clarification from us around the "have a bath" statement - it wasn't meant to have mean overtones towards the OP. It was simply meant as a ludicrous line, with a little humour thrown in, to illustrate our opinion that perhaps a little more effort and maturity might result in her finding what she wishes.
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RHP User
12 years ago
You strike up a FWB who upholds the deal but after a year you found yourself falling in love with Him/Her as they turn out to be all you wanted and more....,But all they want is uphold the original FWB deal and screw around/not commit...whatever..Wouldn't that slay you..This FWB arrangement seems to be the domain of the young, the hurt, the fearful and the selfish.
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RHP User
12 years ago
In essence this post is about each sex's tendency to generalize the other based on misconceptions born from perspectives caused by ther own poor decisions due to their own immaturity (IE Poor choices they made when they were young and let their labido make the decisions, that caused them problems and heartache). We all (or most of us, have perceptions of the opposite sex that are false but due to the typical arrogance of human nature, we fail to recognize that WE were what caused the problem to begin with, instead choosing to hold the other party/sex accountable. None of my posts towards others have been written with malicious intent (despite me knowing that that same human arrogance would see some people offended and again, misintrpreting my point) most, the OP included, were heavily laced with sarcasm and I had though I "took the piss" as much out of women as I did men (apparently not though, I'll try harder next time!) I'm sorry you believe immaturity is what's caused me drama, and would appreciate if you could point out to me the ways in which I can improve myself. Is it that I'd have sex with a guy without even knowing his name? Incase it matters, I did try very hard to be upfront and honest about my intentions, I tried for three emails straight to make it clear that I didn't need a friend just sex (and as it truns out, now we've met and it looks as though we'll end up the exact opposite, friends but no sex) he refused to get past his misconceptions and believe what I was trying to tell him he judged me (based on the fact that I'm a woman) before he'd even mat me and that was what inspired my post. It's no loss to me, he seems like a nice guy and I can use all the friends I can get but I didn't end up getting what I wanted AND that should at least illustrate for the men on this site that ONE of their pre-conceptions is false, it's NOT always so "easy" for females on RHP The other thing that I'd like to be taken from this is that we all need to LIGHTEN THE HELL UPl It's a website people! The real world is outside your door.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
FWIW I personally don't believe what most people interpret a FWB type arrangment as being, can work out well in the end. Most women DO go into a FWB having been lead to believe (most of he time in my experience) by the guy, that in time it WILL progress to a "relationship". The truth is, if a relationship was their ultimate goal then that is what it would have been called from the outset. So girls and guys, Be smarter! There are only TWO types of arrangment (where sex is involved) In the world: casual sex, and a proper relationship. If he/she tells you anything else they're leading you on, telling ou what they think you need to hear in order to keep you hanging and use you for sex. If you "fall" for it, then you deserve what you get.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'mis__understood'In essence this post is about each sex's tendency to generalize the other based on misconceptions born from perspectives caused by ther own poor decisions due to their own immaturity (IE Poor choices they made when they were young and let their labido make the decisions, that caused them problems and heartache). We all (or most of us, have perceptions of the opposite sex that are false but due to the typical arrogance of human nature, we fail to recognize that WE were what caused the problem to begin with, instead choosing to hold the other party/sex accountable. None of my posts towards others have been written with malicious intent (despite me knowing that that same human arrogance would see some people offended and again, misintrpreting my point) most, the OP included, were heavily laced with sarcasm and I had though I "took the piss" as much out of women as I did men (apparently not though, I'll try harder next time!) I'm sorry you believe immaturity is what's caused me drama, and would appreciate if you could point out to me the ways in which I can improve myself. Is it that I'd have sex with a guy without even knowing his name? Incase it matters, I did try very hard to be upfront and honest about my intentions, I tried for three emails straight to make it clear that I didn't need a friend just sex (and as it truns out, now we've met and it looks as though we'll end up the exact opposite, friends but no sex) he refused to get past his misconceptions and believe what I was trying to tell him he judged me (based on the fact that I'm a woman) before he'd even mat me and that was what inspired my post. It's no loss to me, he seems like a nice guy and I can use all the friends I can get but I didn't end up getting what I wanted AND that should at least illustrate for the men on this site that ONE of their pre-conceptions is false, it's NOT always so "easy" for females on RHP The other thing that I'd like to be taken from this is that we all need to LIGHTEN THE HELL UPl It's a website people! The real world is outside your door.- Posted from rhpmobile without HIM knowing my name, I try to do my research and make informed decisions about sexual partners, I AM accountable for the decisions I make and am always prepared to face their potential repercussions
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'emmyNman'I tend to agree with Urbancowboy. There is so much more to this story.. I don't think I have ever met a guy who would turn down friends with benefits. But then I am perplexed at what is your really complaining about. Your first paragraph bags the shit out of guys for thinking you are falling for them and your "third" bags them for fear of commitment. ...HUH?....Psychology 101, The squeaky wheel is usually the faulty one.And honey JADED is definitely the term.Humans want what they want the trick is to find the human that fits what you want . Good luck with that and happy hunting I don't know if it's both of you replying or which half of the couple it is, BUT! please don't call me "honey" thank you!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Social conditioning works both ways guys are basically brought up with the idea that emotional attachment is what women want. Even the bad girl or "slutty" type characters in TV & Movies get portrayed as really doing because they are broken but really want to be loveed etc. The biggest diff imo is that while women are activly breaking down the stereotype men tend to reinforce it amongst themselves. It is a sop to insecure feelings when it comes to relationships and a good cover story to tell to oneself. I suspect you woud find most (not all) of the guys who act like this are insecure in some form or another, been hurt in the past or some such etc.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hey thought it was just sex ................? you started it !!!
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paulinaus
12 years ago
seems u all like to talk a load of bollocks in stead of getting on with what this site is all about ....
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RHP User
12 years ago
I haven't read the whole thread just giving the first answer that came to mind after reading the Original Post... Could it be that you are letting these guys cause you to second guess yourself on your position in the dynamic of these encounters? I mean it sounds as though these guys are enjoying the fun and by telling you what you should not feeling they are in fact making it clear that it is what you both want it to be. Casual sex with no need for commitment. Don't let them guilt trip you into mentally slut shaming yourself because that's kinda how it sounds to me...- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Lol what didn't you know Paulinaus this is where the smart people come to flirt.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I see it like this:- some animals in the animal kingdom have multiply partners and some mate for life, I think we get a little wrapped up and make the wrong choices when it comes to partners. If you want to have sex knock yourself out that's your choice but be honest enough with yourself when it come to another, allow them, the other person to make their own choice in regards to being involved with someone that has multiply partners.
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RHP User
12 years ago
This is a very interesting topic and ladies I would like to ask you a question. How often to you find clingy guys?, because I know that they exist. As for women being clingy. Nah not in my experience.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'mis__understood'Just call me the female innerwest ;-PYou said it. From what I can see he's better looking though.
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RHP User
12 years ago
As a saying goes - when you realise your journey is taking you in the wrong direction you need to turn around and take yourself back. Mis__understood, you have perhaps met a few not so smart guys, and did not take a turn back early enough... if your discussion was as intelligent as your post and you have seen them unable to keep up why have you dragged them along..?!?It seems women are just the same - and that scares me a bit as I'm new to the challenge of finding a friend with benefits, and there might be more false starts than I'd want to face :-(
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Ms_Direct' Quoting 'mis__understood'Just call me the female innerwest ;-PYou said it. From what I can see he's better looking though. is it the grey? and here I thought that chicks "dig" the grey.... Guess I can't get anything right!
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Lifes_great
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'I think you guys have missed the point ... A hell of a lot of guys have an underlying belief that a woman will fall for them if they have sex. This belief, whether they know it or not, alters their behaviour. I have spoken to men who simply do not believe a woman can have sex without some emotional attachment which will develop into love... & marriage and babies in her head. Is this why so many men fuck and run? Not sure about forum guys, but men out there in the real world. God. How ordinary. :-/ I think you're right Meeks, but it's probably not just limited to men. Maybe it's just those who seek a FWB relationship as opposed to those who don't. I don't think it's gender related, more that it's 2 people who have different goals. Just my thoughts
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RHP User
11 years ago
In my experience most of the women who say they are looking for sex are looking for exactly that....and then there may be the occasional one who overtly states that is her interest but actually has designs on something more enduring. It's not really an issue if open communication is had at the outset... X
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RHP User
11 years ago
I have had some wonderful time with my FWB or FB,we no its just sex and thats that. Some ladies want more but you just have to let people no what you want. And if they don't like that stiff shit.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I have a 12 inch package, I make Hugh Jackman look ugly and have more money than him. I can make you squirt by winking at you and will let you use a strapon on me.......What's not to fall in love with me!! Somebody had to go there
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RHP User
11 years ago
This is my opinion and nothing more If I where having a casual friends with benefits thing but we where hanging out and doing all the relationship things I would definitely start to have feelings for the girl but it really is a case by case situation that depends on the individuals involved , If you where to have a friends with benefits thing going it would be better to keep a certain level of separation , don't do relationship stuff together don't get involved with each others lives just meet up and fuck when you want and leave after ,
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RHP User
11 years ago
Sometimes things just evolve and sometimes they don't. If all parties are honest and clear about where they stand and how they feel, I would hope there wouldn't be too much of a problem. At least not an insoluble one
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RHP User
11 years ago
...if there's anything the years have taught me it's that I'm very resistible.
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chevtrek
11 years ago
Short answer is no But if I felt they gal was right for me it would be nice
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scubaboy69
11 years ago
I don’t fear commitment. I fear divorce.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Speaking for myself I have had ones that say they just want a fwb but really wanted a relationship they just think that if they say they just want a fuck buddy a bloke will be in It hn they just slowly form it into a relationship,but have had a couple that was just a fuckbudy and going out partner,but a person can want a fwb and fall for they guy if he treats he right
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yankmychain56
11 years ago
I have met some women who are amazing in bed, and really get off on me ripping them apart.....then they want to move in.NOT HAPPENING.this is why i have pretty much backed off on the whole scene, because I have trouble understanding the mind of a woman (how many years does it take to get to know them?)After all, this is a website where people pretty much troll for sex, NOT a meaningful relationship.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Having said that, lots of people, male or female, hetero or otherwise often equate sex, particularly repeated occurrences of, with love/prolonged feeling of attachment.I saw a woman recently who dropped the L-word while we were fucking, within about 2 weeks. I don't think she meant to, but still. WOAH.
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