M56
HELP!!!
January 16 2014
Comments
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Smilingwithfun
11 years ago
May I suggest a Marriage Counsellor or Family Psychologist. A professional that will have the skills & experience to help. It may also show your wife that this is an important issue for you. The counsellor can see your wife one on one without you around. If your wife has been like this since the start then its not a case of reviving your sex life, so weekends away, sexy nightwear I don't think will cut it. Good Luck
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
I am only going to post a brief part of what I want to say. firstly.... DO NOT GO TO COUNSELLING. It will leave her Feeling inadequate, abnormal and that she is failing you and the marriage. And I don't need to tell you that will NOT help. I've been here, so I know what you're talking about. It's going to be hard to do.... But for now, you must Not discuss sex with her. You've done that and I'm sure she feels badgered and sick of the same old discussion and it is killing her sexual inspiration in you. Now, unless she has a genuine dysfunction from her past, you can change this. BUT, and be 100% honest with yourself here.....you MUST want to do this for her, and "us".... Because if you're honest with me here, you'll see that your focus on you has been part of this problem. You need to employ a Phase Shift... so that she doesn't see you as part of the problem, but the key to inspiring her sexuality. Because once you inspire AND reward a woman's sexuality she will crave sharing it with you above all other things. Send me a PM for a LOT more information. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Mischievouslad... This was my husband and myself, except other way around, onlyoral4u I understand the frustration you are feeling....... So we went to marriage counselling for 2 years, he got resentful and couldn't understand, if I loved him then why wasn't I happy.... Now again, from my side, I always wanted to talk about it and the more I talked the less I saw him as a desireable person, I felt he was being unreasonable, well you know the story........ Then I gave myself an attitude adjustment !!! I stopped going on about it, I stopped pushing him, I started concentrating on the little things, instead of just thanking him for some chore, I started to hug and kiss him etc........... This is where Mischievouslad is so correct... When he felt loved not thought little of, he started to relax, he even looked and felt more confident....... Then one day he asked "what were you thinking of?" I wish you the best of luck
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Yesyoudo
11 years ago
I would suggest obtaining some medical advice. Sometimes lack of libido can be due hormonal issues. Find an sting medical.clinic in your area and go along with your wife. Dramatic results are sometimes seen!
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Yesyoudo
11 years ago
Anticline clinic.
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Yesyoudo
11 years ago
Antiaging clinic. Autocorret. Grrr.
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madotara69
11 years ago
Glad you spoke out on that one, well said and agree to it all. Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
You can't be serious, telling someone NOT to go to counselling?! Countless people have had their lives changed for the better through careful guidance from a skilled counsellor. Express an opinion, sure, bit goodness' sake don't be careless or destructive with it! OP, aside from smacking DG for his thoughtlessness, I somewhat agree with him. Not that you shouldn't go to a counsellor but that there might well be a path to reigniting, or even igniting for the first time, your wife's sensuality and sexuality. There's a LOT a man can do to wake up a woman's desires. Yes it's ultimately her responsibility but perhaps she doesn't know what she doesn't know. There are things you can do to help her discover herself. They might be confronting things for you to do, a vastly different way of walking through the world or connecting with your wife, but they could also work a treat. DG will have a bunch of ideas, most worth listening to. My only advice about that is to take them with a grain of salt and decide what's right for you. Don't be seduced by a cookie cutter approach. On a personal note, my husband had no interest in sex. We talked a lot and nothing changed. He's been single for some years now and still has no real interest - various reasons. Bottom line, I left. There's more to life than a sexless marriage. Good luck! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
my only advise would be to tell her the truth and also listen to her truth ask her if you two can sit down and have an open discussion about wheat she wants and what you want with out ending in a fight . you might not like what she has to say, this i have learned but only after she left me and i found someone i can be open and honest with. i don't know if this helps just thought i would share. cheers Richard
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RHP User
11 years ago
Set both of you free. You're already cheating on her - why prolong it.
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madotara69
11 years ago
We had times a fair while back, similar. Past events that interfered with our reasoning to sex in some ways, decissions based on what others had caused alarm to. Fellings of being blamed for something we had not caused, yet had to carry the burdens. A lot of patience and breaking through the truths to the unprotected meanings is tough it always will be, it is painful and trust is the hardest for it's times being then. Something of fantastic advice given once, your relationship to your partner needs regular maintenance, your partner needs to be at the centre of your life's activities, it can easily wander of course away from centre and distance becomes of that. Your partner needs to be your best friend and know it. It was good advice. Mado Tara xx
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
Make if it what you will miss Careless. The road to divorce is paved with good intentions, and the promise of positive outcomes offered by poorly qualified "counsellors". That road is also littered with the debris if broken lives. Sure, it seems like a good idea..... Like "the done thing"..... THAT is the cookiecutter approach. You like to refer to. The uncomfortable and sad truth is that counselling isn't the answer, and stating that as my opinion, my experience, and the shared experiences of countless others is far from being careless. Careless is assuming all outcomes will be positive in the face of the statistics which show otherwise. Thoughtless would be withholding that fact. The author can email me, or not. His choice. DG - Posted from rhpmobile
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
Make of it what you will miss Careless. The road to divorce is paved with good intentions and the promise of positive outcomes offered by poorly qualified "counsellors". That road is also littered with the debris of broken lives. Sure, it seems like a good idea..... like "the done thing"..... but THAT is the cookiecutter approach you like to refer to. The uncomfortable and sad truth is that counselling isn't the answer, and stating that as my opinion, my experience, and the shared experiences of countless others is far from being careless. Careless .... is assuming all outcomes will be positive in the face of the statistics which show otherwise. Thoughtless would be withholding that fact. The author can email me, or not. His choice. DG - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
We've seen this before OnlyOral, the male is ready but no interest by the female, and from what you describe no interest even within your 20yr marriage.Please do not assume that you will get the magic answer to get your wife sexual and introduce yourselves as swingers. That will make some other husband subjected to what you call 'vanilla" and the experience will be very sour for all involved.You have a single profile with the description of married however your wording contains "Yes, I am married, but in a seperate rooms situation. Love to give oral, call it a fetish. I am looking for a woman who would like me to take them to heaven and back, perhaps on a semi-regular basis."Apart from advice given on counselling both for and against, you need to work out "where to now"ApolloThirteen has already made a valuable observation and advice.Our view is that the couples swingers world is already overfilled with couples that don't "paddle in the same direction"
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RHP User
11 years ago
that is more honest than this post.
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accessss
11 years ago
Just try ignoring her sexualy for little while and see what happens. Sometimes when u guys r ignoring us then we ask ourselves what is going on. Maybe hes got somebody else. Then we want to go around it and do anything to get u back. Or buy some toys and sexy things and send it to ur address so it looks like it was somebody else sent it. Like she won a present from sex shop. Maybe write a letter in a package like its from them. Maybe she will be curious a try using it. Or give her some libido booster tablets and put them in vitamin packed. I know how u feel when u love somebody and u would do anything for them but u dont get same return. Good luck.
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accessss
11 years ago
People will say why are u here and looking for somebody else. Well if he was getting what he wants at home he wouldnt be here. After 20 years i peronally dont think he is doing anything wrong. He tried talking to her. Also what he wants is not bizzare.
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RHP User
11 years ago
It doesnt sound as though the two of you are compatible...despite being together so long. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Seriously counselling won't work. After that long together sexual attraction is hard to maintain. A different libido is hard. My thought and you can all tell me I am wrong is have a NSA affair based on honesty with the lady. This too is difficult but can be done between the right parties Before you all yell at me, walk in someone's shoes who is in a sexless marriage. It's not fun fie either party. He frustrated and angry And her probably feeling guilty - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
If you truly love your Wife , consider a Tantric Workshop . Learn to Honour each other ... GG♒️ - Posted from rhpmobile
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