F53
Has anyone had a date walk out after meeting
March 04 2015
Comments
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RHP User
10 years ago
He sounds like a jerk! - Posted from rhpmobile
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couplefairride
10 years ago
what an awful man. Luckily your caught a break from him. Put down to him been a shit. We met a young man for a rendezvous and really did have a very high belief himself. Personally found very unattractive both in and out. Luckily we did have to waste our money or time on him. Better luck next time. - Posted from rhpmobile
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langton11
10 years ago
I suppose you can be thankful it didn't go further given he's that sort of guy. It' really doesn't matter if he's god's gift, everyone should be treated with respect esp when they're putting themselves out there as you were
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AnnieWhichway
10 years ago
He did you a huge favour by leaving. You wouldn't have wanted a self absorbed guy like that in your life. Even for a coffee. Obviously lacked basic social skills to be able to have a social chat. You dodged a big dick.....
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RHP User
10 years ago
Maybe he saw one of his wife's friends behind you and had to do the Harold Holt! It would be easy enough to stay and have a pleasant conversation even if there's no chemistry and then depart. Obviously it's all about him and you the person didn't matter, says so much about him really. Don't take it too personally, he is a disrespectful wanker and you we're unlucky. Mr HnH
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Mr_MrsAraps
10 years ago
Without knowing exactly what happened .... He has said straight up and honestly that he is looking for something else and has not beaten around the bush or done the excuse yourself to go to the toilet and then quietly slip away without saying a word or given you some lame bullshit excuse such as its not you its me as to why it wouldn't work. Perhaps walking out without at least having the cup of coffee was somewhat rude but I also get the impression from what you said and also whats on your profile that you may need to learn to accept rejection a little better also. I mean it sounds like your just now bitter and can't move forward from how your profile is worded. There is a whole mismatched ratio of guys to women to try to find what your looking for. Cheers, W.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Yes,that's a rather unpleasant experience but I wouldn't post it on my profile..Ya win some ya loose some..I met a very attractive charming man for what I thought was drinks and then dinner..everything seemed to be going well until we got to his kinks,I think I probably went a little pale..Suddenly he grabbed my hand and said ....Let's go...I thought we were going across the road to dinner,but it was to a nearby cab rank,he opened the cab door and shoved me in without a word...I am not often speechless but that day I was xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
for the win.... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I wanna know though... If it's disrespectful to be honest and not waste your time.... What exactly is respecting you?? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Would you do,or have you done the same thing?...I have drunk my coffee very quickly and left...I paid for my coffee btw...but he was the dirtiest man I have ever met...literally,covered from head to toe in bitumen xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
agree with Araps. No, what the guy did wasn't particularly nice, but we are also only hearing your side of the story and have only your opinion to go by that it was about your looks. Your profile also raises a few red flags. You admit that you're not completely over your ex, which leads me to think that you're at least partly using RHP to stoke your ego and make you feel desirable again (which isn't necessarily a problem on its own, lots of women do it - hell I've done it - but it's problematic if it means you take any rejection strongly to heart and as a personal affront). Also, statements like ''I know I'm good looking, and I've been with men much better looking than him'' don't really portray you in the best light. I must admit I'm not quite sure why you included that story in your profile at all, and if I was a guy I'd find it quite off-putting.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Hi everyone, thanks for your input. I suppose I've always believed in treating people good and with respect, unless they've done something to deserve otherwise. I have been on many dates, both here and vanilla sites, where the guy turned up and I knew straight away that it wasn't going to happen. However I have NEVER treated any of those men with disrespect. I smile, have a drink or coffee, then leave. I think its the least anyone deserves when they've gone to the effort of dressing up and made the effort to come and see me. I'm pleasant but I'm sure they can tell by my body language that I'm not interested. I'm also concerned that other younger women without life experience and much self esteem would be scarred for life. I'm 43, confident, and it threw me for a 6. I suppose I've put this on my profile because I never want to experience this again. I know I won't click or be attractive to everyone I meet, but I don't want to be disrespected like this ever again. I'll probably change the wording of it soon You're right on some levels, luck dragon, but the main reason I'm on this site is because I know I'm not emotionally ready to get into a serious relationship, and I have alot of things happening with work etc, but I still have needs. There's nothing like being intimate with a man, whether it be a one off or a continuing FWB. I just don't want to hurt anyone who might have feelings for me in the meantime. I think there are some chauvinistic men out there who think that women on this site don't deserve to be respected. That gets me angry. we're as good as anyone on those vanilla sites. we're just being honest about what we want. Anyway, thats my rant.
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RHP User
10 years ago
He just wasn't into you, he didn't think you were worth a cup of coffee. Harsh assessment but without all the facts that is the result I come to. Can't be judging either of you as being at fault with a one sided view of events. :)
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Mischeviouslad
10 years ago
HANG ON..... I Am NOT defending that kind of piss-weak behaviour to simply walk out. However..... clearly you both arranged to meet... without first qualifying eachother. From what I've seen and been told, guys in here frequently send a first message that blurts out a proposal to meet for coffee/dinner/sex and give their phone number. One guy I've heard of even claims he'll pay your flight to Perth then take you to Bali. What the ... ?? Who the hell meets someone who you've never AT LEAST spoken to over the phone to determine if you'd even get on and share enough conversation for 30 minutes?????? My time is too valuable to spend it arranging to meet someone that I haven't messaged, then spoken to via phone to hear their voice, gauge their responses and then decide if we would at least get on for perhaps a half our, over a glass of wine/coffee. You SHOULD be doing 95% of your screening of their personality before you arrange to meet.Just getting someones phone number is not a sign that you're an automatic "match" and I would never assume anyone (let alone everyone) I message will end up as a meeting. If you want more photos because you're unsure........ ASKIf you need more time... TAKE MORE And be prepared to say "thanks, but no thanks" BEFORE arranging to meet.You might cop some message abuse form the bitter and brittle egos in here as a result.... but, you will have saved yourself wasted preparation time and wasted meeting time in advance.DG
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aussian43
10 years ago
Quoting 'Freya79' everything seemed to be going well until we got to his kinks,I think I probably went a little pale. I have to wonder what kinks could cause Freya to go pale??? OP: He sounds like he has a high opinion of himself, or maybe just some very specific preferences. Have wonder what they would be to know in a minute if there is a spark. Could be as simple as your accent brings out memories of a psycho ex. His was rude in how he handled the situation.Either way, I bet there are plenty more men clamouring for your attention, forget him and move on.
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RHP User
10 years ago
but I don't think that you should have put this incident on your Profile. Your Profile should be about you and what you are looking for in a man. When I read your Profile, you didn't seem ready for a RHP relationship; you seemed unsure. RHP will contain a lot of Members who will exhibit different behaviours. You just need to be aware of them and try not to take things to heart. My advice to you is to forget about this incident and move on. It may just be one in a million. Amy
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RHP User
10 years ago
Over in the corner having coffee with her girlfriends. He was rude,
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AnnieWhichway
10 years ago
I'm with you all the way. There are some pigs out there, both men and women but far more men than the other. I can tell a lot by the written word and you pass my test. Even with a pig, I can stomach a coffee and remain courteous for the sake of humanity. Unless it was shit coffee... Yeah I'm shallow but not rude.......he was a pig!
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'langton11' I suppose you can be thankful it didn't go further given he's that sort of guy. It' really doesn't matter if he's god's gift, everyone should be treated with respect esp when they're putting themselves out there as you were I know you posted something, but then I looked at your pictures and now i cant even remember my name.
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RHP User
10 years ago
c'mon brunnication, I know he wasn't into me, I'm not stupid and I have no problem with that. But isn't it wrong to treat another person with such indignity, even if I was butt-ugly (which I'm not). It is just plain wrong to do this when a person has dressed up and made the effort to meet you. Nobody is "not worth a cup of coffee" no matter how unappealing the other person finds him/her. And thanks for your kind words Annie Whichway :-)
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RHP User
10 years ago
langton11 have a body to die for !!! And at age 45 too !!! Ah, but I digress from the topic here. Amy
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RHP User
10 years ago
Doesn't matter what his reasons, 30 mins for coffee wouldn't have killed him. - Posted from rhpmobile
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6exxy
10 years ago
However you can wear it in a dignified way. Clarity and action about his intentions is what he gave you. Pain and suffering is what shows outwardly from you now. This potentially has the ability to scare off the next guy who just might be compatible for you both. Emotionally unavailable 😳 There was a thread on this recently and that is what you are saying about your emotional state of mind. Any pic on your profile is better than the grey ghost so give us something. Good luck 😘😘😘😘
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad'My time is too valuable to spend it arranging to meet someone that I haven't messaged, then spoken to via phone to hear their voice, gauge their responses and then decide if we would at least get on for perhaps a half our, over a glass of wine/coffee. Wholeheartedly agree with this thought - I value MY and the other Party's time by at least getting to the stage of a meetup. IF the attraction is still there in person then it is a green light - if not then I will thank him for his time, we might just have a chat but will not worry about aligning busy schedules for 2nd meetup
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RHP User
10 years ago
I remember a date I went on. I'd been chatting to this chick for a couple of messages. I know; silly me.... But she was a local and I thought fuck it and asked if she wanted to meet up for a coffee which she accepted. So we meet; within 5-10 minutes our differences were clear to me. I don't wish to detail those differences as for the purpose of this post they're irrelevant... But obviously not to her when she asks "sooooooo....shall we go somewhere more private??" I told her a little white lie as the OP suggests to....but about 10 mins after we'd said goodnight she sends a text "not your type eh??" "Nahh sorry!!" I reply. She was good about it... But I vowed never to endure those differences again as being truthful is sometimes gonna sting like a mother fucker but if it were me, I'd rather that than expecting someone to torture themselves with a conversation that they just don't want.. In my example I should've just said "I gotta say this just isn't going to work for me; I appreciate all the effort you've gone to, but you're not what I seek. I'm sorry for wasting your time....." That seems better - in my view -than trying to enjoy your time with someone that you spend more time planning your escape than actually paying attention to them. To answer your questions :- Have I?? No. Would I?? Absofuckinglutely. As no matter how hard it is to swallow that pill of truth; I'd rather that than being comforted with a lie. That to me is patronising. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
The OP wanted a lie...I think it was the instant leave taking and rudeness...but you re right,I have endured too many agonising coffees to no longer be upfront Sir Stir,but hopefully I have been direct but polite...some people say you know within the first minute...maybe he had read the same thing xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
When i was in the usa, a guy told me he was meeting up with a woman from the net. done the chat, done the messages, done the phone calls, done the photographs over time, they had been chatting for six months. she was a looker, so off to the bar he waits, and a trailer trash comes into the bar, greasy over alls, greasy hair and ugly as a hat full of arse holes. any howww she swaggers up and takes a sip out of his beer as way of introduction. He goes, my god your not ( insert any name you want) , he was pissed off, so he got off his bar stool to head out She starts to scream, yelling your just like all the other mother fuckers. He turns and say, its because your a liar and who was that in the pictures. It was her sister. so he turns again to leave and she is on him, hit him over the head with a beer bottle, 15 stitches in the back of his head and two bar men to drag of Daisy May. he was a tad terrified to meet me lol, who can blame him. I sat in the esplanade once, a friend of mine was due for a meet so she sat at another table. A guy 20 years older than the picture came and sat in front of her. You can imagine her surprise , but even then she was polite had the coffee and said no thank you, you portrayed yourself as something your not. I ask him later on here sent a message and ask him why? he was a nice looking mature guy. He just said its the only way he can meet women. Meet he might but he would never get past the polite coffee doing that sort of crap.
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On_Safari
10 years ago
Would never do it to another. Courtesy costs nothing.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I read it as she wanted him to make an excuse to divert the truth but I see your point 😊 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
No Freya, I did not6 want a lie. I wanted some common courtesy. I know it wouldnt have worked because I find nothing more unattractive than vain narcissistic men. He was definitely not my type. I still believe that a 10 minute coffee wouldn't have killed him, rather than humiliating me like this. As I said, there are young women out there who would go into a depression over this. Its about common courtesy which I deserved.
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RHP User
10 years ago
You dodged a bullet. Not a great feeling but it's a part of life.. Esp online meet up life. Take the details of this encounter off your profile. Don't let this meaningless 1 minute meet spoil your chances at meeting the fabulous ones out there. He was a one minute wonder. Ffffttt. - Posted from rhpmobile
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lovman8
10 years ago
I think your profile is fine and any normal guy meeting you should have a rough idea where you are coming from, and I would of thought any polite reasonable man would have spent 5 or 10 minutes getting to know you. How ever in my opinion it is better to go to meetings such as this with no expectations if thats possible. Or have you're starting point as " we'll probably take one look at each other and be repulsed". Then anything positive that happens between you is a bonus.
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RHP User
10 years ago
A quick coffee and I'm sorry, but not interested would've been the polite thing, but it could've of been worse. He could have just disappeared without any acknowledgement and left you sitting there wondering what happened. Don't let one bad meet cloud your rhp experience, there are some really nice guys on here.
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langton11
10 years ago
Quoting 'Serenity2000' langton11 have a body to die for !!! And at age 45 too !!! Ah, but I digress from the topic here. Amy Thanks Amy, I'm very flattered esp coming from a woman of your caliber
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Seachange
10 years ago
Op, it is a bit harsh but a reality. I think he was being honest albeit a moron in the manners area. It has never happened to me. i would not cry over spilt milk as you have to be grateful you dodged a bullet. However, you seem to harbour more resentment with the fact that he did not buy you coffee. I have been on 'dates' when I know we would not hit it off and I only have a glass of water. I would only stay for 5 minutes and been honest about the situation. But politely. Manners goes a long way. Afterall he is another human being with feelings, regardless of how I feel about him. Am curious what your screening process is like that he came into the conclusion you are 'not' what he thought you were. If you had intensive screening, like sharing pics (not necessarily nudies as I dont do that) but phone chats, then it should not be so much of a surprise for both of you. I think there is more to this than what you have painted but up to you to elucidate. Or maybe it is him. Guilt reflexes of a cheating man r and has used you as an escape goat after guilt has set in. We will never know. Just move on and reflect what happened on that bits that may have changed his mind. But don't take it personally. There are plenty of good men on here so why worry. Just be more selective and improve your screening skills. Good luck.
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ArtsyLusttty
10 years ago
I have been through once many moon years ago. I was in my mid-20's; never been kissed, virgin and never been out on a date. I first chatted with a hearing guy via online chat room. He asked me to meet up at a particular location in the City and so I did. I waited and waited, for what seemed like ages. Then I went home. Later that night, I asked him about what had happened to our meeting up in the City. Guess what he said? He drove past and saw me but he did not like what he saw in me and then drove off to the brothel afterwards. s3d :-) x - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
the way you say the experience happened, I wonder what you would say if he had stayed for a coffee then said you weren't what he was looking for.. Would you be the same and say he shouldn't have wasted your time? you sound bitter and truth be told there is always going to be an off putting experience here and there and if I was a potential Partner reading that experience on your profile would put me off wanting to meet you,it's just seems that because you say you are good looking why would he not stay and buy me coffee? I've seen pictures before meeting people and sometimes they just don't give the same vibe they do in Person, it's all a learning curve , I haven't been in the same experience as you, would have I done what he did? Will let you know if I come across the same situation. Any who I wish you the best of luck 😉 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
At least he said it to your face, some check you from a distance and just stand you up if they don't like what they see.
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RHP User
10 years ago
than just looks. I went to a meet quite some time back that ended with me walking out. The guy was very attractive and at first sight I thought it would be a promising meet. Then he started talking and the things he said just turned me off in a big way. After sitting there politely listening to him I decided it wasn't going to go any further. At that point he wanted to know what I thought about hooking up. I believe in being honest and told him that for me there was no chemistry. Thanked him for taking the time to meet me and wished him well, then left. OP the guy you saw may have been tactless but at least he was honest. By being so, he didn't leave you wondering and waiting for him to call and you didn't embarrass yourself by calling him. I'd prefer to know and then just move on. Don't take it personally. LG
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RHP User
10 years ago
I arranged to meet a lovely lady, yes we had done the texting, yes we had talked on the phone, and then we decided to meet. Naturally I rocked up early and took a seat so that I could see her walk in. Anyway, there was another entry that I didn't know about and she had come in, seen me, and taken off. Last time I go to a meet in thongs and shorts let me tell you. :P I did happen to see her as she walked away. Quickly. Sighs. Luckily I had this really great book that I was reading at the time so what better way than to spend the time enjoying my beverage and my book. I think OP, that you had expectations about the meet and where it was going to go (and naturally you haven't alluded to them here) and I guess you were let down by his rudeness AND your expectation. Just thank your lucky stars that you have dodged a dickhead and next time....take a book! ;) SPICY :)
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Mr_MrsAraps
10 years ago
Sure always be polite but there should be no obligation to stay around especially when you don't feel comfortable staying cause the guy is slimy, creepy or similar and you are going to come out afterwards thinking well that's 5 minutes of my life I will never get back. As DG mentioned hopefully peeps are doing a good job of screening before meets. Cheers, W
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RHP User
10 years ago
Sorry to hear that happened to you OP. He was clearly a dick but be grateful it was quick and relatively painless. I recently met a woman, it was late night around midnight. She invited me over to her house (brave, silly and fortunate it was someone like me). As soon as she opened the door I knew instantly there was zero attraction, I got through half a glass of wine and a lengthy conversation about her not being able to find a good partner on rhp (I know right?!) before I had to play the "I'm really tired card". I feel like it may have been better for everyone if I'd just let her know straight up at the door that it didn't feel right... At least I wouldn't have ended up with allergies from all of her cats... Yes, I think I went on a date with a cat lady. All the best with your future dates. - Posted from rhpmobile
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HotdesiresCouple
10 years ago
He does sound like a jerk, but you don't sound much better ( no disrespect ) but why do you feel that he has to buy you a coffee? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I had a meeting with a young lad in my innocent early days on RHP. He came in the front door, told me he had to get something out from his car, did a U-turn and never came back. He left me standing at my front door without so much as an explanation. And I was dressed up in my finest lingerie too 😢 I was baffled. How could ANYONE reject a sexy hot beauty like me?! Seriously 😝 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I know there is a old rule that men should pay for women when they meet. But really I think its not right anymore. When I meet a person the first time I don't expect him to pay my coffee or anything, why should I.? I rather pay my own so I don't owe him anything. And hello females, we all want to be equal treated by males so please pay for your own its not a date as such, its just a meeting to sniff around the other to see are we having chemistry that's all. And should it be sex after all then still no one owes anything to the other, we have to take this possessive behavior out of our minds. It is how it is, walk away when it is bad and stay and enjoy when it is wonderful and maybe repeat it.
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Seachange
10 years ago
Good points. Xxx
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RHP User
10 years ago
I turned up for a first coffee date some time ago and she brought her 7 yr old daughter along...ok this is unusual and different i thought.What to do in this situation without being rude or judgmental i bought the young lady a plate of hot chips.Mum and I shared a coffee and i politely exited and put it down to a new experience
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'xoJulesox' I turned up for a first coffee date some time ago and she brought her 7 yr old daughter along...ok this is unusual and different i thought.What to do in this situation without being rude or judgmental i bought the young lady a plate of hot chips.Mum and I shared a coffee and i politely exited and put it down to a new experience sounds like the kid did pretty well out of it though :) I know myself and I'd sit through the coffee (probably a hot chocolate or iced frappe - manly drinks) hate every moment and be hoping they'd finish the coffee so I could get going. But I think it's fair to get going sooner rather than sitting through a convo less enjoyable than having teeth pulled - but I think the delivery of the "nope, not happening" could be made in a nicer way and less abrupt. cairnsgal: I like the story being in your profile, its a change from the ordinary, gives potential browsers that "whoa, whoa, wait a sec.. did I really read that? wtf" jolt to their day
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'xoJulesox' I turned up for a first coffee date some time ago and she brought her 7 yr old daughter along...ok this is unusual and different i thought.What to do in this situation without being rude or judgmental i bought the young lady a plate of hot chips.Mum and I shared a coffee and i politely exited and put it down to a new experience This is what I'm talking about. You did the decent thing. Yes that was a weird thing to do, but you were a gentleman. This is an example of what anyone should do if they meet someone on a date who they know is not for them. She's still a human. Treat her with respect and politely leave.
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