M59 F60
Have you been down this path?
August 31 2015
Comments
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RHP User
9 years ago
I've been down the sexless marriage path. I have a part time lover, the sex is good but not great.My wife has given me the go to have a lover but says she doesn't want to know about it so I have to be discreet and I do tell little black lies so she doesn't know exactly what I'm up to. Call it what you will discreet or lying bastard, that's your choice..Now on a different note Mr Ifixit...is your name Christopher Pyne?
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RHP User
9 years ago
"She gets really defensive about the idea" That's not just a red flag, that's all you need to know right there. 'Classic overthinking' or not, what you think her reasons are and what they actually are may be entirely different. "I'm 100% certain that in the right circumstances with the right people, she would be into it, if she has to think about it, every fear gets in the way." In spite of the fact that she's defensive about the idea? Someone I knew thought the same, he was wrong, soooooo wrong. "The thought does occur to me to just hook up with someone and not tell her, but that would be cheating, so that's not gunna work." The entirety of your post in conjunction with your profile suggests otherwise - with or without her, jus sayn.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Wow, Thanks for the slap down. Maybe I deserved it. So I guess that counts you in the "Just drop it idiot" and be happy with what you have camp.
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Mischeviouslad
9 years ago
IS there a reason the previous version of this topic seems to have vanished? No matter.....I'll say it again. She isn't interested.... stop being "controlling".... it probably has something to do with why she isn't interested. DG
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madotara69
9 years ago
Are you always this honest with your wife OP ?, maybe you should have posted in 'Guys Ask', it would be less embarrassing for your wife if comes she ever read your words of love of her to us, put on show as such. Maybe she does think of the relationship thin in the thoughts of fucking another bloke, you might want to check in on that, just to be sure of your self, for sakes she is not sure of herself, then ask yourself, 'is she the centre of your life'? she may be right in being uptight. Mado Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
9 years ago
Put a guy down just because he wants what alot of other couples are already doing on here. Even for the experienced couples there is always some nervous or anxious problems along the way. I think the op just needs to take the perspective of what does his wife has an interest in perhaps its a mfm. Or just a girl on girl experience. It just cant be all about his own needs otherwise it will never work. Its all about the communication and not being selfish there has to be give and take in everything couples do. Good luck OP in trying to still give your sex life with your wife some zing.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Thanks Guys, for the game of Lets beat up the guy with the dumb arse question. Surely I'm not the only one Male or female who has been part of a couple with this kind of conundrum, seriously. madotara69, Yes I'm always this honest with my wife, she could come and read this and I wouldn't be sweating it. I did post it in "guys ask" BTW, but for some reason it's not there. I posted it in Secret mens business, to which Micheviouslad is referring, here and Guys ask. Apologies if i broke RHP protocol for posting it in a few different forums looking for varied input. I wont re-post the reply i wrote in SMB, but I'm guessing you can read it there if your interested. I'm a big boy and so if you want to beat me up for asking around, you go right ahead. But hey, I had a question about ideas to interest my Mrs about mixing it up with others in the bedroom I've tried to be a open and honest as I can, This is the level of openness we have together in such conversations, I'm not trying to sneak a sly root behind her back as someone else suggested. I'm getting the feeling that the answer is.... You asked her a couple of times, she said no, so just STFU and get over it. Anyway i came looking for maybe a different point of view from the people we usually associate with and thought a swingers site would be a good place to start, maybe i was wrong.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Can you honestly give your wife an absolute guarantee that you won't fall for someone else. I don't think she's overthinking anything. Perhaps you need to be honest enough with yourself to imagine that it is a possibility and she has every right to feel fear. She has given you sooo much. What an absolute grooved she is... You're a lucky man. Is your desire to not die wondering worth it? Does she know, really?!, how strongly you feel about this? You have some serious thinking, looking into yourself and beautiful communicating to do with this very special woman. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
You want more, she says nuh-uh, however you say she is the one overthinking it. It sounds to me like your wife has some very clear boundaries actually, and I personally think her "no" should be enough for you if you respect her for the person she is. Just my 2cts.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Ifixit' Anyway i came looking for maybe a different point of view from the people we usually associate with and thought a swingers site would be a good place to start, maybe i was wrong. Just because we are swingers doesn't mean we should take another person's "no" any differently then if we were all conservative prudes.
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RHP User
9 years ago
of cause some of you women know better bag the poor bloke for being honest the negtive women are only on rhp cause they pick and choose who they talk to cause they cant do that in the real world they are on a power trip
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Ifixit' Wow, Thanks for the slap down. Maybe I deserved it. So I guess that counts you in the "Just drop it idiot" and be happy with what you have camp. Who am I to make that call? Simply speaking as someone whose been in the position that you're putting your wife in that's all, which is what I thought you were asking for - past experiences that is.
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Mischeviouslad
9 years ago
Are you this petulant in discussions with her too when you don't get your way on her sexual comfort?...... The painting clarity might be improving. - Posted from rhpmobile
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erotictouch4u
9 years ago
OK so you said you have both ticked off a lot of things but have you gone to a swinger's club together ? There you will both have the chance to watch and learn and if you both feel comfortable, I repeat, IF you BOTH feel comfortable, be able to partake in some mixed play either MFM or FMF or singularly or multiple combinations. ET xox
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RHP User
9 years ago
Wow so many people with so many opinions... I'm sure everyone's here for different reasons so who are we to judge! At least you're open and honest and not one of the sleaze balls pretending to be single on here.... I'm sure a lot of couples think about, talk about, fantasise about sexual encounters they haven't experienced but might like too. My FWB (ex partners but can't let go of the GREAT sex) also talked about and even travelled the road of at least looking for a lady or couple we might 'click' with.... Not quite got there yet.... After all I don't just play with anyone, gotta be some sexual chemistry. One day like you say, maybe right circumstances, time and place and who knows... Even for her 😄 Don't plan it but be aware and open minded and you never know... Build her up to the idea is my advice; sexy lingerie, sexy texts, sexy nights, role play, be 'available' when you're out. Get intimate when you're out, flirt with her, let her do the looking though, a lady for her (not you). That's what she's scared of. You making the choice like the other woman is YOUR choice. Let HER choose. It's all about her experience - for you to enjoy as well, maybe join in even. Just remember she is your focus not the other woman. Make sure she is not left out. Don't ignore the other woman - obviously - but let your lady set the pace and tone.... And be prepared to stop if she says so. Nothing to make a relationship come crashing down if she wants to stop for whatever reason and youbeithercsulk or won't.... Other consider a couple so she could get attention from both male and female and there's 'competition' so to speak.. My thoughts anyway. Good luck and have fun G
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RHP User
9 years ago
And missing words - sure you get my gist though...
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RHP User
9 years ago
The way I interpret it, you and your wife are fairly active sexually and you've ticked off a lot of boxes in the kink department. Except there's something you want to do that she's not comfortable with and you want to know should you continue to pressure her to do it? Or maybe I'm tired and have misunderstood. Has she made you do something you'd rather not do? This isn't a go at you but the comments posted above may make you feel like you're under attack because no one has yet replied with "OMG! What a bitch! How dare she feel she has a choice refuse to do something she's not comfortable with!" Respect your wife's decision to not go ahead with this one and back off. If my only regret in life is not having fulfilled that sexual fantasy then I'll consider myself much luckier and happier than most others.
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madotara69
9 years ago
It'd only be a beat up if there was something in it, water off a ducks back if not. It'd also be a shame to risk a twenty year friendship if for the wrong reasons. Asking for our advice or idea's is a matter of including your wife and that hits a morals thing by principals as important, she is, you are and together you need to be tight, have each others back, best friends and deal with the difficult questions as much as the joyful. If she can't tell you why she is not willing to join in with you and experiment having sex with other people, then her self esteem comes to mind, so advice stands, is she the centre of your life ? That's how we roll and all that matters.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Is really only one that you can answer OP,why does your wife fear that if you do play with others your relationship will be under threat.?Twenty years is a long time ,and she is not over thinking,she does not feel secure.Sex is a powerful thing.choosing to have sex with others outside your marriage is not a decision to be taken lightly.If you are already thinking that you might cheat on her if she keeps on saying no thein les the rub XxFreya
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RHP User
9 years ago
this is the same post with a different heading..... Did you expect different answers?? To address your conundrum.... If you flipped the script and your wife wanted to do something that made you feel defensive; would it still be acceptable in your mind that she kept nagging/pushing/asking you to do it?? - Posted from rhpmobile
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Hottie1
9 years ago
OP, we too have been together for a long time and we have been swinging for 18 months. Now, people who know me may not believe this but entering this lifestyle was a 10 year process, and I was the stumbling block! The topic would occasionally come up but we took it very slowly. Hubby hired an escort so I could become used to the idea of shedding my clothes in front of others and we eventually went to a party together. All the things you have done with your wife has been as a couple, privately exploring your sexual desires, that does not easily translate into 'I want to have sex in front of others or share you/myself with others'. Unless she has specifically asked for it, I'd say she isn't into it, despite you thinking 'she would enjoy it'. Stop nagging her, it will drive a wedge in your relationship but as a woman, your behaviour would have me questioning myself. You could potentially destroy your relationship if she starts feeling 'she isn't enough for you anymore' or if she does something for you, which she ultimately regrets. Do what's best for your relationship as a couple and this may be one thing you don't experience, so be it! Mary xx
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Mischeviouslad
9 years ago
Quoting 'biforus' Wow so many people with so many opinions... I'm sure everyone's here for different reasons so who are we to judge! At least you're open and honest and not one of the sleaze balls pretending to be single on here. Don't be so sure about that. Why would someone who's wife has full knowledge via "the level of openness we have together in such conversations"..... ... use the phrase .... "need to be discreet and private"... in their profile. ?
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RHP User
9 years ago
You say you wouldnt cheat but I find it amusing that your on this website as a man and not a couple. if you're partner is not into the scene then no amount of words will convince her. You both have to be very secure in you're relationship and have absolutely no jealous streaks. My wife and I look at sex with others as sport and our potential partners are players on our team. Hope this helps - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Yes, I think that is her fear, that somehow I'm going to fall for another woman and run away with them. I guess that is always possible, but that's not what this is about. It's also possible that the opposite is also true, that she will meet someone and run away with them. However if i thought that our relationship was that fragile I wouldn't be going anywhere near this kind of thing. But at the end of the day, the "meeting someone else and running away with them" can happen anywhere, work, play, sporting clubs, you name it. Can anyone give ironclad guarantees, probably not. You might say then "why put temptation out there" and that would be a reasonable argument, if like I say, that our relationship was that fragile. But IMO its not. At the end of the day, as I said in the SMB thread, I came here to seek some advice and input in a forum that i thought would be more open to the idea of what I am talking about. If this kind of forum is not the place to ask such questions about topics like this, then tell me where is. Her and I have had this discussion in an open and honest way, she raises objections that I don't have answers for, because I have little to know experience in such play. In the end, unless I have her onside with the idea, It's not going to go anywhere. I'm not going to pester her until she gives in, i just want to explore the possibilities in an open and frank way, but having little experience in such things, I don't know what I don't know. Like I said, where can you go to ask such things? Facebook?, vanilla friends? kinky friends? Mr Stirry, yes i did post the same question in SMB and here, looking for different perspectives, SMB, I am assuming is only open to men where as this tread is for couples and so thought I might get some female perspective. I am approaching it from the position of relationship and experience enhancing, not from a position of relationship destroying. Is there no-one here that thinks that boundary pushing is a good thing? At the end of the day, If it's going to be a firm hard limit, then so be it, but i want to make sure I gave it my best shot, as I do in everything I do, thats not being domineering, as someone suggested, or trying to be controlling, but a loving and considerate partner, looking to explore something new with my LTP. I have broached the subject with her and got rebutted, basically because she is afraid of what might come from that. She has only negative examples to draw from, of friends who's relationship was already fragile, where ours it not. The suggestion of a swingers club or party has some merit, maybe that's the best way to proceed, if at all. Any suggestions?
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RHP User
9 years ago
I don't think that's fair. The OP clearly states in his profile he is married (twice), and is looking for understanding and advice. To me that reads quite different than the hundreds of "my wife fully knows I'm here, but I'm looking for a discreet playmate" I've seen.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Desire75, cant see how to change that in my settings, it's greyed out in the edit section, maybe you can tell me how to change it from Man to a couple. Mischeviouslad, did it ever occur to you that the "discreet and private" bit might have to do with my/our work or private life, rather than me trying to keep something from her. Actually, I don't even know why I'm needing to explain myself to you, what business is that of yours anyhow? as for your comments about my motivation, you sure are quick to assume the worst.
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Mischeviouslad
9 years ago
I'm not as quick to assume the worst....... as your wife is. And you know this by the examples you offered. And you STILL want her to "come onboard" YOUR agenda. Clearly, you want the answer you want to hear, and complain when you get what you don't. You sound rather like a bully. I'm out. Good luck to you both!
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RHP User
9 years ago
so it is....lol the rhp app doesn't attach the categories when you bring up the recent forum list .... As you were :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
I dont think you can change a profile from male to couple or vice versa. You would have to make a whole new profile. You are in brisbane? There are a couple of swingers venues in bris and gold coast. Check the events section on here, the venues advertise, and some have newbies nights. Any swingers venue is available to just socialise, no pressure( unless its a particular event of an orgy or something) if your wife is comfortable to go, she will probably enjoy the atmosphere, with no pressure. If you tell people there that you are just curious, they are more than happy to make you feel welcome and at ease.
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Hottie1
9 years ago
She is saying NO, respect that! I find it very condescending that you think you know what's better for her, than she does. I gave you advice from a woman's perspective who was in a similar position but you don't want that advice. I'm sorry I'm not saying what it is you want to hear, unfortunately your wife is doing the same and you're not listening to her either! So, if you try a swingers party, do so with extreme caution. Swingers parties are a visual delight but can be very confronting. Establish your rules and stick with them despite how exciting and enticing the party may be. If you ever come to Melbourne, go to Wet on Wellington which opens its doors one a month to couples/single ladies. There are lots of play spaces, places to watch to acclimatise her with the scene. I'm not sure how you'll keep this discourse open when she isn't interested but good luck. Mary xx
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Ifixit'Actually, I don't even know why I'm needing to explain myself to you, what business is that of yours anyhow? as for your comments about my motivation, you sure are quick to assume the worst. Please do remember by posting things here about your private life, marriage, wants and needs, etc. you make it the other forumites' business. I agree with DG that you've been quite defensive in your answers. People not agreeing with you and forming their opinions opinions is a risk everyone takes when posting on these forums. Best you can do imo is consider the responses you got, think if you perhaps came across in a way you didn't intend, rephrase if you feel the need to, and take suggestions on board or ignore them as you see fit. Only you know the whole story, the rest of us can only go by what (and how) you've written so far. I wish you both well.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Ifixit' Desire75, cant see how to change that in my settings, it's greyed out in the edit section, maybe you can tell me how to change it from Man to a couple. The mods can do it, if you write to customer support. (Button at the bottom of the page.) It will help with finding like-minded people if you get that profile verified though. Experience shows quite a few couples profiles are actually attached men playing without consent, and others may be wary. Good luck.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I appreciate your input, especially from a ladies perspective. I am listening to her and I'm not putting any pressure on her. The conversations we have had in the past are some time ago, I am not having them with her again right now, this conversation is only happening here, with the good people of RHP. I am not inclined to show her this account as that would constitute bringing it up again with her and I'm not doing that. I am doing this here to maybe in some ways clear my head one way or another.
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RHP User
9 years ago
If she says no, then can't you just accept that??
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RHP User
9 years ago
Re reading first coupla paras... I'm not sure the relationship is as strong as op first describes. He definitely demeans/trivialises his wife's feelings "First husband cheated so she has a deep seated fear.. Combined with her 'classic over thinking" Sorry... I don't think she's safe in your hands.. At all. Wow ... She needs RUN - Posted from rhpmobile
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social_suicide
9 years ago
So the best way to go about it is to propose MFM. She will have zero issues with you running off with another woman and she gets to enjoy the company of 2 men. In my books there is not a lot better than sharing your woman with another man. Its all hot and sexy, good fun with smiles all round. Its way way less complicated than starting out with couples , the +1 will have no rules except for safe sex, the couples can overwhelm you with "do's and donts". The only spoiler is the no kissing rule......its fucking selfish and stooopid.
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RHP User
9 years ago
OP, your profile is now showing as a couple, but you mentioned you're not going to show her that account. Am I missing something here or is there a third party who is the 119 year old female you're coupled with in your profile?
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RHP User
9 years ago
It was suggested that because the profile was a "Man" rather than a couple, that I was being misleading. so I asked cust support to change it. Whilst I have had no further discussion with her about any of this, it is a bit more reflective the true situation, I am part of a couple, there is no third party.
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RHP User
9 years ago
It's not really a true couple profile though is it?? Cos it says Mr is looking for etc. Maybe she just doesn't want to go down this path.
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RHP User
9 years ago
To my understanding, a couple profile is when there are 2 people to the profile active in the site. Everyone will have an opinion. Doesn't mean you need to change your profile to something it's not just because someone has made a comment about it. - Posted from rhpmobile
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On_Safari
9 years ago
That she gets excited about the idea of being spit roasted by 2 guys etc etc that you should allow her to have this experience with men of her choice WITHOUT you being around. (I see your aghast expression) the whole point of my suggestion is not for your benefit to get your fantasies to ce true nor is it to give you a bargaining chip you can use to manipulate her into a sexual situation with you or others or to allow you to play without her approval. I had a partner once who was interrsted in exploring with me and we tried but found no one who'd come to the party on mutually agreeable terms, one encounter the Wife of the couple we met pursued him for weeks later only to be told "not on your nelly". I had fantasies about being gangbanged etc so I networked and found a wonderful man who helped me put together my fantasy. I must say I'm looking forward to the next one and the next and the next. What I'm suggesting is allowing her to explore her own sexuality without feeling threatened and who knows, with her newfound sexual confidence she may just help you fulfil yours without any hangups. if I may your whiney tone sounds like it's all about you and your wants, I wonder how you'd feel if the above took place or if you'd merely view it as an opportunity for leverage? If you love her you'll wait for her to become comfortable with the idea.....
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On_Safari
9 years ago
And meet some lovely people who will gently take you both by the hand, honour, cherish and respect you both and see what happens. Who knows....
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On_Safari
9 years ago
Tell your wife about RHP, let her read this topic and others. I did this with my Ex-husband as a springboard to further discussion. What would really help you both though is sharing the exploration, talking to people/couples already in the lifestyle and getting some other gentle perspectives. You can deaw your own conclusions together after hearing and talking with others about they're experiences. I don't think going to a sex club is the answer or a swingers party but simply meeting people for a open chat is progress. You're in Brissy, there'll be a social M&G in November. If both of you are interested in being introduced to some nice people beforehand message me....assure your wife the people she meets aren't going to hit either of you up fir sex but simply share information and answer questions honestly. Then you go home abd discuss it further between yourselves for however long. Can't make a better, less confronting and genuine offer than that. Indy
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'morganaschild' Can you honestly give your wife an absolute guarantee that you won't fall for someone else. I don't think she's overthinking anything. Perhaps you need to be honest enough with yourself to imagine that it is a possibility and she has every right to feel fear. She has given you sooo much. What an absolute grooved she is... You're a lucky man. Is your desire to not die wondering worth it? Does she know, really?!, how strongly you feel about this? You have some serious thinking, looking into yourself and beautiful communicating to do with this very special woman. - Posted from rhpmobile I don't think anyone can ever give another person an absolute iron clad guarantee that they won't fall for someone else. It really just comes down to the time, place, your own mental state, and where you think your own relationship is going. People who are in happy stable and committed relationships, don't 'fall'. It's those starting to question the validity of their relationship or their partner, or their own attitude to the relationship who start to cast their eye further afield and 'fall'. I've always held to the premise that people only 'fall' and move on from a relationship to a new relationship because mentally they've actually left the relationship they are in. It's just their empty body still there going through the motions like an automated robot because they either don't want the conflict, they are too lazy to move on or it's easier just to live with the status quo. What I can tell you though is, once the sex in a relationship is finished. The relationship's finished. Game over! Frankly, I'd rather have someone dump me than be with me just for the sake of it. It's better to be hurt and deal with the heart ache so that you have the opportunity of meeting someone who you do hit it off with, rather be in a banal relationship where you are just going through the motions.
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RHP User
9 years ago
My initial response was have you been to a swingers club or one of the RHP nights? perhaps watching others would be a nice step towards what you want. It will also let you know pretty quickly whether she has a genuine interest in experimenting with others. Perhaps you could even meet other couples just for a drink and a chat and see if it does spark an interest in experimenting.You really need to keep communicating, if she has an interest in MFM then maybe she could look at some of the male profiles on here, many men are keen to be a third in a MFM situation. Good luck
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MsSuperFoxy
9 years ago
OP - have you been down this road with your wife?? Personally I do not think this is the place to seek advice from others as it's just going to confuse you even more. Not saying some posters are right or wrong just saying maybe it all starts in the home front as there maybe some deep seeded issues there (childhood etc) which maybe a problem Between the two of you. A fully trained professional would provide you BOTH with the tools you may need/require, to take that step further "Together." You need to work on the both of you first, before bring others into the equation, as it's not fair on them. Good Luck and all the Best. Foxy
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MsSuperFoxy
9 years ago
pulled this stunt going on a an adult website seeking advice from others, (then changing from a single male Profile to a couples profile) WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE nor input, I would be more than disappointed. I would see that as a betrayal of Trust. BTW You're not the only one tho who has done that, I would say a few have on here. Foxy
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RHP User
9 years ago
what a mixed bag of responses, everything from helpful suggestions to "your winey" and "breaking her trust by being here", everything from "just drop it" to "talk more with her about it and let her drive it". Some said, your profile was just as a man, and that's misleading, so i changed it to reflect a couple, then that was misleading too. So much conflicting info. If it wasn't clear enough in the OP, the fact is that it is something I have thought about for some time, we have discussed it with openness and honesty, she was uncertain and at this point in time and I am assuming that remains the case as I haven't mentioned it again for some time. I thought that a site like this might be somewhere where others had had a similar situation and could share their experiences of this, hence the OP. I'm not trying to do anything behind her back, but didn't want to bring up the discussion again with her without something different to bring to the table. It's not a deal breaker if it doesn't happen, we have a long and committed relationship, sex is still a big part of our relationship and is more often than not, epic. How many couples that you know in vanilla life that after 20+ years can say that? I am less afraid of sharing with her than it seems she is with sharing me and that seems to be the main issue. As some have said, just leave it at that and move on and yep, I can do that, like I said it's not a deal breaker, but that doesn't mean that there is not still boundaries to push and things to explore. Our creed has always been that we do things together, so if she is not on board, then I'm not about to do anything without her unless it is with her full and informed consent, that's how our relationship rolls. You might say, that just by me being here asking this stuff, is breaking her trust, because she hasn't given full and informed consent, my answer to that is this, for me this site is about research so i can present options to her, should that time come and if it doesn't, then no big deal. Likewise I visit other sites for education and ideas to keep our sex lives kinky and exciting for both of us, some of which she knows about and some she doesn't, but there is never an occasion where I learn something new to keep our sex lives active and vibrant, where she comes back and me and accuses me of breaking her trust because I learnt something new to share with her. Having said that, I'm not trying to make out I'm pure and selfless, I'm not, I'm selfish and flawed like the rest of us. I am not here soliciting sex without her knowledge and those that have messaged me privately, I have responded with full disclosure about where we are in our journey. If something comes further from this exploration and opens a new chapter of our journey together, then great, if not, then that's also fine. But its the old saying, if you don't ask, you don't get. In closing this somewhat long reply, why is it a problem for a husband to seek to introduce varied and sexy times into a long standing and committed relationship for the benefit of both? If one or the other has a fantasy that remains unfulfilled, why is that an issue to seek to explore that. In my mind, not talking about this stuff only builds resentment over time. If it's just a one sided thing and she never comes on board with it, then great, maybe disappointing, but that's OK. If I learnt something that can help her alleviate her fear of the unknown and it expands her horizons then I see it as a good thing. I'm NOT going to keep pushing it until she gives in, or damage our relationship by forcing her to do something she doesn't want to, that's not what this is about. I have tried to be a open and honest in these posts as I can, without any hidden agendas or mixed messages. I WAS hoping that i could get a different perspective that i can share with her about why this could be a good experience, from others that have traveled this road, surely I'm not the first person to feel this way and I can almost guarantee I won't be the last. one last question to ponder..... If it was her here instead of me writing these posts and asking this kind of question and the roles were reversed, would the answers and advice be different?
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Ifixit'Some said, your profile was just as a man, and that's misleading, so i changed it to reflect a couple, then that was misleading too. So much conflicting info. (...) one last question to ponder..... If it was her here instead of me writing these posts and asking this kind of question and the roles were reversed, would the answers and advice be different? Yes, your couples profile is misleading and dishonest in my opinion, as it is written by only you and you wrote it without your wife's consent or even knowledge. A couples profile implies that both of you were actively involved in its making, and that's not the case here. I believe yours is an example of a "Single male couple" profile of which there are many here, where the wife has no idea she is even on this site. You say "I'm not trying to do anything behind her back, but didn't want to bring up the discussion again with her without something different to bring to the table", but I think going behind her back is just what you're doing. Further down you mention: "this site is about research so i can present options to her, should that time come and if it doesn't, then no big deal", however in your profile you write something very different with no mention of research at all. I must say I'm finding your posts very contradictory. That's just my opinion of course and no explanation requested. As for your last question: My answers to similar topics, whether written by men or women, are always the same. No means no and boundaries should be respected. Good luck, OP.
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MsSuperFoxy
9 years ago
You say "Our creed has always been that we do things together, so if she is not on board, then I'm not about to do anything without her unless it is with her full and informed consent, that's how our relationship rolls."..... Really??? But she's not on board.. And yes you are doing things without her consent.. nor are you fully supporting your "Creed". Be honest you are not here for research. Healthy relations "do not" roll like this in my eyes.. An intelligent person will not be fooled or not have their vulnerability taken advantage of by you. Like I said, Best of Luck cause I think you're going to need it. Ms Foxy x
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RHP User
9 years ago
Jesus you mob are hard to please. I come to this forum looking for some advice from people who i thought might be able to give some, on the subject of opening up our sex life where I'm keen and my partner is not, and all you can do is pick apart my posts or profile. FFS I have tried to be as open and honest in my disclosures in the tread about everything and expand into some detail when asked or questioned. Its a pretty fucking simple question, either you've got something constructive to say or you don't. a couple of people have suggested some strategies from going to a party to going to a meet and greet, great info and I thank you, the rest seem to have nothing better to do than assume I'm up to no good. Foxy, I note from your profile, your not in a relationship, yet you are telling me how mine should work, Interesting. you think I'm taking advantage of her vulnerability, yet we have been together for 20 years. do you think if i was as you say that we would be still together after all this time? I don't know you and you don't know us, she is a pretty smart woman my girl and if i was being anything other than totally upfront with her, she would see through it in a heartbeat. Yes I'm here without her, yes i would like to explore this stuff and she is not onboard, the reason I'm on here is to try and get some ideas on how I might get her on board FFS. I thought i had been pretty clear on that. I also said that if at the end of the day she stays adamant that its not for her, then I will call it a day, but before i did that I was putting it out to the good people of RHP for ideas or suggestions and that's what I'm doing.... I call that research. My profile is Bare bones, its not up there for a hook up, I'm not trying to make out that its something that its not, its short and simple so its not just a blank profile. You want to know more about me read through this thread, I reckon I have been pretty open and upfront. This discussion IS THE RESEARCH. I purchased a 3 month subscription to give this whole thing time to breath and when that runs out I will be gone. I don't know If I will bring this up again with her within this 3 months or not, it may never be brought up again, until she brings it up if ever. I came here to get advice from people I thought might be able to offer some. not criticism about my profile or my relationship with my Mrs. I'm sorry If that all sounds a bit harsh, but if people would just focus on what I'm asking instead of trying to tell me how my relationship should or shouldn't work when you have no fucking idea, then the world would be a happier place. A lot of you must have had some pretty bad shit happen to you over the years to be so cynical about my motives, when I have tried to be as open and transparent as I have. I'm not lying to anyone about why I'm on this site, what i am hoping to gain by being here or the fact that i am part of a long term marriage.... go save your cynicism for those that lie and cheat FFS. feeling really pissed off about now and if that offends someone.... you'll just have to get over it.
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RHP User
9 years ago
...to the forums. 😝😝
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RHP User
9 years ago
But there was some good advice in there for you,sift and sort..Some people will always post in the negative,it's just their point of view and honestly.why give too much weight to the unkindness of strangers... Personally I think you and your wife will sort it out...or maybe it's a Gordian knot .xxFreya
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RHP User
9 years ago
There is some good advice. Thank you ladies that have contributed constructively. Just I'm not used to coming into forums to have a fight.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Just make sure whatever you do is the right thing for you and your partner. You asked for ideas, advice and input and that's what you got. The downside of posting on forums is that not everyone's opinions and advice will be what you would prefer to hear. It happens to all of us and it's a risk we all take when we post. I agree with Freya and believe you and your wife will work this out. I'm assuming you've managed to stay happily married this long because you've managed to work out any problems.
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AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
Let me fix that........... Its not all about you. Talk to her. If she says no then you have 2 choices. Suck it up princess or...... Leave her and start up a fresh...... What? You love her too much? Well there's your answer Suck it up princess Do you need to make a flow chart????? Flow charts are great. Try one...... Annie xx Aren't you lucky i chimed in here at last minute....
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social_suicide
9 years ago
Buddy, just talk to her about her fantasies. Open her up over a period of time with suggestions of adding a +1.......make it male to ease her concerns and to fire her up for a fun sex filled night......talk dirty to her in the bedroom by adding the +1. Play in a hotel......its way sexier than "home". Show her the site with you advertising for MFM...ONLY!!!......tell her that you cant think of anything better than being pleasured by 2 men.The only way you could ever fulfill a fantasy is through a sex site, as there is no other way because everyone here is singing off the same hymn sheet.
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TallBaldSexy
9 years ago
You're whole tone sings out me me me. You're hoping someone will back you up. A Peculiar word "hope" isn't it. After 20yrs of marraige what does you're wife hope for?.
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TallBaldSexy
9 years ago
"Hope" mate.......heard of Robert H Schuller?....probably not I'd say......well old Robie said.....Let your " Hopes" not "hurts" shape your future.....hmmmmm recognise any relevance?.....I'd say probably not....
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RHP User
9 years ago
Only 4 or 5 couples have posted on here.
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RHP User
9 years ago
You have a couple profile and are looking for couples yet she's not interested? - Posted from rhpmobile
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madotara69
9 years ago
"Our creed has always been that we do things together, so if she is not on board, then I'm not about to do anything without her unless it is with her full and informed consent, that's how our relationship rolls." Good post ufixit, Reckon you could show your wife this thread and why you are searching for something to put her mind at ease, because you have won us over and it seems she is the centre of your life. Tara was uneasy for some time when the idea came up of playing up with others, all just hypothetical and usually friends started the conversations. A happening as it happened Tara went to lunch with a girlfriend and a couple of gay blokes in a pub across from work down in the city. Her girlfriend was engaged to be married and her and her buck to be were and are swingers. Other than the three of them convincing Tara anal sex is wonderful and explained the anatomy and what not's, not what is and oh so fucking delightfully naughty, giving lov'n another dimension and it did :) We after about ten years had left it alone because she thought it would be unpleasant and exasperate, seeing anal in porn further exacerbate discombobulating and the porn queen's pent, banged for the bucks, bunged on an act faking and carrying on. Bam!! out of the blue during a root she'd liberally cleansed and pointed her little bum up into the air and fully aware her intensions all womanly insatiable, told me to fuck her bum and fuck it felt good and for all the right reasons a confidence we shared for the sakes of synchronicity we shall never forget how pleasant it was when she said goforit Mado, staunch, passionate encapsulated extrapolation abominated that inhibition's inexactitude well and truly.It helped when Tara's girlfriend and the banter of the gay blokes swagger fancied, sipped and nibbled on their lunch randy, moved from bum love to swinging. There so began simplicity in intimacy, fantasy and pillow talk over a few years, here we are together and best mates, sharing the love as something with meaning and men and double penetration and spit roasted and deep throated, all of a conversation and moment for Tara and friends titillating... I had no part deliberate, just benevolent and our miles spent cavorting in equality and serendipity. Quite simple really IMHO hold up with a positive nature and spirit, go back to where the fantasy tickled your wife's fancy and become best friends explore each other's feelings and some of what may hurt, some for keeping a connection with each other during the what if's, a funky word together you can laugh about for if it ever comes to be said in a moment of bother, you know looking out for each other. Reckon you should bring your wife with you, maybe build up a couples profile together, light and playful, read the forums together and explore the what you don't know, stumble into what peaks the interests and arousal, even some interaction in the chat rooms and live cam, I got off with Tara getting off with a few guys rather excited to see her showing affections some of them lonely and outback working away, she can drift off into erotic fantasy and off with the fairies and bring herself to orgasm interacting with a guy same for same, I think it's a nice thing she does and the guy, he's sure to get a good nights sleep, nice dreams and all from the comforts of the digital screen, it's still a real thing as far as what is made of it. Just idea's and a bit of us if it helps and if so we do see you here together, we won't let you down.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Thanks mandotara for sharing that, and thanks willow for starting the other thread. It's our 18th wedding anniversary this weekend, so in some ways a good time to reflect on our journey, together over 20, and married 18. My Mrs has always been a horny girl and like i said in a previous post, when we met, she was out looking for a fuck. Since we got together, we have been 100% monogamous, but that hasn't stopped us exploring any sexual aspect that took our fancy. We started using toys pretty early on, all those years ago and it has keep building and growing all these years. Swinging, shared sex, intimate sexual situations with others, whatever you want to call it, we have talked about, but there is still just some stuff she cant get her head around, a lot of it revolves around "who". should it be someone or a couple we know? should it be strangers, or at least not in our usual circle of friends? We did some picture exchanges with a couple for a while, but they stopped replying, so it went dead. If I was going through a list of names of people we know, she kinda goes...Nuh, nuh, Oh maybe, nuh, nuh...so the pool gets pretty small, real quick. (the maybe, is complicated) She got really freaked out, when a lady we know showed a lot of interest and would definitely have been up for a FMF threesome with us but she saw her as a threat to our relationship so that ended before it got started. It took a while to get over that little episode. I sided with her and stayed faithful, despite opportunity to not be and its pretty much settled down now. That's why I think another "secure" couple might work better, in time. We have been to a swingers club a couple of times, once we went and fucked in one of the bedrooms by ourselves, but another time she walked right into a scene where this girl was getting fucked from both ends and the visual overload, right in her face, kind of blew a fuse, so i doubt she would want to go back to a public swingers event any time soon. Anyhow, the journey continues, while life has had its ups and downs, it has definitely been more up over the years. I'm 100% certain she is not totally opposed to the idea of having others play, the How, Who, When and Where, is probably the bigger questions. While we have awesome channels of communication between us, these are still not easy subjects to just bring up out of the blue. Reading your stories helps a lot, sooner or later the right time will come to bring it up again and having your ideas is helping a lot. Cheers
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RHP User
9 years ago
I think you both need to take a good honest assessment of your marriage, are you both into it enough that nothing could come between you or not? If the answer is "not" that doesn't mean your marriage has any less value, that's just how it is. It shouldn't make you think any less of each other if there's mutual respect. You can trust each other to have some take out, or, you can dine at home. - Posted from rhpmobile
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On_Safari
9 years ago
And didn't grasp the greater offering of joining a group of people to openly and conversationally talk with others who have been through what you're going through as a couple? I guess overall you don't know what to do or where to start, I'll nominate honesty. If your wife is open-minded, intelligent and communication is strong between you both then just talk man!!! You got nothing to lose and including here in this conversation is a great way to start, it's what I did with my ex-husband. Lol he's not my ex because of RHP either.....we adore each other I'm just not the wife he needs.
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RHP User
9 years ago
OK it's clear you have your fantasies that she doesn't share. You have to be open and honest and it all has to be consensual. Cheating is a terrible idea and typically leads to guilt and unwanted problems. Maybe say you want to go to a club and watch others have sex but for please do NOT push her into anything she does not want to do. I know first time couples who got very horny and ended up discussing and happily joining in the the fun if not that time but later. But I repeat it has to be totally consensual. Every couple has their own rules so you have to agree what they are.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Interestingly, this subject came up in discussions last night and we cleared up a few things and worked through each of our feelings about this. It was actually her that brought it up and so I took that as a positive sign. Getting deeper into this it seems that her main concern is, as I had suspected, when, where and with whom. we talked about why i feel the way I do, why she feels the way she does and how we can reconcile these things so we can find some common ground. It confirmed that she is not outright opposed to the idea and in the right circumstances would probably get into it but there would need to be some established ground rules, all of which i actually agree with. We also decided that because there is a LOT of stuff happening in our lives over the next 9 months or so, some of which could have a detrimental impact if "word got out" as it were, that we decided to ice any further progress down this path until after that is sorted. All in all, it was a good and positive discussion, where we worked through, what if this, what if that, what if etc. She was agreeing, (with no pressure from me) that this is something that has potential to explore, just not right now. We also reaffirmed that as in most things we do, usually one is more keen than the other and ready to get going now where the other is asking what if's. This has been a hallmark of our relationship over 20 years and sometimes it's one and sometimes its the other, so in a lot of ways this is no different. When the time comes we will rebuild this profile as a couple or start a whole new one. Thanks to those that have contributed positively to this thread, its been really helpful to get some things straight in my head.
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