Have you had an affair before?

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  nearly 25 yrs ago lol but I'm not sure if I think that way because I wasn't married to him tho we did live together and had for nearly 2 years... I googled 'what is an affair' out of curiousity and came across the following that I thought put 'what I would consider an affair to be' in an understandable and entertaining way lol. I wasn't too sure you hadn't had a hand in writing it hehehehe... What is an Affair? by Steven W. Harley, M.S. Steven W. Harley, M.S. Just the other day, I again found myself thinking about the question "What is an affair?" Understanding that the left hemisphere of the brain is used for more logic and systematic thinking and the right hemisphere of the brain is used for more abstract and emotional thinking, here is how I processed the question. (Please, no email offering assessments on possible mental disorders that I may have.) Left Brain: In the context of marital infidelity, an affair is when a married individual has intercourse with a person to whom they are not married. Right Brain: No, wait. Must it be intercourse? Or, could it include any kind of "sexual contact?" Left Brain: Hmm... Alright. How about this: In the context of marital infidelity, an affair is when a married individual has sexual contact with a person to whom they are not married. Right Brain: No, wait. What about the emotional element. What about the feeling? Left Brain: Hmm... Alright. How about this: In the context of marital infidelity, an affair is when a married individual has sexual contact and emotional attraction to a person to whom they are not married. Right Brain: No, wait. What about a "one night stand?" Emotional? Lust, maybe. But, emotional? Apples and oranges. Left Brain: Hmm... Alright. How about this: In the context of marital infidelity, an affair is when a married individual has sexual contact and/or emotional attraction to a person to whom they are not married. Right Brain: Emotional attraction? Any emotional attraction? Really? Left Brain: Hmm... Alright. How about this: In the context of marital infidelity, an affair is when a married individual has sexual contact and/or inappropriate emotional attraction to a person to whom they are not married. Right Brain: Wait! Why are we doing this? Left Brain: You know. We get asked this question all the time. People want to know if they or their spouse is guilty of committing an "affair" in order to understand what just happened and then to begin the recovery process. Right Brain: Hmm... How about this: In the context of marital infidelity, an affair is however the offended spouse defines it. Left Brain: I hate it when you do that. (Again, please, no email offering assessments on possible mental disorders that I may have. I already know of them.) Discussions (or arguments) about what to include or exclude from the definition of marital infidelity is an effective way to get lost down a path where "Left Brainers" typically dwell and where "Right Brainers" typically get offended. The bottom line to the question is, "Specifically, what was it about the inappropriate relationship' that caused the damage in the marriage?" Was it the sex ([insert definition here]), the emotional bond, the amount of time spent together, the physical attraction? What was it? Talk about it. Get a clear understanding. If you don't understand how or why it happened and why it hurt the spouse, the probability of it happening again is very high. Asking others to define the term for you is not the answer. If you boil it all down, you are left with the fact that you both need to work together in developing a plan to prevent this "beast" from ever attacking your marriage again. If you don't know what it looks like, if you don't know where it hides, if you don't know what its touch feels like, then how will you ever protect your marriage from its venom again? Food for thought... Thanks for leading me to that! And I realise the end bit may not apply to your question lol, but I wanted to include the entire article... Hugs MrsP

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  tamworthguy46

  15 years ago

  Hi gazz...why don't you get thatlong  tongue of yours forked ?.....It could make for some interesting felatio,plus it would suit your cold bloded  image !...lmao.   What is an affair ?.....well a good affair i would assume an affair is longer term sexual encounter, where there are some emotional ties,   A bad affair...same as above.....exept when one party wants more than the other party, and brings jealousy, greed, expectation, and revenge into the mix !....or is that marraige....mmm now im confused !

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  I loved that article Ms Peachy, so true! :-) Lots of different “types” of affairs… here are 3…. 1.       “it’s just sex” affair…. justified by “I’m not getting what I need at home” 2.       “it’s just on-line chat and doesn’t count as an affair” …..justified by “I’m not getting what I need at home” 3.       “meetings, thoughts, romance, sharing, talking, intimacy and sex, all taking place over a period of time. Premeditated. Lying. Everything” ……justified by “I’m not getting what I need at home”    LOL I’m living in Europe at the moment and there is a big difference about attitudes to affairs… you can usually get away with the first 2 if you get caught.....but you probably won’t get caught because “turn a blind eye” is an unofficial wedding vow here!   Number 3 is trickier and you are way more likely to get caught because it involves emotion and feelings that are more than just sex….and the emotional involvement is harder to forgive. That's a "real" affair IMO

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  It's an affair if you have have to hide it from someone cause you know you are going to hurt their feelings.   Can be just sex or online chatter or whatever   thanks my take   Kiles

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  I agree with Kiles. an affair is anything dishonest and that would hurt the other person. Really anything that goes outside our relationship boundaries. We do any online and swinging play together. Anything else is outside the relationship so cheating or an affair. Its semantic

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