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RHP

RHP User

F55

Hetero-centric threads and posts

August 28 2014

heterosexual

sexuality

I'm acutely aware that my posts on here are usually hetero-centric. I sometimes try to loosen up the wording a bit, be more inclusive and general, but it never feels right or natural because ... When I'm describing my experience or sharing my point of view I like to avoid sweeping generalizations, which means writing from personal experience only. And my personal experience is completely hetero-centric. Man, woman, how they behave, how they treat each other etc. Still, when I press the post button I often have a moment of feeling I could have done better, I could have been more inclusive. It just happened when I posted on the new safety thread. Should I have talked about people, rather than men and women? I tried but it felt unnatural to me and it felt like I'd be making stuff up if I tried to talk about safety dynamics between men and men, women and women, couples and so on. So I stuck with what I knew. My question: To the people on here whose lives are not 100% hetero, and especially to those whose lives are distinctly not hetero, do hetero-centric posts disappoint you? Do you feel excluded or alienated? Does it reinforce stereotypes and marginalization? Do you wish posters like me were less binary in our thinking? Or do you assume we're just posting from experience and understand that we're equally keen to read about your experiences? - Posted from rhpmobile

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Comments

  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    And as I've stated before I find heterosexuality not natural. So long as a poster doesn't condemn someones relationship based THEIR beliefs. Then all is good. You will find that the interactions that happen between two people are pretty much the same for all people of varying orientations.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    believe I am a hetreosexual not because I only have sex with a man but because I can only see myself partnering for life with a man.  I'm certain I could have a sexual relationship with a female or many, no problem but I could never be in an ongoing relationship with a female that involved anything more than sex.  So, if you are a hetreosexual, what makes you one?  If you are a homosexual, what makes you one?  And if you are a bisexual, what makes you one?  I see no point in labels, or generalising peoples sexual persuasions. This is simply socities way of controlling the masses.. On an end note, burning love, why do you seemingly always place yrself on a pedistal of saintly perfection? Are you really the positive & unbiased, voice of reason....?? Thanks ... - Posted from rhpmobile

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    that you seek to include. I for one have never found your posts particularly exclusive of anyone but you can't satisfy all of the people all of the time. Keep doing what you are doing because clearly from the likes I have seen on your posts, you are well received and we are all entitled to our opinions, reasons, experiences and mindsets. I don't think anyone can claim to be right all of the time and I don't think we can get away with no offending someone at some point with our views. I would however like to see the responses to your questions.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    Quoting 'SpanglishFun' On an end note, burning love, why do you seemingly always place yrself on a pedistal of saintly perfection? Are you really the positive & unbiased, voice of reason....?? Thanks ... - Posted from rhpmobile I can't tell if that's actually a question, or if it's really a criticism pretending to be a question so it doesn't seem quite so mean.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    Quoting 'EuropianBliss' And as I've stated before I find heterosexuality not natural. So long as a poster doesn't condemn someones relationship based THEIR beliefs. Then all is good. You will find that the interactions that happen between two people are pretty much the same for all people of varying orientations. you'd respond EB :) I figured I'd get a direct answer. Thanks, helpful x

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    Sorry BurningLove....Have tlreread my post, & it comes across v critical, this wasnot actually my iintention...was actually meant to be a question, as u often seem to be the voice of reason....Neither a compliment or an insult.... I speak as I write, this is not always a good thing...!! - Posted from rhpmobile

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    Hetero-centric, gay, straight, TV, TS, bicurious, there really shouldnt be any of these words in circulation, if you like/love someone and want to be with them, have fun with them, then its perfectly fine, nobodys business but your own.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    I'm open to and happy to receive criticism, and equally happy to apologise if I've been an ass on here, which I certainly have at times. I just wasn't sure if it was worth answering your question when it really just seemed like you were having a dig at me. But since you say you weren't ... Yes, being reasonable and tolerant, and understanding both sides etc is a deep personal commitment of mine. I like to listen with my heart as well as my ears. A lot of this doesn't come naturally - society teaches us to criticize, dominate, put others down, argue to win rather than to learn. I have to work at being a better human being and at putting my beliefs into daily action, and I frequently fuck up. I believe in the middle road. I don't like absolutes that assume there's a pure right and a pure wrong. I don't believe in good and evil. I think that kindness, compassion, and understanding need to be daily habits not just words used to make us look or sound good. And so on. I suppose this comes through in my posts. And I suppose like everyone who posts, some people like my posts, some are bored with them, some detest them. So be it :) If you think my posts are about putting myself on a saintly pedestal, then I'd say that's more about your perception than my intent. I'm no Saint. Again, like most of us, I'm my own harshest critic. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  • OPNmarriagecpl

    OPNmarriagecpl

    10 years ago

    Who cares. Why do we have to label every little thing? Just live well, be a good person and love hard. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    I care. And a lot of my gay and lesbian friends care about language and how words can be alienating and discriminatory. So I like to be mindful. And I was curious to understand a little more deeply how my actions and my words might impact others. Maybe it doesn't impact them at all, in which case, phew. But if it does I'd be grateful for those insights. So yeah, I care. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    I truly appreciate yr honest answer, & especially for the fact that u didn't immediately jump on me,with insults & judgements . The post DID read v negatively & critically on 2nd reading & I, myself was quite horrified, as it was honestly NOT my intent..... This has been a lesson learnt for me to 1,. Think before I, push the send button, & 2. To not make judgments on people I read, but have never met.... You are different from me, but its not a bad thing, & I don't think I meant it to sound that way, but subconsciously, maybe I did....So apologies & thanks once again. I am an absolute person, if I feel I'm right, I will NEVER apologize ever....But am equally happy to own up to my mistakes, & take steps to rectify the situation.... I know that I am v intelligent & I have the genuous IQ, uni studies, career paths & articulation to back my,boastings up, but my,crappy upbringing, hard life experiences & lack of any spiritual faith mean I can,also be v,blunt, cynical & intolerant of bullshit...(not always a good thing) I do have a good, loyal, honest heart though, & when I do,finally love & trust others, I love with my whole heart, & would rather hurt myself than others... My,job ,also entails a great deal of,empathy, compassion, understanding & psychological knowledge, & in my career...I know I'm fabulous..!!! But, on a personal,level, I slip up, I get annoyed, I snap.. I try,n try to be a better ME...but I'm a product of my,upbringing, & this just can't be,changed...I'll keep on,trying..xxxx - Posted from rhpmobile

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    While I admire your willingness to be inclusive, and I'm sure you are in your day to day, why try to write about a perspective you don't experience ? Thats their job. You run a greater risk of offending someone when you make such assumptions.Your last sentence works for me. "Or do you assume we're just posting from experience and understand that we're equally keen to read about your experiences?"

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  • Lovinit28andKC72

    Lovinit28andKC72

    10 years ago

    Opinions will always differ, but what I say in the forums is from experiences, it's my opinion only, my thoughts. It's all about being honest with people and to yourself, no good bullshitting about things.....I believe in treating someone how you wish to be treated, for me it's all about the person, not what or who they enjoy doing behind closed doors.....💋

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