Honesty - good or bad?

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  ....effective communication is based on it.   However, what you share and what you don't share is entirely up to you. There is a time and place for everything.     "Maybe I tell the truth when I tell a lie"...yessss"...Little Britain.

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  is almost always in the question itself.  I mean is anyone going to post here and say "I think lying is the best policy"?   "Being open and honest with someone you care about can lead you to hurt their feelings." as opposed to doing what if you lie to them??    I agree with OBS - it's about the timing... don't lie, but don't tell the hideous truth until it's 'right' or you are absolutely sure you can get away with the lie (ok - I'm kidding).   As for your profile being a hurdle... well if you're separated, you're single in my books, so change your thingy to Single.  It's all just clerical.    What is different about you now as a 'separated' person, vs what you would be like when you do whatever it is you have to do (murder?  hitman?) to become single by way of technical definition?  How does that affect who you are seeing?    Apart from the murder wrap, I'd say you'd be the same guy.

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  I try my best to be honest and open as much as I can and appreciate it in return.   My Pics, my age, my thoughts/words .......what you see is what you get.   If a man is married....(I am looking to meet single men only)....I would rather he be up front about it and let me have the freedom of choice of meeting or not.   I am a pretty easy going, non judgemental, undemanding sort of female.....Honesty, trust & respect score pretty high with me,   not asking too much is it!   intrigued & curious

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  LOL... a tongue in cheek or where ever my tongue will fit response to Jean_Girard's post.   I think if you are a player or here to score as much pussy as you can then you will probably need to lie to succeed.  Therefore I think it depends on what you are trying to achieve and who you want to attract.   If you want to attract ME, then lying will probably hook me in as it's done MANY times... BUT I will run as soon as I sniff any bullshit.   I am ALWAYS open and up front with a guy when I speak to him. I'll happily clarify any questions based on my profile. Today, for instance I had a great conversation with a very nice guy (oops going to have to pay NiceGuy068 royalties again) who asked me to explain about my marital circumstances.  I answered all his questions.  He then explained about his situation in depth... a lot more depth than I expected !  Such honesty did not turn me off... it attracted me MORE.    I WAS a little concerned that he may turn and run after my level of honesty but he didn't... YET ! he he he (guess he's waiting to meet me in person).   So for me, and anyone that wants an ongoing FWB relationship ... HONESTY IS ALWAYS THE ONLY POLICY !   XX Saturn

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  wierdly enough - I find it very refreshing when someone is honest with me - even if its to tell me something that they think i wouldnt like to hear. I'd much rather respect someone for being honest than be lied to and later find that out.   recently a close friend of mine didnt tell me something because she was afraid of how i'd react. It wasnt very well thought out because I was going to find out anyway after the fact, and when i did I felt betrayed (for lack of a better word) because she didn't just tell me in the first place. And it was something that wouldn't have been a big deal if she'd just been honest about it.   Just be honest! it saves a lot of dramas later...   but i do agree with OneBrightStar - there is a time and place to disclose everything. Pick the time appropriately.   - H

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Allow me to demonstrate-"Honey, do these jeans make my ass look fat?""No sweety, it ain't the jeans!"This will result in your balls being kicked towards your throat, with such force that you be rendered un-concious before landing!Jokes aside, there are times for lying and there are times for the truth. It's all about timing.Everyone lies. Period!It's just that nice people know when to lie and when to tell the truth!

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  - the worst thing about being lied to is knowing that you werent worth the truth.Lying to someone that you have any kind of relationship with, be it a friendship, FWB or sexual or emotional relationship.. is just asking for hurt feelings. If you respect the other person at all, you would tell them the truth, regardless.I find most people (and this is my opinion only) are generally only afraid to tell the truth because of how the reaction/consequence will affect themselves, not the other person.. and then use the excuse of not wanting to hurt the other person as a reason for lying.I'm a big girl (yes in age and size!).. just give it to me straight and dont play games. Dishonesty will get you no-where in the long run...

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  There is far to much BS in this world so HONESTY please!!

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Quoting 'Jean_Girard' I mean is anyone going to post here and say "I think lying is the best policy"?    I should have rephrased that and said "Only one person would say 'Lying is the best policy', but she'll probably just be trying to get her tongue in a naughty place

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Quoting 'sexi_star'I find most people (and this is my opinion only) are generally only afraid to tell the truth because of how the reaction/consequence will affect themselves, not the other person.. and then use the excuse of not wanting to hurt the other person as a reason for lying. Never a truer word spoken   (DISCLAIMER - This is perhaps an exaggeration, but you get the point)

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  interesting topic wayne...it has caused me to think on what i say re honesty...as honesty is when you see an old duck drop a $5 dollar note on the ground...so you pick it up and give her 10 back...yanno wayne, i reckon ya might even give her 20...then there's truthfulness...it takes a brave person to be 100% truthful, everyone tells little lies every day...go on, don't deny that ya don't...ya could say it's also called having tactthen there's openness...if ya are truly an open person, and i mean truly...then their feelings shouldn't get hurt, as the person ya hurt should have already knew where ya stood...so me is wondering...were ya 100% open??...truly 100%...???...hmmm...and there's integrity...when people tell ya things...with integrity ya either have it or ya don't, there's no in between...me finks that maybe ya don't have that either...because when someone tells ya something in total confidence...it is meant ta stay with ya and not be shared...the simplest thing about being totally open and truthful is that ya don't need ta have a memory...as the saying goes...if ya gunna lie...ya better have a damn good memory...cheersjose...

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  The world isn't black & white.  It's full of shades of gray.  People who can only see 2 extremes make things difficult for themselves and others.

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Hey Wayne,   A good friend of mine used to always say that the imagination is often far worse than the truth.. (and watching the movie "the descent" proved that to me!... dam horrors' are still freakin' me out!!)   Just remember, All roads lead to the truth... maybe not today, but somewhere, some day, it all catches up with you in the end.. So why lie?   If you're having a guilt trip over a dammed if ya do and dammed if ya dont sorta thing... maybe silence is the best answer for now. Give ur self some time to think things thru and time to be honest with ur self... If you're tactful, and honest.. then if nothing else.. you will earn respect in my books anyway.   Question for u wayne..?? Did u put seperated on ur profile cos there is a chance u might get back together? If not, then why would u not be classed as single?   anyways, good luck!       - Maple -

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  I agree with OneBrightStar...there is a time and a place and you need to pick it wisely.    I would like to think that I'm an essentially honest person, but total openness only comes to those I really care about most and sometimes that does come back to bite me in the bum .   So Jose....I have to disagree with this "then there's openness...if ya are truly an open person, and i mean truly...then their feelings shouldn't get hurt, as the person ya hurt should have already knew where ya stood...so me is wondering...were ya 100% open??...truly 100%...???...hmmm...".   Maplesyrup...I would think that if you're 'seperated' you aren't exactly single and there are loose ends to tie up before you are truly 'free' and it wouldn't even enter my mind that 'seperated' meant that there was a chance of a reconciliation.  But hey, that's just me.

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Appreciate all the thoughts on this... let me clarify a few bits and then sum up... 1. I was never suggesting that one should out right lie - and whilst I will not say I've never lied, I try really damn hard not too...   OBS suggests that it's the key to communication and I totally agree with her on that. But what happens when it's one sided... when one side gives all they can and the other side does not.. not a good balance...   Saturn - I agree that giving the right information is important too - which is why I have seperated on my profile vs Single or divorced... honestly there's a shit load more going on in my life around that whole issue and select individuals that I've spoken to know that, but there's not a category called "Seperated but it's a fcuking mess right now" which is about how I'd sum it up :-)   Sexistar - I agree also with your comment that "- the worst thing about being lied to is knowing that you werent worth the truth."  That to me is so true... only problem is that I see time and time again situations where this is not the case... where people have lied to keep others from getting hurt thinking they were doing the right thing.   Jose - you've broken the truth thing down into different levels - all giving me a whole lot more to think about .. thanks for that...   Maple - I put seperated on my profile cos that is what it is... would I like to get things sorted with the wife and get back together - shit yeah - it would mean the last 23 years of my life would not be classified as a "failure" in the eyes of people I care about... but is it likely to happen - well - 2010 is showing me that it is less likely than ever... so all that remains now is to get the paperwork going and make some legal dudes rich of our misfortune...  sorry if that sounds a little harsh... I'm a tad raw today due to a few things :-(  it's not you - it's me :-)   Sonsie - nice boob shot ;-) and thanks for the input :-)   Guys - thanks all - my view on the world with respect to honesty and openness has not changed - Jose has given me a few additional "layers" to think about which will keep my cogs whirring for a while yet...   Hugs, xxxx's and Chocolate to you all   Wayne

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  I hear you Wayne. I try it from time to time. Sharing the emotions I'm experiencing for example. If I'm being entirely honest with people and sharing all information candidly, it always leads to more trouble for me. Simply put, some stuff is best left unspoken. Some stuff can be too difficult to say, anyway. It's entirely appropriate to gloos over some things and it doesnt make you any less honest, perhaps a little more guarded and private.. but not dishonest. Integrity is interesting stuff... so difficult to earn and so accidently discarded.... all you can do is remain true to yourself and fuck everybody else. Well, that's not such a bad idea is it?? :p   As for elaboration and embelishment.... if it wasn't, it wouldn't be a story. :p Fortunately we all recall fragments in time. Two people can be watching the same event at the same time from slightly different vantage points and come up with two interpretations of what happened embellished only by their own prejudices and perspective... both are being truthful, both honest... and both remembering different things interpreted individually. Both seemingly at odds with each other. There is no absolute truth. That's the beauty of the human experience.   Hugs Stalky

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