RHP

RHP User

F35

How Do I Get Him Back Into Swinging?

June 03 2015

Hi all, I have been swinging with my partner for quite a few years and I am the one who introduced him to swinging. When we first started out he seemed really excited and keen about it but now I practically have to beg him to get him to visit the swingers club with me or to meet couples/single girls for play meets. We have not played with anyone since October last year. I simply can not understand why he never wants to go swinging with me anymore. When I say swinging I don't just mean couples I also mean threesomes with other women as I am bisexual. When we do go swinging my focus is equally on both the female and the male so i don't think it has anything to do with seeing me with another man or such as I do not play favourites and I always put him first when we play with others. He has assured me time and time again he has no jealousy seeing me with other men and women and that he loves it. So why then does he never show any interest or excitement over swinging? Most men in my experience love threesomes and would love to have a female partner who is keep for swinging. His most common excuse is that he is tired from work (he is a workaholic). But even on a recent 2 week holiday he said he was keen and then when I organised something the day before he said he no longer felt like it and told me to contact the couple and cancel on them. I just don't get it and I'm sick of the disappointment of organising something with a couple or single girl and then having to cancel on them last minute because my boyfriend no longer wants to play. So why is he doing this? Is there any way I can get him back into the swing of things? What should I do?

Comments

  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    I know I get bored of it. Swinging is good but sometimes you need a long break from it. At the end of the day he just isn't into as much as you are. How is the sec between you? Good and frequent?

  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    does he snore loudly at all?? - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    I just saw your other thread.... I'm bowing out of this one - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    You say your partner has given up on all foreplay. So his libido is really low at the moment, or he has lost interest and it's time for a new man.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    He thinks you don't want him anymore. He might be shitting his pants thinking you want to sleep with other people because you are losing interest in him. He's noticed you don't get wet and mabey he thinks it's because of him? He may have already resigned himself to losing you...and depressed people don't want sex!Have you talked to HIM about these things?

  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    Think I love you lol great response 👍👍 - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    Of the constant chasing around and organising...maybe he just wants to go back to his normal life for a while and recharge the batteries. Take things as they come and not have to perform like a seal because you'd like him to have threesomes and foursomes? I'll probably get lambasted for saying so but if this was a male poster asking the same question the majority of repsonses would be shaming the guy for trying to pressure the girl into doing something she no longer wants to do. If he doesn't want to do it you have to decide if you can live without swinging? If you can't, move on. You'll only hurt him in the long run. If he doesn't want to do it any more then that should be enough of a reason. If you can't live with just him, then maybe it's time you told him that.

  • Mischeviouslad

    Mischeviouslad

    10 years ago

    Forgive by skepticism..... but....... I'll be at the bar, it's Stirs shout.

  • ad_lib_2013

    ad_lib_2013

    10 years ago

    This is just a thought, but could it be that he's wondering how long before you both bump into someone at a club who he would rather not bump into for whatever reason? My partner and I have had some brilliant experiences swinging which we both really enjoyed - but she asked for a break a year or so back because she was just uncomfortable about bumping into someone she or I or both of us knew either socially or professionally that we would rather not meet in a swinging sense. She's recently suggested she'd like to try again, but there remains that stigma of how can we guarantee we don't somehow cross the paths of someone we know from a "different life". If that is the issue, then I'm also keen to hear from examples where like-conmcerned people are able to arrange things where there's less chance of that happening. The obvious solution I guess is a site like this where you're able to email anonymously for a while with an interested person so as to establish there are no connections. Any experiences or advice to avoid that issue?

  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    Stop trying to force him - simple. No one should try to force another person into a situation they are not comfortable with, particularly sexual. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    Hmm after reading both your posts - there is a possibility you are both in a rut. (is that how you spell rut?) If it has been going on for a while maybe you need to reflect.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    Swinging and threesomes for a lot of people is a bit like eating McDonalds.........the first burger is satisfying, but you are over it after the second and third. If he's not into it, then that's his prerogative........he just sounds bored by the whole scene to be honest and I can understand that. It seems to me that you need to ask yourself what it is that you want out of the relationship. If you just want a swinging partner, then be honest with your boyfriend, because if you are not both on the same page, then you are wasting his time and probably your own. It sounds to me that swinging is more important to you than a stable relationship that doesn't involve swinging on your terms?

  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    maybe like most people he enjoyed it at first, most guys I have talked to want to experience a threesome...but maybe he just wants a normal sexual relationship with you...HOLY COW!!! But everyone here is just second guessing, you need to sit down and openly discuss what it is that you need sexually, mentally and relationship wise...no use going in different directions. All the best!!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    im in a very similar situation with my guy. Where I am very much what is apparently known as a culkqueen where I enjoy watching him in sexual situations with other women and have in the past gone out of my way to organise these meets and dare I say, have even pressured him for the situation to occur. I have had to realise it just isn't a one way street. My guy is into "kink" we've enjoyed threesomes together and have other very similar sexual desires, but I have to at times curb my enthusiasm and listen to him when he says he just wants to be with me! When he has said this and I've pushed for inclusion of another woman he tends to shut down and the harder I push the deeper the shut down to the point where it has in the past impacted on our personal sex life. I'd say leave it a while and slowly reintroduce the idea and discuss what both want and in what time frames and I'm sure it will all come rushing back! - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    May I join you? XxFreya

  • Mischeviouslad

    Mischeviouslad

    10 years ago

    Miss Freya....... I'll have a jug of Cosmopolitans on the table in the corner..... Welcome.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    ....you want him back right? ....and you want him to be 100% interested? ....and you want him to be hard and panting like a puppy again? Well one night in bed, after sex, have a chat to him about swinger clubs, tell him you've been fantasing about doing 69 on a girl while being fucked doggy style and having a cock in your mouth. And also throw you want to be try double penetration. It sounds like he is just bored of the same routine. Try and bring up a different scenario each time to get him interested. If that doesn't help........drop some no dose in your boyf's cup of tea at night and just sneak out at night!

  • chevtrek

    chevtrek

    9 years ago

    It could be he loves you and wants only you andthat your interest in swinging is bothering him.Its time to sit down and work it out before the relationship suffers beyond repair.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    Maybe hes just not interested in other women .... maybe he needs more than just sex to rock his boat.... maybe he needs seduction of the mental kind.....maybe he finds swinging to mechanical........just sayin :)

  • funtimesearch81

    funtimesearch81

    9 years ago

    Just found this forum topic so i know its been up awhile i am in a similar boat to forum girl My wife is disinterested in meeting couples or singles when i try to organize some fun. Now i can live with out being with others but the fact she isnt even interested in sex with me is getting to a difficult point, as im not sure what to do talking gets know where and am wondering if I just need to leave this relationship so i can have some happiness. Sadly i love her but the lack of sex or that connection is making me resent her and don't like that feeling. Open to any advice

  • RHP

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    I too am also in similar situation, We've obviously have talk and she agree's she's not that interested in sex but doesn't do anything about it, Its frustrating to be the only person in the relationship that cares about being close and connected,

  • RHP

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    "Start DATING your partners again"Take them to SIMPLE places that you KNOW (as opposed to THINK) they will want to go..It might be the weekend markets...It might be to Coffee Club (Sorry for the *Plug* ... )It might be to State park.. waterfall, national gallery, Local Flower show.. I don't fckn know.. THAT is YOUR job.... When you get home... Do NOT try to sex her/him...Did you hear me???Do NOT NOT NOT try to sex her/him..She/he is fckn SICK of you begging and groping.. and being a "Piss-on-everything Puppy"being a pouting sulking brat when you don't get your own way..Fck me.. If I had a male friend who wanted everything on his terms.. and his time, and his place ALL the fckn time.. I would sack his arse.. and get myself a wimp dog..Just saying....(As I am want to do..)

  • funtimesearch81

    funtimesearch81

    9 years ago

    Feel you Letshavefun3333 Is hard when the only answer you get is i dont know why i dont want to have sex and thats the end of conversation. Have done everything i can think of and have tried not even mentioning sex to huge romantic gestures

  • RHP

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    Quoting 'cavey50' "Start DATING your partners again"Take them to SIMPLE places that you KNOW (as opposed to THINK) they will want to go..It might be the weekend markets...It might be to Coffee Club (Sorry for the *Plug* ... )It might be to State park.. waterfall, national gallery, Local Flower show.. I don't fckn know.. THAT is YOUR job.... When you get home... Do NOT try to sex her/him...Did you hear me???Do NOT NOT NOT try to sex her/him..She/he is fckn SICK of you begging and groping.. and being a "Piss-on-everything Puppy"being a pouting sulking brat when you don't get your own way..Fck me.. If I had a male friend who wanted everything on his terms.. and his time, and his place ALL the fckn time.. I would sack his arse.. and get myself a wimp dog..Just saying....(As I am want to do..) Quoting 'cavey50' "Start DATING your partners again"Take them to SIMPLE places that you KNOW (as opposed to THINK) they will want to go..It might be the weekend markets...It might be to Coffee Club (Sorry for the *Plug* ... )It might be to State park.. waterfall, national gallery, Local Flower show.. I don't fckn know.. THAT is YOUR job.... When you get home... Do NOT try to sex her/him...Did you hear me???Do NOT NOT NOT try to sex her/him..She/he is fckn SICK of you begging and groping.. and being a "Piss-on-everything Puppy"being a pouting sulking brat when you don't get your own way..Fck me.. If I had a male friend who wanted everything on his terms.. and his time, and his place ALL the fckn time.. I would sack his arse.. and get myself a wimp dog..Just saying....(As I am want to do..)