M44
How do you bring up RHP with your partner?
June 12 2012
Comments
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RHP User
13 years ago
I just googled swingers ( I think from memory) and voila'..First site that came up! The hard part is out of the way OP you have opened the door..now just open up a bottle of wine and sit your lovely lady on your lap and peruse all the pretty pics!
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RHP User
13 years ago
I think you've gone about it all the wrong way. You should have been honest with her an told her from day 1 that you were on here. If you had nothing to hide from her - why hide the fact that you're registered here?? To me it indicates that she's not interested in women. If she's not going to participate with the other female what's the point?I think you might find she's goes nut-shit when she finds out you've been on here without her knowledge..... I reckon that'll be all future hope of a couples profile on here out the window.
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RHP User
13 years ago
we agree with ApolloThirteen....the opportunity for honesty has gone...it shouldve been there from the beginning.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Just say you heard about his site through a friend and you joined up to see what it was about and that you have found the forum interesting. Is she interested in having a look. Sounds like she might be okay with that :) Mind you she might see this topic which won't be good.
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RHP User
13 years ago
now you've all made me sound like a heathen!!! Too late horse has bolted he's not done anything wrong by reading the forums gees
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RHP User
13 years ago
yes, maybe he should have told her before joining up, however the reality is, that he didn't!if only we could turn back time... to answer your questions... yep, why not tell her about rhp... especially if your going to continue to use the site, or your wanting to play out this fantasy. If you've been honest with your intentions on the site, express that to her... how you do it is up to you, i'm sure you'll pick the right time and angle. Hopefully she's the understanding type or at least willing to listen. *smiles*.... and good luck with that oneto me your partner sounds at least curious with the same sex, you might find a lady that's happy to go down on her and not receive the same back... but just remember, if the potential lady playmate involved is 'straight'... that means you have to entertain both woman.hopefully your a good juggler
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RHP User
13 years ago
Delete this profile and make another one with another name. Delete history on your browser. Tell her you registered to check the site to see if it was suitable to your needs to find a third for your threesome. Ask her to join you to see what she thinks. Sit down with your wonderful lady and peruse the pics. Suggest to her that she help to make a couples profile. Hope she doesn't see this thread (or wait a week or two for it to disappear to another page).
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'MistressT' Delete this profile and make another one with another name. Delete history on your browser. Tell her you registered to check the site to see if it was suitable to your needs to find a third for your threesome. Ask her to join you to see what she thinks. Sit down with your wonderful lady and peruse the pics. Suggest to her that she help to make a couples profile. Hope she doesn't see this thread (or wait a week or two for it to disappear to another page).
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RHP User
13 years ago
Come clean.Confess that you were curious and stimulated finding out about the way people of this mindset think, and that's why you read the forums. Show her your membership. Don't hide anything or lie, ffs! After all, you're only on here due to curiosity. I'm sure you don't tell her every time you surf porn, nor should she want to know or care, unless she's a little insecure. RHP is a fantastic way to tell your insecurities to go fuck themselves.Definitely AGREE you need to make her part of the process. Just because she said "you find a girl I'll help you fuck her" doesn't necessarily mean that is what you should do.Just make sure you let her reclaim you afterwards. Its all about the attention.RAP.S. I talked about fooling around with my ex one time. She said she was super keen, so I surprised her with a couple's profile I'd made. She was shocked, and excited, and we surfed around happily for a few hours. Then i messaged a bunch of cute girls, hoping to boost my girl's self image by showing her all the hot chicks that wanted to fuck her.Yeah don't do that...
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Saturn65'now you've all made me sound like a heathen!!! Too late horse has bolted he's not done anything wrong by reading the forums gees I agree with you Saturn, and I'm not sure there's much place for self-righteousness or sanctimony on here, to be honest. Since when did being in a relationship equate to not being entitled to develop as an individual? Reading the forums and sex secrets is akin to reading erotica. Is that something he should have 'confessed' too. Is he not entitled to learn, explore in his mind, uncover aspects of himself and get comfortable with those, before having to reveal the whole thing to his partner, if he has to reveal it at all?! To the OP, I agree that now your partner has opened the door, you could sit down with her, Google swingers and go exploring together. A note of caution - swinging can be fraught and has ended many a solid relationship. Tread carefully, and maybe agree on some ground rules, so things don't get out of hand. Good luck! Have fun xxx
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RHP User
13 years ago
I would fess up and try and move passed it after all you have been together since teens :) But I see no problem erring on the side of caution and starting afresh- you have not done anything wrong- Bar set it up in not the ideal way.....but hey you didn't know she was interested so she is not being totally open with communication either ;) their is always room for improvement from now on :). I would request this thread be deleted- they probably will and if not then I would regularly post inappropriate nonsense to have it blocked :)Cass xxx
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'MistressT'Delete this profile and make another one with another name. Delete history on your browser. Tell her you registered to check the site to see if it was suitable to your needs to find a third for your threesome. Ask her to join you to see what she thinks. Sit down with your wonderful lady and peruse the pics. Suggest to her that she help to make a couples profile. Hope she doesn't see this thread (or wait a week or two for it to disappear to another page). Just what I was going to say. Aint hindsight a wonderful thing? Dontcha just love it when all the sancitmonious, holier-than-thou, I-never-lie or cheat brigade condemn? Boy it would be so wonderful to be that damn perfect. Careful folks....some ones halo's will slip and it wont be "Slipperies"
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RHP User
13 years ago
simple hey? cover one deception with another....all good if it works, but disaster if it ever comes out
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Smilingwithfun
13 years ago
Nothing like opening Pandora's Box. Tell her, not tell about being on here. Perhaps the way out & not place your honesty on trial, is to try another avenue rather than RHP straight away. Why not go to a swingers club as your first move. This would remove any feelings in regards to you having been on here. Just a thought.
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RHP User
13 years ago
if deleting the profile and thread is the way you go..... come back and play with yr gal.........its much nicer not to have to hide anything from your partner....and makes for a much more pleasurable experience
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RHP User
13 years ago
That saddens me. I don't see anyone as being self-righteous. He asked for opinions - of course he's going to get a licorice shop of them!Including those (like me) that think his intentions have been less than honourable.But..... Opinions are like ass-holes.... Everyone has one!
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RHP User
13 years ago
Not wanting to go down on a woman doesn't make someone not bi-curious. I have no desire to have a woman go down on me, but I love doing it. Some people are just tops, and others are just bottoms, and that's the way it goes.MistressT offered best advise though and I agree with her, delete this profile, bring it up and open a new one together. Don't focus so much on "must find a girl" though, just explore together, let her control stuff.
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RHP User
13 years ago
For those that are perfect and have never covered up anything in their whole life, please tell me what would be the purpose in telling the lady that he was already on the site, had put up this post and was possibly contemplating going down another path?? Would you understand if your partner had done that?His wife sounds like she wants to do something to please him. Why slap her down with brutally raw honesty?? If he does as I suggest then he is telling the truth anyway. He would be creating a new profile with the intention of checking it out to see if there is anyone suitable. I agree that it isn't the whole truth but can you say that you have never not told anyone about something?Can you honestly tell me that you would want to know that your current partner had thoughts of cheating?? Even though they did nothing but think about it??In my original reply I decided to put any judgement aside and overlook whatever the OP's original intentions were and answer his query as simply and succinctly as I could. Before I answered I also turned the situation around and asked myself if I would want to know if I was the lady involved. The answer is no, I would not want to know, assuming of course that he had done as he said and not met anybody.To Coodi and Handmaiden - thank you for your comments and I think you understand that some things are better left unsaid.To the judgemental - take a hike or find a mirror. The man asked for advice and I gave it.
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RHP User
13 years ago
No one agree's to play with the same sex if theres no desire.. As a straight guy who has no inclination for MM.. I can understand 2 females wanting to get together. Females are soft and nice and have all them interesting things to explore.. The only thing I dont agree with is your wife asked you to do the finding by yourself.. I think you should explore the possibilities together.. Just my take on things... Jay..
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RHP User
13 years ago
maybe that conversation should have taken place a long time ago if you are on rhp and she is curious about other women...perhaps she already has a profile on here...
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RHP User
13 years ago
oops not 30 years ago... but maybe before now anyway...
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RHP User
13 years ago
Then protect that opportunity I say it could save their marriage and it seems trivial and idealistic- to expose a white lie (assuming he has not cheated) and risk the benefits for them both if they go on this journey together.Worst case scenario 1: He tells her she cracks it, there is trust issues and she is turned off the idea and things go down hill as both are unsatisfied and they won't get to explore together or share that special experience....leading to unhappiness, actual cheating and/or divorce. HARM DONEBest case scenario 2: He learns from his mistake and the pickle he is in.....sorts it out so that they can share this experience together opposed to possibly cheating out of dissatisfaction later.....they grow closer- communication improves...everyone happy and NO HARM DONE.Cass xxx I just can't keep secrets... doesn't mean I think they are wrong at all times.
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RHP User
13 years ago
so...opinions are ok...as long as they agree with others? ours is as valid as anyone here. so much for those who champion the rights of people to express their opinions.....or doesnt that count when its ours?
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inspirit
13 years ago
Its not like the OP had any intention of cheating and if he did, it's really none of our business.
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RHP User
13 years ago
"Any" being the operative word. That's what he asked for and that's what he got. He didn't ask for only insights that support what he's done / plans on doing. Nor did he ask only for insights that are against his actions. And why do people ask questions without indicating who the question is for!!! MistressT, I will answer your question. Because I am perfect and have never covered anything up in a relationship. What would be the purpose of telling her? A little gem called honesty. He never made mention of going down another path. He made no mention of cheating, although if you carefully read his profile he is very deliberate in what he is looking for, and surely a profile that is purely created for reading the forums would have zero information in it! But honestly- your posts here have been as judgemental as anyone else's. What a flavoursome mixing pot this is!
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RHP User
13 years ago
He could just tell her and show her this thread.He hasn't cheated ,just looked at the forums,... if what he says is true The issue of finding another girl is now on the table,something his wife initiated. If his wife trusts him,and after such a long time she should know him well,then surely the next step is to make a couple's profile. The issue about exploring their sexuality is a different one and yes can be fraught,or it can enhance a relationship. Secrets usually lead to more and more lies and reveal themselves eventually.x Hugs H
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RHP User
13 years ago
My gf (when I had one) knew I liked to talk with others online and had various sexual fantasies I wasn't going to fulfil while I was with her, because my relationship with her was more important to me than those things. I had a conversation with her about what the boundaries would be around my online activities. We agreed that I could talk about stuff with others but she drew the line at cyber or phone sex as that would be me actively fantasizing with a real person. That was fine by me. I wasn't on RHP at the time but if I was honestly just having a chat and exploring without trying to make any real contact with others, I think that would have been okay. She may not have been thrilled but she would have recognised that that was her own feeling of insecurity, she always struggled with the deep down fear that she wasn't "good enough" for me and that I'd find someone prettier. At the end of the day her trust in me not to do anything sexual with another person was so great that I would have been able to enjoy quite a long leash. I would have made that very clear on my profile, that I was looking but not to touch, and obviously wouldn't have sent seeking messages or responded positively to any that came my way. I don't think joining up just for a look-see is necessarily the wrong or dishonest thing to do, but ultimately that's going to be up to your conscience, OP, and hers. While not immediately wrong, like actively searching for an affair would have been, you still must have known that it was flirting with danger. As such, whatever you decide to do, face the consequences and accept them as being the natural results of your choice. It could go south, but if your partner has the same kind of trust in you not to cross the line to cheating like my partner did, you may be in with a shot. Good luck and God speed.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'MistressT' For those that are perfect and have never covered up anything in their whole life, please tell me what would be the purpose in telling the lady that he was already on the site, had put up this post and was possibly contemplating going down another path?? Would you understand if your partner had done that?His wife sounds like she wants to do something to please him. Why slap her down with brutally raw honesty?? If he does as I suggest then he is telling the truth anyway. He would be creating a new profile with the intention of checking it out to see if there is anyone suitable. I agree that it isn't the whole truth but can you say that you have never not told anyone about something?Can you honestly tell me that you would want to know that your current partner had thoughts of cheating?? Even though they did nothing but think about it??In my original reply I decided to put any judgement aside and overlook whatever the OP's original intentions were and answer his query as simply and succinctly as I could. Before I answered I also turned the situation around and asked myself if I would want to know if I was the lady involved. The answer is no, I would not want to know, assuming of course that he had done as he said and not met anybody.To Coodi and Handmaiden - thank you for your comments and I think you understand that some things are better left unsaid.To the judgemental - take a hike or find a mirror. The man asked for advice and I gave it. This is a fab response Mistress T. I think the trick here is for the OP to learn and ensure he is honest from this point forward. If his intentions are genuine, it sounds as though he now has the opportunity for he and his wife to embrace a new adventure together. He should shut the door behind him (nobody is perfect) and open a new one with his lovely wife.Jak(Mrs)
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RHP User
13 years ago
i agree with a few others..about sit down with her and having and chat and bring up about the site and see if she wants to join up and see if there any interest to you as a couple ,dont go searching it.unless she suggest its first,,as for deleting profile as the site stores your email and wont let let you rejoin will using ,you have to use another or good chance you willl get caught out.might be good idea if she keen to join ,let her do it ,that way it her choice
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RHP User
13 years ago
Thank you to those that complimented me on my comments. It's good to know that some people are intelligent and compassionate enough to understand the above phrase.
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RHP User
13 years ago
then theres trhis pearl.......which is far more relevant than quotes about discretion“Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters” ― Albert Einsteinwe dont know this guy...or his wife, so feel no need to be 'discrete'.......theres no attachment to him in any form from us, or anyone else here for that matter....so if an opinion is asked for and then given, it should be taken in the vein it was delivered in...as 'honest and forthright'.......there was no malice on our part, or on the part of ApolloThirteen, and we fail to see how 'honesty' and 'morals' and 'values' can be so upsetting to people here......do we leave these things outside when we join either RHP or the 'scene'?? 'discretion is the better part of valor' means .......... It is good to be brave, but it is also good to be careful.; If you are careful, you will not get into situations that require you to be brave.had this guy been careful and done the right thing in the first place.....and been 'honest and open'...he wouldn't be in the situation he finds himself in.... caught between betrayal and discovery............
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RHP User
13 years ago
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RHP User
13 years ago
The easy part is persuading your lady to play.For you guys finding those ladies to satisfy your fantasy will be the frustrating part.ps. Join A M M & start afresh - better choices.
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RHP User
13 years ago
And Shakespeare writes it as "The better part of Valour is discretion" meaning- It is better to be careful and think before you act than it is to be brave and take risks. In retrospect what you are saying is correct. But he is not asking what he should have done he is asking what he should do now.I do believe if he tells her that would be brave and that there is a risk that- so I would go with MT and IAT and have some foresight and and err on the side of caution. :)He knows his wife and it is up to him to do the risk assessment.Cass xxx
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'multiples_xxx' And Shakespeare writes it as "The better part of Valour is discretion" meaning- It is better to be careful and think before you act than it is to be brave and take risks. In retrospect what you are saying is correct. But he is not asking what he should have done he is asking what he should do now.I do believe if he tells her that would be brave and that there is a risk that- so I would go with MT and IAT and have some foresight and and err on the side of caution. :)He knows his wife and it is up to him to do the risk assessment.Cass xxx one thing he should do...........be honest. dont complicate a lie or deception by telling more. plain and simple...fess up, and wear the consequences, or live a lie.
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Chillymofo
13 years ago
Could it just be that she has stumbled upon your profile or at least knows what you are up to thanks to History search on your computer - Not hardCould it be that she has bought it up to give you the opportunity to come clean??I went about this the same way as yourself - Was curious and opened up an account, then later told my wife about it, and she has since verified, so everyone can tell that it is legitimate!Difference was i opened up a couples account off the bat, then later showed her the account and she was more curious about it.hope this helps.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Is there a difference between opinion and judging? A lot of people in the general public would think that just by being on this site we all have low morals and values. Is that their opinion or are they judging us on our lifestyle choices."I don't judge you. / So, why do you judge me? / Huh? /" - Joe Strummer"had this guy been careful and done the right thing in the first place.....and been 'honest and open'...he wouldn't be in the situation he finds himself in.... caught between betrayal and discovery............" In my "opinion" I don't think he did anything wrong he has a one line, no pic, guest profile. no worse then punching a porn search in Google IMHO, I guess then his wife has not been honest and open by not telling him sooner that she is interested in a threesome. lol.
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RHP User
13 years ago
here we go OP. IMHO First, it seems the threesome idea was your fantasy and now it is yours and your wife's fantasy and seeing how you had no idea your wife had any interest in it before your iPhone game I would recommend you move very slowly for both your sakes. Make sure you both COMMUNICATE.If you think she is just doing this for you and you want to spend the rest of your life with this woman, keep it a fantasy watch some porn with her instead. Wait for her to bring it up again.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Don't be too stressed man. Your profile clearly states what you're on here for. From all accounts you've come onto this site with good intentions to improve your sex life, not try to find another one. But that being said, even the best intentions can be misinterpreted, so I wouldn't tell the misses about this account. In this instance a sex life is a mutual thing, you probably should have brought her in at the beginning, but whatever. It's done, move on.Anyway, as she has consented, tell her you had a look around and found this site which appeared legitimate, fun etc. Ask her if she thinks you should open an account to look, whatever she is comfortable with. Open a joint account with her there and just forget this one man. Have fun creating you're new JOINT account, taking pics etc and you're away. Have a fun time.
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RHP User
13 years ago
You can read the forums and sex secrets (as he claims is all he wants to do) without being a member.....Why does a profile created ONLY to read the forums ask "Can you interest me?"Why does a profile created ONLY to read the forums state the owner is seeking women?Why does a profile created ONLY to read the forums seek women aged between 18-32?Why does a profile created ONLY to read the forums have selected list of sexual interests?Why does a profile created ONLY to read the forums tell the reader that he's open for anything, and will use safe sex if required! Since we're quoting, From the mouth of Judge Marilyn Milian - "There is none so blind as he who will not see!"After all - he's "lookin 2 find"
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RHP User
13 years ago
If I was a *Yawnsss* normal ( non RHP) surburban housewife and If I buy a penthouse or playboy and read the forums or *gasp* look at the pictures and hide it away from Mr Sat..am I doing anything wrong? (seriously?? Really??)OPs profile is so monotone(literally) that states what he has said here whats the big friken deal here?? What am I missing besides lack of "honesty"?( Mrs sat) who I hereby admit my moral compass points a lot more south then some..ok most..my bad!!
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RHP User
13 years ago
Feel free to clarify if we haven't scared you away OP..but maybe, this guy only joined up yesterday so he could actually contribute to this forum by asking the question in the first place. He could easily have read the forums and sex secrets just by hitting on the RHP site...you all may be jumping to conclusions here that the poor fella has been up to no good!!!
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RHP User
13 years ago
May or may not mean "joined"... whispers ( just sayin)
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RHP User
13 years ago
Yes, too late, horse has bolted on the Honesty bit. But, you can be totally (the ONLY way to be) honest from this point on. Have you seen the Ad's on TV for a similar site to this, late at night? If so, then maybe next time one of those Ad's is on, you can mention checking out sites like it, to your lovely other half. All such site's are reasonably similar, it just comes down to a matter of taste. Once a decision is made, may I suggest a paid couple's profile. The advantages of such far outweigh the smallish cost.Be totally open and upfront in the profile, about what you are seeking, eg mention that while wife has no current interest in going down on a lady, all else is fine. Aim high, but be prepared to lower you aim a lil, as finding the "perfect" person, for you 2, may not be possible, in the short to medium term.Again, complete n total honesty is paramount, as is a high degree of communication between you 2.And lastly, good luck with everything, hope all works well for you two.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Why do people here feel as though their opinion is better than someone elses. Isn't the whole concept of a forum to express your own opinion in a clear and concise manner. I don't agree with everyone's opinion here, if I did I would stop reading the forums as they would be as boring as batshit! Now back to the subject at hand - I am formally perched on the fence on this one, leaning one way though, I think the OP is screwed either way. If he takes MsT's advice, it may work, but one day, and you can bet on it, some woman they, as a couple contact might mention that he use to have a single profile. It might be an innocent remark but it will raise questions with the OP's wife. Or worse, one of the lovely ladies here, who might get rejected will take it upon herself to tell the wife, even stretching the truth. I think we can all agree that not everyone here thinks before they type! But if he takes Apollo's suggestion, yes he will be in the shit originally. BUT *yes in caps for emphasis - if he is honest with her and explains why he was on here, maybe even show her the messages he has recieved to show her than nothing has happened, she may realise that he was doing nothing untoward. It seems that they are open in their discussion about sexual matters, that might ease any troubles or wraith from the wife. The wife has already indicated that she is keen to bring a third person to the martial bed, that should indicate that jealousy, whilst still may occur might not be a deal breaker from the start. I have always been big on honesty, I don't have the skills to keep a lie going, I know I will eventually be caught out. If I was the OP, I would be honest, tell the wife that I was on here and explain why. Show her the forums, show her EVERYTHING, any messages, flirts, whatever. That, to me is the only way he can prove that why he was on here and that he stayed faithful.
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RHP User
13 years ago
This post made me laugh. Well, not laugh so much as get an ever-so-slight lip curl. Truth be told, it was a borderline smirk.The OP asked "So the question now is, should i bring up with her RHP and how to have that conversation?" My reaction was he should have instead said "So the question now is, could it possibly be any easier to introduce my wife to RHP?"This is silver platter providence she's just handed you! Introduce her to the site and leap, leap towards that magical ménage à trois!For what it's worth, I also came to the same conclusions as Mistress T and Cass. Request this thread be deleted, deactivate your profile, start a new Couples profile, then introduce her to it and fill it in together. It should be a sexy exercise!I don't see why she wouldn't want to come along for the ride. Good luck*, space cadet!*I mean, you'll probably need it, since couples finding single girls sounds like one of the most difficult quests on here.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I agree with Appolo she is not going to be happy about this ,actually she may feel that she is not enough for you plus why did you hide this from her and for how long.?......
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RHP User
13 years ago
What is your problem Mike? I haven't criticized your opinion nor have I made any personal remarks to you. Others have given similar solutions to the OP's dilemma and yet you have made no to criticize them.Go find someone else to bleat at. You have lost any respect I may have had for you or your opinions. Others knew the point I was trying to make with my Shakespearian quote so there was no need to be patronising.Here are some words that help make the world a nicer place. Perhaps you should look up their meanings......compassiondiplomacytactdiscretionempathyrespect
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'MistressT' What is your problem Mike? I haven't criticized your opinion nor have I made any personal remarks to you. Others have given similar solutions to the OP's dilemma and yet you have made no to criticize them.Go find someone else to bleat at. You have lost any respect I may have had for you or your opinions. Others knew the point I was trying to make with my Shakespearian quote so there was no need to be patronising.Here are some words that help make the world a nicer place. Perhaps you should look up their meanings......compassiondiplomacytactdiscretionempathyrespect i dont need to look any of them up..as i said...none of us here has any attachment to this guy, so theres no need for anything other than an honest opinion....that honesty shouldve been there before he joined RHP would be my point. covering up one deception with another is just about the worst advice I've ever seen anyone give...how does 2 wrongs fix it for him?
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RHP User
13 years ago
Please consider the difference between saying to someone you 'should' do something or you 'should have' done something vs you 'could perhaps' consider something or you 'could maybe' think about something. In my opinion - and I stress this is only my opinion, which I'm not expecting anyone to agree with - the former smacks of judgement and the latter of a more open-minded, less dogmatic offer of suggestion. Should and could are very powerful words. In the various fields of self-development, interpersonal relationship counselling etc, should is widely considered problematic. People react to the word, and generally resist it, often vehemently. It's disempowering and implies criticism or inadequacy. (God, I'm quite sure I'm going to regret opening this can of worms ... :))
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RHP User
13 years ago
it's the like button x Hugs H
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RHP User
13 years ago
Given couples often have a few personal boundaries. This may have been yours? Do we share absoluty everything we do and think with each other? Clearly not, or you'd have known about the threesome thing by now."Look sweet i was just curious. I'm sure I'm not the only bloke in a relationship that likes a bit of porn now and again. If I was serious about stuff here, rather than just reading forums and having a bit of a perv, I'd have said something to you. Since it was just a diversion, I didn't.However now you've discussed the fantasy thing, why don't we make a couples profile and see what comes up together? We can alway back off if it turns out not to be our thing."I suspect the above also is so close to the truth, you'll not even be compromising your honesty?I imagine you may get an inquiring look or two. But given the lady seems broad minded enough to want to experiment, I feel she's likely to understand.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Wow Mike you are more idealistic than me- I feel better :) I personally would have to fess up because I am Sagittarius that lacks tact :P But my partner wouldn't give a shit and if he did that- oh wait he did, and I couldn't care less whether he told me (which he did) or if he hadn't- It was harmless amateur porn watching. Funny when the naughty boy told me he made a couples profile with my naked self without consulting me lol! So I did the only reasonable thing to do- TOOK OVER and found a better site hehe ;)No point hurting her ego or feelings with a bit of harmless fun- I reckon tact is in order.....and to learn not to get himself in a tangle again....and make it up to her with FUNCass xxx"had this guy been careful and done the right thing in the first place.....and been 'honest and open'...he wouldn't be in the situation he finds himself in.... caught between betrayal and discovery............"
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'multiples_xxx' Wow Mike you are more idealistic than me- I feel better :) I personally would have to fess up because I am Sagittarius that lacks tact :P maybe this is my problem ..I'm Sagittarius as well...lol.... there's not time enough for tact...or pussy footing, around subjects like honesty and trust between partners “Trust is the glue of life. It's the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It's the foundational principle that holds all relationships.” ― Stephen R. Covey
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ItHelps
13 years ago
Don't all women assume that their men look at porn/read porn/perv at people at every opertunity? Or is that just me? I created a couples account after we visited sexpo, but didn't tell Mrs ItHelps until a few weeks later after we had spoken more about the possibility of intramarital relations. But then she has always known that I was an outright perv. She takes pleasure in teasing me by telling me what I havent seen when I can no longer see it. Bring it up in conversation, ask her what she wants to do. Then let her know what you have done. So you have taken the initiative, if it was wrong appologise and get on with life. Mr ItHelps
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RHP User
13 years ago
Geez Shel...... Could bounce a penny off that midsection!
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RHP User
13 years ago
Yes Mike you are right all the time aren't you? You are perfect and have never told anyone an untruth have you? I don't know why we bother having forums when you could simply answer all the questions for us because you are right every time and anyone that disagrees is wrong. Your opinions are the only ones that matter. Apparently the rest of us are unable to formulate an idea worthy of inclusion in this discussion.Or is it only me you have singled out? Am I not entitled to an opinion too?Apparently not in Mike's world.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I agree with Appollo 13 on this wholeheartedly. If I were looking on a dating site without my partner's knowledge, I'm sure my partner would consider I was about to cheat.
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RHP User
13 years ago
who the f____ is Mike?
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RHP User
13 years ago
You 2seem to have a long/strong partnership...and that's beautiful & rare.... Why stuff it up by keeping secrets or going behind her back? She might be open & more than happy to have a perve or read an erotic Story too!!! Some articles & forum stories are erotic...sexy...or kinky...& they leave me frisky & horny...wishing I had a partner to play & have some fun with..(so maybe you're missing out). I believe that everyone has the right to make their own decision & not be forced into one... & I'm sure it was your choice to join RHP...!!!! As you've said..... the real reason you joined RHP was only to read articles....the adult forum and not to have or get involved in a sexual or an emotional encounter/relationship.... Why not tell her when you joined? Unless you're trying to hide something....Or she's an overly religious woman....or a Bible & husband basher....& she sure as hell doesn't sound like neither.lol. She had the balls(maybe she borrowed yours for a while) & courage to be honest enough & tell you,that she would like to invite another woman into your bed... Whatever made her come to that decision....be it to please you...or because she's Bi-curious... Doesn't really matter... you'll be happy either way!!! As for telling her about your RHP membership... Just tell her...I'm sure you'd want to know if you were in her place....& you can show her your contact history that there's nothing there..since you're on it to only read forums & articles... I think you should show her this article about your dilemma....she'll see that you care & never meant to hurt or disrespect her...worst case scenario...she'll either slap you because she feels like you lied to her & thought she'll judge you....Or she'll slap you for not letting her in on the fun... So tell me...how would you react in her position??
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RHP User
13 years ago
you could delete your profile first then get your wife to help you search for a site online and find rhp together then just for fun sign up as a cupple and go from there
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'MistressT' Yes Mike you are right all the time aren't you? You are perfect and have never told anyone an untruth have you? I don't know why we bother having forums when you could simply answer all the questions for us because you are right every time and anyone that disagrees is wrong. Your opinions are the only ones that matter. Apparently the rest of us are unable to formulate an idea worthy of inclusion in this discussion.Or is it only me you have singled out? Am I not entitled to an opinion too?Apparently not in Mike's world. are you ok? being a little sensitive? you cant fix a wrong ...with another wrong...oh and i didnt single you out.......i just didnt agree...isnt that how this place works? are we not all individuals, capable of coming to our 'own' conclusions? get over it will you? if it hadnt been me, would this response from you be as indignant?
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'mikeandshel' Quoting 'MistressT' are you ok? being a little sensitive? you cant fix a wrong ...with another wrong...oh and i didnt single you out.......i just didnt agree...isnt that how this place works? are we not all individuals, capable of coming to our 'own' conclusions? get over it will you? if it hadnt been me, would this response from you be as indignant? I just get tired of your sanctimoniousness. I do agree with you that honesty in the first place would have been the better option but in order to spare the couple in question any possible conflict I gave a solution. My reply was obviously not to your approval and so you seem to feel the need for reiteration about how wrong I am and how right you are.You are entitled you your opinion as to what the OP should or should not do or have done and to that end I have so far made no critique. Personally I don't care whether you agree or disagree with what I have written, that is not my issue here. And it makes no difference who you are as my replies would be the same.Disagree with me by all means but leave out the denigration.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I have been reading the debate between Mistress T and Mike. One whom I agree with and one I dont entirely agree with. So I went and re-read the original question and took a good gander at your profile. Now it seems to me that your wife has said you can find another girl for a threesome. Perfect. Change your profile to say looking for an experienced Bi girl or what ever it is you are actually looking for. Start looking and tell the wife. No need for anything more really. Coversation starter.... "Remember when you said I could look for another girl for a threesome? Well......." THEN show her the profile. Ask her if she wanted to make a couples one and tell her you are happy to close this one if she wants to help you set up one together. It really is that easy. No biggie at all. . Personally I doubt if any one of us is entirely honest and truthful to our partners one hundred percent of the time. Mike excluded but hey, he cant help being so damn perfect that he would tell his wife her arse DID look big in that.
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RHP User
13 years ago
It's kinda like''Where's Wally"...he is always here,ya just never see the ubiquitous Mikex hugs H
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'gavmac' Is there a difference between opinion and judging? + Adding how I view things... sorry about my tense before lol! I need sleep!I was thinking if the shoe was on my foot- and my partner told me the same thing (which he actually has before) My reaction: I wasn't bothered, I would have preferred him to get my permission to put pics up of me, that's it. Others might get upset about the communication and consequently it could be to the detriment of them going forward and I don't think is worth it. Only he can gauge how she will likely react :)My partner was just getting off on cam's and seeing if we had interest because we were both interested. I accept that he is a human being, an individual and male... he was having a private little moment of fun that hurt nobody...I don't care if he had a couples profile or not or if he told me straight away, down the track or not at all.... I have faith in my partner and if he deemed discretion as a less complicated approach (with no intention to cheat) I trust him. For whatever reason he had not to tell me whether it was absent mindedness or not wanting not to be misunderstood. However/whenever I found out I would see that as a form of protection or mere maleness lol!. But lucky for us I know him better than he knows himself and he is not the cheating type. We are brutally honest.....but I am human and if I am hormonal lol can make mountains out of blahdiblahs and good on him to avoid any issue's from me I say or assume that there would be no issue's and therefore no need to tell me until there was a need which the latter is the case :) I don't ask or expect him to tell me all porn/erotica that he watches and I see this as the same. Cass xxx
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RHP User
13 years ago
. Personally I doubt if any one of us is entirely honest and truthful to our partners one hundred percent of the time. Mike excluded but hey, he cant help being so damn perfect that he would tell his wife her arse DID look big in that. i have no problem pointing the obvious out to my wife...and if her ass did look big, and i said nothing...would be in all kinds of shit for not doing so...and its done with trust and respect. and fiona...its not about being perfect...its about being honest. the important things like sex, and relationships, and issues of trust, merit 100% honesty and 100% transparency at all times...
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Hesione' It's kinda like''Where's Wally"...he is always here,ya just never see the ubiquitous Mikex hugs H i'm always here....my face has always been in our public gallery...i have nothing to hide from anyone...Shel enjoys being seen...so insists its her pics that are up as our thumbnail..so who am i to complain?
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Misscontrary' who the f____ is Mike? that would be me......
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RHP User
13 years ago
Try a game of Scrabble - keep playing 'til opportunity presents itself and lay down the tiles (landing a bonus tile, is a good omen). Wait for the "...that's NOT! a word....!" challenge and off you go....The rest thought is going to be down to you - good luck.Hope that helps
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RHP User
13 years ago
Remembered why I dont come here often any more. 3 pages of black and white in a world full of shades of grey.Had a similar experience when we started though so wanted to answer the OP.We had fantasised about various scenarios but not discussed acting on them. I (Mr C) like to do my research and Google led me here. Reading the forums was helpful, but you cant view profiles without signing up, and it's often helpful to know a little about who is posting (and ok I'll admit I'm a voyeur). I created a mostly blank couples profile and kept browsing.When ready I talked to Ms C about it, told her I had some ideas and found some clubs we could visit to explore, and about my research on RHP. All was cool and we renamed and completed the profile together.That's how I went about it because I was pretty sure I knew how Ms C would react. If I thought she would be happier in the dark I would have killed off the profile first instead.Honestly is usually the best policy (and always a lot simpler), but sometimes less hurt can be done by telling a little lie. May you choose your path wisely.Mr C
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justswingingbi
13 years ago
I'm not sure what most of the previous posters said, once the bickering began I just flicked to the end... Here's how it happened for us... went to hubby's best mate's place for a weekend and the smut talk began... hubby lifted my top and the mate had a good look, said something about nice tits and he's not gay so of course he's going to look. One thing led to another and we were naked the three of us and shagging. Then we had the talk, did you like it? would you do it again? what did you like? what wouldn't you like? We set our boundaries fairly early. Then he said "oh I was looking around online to see what was out there and I found this site..." actually he had found three. And signed up for them. Now I am wondering if he had signed up BEFORE the fateful weekend ;) regardless, we've met some really nice people and we're having heaps of fun.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Thankyou to those that answered my questions especially those that have experienced similar situations. Like justswingingbi i skimmed most of it and went to the end. I think i find myself in a similar situation to chickcara so thanks for sharing your experience.To set the record straight:1. I wasn't aware you could read the forums without having an account2. Not previously stated but i do like looking at other profiles.3. I have ZERO intention on contacting anyone or cheating on my wife (though it appears some consider this cheating).Cheating to me is all about intent. Maybe i've deluded myself but being more aware of other likes / dislikes / experiences i see as educational rather than limiting yourself to your own social group. If i didn't have to sign up to a site to see that kind of information then i wouldn't.I see rhp as a bit more voyeuristic than checking out someone at a club and being curious as to what they would be like in bed (i have no problem with my wife fantasizing about other people and if she wanted to extend that into a site like this i wouldn't have a drama with it provided the intent to do anything wasn't there).Anyway in amongst it all there are some valid points, i think it may be better to pursue this down the traditional path (i.e. no internet and see what happens).
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'lookin2find' Thankyou to those that answered my questions especially those that have experienced similar situations. Like justswingingbi i skimmed most of it and went to the end. I think i find myself in a similar situation to chickcara so thanks for sharing your experience.To set the record straight:1. I wasn't aware you could read the forums without having an account2. Not previously stated but i do like looking at other profiles.3. I have ZERO intention on contacting anyone or cheating on my wife (though it appears some consider this cheating).Cheating to me is all about intent. Maybe i've deluded myself but being more aware of other likes / dislikes / experiences i see as educational rather than limiting yourself to your own social group. If i didn't have to sign up to a site to see that kind of information then i wouldn't.I see rhp as a bit more voyeuristic than checking out someone at a club and being curious as to what they would be like in bed (i have no problem with my wife fantasizing about other people and if she wanted to extend that into a site like this i wouldn't have a drama with it provided the intent to do anything wasn't there).Anyway in amongst it all there are some valid points, i think it may be better to pursue this down the traditional path (i.e. no internet and see what happens). yeah the problem with a lot of these responses to your thread is that some people assume the worst from the start, pic apart your profile and sniff around for any evidence that goes against your intentions for joining RHP.... when you quite clearly stated your intentions from the get go.... good on you for that and we can only assume they are true until proven otherwise i would have thought..... instead you get told what you should have done to begin with... pretty hard to undo what's done and i'm quite certain you don't own a time machine right!...... none of this helping with any solutions to your problem at hand. nice use of the word 'intent' you've added... i 'assumed' your intentions were genuine from the start too as did a few others
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RHP User
13 years ago
honesty is still the best policy.... you'd have been best to have outlined your 'intent' prior to coming here, and spoken with your partner, and then shown her the site at word one.. women arent so much concerned with 'intent', as they are about 'deeds' and 'actions'.............you can tell her whatever you want, and she can filter.....or not...the truth from your words. if you 'show' her, however, the truth of your deeds is almost always impossible to exclude or deny. to us, coming here and joining up, irregardless of your alleged 'intent' ,or lack thereof, is an act that could be seen as betrayal. guys just dont get that everything they do and say is up for judgement and dissection by their ladies, and that almost always fall down because their 'intents' are not mirrored by their 'deeds'........its why so many of you are single, after all... guys do the wrong thing...and their defence is that they didnt 'intend' to cheat...it just happened, or they didnt 'intend' to hurt her, it just ended up that way. nobody trips and falls into a vagina, or into a profile on a sex site......these are deliberate acts....of intent... just saying.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Save RHP site as your home site when the internet browser opens...... let curiosity do the rest :)
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'mikeandshel' honesty is still the best policy.... you'd have been best to have outlined your 'intent' prior to coming here, and spoken with your partner, and then shown her the site at word one.. women arent so much concerned with 'intent', as they are about 'deeds' and 'actions'.............you can tell her whatever you want, and she can filter.....or not...the truth from your words. if you 'show' her, however, the truth of your deeds is almost always impossible to exclude or deny. to us, coming here and joining up, irregardless of your alleged 'intent' ,or lack thereof, is an act that could be seen as betrayal. guys just dont get that everything they do and say is up for judgement and dissection by their ladies, and that almost always fall down because their 'intents' are not mirrored by their 'deeds'........its why so many of you are single, after all... guys do the wrong thing...and their defence is that they didnt 'intend' to cheat...it just happened, or they didnt 'intend' to hurt her, it just ended up that way. nobody trips and falls into a vagina, or into a profile on a sex site......these are deliberate acts....of intent... just saying. yes, he deliberately, intentionally joined a sex site.... and i agree with you, honest is the best policyHowever i'm trying to picture the similarities of tripping and falling into a vagina, and that of opening up a profile on a sex site..... especially when the op has stated his intentions for joining. After all, his word is all we have to work with. So..... Is he lying, do you think he has bad intentions, or are you just generalizing and assuming the worst? ...... cause one thing doesn't always lead to another.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'coodi_yowie' Quoting 'mikeandshel' honesty is still the best policy.... you'd have been best to have outlined your 'intent' prior to coming here, and spoken with your partner, and then shown her the site at word one.. women arent so much concerned with 'intent', as they are about 'deeds' and 'actions'.............you can tell her whatever you want, and she can filter.....or not...the truth from your words. if you 'show' her, however, the truth of your deeds is almost always impossible to exclude or deny. to us, coming here and joining up, irregardless of your alleged 'intent' ,or lack thereof, is an act that could be seen as betrayal. guys just dont get that everything they do and say is up for judgement and dissection by their ladies, and that almost always fall down because their 'intents' are not mirrored by their 'deeds'........its why so many of you are single, after all... guys do the wrong thing...and their defence is that they didnt 'intend' to cheat...it just happened, or they didnt 'intend' to hurt her, it just ended up that way. nobody trips and falls into a vagina, or into a profile on a sex site......these are deliberate acts....of intent... just saying. yes, he deliberately, intentionally joined a sex site.... and i agree with you, honest is the best policyHowever i'm trying to picture the similarities of tripping and falling into a vagina, and that of opening up a profile on a sex site..... especially when the op has stated his intentions for joining. After all, his word is all we have to work with. So..... Is he lying, do you think he has bad intentions, or are you just generalizing and assuming the worst? ...... cause one thing doesn't always lead to another. yea i do. we believe 100% that any person, male or female, who sits down and joins a dating or sex site, without discussing it with his or her partner first, is absolutely operating with 'intent', and they are primarily thinking of themselves, especially when its not a 'couples'' profile they are opening. its his wife that needs to know he has questions to ask and answers to seek, not us. if he were part way genuine, his profile would be invisible to start with, and it would be that of a couple.guys dont 'trip and fall into a vagina'.............its intentional (it was deliberate)guys dont 'trip and fall into a profile on RHP'.........its intentional. (it was deliberate)they are the same, ones as much of a breach of trust as the other. sharing this with your partner, from the beginning to the end, is honest, hiding it for even a moment, is not. like i said....'deeds' not words are the best indicators of a persons 'intentions'...... you can assume this guy to be honest and genuine, exactly as we can assume hes not. our experience here tells us that attached guys here as members and/or players are less than honorable, and less than honest.
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QLDtwo4fun
12 years ago
There seems to be a lot of guys in relationships on this site. I wonder how many of them would find their spouses would like to be on here with them, if only they had been open and honest about their interests. Now you know she has an interest in swinging too it's time to be honest.
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RHP User
12 years ago
The Fun Police have Been Busy
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RHP User
12 years ago
I believe honesty is the best policy in every situation because a lie will follow you around forever and ever until its found out. Thats just the way it works its murphies law and we all know that.......If you have a solid relationship built on good foundations then it should sort itself out in the end, but only if you come clean with why you joined, which by what you say was not with evil intentions such as to cheat. Give her some free reign to browse the site on her own, read some forums and so on, maybe that will break the ice. Good luck which ever way you go about it cin
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N4November
12 years ago
Quoting 'ApolloThirteen' I think you've gone about it all the wrong way. You should have been honest with her an told her from day 1 that you were on here. If you had nothing to hide from her - why hide the fact that you're registered here?? To me it indicates that she's not interested in women. If she's not going to participate with the other female what's the point?I think you might find she's goes nut-shit when she finds out you've been on here without her knowledge..... I reckon that'll be all future hope of a couples profile on here out the window. Too funny 13!!!PS: delicious profile pic btw
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RHP User
12 years ago
how the chap who was just looking at my profile, brought up the subject with his pregnant girlfriend.He says he has permission to play because she is no longer able to service his considerable needs. I imagine he will be overwhelmed with offers....or perhaps not
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Letsgetcrazy09
12 years ago
“Honesty is the cruelest game of all, because not only can you hurt someone - and hurt them to the bone - you can feel self-righteous about it at the same time” Dave Van Ronk
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hi first post. I haven't read anyone's comments and haven't been on here for so long, happened to come across yr post and well felt the need to reply. Relationships go through changes and with that we all have a curiosity inside. Be honest, trust she can deal with it and explore everything together, bet you enjoy the ride. Best of luck to you both xx
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