F52
How do you cope with negativity?
December 20 2016
Comments
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RHP User
8 years ago
In general try to avoid negative avoid selfish people ..Q
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RHP User
8 years ago
How many single guys are reading the above and thinking: "I have pages and pages of emails that nobody has opened... I have other folders and folders of emails that nobody has replied to..." I like the reply above. Succinct and appropriate... Smile. Be positive. And don't let negative jerks affect your mental well-being.
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AnnieWhichway
8 years ago
When l joins here, well women and trans, there is the rush like being in the chocolate factory to try everything as soon as possible. As time goes by and having experienced the negative people and negative situations, l find myself in no rush frame of mind. I take time to message thoroughly to vet those that are unworthy. The selfish ones will not persevere with the messaging and out themselves as bullshit types. Its not 100% but nothing will ever be foolproof. But there is that saying " fools rush in". Sit back, sip your drink and take a deep breathe and take your time.
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RHP User
8 years ago
is none of your business really. Great mantra to live by
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RHP User
8 years ago
I feel sympathetic towards your words and sentiments. I understand exactly where you're coming from - I have experienced much the same as you have. So many negative words, comments and thoughts constantly coming cross through the forums and private messages. So many self absorbed people who can not, or will not understand anothers perspective. I truly feel for you with the sentiments you have expressed in your opening. I would be happy if you would like to share your experiences with me - please feel free to pm me.
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MsJonesy
8 years ago
About this the other night, they had met a guy who seemed to be what they were looking for. But after meeting a couple of times (social meets), there were some big red flags waving in a strong wind! He made too many assumptions he would be involved (sexually) with other friends, too many suggestions that he could be included in events already organised....and definitely looking for help tick off some of his fucket list despite their disinterest in some of the activities. My friend is fast losing interest because its becoming clear its not about them, but what 'experiences' they can facilitate. I have been on the receiving end of this behaviour, and I deal with it by calling it as I see it. Nothing wrong with a frank discussion if its someone I know well and wish to see again. But if its someone I haven't met I let them know I won't continue our conversations...and why.
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RHP User
8 years ago
are how I generally assess a person and their motives. I read profiles and see if the profile gels with the messaging. If I move onto meeting someone, I let my intuition do the talking. I've always been pretty good at reading people. 99 times out of 100 my intuition is correct and I have made some great connections here and on other sites. Sometimes it takes a couple of meets to really hone in on personality and intent. Others its instantaneous - both good and bad. I've had occasion to do a bolt and others where I could have just stayed and chatted for hours!! However, the onslaught of messages and flirts from men who are obviously out for their fucket list (love that descriptor Ms Jonesy) can be wearing. As can the abuse when I am polite and say 'no thank you'. The one saving grace is that I can block, turn on an automated message saying 'I'm taking a break' and hide my profile. I just wish there weren't so many. And I really don't care what people think of me cwhereitgoes. That was not the point of this topic. I'm asking how people cope with negativity and abuse. I practice mindfulness to help manage stress in my life and it helps in the online world as well. I'm also interested in other people's coping mechanisms as there is always a chance I can add something else to mine.
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sweetgem
8 years ago
No attention nor time to negative and/or selfish people overall, whether in the cyber world or in the real world! I have more important things to do in life than to satisfy some people's egos! 😜 that's how I deal with those negative and/or selfish people OP, I literally give them no time and pay no attention to their BS talks! 😁 and it's so easy to do that in here, as I can just delete any unwanted emails from my inbox 😁 In the real world, when I come across someone who only cares about their own agenda, I would usually politely thank them for the talk and say, with a smile, "sorry, I need to go now as I would be late for my appointment if I don't". Easy way out without offending the attention seeker at the same time 🤡 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
I don't ever engage in lots of online banter, or even text messages. Until I've met someone in person, I don't give much of my time to them. A few messages back and forth is enough to allow me to decide if I want to meet someone. If not, I'll tell them. If so, then we arrange it. For every man here who isn't interested in me, for whatever reason, there is one who is. And I am accepting of the fact that plenty of men won't find me attractive or like me etc. It's the way the world is! I don't care, because I spend my time with people who like to spend time with me. The end. I aint got time fo bullshit! I'm worth more than that. :) Kxx - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
My time is the one resource I have that is truly limited (currently, but that's another discussion). Nor can I predict how much time I actually have with any reasonable accuracy. Being my most precious resource, I value my time. But I also believe in compassion, and I do care about others.I believe that people are inherently good, I tend to give the benefit of the doubt and try to remember that I may never understand what that person has been through that has brought them to this point in time...and that people make bad choices all the time. At the same time, I believe in my instincts. I know that even good people may have a different agenda to me. Not every relationship is going to be one that sits comfortably with me.So I will end a relationship as soon as I find that we have a different path. If someone is rude, I pay them no mind and move on. I try to be nice, unless Im pushed. How they deal with this is completely up to them. My concern is with maintaining those relationships that have meaning to me and creating as much of a pleasant environment around me as I possibly can (and this may be as simple as saying thank you to the Barista that makes my coffee). Online this is wonderfully easy. Simply ignore, block, delete...dont read. Just forget it and move on. Being a dick on the internet is easy and people love to push the boundaries of their anonymous bubbles, saying anything just helps this process. The best thing you can do on the internet is learn to dump the rubbish out of your head as soon as it goes in.
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RHP User
8 years ago
...that translates well in most languages including the three I speak. Probably more as it's becoming quite universal! Fuck off, asshole.
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RHP User
8 years ago
when it all gets too much - I do exactly as you do and take a break- come back when i'm ready to deal with it all again :)
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Sawadee
8 years ago
Nothing gets on my goat more than negativity. Whenever I come across a negative person , I shut them out quick smart.. I find negative people look for the worse in everything and if you allow them' they'll drag you down too. I'm a positive person with a positive attitude... No room in my brain for anything but.
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Eiliethiya
8 years ago
I get disillusioned and 'over it' so take a break...or give myself a time out for a while. Usually after a succession of unsuccessful chats and conversations with men that are only interested in one thing. I get it, I know that's all some people want...sex site and all (etc, etc) But sometimes being rude and pushy in messages, without wanting to know one little detail about me, makes me feel insignificant and just like any random vagina! lol And I know there's that saying 'no one can MAKE you feel a certain way without your consent'...but one after the other...you start to wonder if it IS you, or something about you (I'm speaking for myself on that).So I take a break. But I always come back. Curiosity, boredom, and still a minute speak of hopefulness...
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Seachange
8 years ago
We get negative or meet negative people all the time. For me, I always have my bs radar on and stay positive. Once a red flag is raised, I get cautious and observe even more. I think experience dictates that we should trust our instincts wrt to negative people. I wait and watch their actions and assess the personal risk in going forward. dont want to cry on spilt milk for nothing. negative people drag you down and this is a good argument against the rule that 2 negatives make a positive. 😂 never happened. Just keep your distance and then quietly move on to.the next person. I may not voice out my opinions out loud all the time, that's why God gave us filters for, 😁. 😉
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QLDtwo4fun
8 years ago
And just proves that I was right they are some one I don't want to meet.
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MissRedFox
8 years ago
I've felt like an ATM for the sexual desires of others, especially if I get a cluster of the selfish types at once. I have learnt to use the block button liberally and take a break if I need it. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Thank you for your post. I totally get what your saying. I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling this way. I wish you all the best.
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AnnieWhichway
8 years ago
And the bad experience. But when you get a positive and worthwhile experience, makes it all worth it don't you think? As in most things in life. If it's too easy, you could take it for granted.
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inspirit
8 years ago
I have a very lame profile, therefore I rarely get messages or flirts. I will instigate if somebody catches my mind. I know exactly what I'm seeking. I don't put it on my profile as I think it allows people to talk the talk. I've said before, I prefer to remain mysterious. Take back your power and enjoy the ride. As for the negative..... meh. Don't have any expectations of how you think people should behave/react and so on. Just laugh it off and have a wine. I know it gets up your nose but at the end of the day you're making yourself miserable by another's behavior you can't control. Chin Up....Tits out. Happy Yule x - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
The problem with online dating sites is how easy it is to hide your true objectives. I find it a little bit ironic when I read someone state the importance of a well-written profile before initiating any engagement. If your profile description is supposed to be an honest portrait of who you are, and what you are looking for than do you ever ask yourself - how much effort is too much effort? When you combine this idea with how people generally utilize online dating services (how you interact with people, how online interaction differs with gender, etc) this shit gets really interesting... When I come across a profile with carefully injected wording and sentences structured with (a lot) of thought - I don't think 'genuine'. Instead I see someone that is trying really hard to play the game. Don't get me wrong, a badly written profile page is quite simply 'bad'. But there's a middle ground. I haven't used 'online dating' in a while. It's given me a birds eye view on my previous behavior. I remember back to spending so much time writing and thinking about the messages I sent. I had to, because hey - there's a lot of competition for a guy on this site. All my messages were written honestly - but, I think the fact I would spend so long thinking about not being too upfront, showing wit, showing drive - all of this makes me feel a little in-genuine. There isn't a circumstance at all in normal life where I'd feel the need to have to be 'funny', 'smart' and not too 'forward' just to engage someone in a very 2 dimensional conversation. By the way, long for me - is 10 minutes. And 10 minutes is along time to spend on a message that probably has about a 10 to 20% reply rate. I think if you are honest about how people interact on here you can get good at profiling people quickly. A big part of this is actually meeting the person face to face as an initial interaction where sex isn't going to be part of the equation. Use this time to get to know each other and to gauge each others objectives.
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