F56
"How to avoid the dreaded "Friend Zone Quicksand"
October 03 2013
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
Call me Mate..... Or i'll consider that you just put us in the friendzone
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RHP User
11 years ago
I'll be reading this with interest ... My teenage Son has almost all Female friends and he has found himself in the "Friend Zone". Poor bugger . GG♒️- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
calling someone DUDE!!! BAHAHA ...
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
lol.... Watching with popcorn - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' lol.... Watching with popcorn - Posted from rhpmobile Your up, Step up to the plate.
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RHP User
11 years ago
i generally know pretty much straight away once you meet someone if there is that spark that could lead to more or not. And it doesn't matter how nice the guy is if the spark is not there it will never suddenly materialize...so they go into the just friends category and i will quite easily disclose that if asked to do so. Don't think there is much to do to avoid that (well obviously rules of good behavior need to be followed) so if unsure where you are at just ask. so i guess not to prolong the agony if you the friendzone is not what you are after, make your intentions know pretty much straight from the start, well perhaps not first meet, but don't wait for months hoping that you will suddenly move from just friends zone to more, cause if it didn't happen up to now it most likely wont happen.
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RHP User
11 years ago
From the "Have you ever experienced " thread.Does a man being in the "friend zone" preclude sex? Yep ! Might "spoil" it !Does it mean they will never be more than a friend? Not likely, when you get into that "effortless communication" space and spew out your life story and solve the problems of the world in your unique way she has all the information she could ever want about you, no mystery, no curiosity, nothing left to discover. Game over.Don't the best relationships often start in the "friend zone"? Maybe, "hands up those here for a relationship ?" Oh.I think most people here see sex as part of a relationship, the friend zone is quicksand, very difficult to get out of, she will be looking for someone as easy to talk to as you but with the missing ingredients that you forgot to keep in your pocket on that fateful first meet. Curiosity, intrigue, interest, call it what you will.My somewhat tarnished 2 cent piece.
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RHP User
11 years ago
you are a friend... If I call you gorgeous ' Im letting you know I like you. If I call you precious.. I mean it...
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RHP User
11 years ago
stop doing favors for a woman for her to like you and stop being Mr.NiceGuy to win her over!Just be your self.And show some empathy and understanding towards her, tell her that you care not just show it - always act on it.Stick around...over time it will pay off.Give her you time and attention but don't over do it. See the world in her point of view.FOXY
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
Slightly warmer
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'SUPERFOXXY' stop doing favors for a woman for her to like you and stop being Mr.NiceGuy to win her over!Just be your self.And show some empathy and understanding towards her, tell her that you care not just show it - always act on it.Stick around...over time it will pay off.Give her you time and attention but don't over do it.See the world in her point of view. I agree with you Foxxy, I was always and still am to be honest the "Mr Nice Guy", am trying to change to be a bit more Alpha ;p. I have been relegated twice when I desparately didnt want to. The main cause was I was too shy and too damn slow. By the time I got around to screwing up the courage I was already there. She even told me that she was attracted previously but now I am just a friend. So long and short, make your intentions known early (without being an idiot of course), be a man as DG would say.. T
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RHP User
11 years ago
lovers segue into the friend zone....passion fades...but you still genuinely like the person,care about them still....Can you find yourself attracted to someone after years of being a friend?Of course, it has happened to me.After being friends and colleagues for years I had a passionate fling witha friend,and then we went back to being friends again.How can men avoid the friend zone...I don't think there are any real solutions to this...it will be different for each woman but I think many men are too tentative sometimes and the woman interprets this as lack of interest in anything but a friendship.I will always assume that this is the case, and have been quite surprised when I found that the opposite was true....and today a man I had been chatting to for ages called me ''mate''and that was it for me...
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Beachlover1999
11 years ago
Still running on my trainer wheels allegedly!!!!!! I need to practice being a little more submissive........pass me the gaffer tape......or is that just a little less an intellectual, questioning, witty, professional, strong personality, Sagittarian, individual!!!!!! WOW what a combo!!!!! ;))))
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RHP User
11 years ago
Each to their own... Blokes that get relegated- too soft, too slow, don't show passion or desire but rather a need to please, are too interested in entering my world but not in inviting me into theirs (translation- they don't have much of a life). If you're a nice but a bit dull, I'm happy to be your friend but I don't want to take it further. I want an equal in a partner, even in a FB.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Awesome71' Each to their own... Blokes that get relegated- too soft, too slow, don't show passion or desire but rather a need to please, are too interested in entering my world but not in inviting me into theirs (translation- they don't have much of a life). If you're a nice but a bit dull, I'm happy to be your friend but I don't want to take it further. I want an equal in a partner, even in a FB. There's a clue.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Awesome71' Each to their own... Blokes that get relegated- too soft, too slow, don't show passion or desire but rather a need to please, are too interested in entering my world but not in inviting me into theirs (translation- they don't have much of a life). If you're a nice but a bit dull, I'm happy to be your friend but I don't want to take it further. I want an equal in a partner, even in a FB. Yep that is it... an equal, even in FB!FOXY
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RHP User
11 years ago
What is the real issue here? That men don't pick up when a women is interested? Don't wait... Don't play the nice guy. If you know/think a woman is interested make a move because when you don't, a women thinks you are not interested and regulates you to a friend status after a few meetings. And by move I don't mean try and get her Into bed, I mean touching or going in for the kiss. Treat your meeting with her like its a date. I personally don't like it when someone blurts out their whole life story on the first meeting. Or even second or third really. Keep some mystery. If a woman is flirting with you and you are interested... Flirt back! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Your comment about stick around because over time it will pay off. I don't agree. If someone is just not interested in you in a romantic way, sticking around hoping is just wasting your time. I think anyway. - Posted from rhpmobile
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madotara69
11 years ago
I thought you ladies just want the man to do as he is told, hunt for the evening meals and generally admire everything about you.While you multi -taskThere is different levels for equalClassic example, All the different sexual positions that tickle your fancy. That us men are required to endure just to keep you content.Some of the young fellers, may feel threatened with the need to please you every other night.Some of the older fellers may just need a rest now and then.I think you ladies need to think about that. huh!!!!Mado
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RHP User
11 years ago
What does that have to do with the question? You make men sound like door mats. Some women may like that, but I definitely don't. Door mats are a complete turn off.
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RHP User
11 years ago
If being called 'mate' is the worse thing a man can do to a female . The world's in pretty good shape...
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madotara69
11 years ago
you forgot to otherwise I would easily imagine that you are being serious.
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him_and_me
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'... Door mats are a complete turn off. They are too rough and they get under your feet all the time!him.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Aaaaaaaaaah Meeka are you talking about first meeting or someone who is already "Friend zone"??I interpreted the question as they are already in "the friend zone" and looking at taking things further, so they don't stay in that zone.So I stick to what I say...If I guy was to stick around for me, then yep it shows to me dedication and a lot of other things as well as he didn't give up on me/us.I have had long term male friends, at first they were just "friend zoned" and then one day I woke up and my feelings changed. It was not a waste of time as it turned out into a beautiful thing. Foxy
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
Most guys suck at flirting, and suck even more at recognising those subtle signals of interest that women give off. So to make a very generalised statement...... if your self esteem is good, it's better to expect that ALL women are interested in you, simply because you're a strong, interesting and damn well awesome MAN and theyd be crazy to not want to share in your awesomeness.... :-D Be bold. DG- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'SUPERFOXXY' stop doing favors for a woman for her to like you and stop being Mr.NiceGuy to win her over!Just be your self.FOXY Oh dear lord I'm horrified ... are you suggesting there is a modicum of truth in the old adage "treat em mean to keep em keen"
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casanovastudd
11 years ago
....in the friendzone does it take to change a lightbulb?None, they stand around and compliment it while other guys screw it.
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Plain
11 years ago
These are some of my crimes as a male in wooing ladies and still can get tongue tied in my fifties and a lot of my female friends put me into the friend zone as a consequence. Now over time, I have had the odd passionate fling with some of them and the revelations have been amazing, "like why if you knew how to do this when we first met did you not try?". Even better the friendships have blossomed and a deeper understanding of why they went in a particular direction with their lives.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I have always been addressing this question as avoiding the friend zone as in first date, dates over, guy wants to know the score, oops nothing happening but hey your in the friend zone. Doh!Superfox, I hear you, and it's your experience so it can't be wrong but........I am pretty sure in peoples broader experience it rarely happens.One thing here you can take to the bank, confidence is King.The other biggie I reckon is the first date, don't let it go on to long, I do believe that women make up their mind about you in the first few minutes, so, establish a rap pore, sow the seeds of future delights and go.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Well that is why women like "bad boys". Not because they wanted to be tarted badly because they are confident, charming and interesting. Agree DG, obviously not all women will fall at your feet but you will definitely get some interest. Guys that always say the nice guy never wins.... Well refer to Awesomes71 comment.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Tarted should read treated. 😆
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Tarted should read treated. 😆 Oh yeah sure ! I bet you love to be tarted ! Or have I strayed onto a cooking thread ?
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RHP User
11 years ago
I will be tarted up this evening! Whip in one hand and Strapon dangling between my legs. So who wants to be my special friend. 😝
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
Rule #1 is learn how to spot the women who are open to being approached..... simple isn't it?!! Your results will always be higher......life can be a numbers game, but the numbers CAN be stacked in your favour. And ....Never.... Die.... Wondering. Understand Attraction. Theres so much more I could say but people get kinda narky in here when I point out how.... shit.... is, and not the perfect world scenario they with it was lol ;-) In short.... if you dont try, you dont know..... And if you know its 'no' (for whatever reason) ...then you can try elsewhere for a yes. DG - Posted from rhpmobile
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
Rule #1 is learn how to spot the women who are open to being approached..... simple isn't it?!! Your results will always be higher......life can be a numbers game, but the numbers CAN be stacked in your favour. And ....Never.... Die.... Wondering. Understand Attraction. Theres so much more I could say but people get kinda narky in here when I point out how.... shit.... is, and not the perfect world scenario they with it was lol ;-) In short.... if you dont try, you dont know..... And if you know its 'no' (for whatever reason) ...then you can try elsewhere for a yes. DG - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
So I'll be following this thread, but for now I'm just putting it on my radar.Kaleidoscope thanks for posting.
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RHP User
11 years ago
The friend zone is a good zone. Being a good friend with the opposite sex is an advantage. It really does not matter if you don't get to have a dip in the pool of lust. Friends have friends, and who knows who you will be introduced to. Desperate men who only want to fuck, don't end up with many friends. I find it way easier to get a fuck than to make a good friend. Strangely in my life I have but a few male friends, and lots of female friends, and yes I have been intimate with them all. Its a great way to make a great personal con
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RHP User
11 years ago
I agree! Friend zone is a good zone. As long as there is open and honest communication, people know where they stand. :) FOXY- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I found myself nodding in agreement AGAIN. ? ( had to lay down with a nice cup of tea and scotch finger bikkie ) Seriously, you nailed it. I like to think I read the signals of females pretty well. Who needs the drama of preening a ego ' when the vibes of some other lovely are far more appealing. ? Seriously' I don't want to work that hard. I'm not into mind games' waste of positive energy. There's is a difference between confidence and a narkiness..
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RHP User
11 years ago
I was listenting to a podcast (two very well known psychologists and experts on human behaviors/interactions) caleed complications in The Friend Zone.In it it says...QUOTE:Sometimes "Friend zone" can mean a lot of different things to different people.It can imply "fffffffriends" or just a "fffffffuck".Sometimes when people are being nice they are not flirting, sometimes people are just friendly.This is confusing for men and women.They also said men use the term "friend zone" more than women.Women tend to use the word friends as in, "he just wants to be friends with me".When men get stuck in the "friend zone" it is because they just want to be with that woman.And when women talk about it, it is because women get the "feelings/the feels" to express how they feel that it is deeper.Sometimes the guy wants the girl to be his partner (as in a sex or real life partner), guys offer to be the friend and shoulder to cry on when infact they are offering a comfort to get into their pants.They also say that we fall into patterns - and that they should change them.As they say; Friend zone is the forbidden fruit, because we cant have that person.At the end of the podcast, they say move on and get on with finding someone who is into you.UNQUOTE....Well there you go peeps - you may agree or disagree - just putting it out there what I listened to and thought it was interesting.FOXY
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RHP User
11 years ago
I've been friendzoned more than I care to admit, and I'm terrible at avoiding falling into that pitfall. Going to follow this thread for more advice lol- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I have been relegated to the 'Friend Zone" more times that I can remember. I have heard the line - I would love a guy just like you... so many times.And yet, there I stood, single, right in front of them.I am romantic, willing to take things at the ladies pace, and yet, let them know that I am interested in more then "friend zone".Hell, I even had one let me past the zone, tell me she has never had someone like me, then turn around and go back to a guy who treated her like shit.I am just curious as to how to get out of the "friend zone" without seeming like an asshole who only wants sex, when there is so much more to not wanting to be in the "friend zone" than just getting into their pants. (If that makes sense)
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RHP User
11 years ago
Just chill everybody. remember the old phrase 'He/she's just not that into you'well it really is that simple. When anyone tells you it's friendship only then listen to them. Step back, move away and remember that it is not the end of the world because someone to whom you had felt connection, suddenly cools off on you. The actual reason is none of your business, it's theirs.Smile at the dynamics of life, put on a nice outfit, and go chat to someone else. A confident person is a sexy person.
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Tall74nHard9
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'I will be tarted up this evening! Whip in one hand and Strapon dangling between my legs. So who wants to be my special friend. 😝 see you tarted up like that. U gotta be careful as I believe some of them strap-ons can be as big as you are. What a sight to see hehe. Tall
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RHP User
11 years ago
A lot of guys don't have this problem. They are safe and protected from the misfortune of having female friends with whom they don't have sex, by a few simple methods. Some of them are jerks. They are never invited into a friendship and thus avoid the friend zone trap. Others may not be described as jerks, but instead of having an abrasive personality, they have none whatsoever. If by some miracle they have some personality lurking in there, their unwillingness or inability to communicate renders it inert. So gentlemen, if you'd rather have sex without the risk of becoming a friend-only, those are two tried and tested ways to make sure you won't become a friend. (Note that sex is still not guaranteed with either method.)
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Kattss
11 years ago
I often get put in the 'friend zone' too
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RHP User
11 years ago
Come now guys you are not treating women as people but rather as objects of conquest. And worse, you champion the easy path.Imagine Hillary picked an easy hill to climb, Columbus thought only to cross the local stream. The harder the goal the greater the rewards.Grow up guys.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'slippery_halo .' A lot of guys don't have this problem. They are safe and protected from the misfortune of having female friends with whom they don't have sex, by a few simple methods. Misfortune????? to have female friends that you don't have sex with. What the fuck. Dude do you not get it. Women are people, you befriend them as easily as a male. You don't care that they don't want to fuck. Once you get past that you are never worried about being in the friend-zone. You love the friend zone. You cherish the friend zone. Hit the town with you friends and have a rocking night. Nothing sadder then a group of men standing around with beer in hand staring longingly at women. Nothing more fun hanging out with your female friends, meeting more of their friends. While lonely men wonder how does that guy get all the women. Once you know that it does not matter if sex happens or not. Well then it starts to happen, please ladies one at a time LOL.Oh and you will learn so much from your girlfriends.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Someone always gets hurt in the end as one or the other loves/likes at a higher level... They say trust love n emotions but I've found there the two things one should t trust bout them selfs
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inspirit
11 years ago
but i am really missing the point here... are you saying "lets just be friends" with out sex or with sex ? .. I am just not getting this thread lol......An FB is a friend right as is a FWB.......if you meet some one and want too be just friends without sex what is the point of that. Don't you already have enough friends.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Warning69 .' Someone always gets hurt in the end as one or the other loves/likes at a higher level... They say trust love n emotions but I've found there the two things one should t trust bout them selfs That is a bold statement. If you live the swingers life style you will learn that sex is but another human interaction, you will not get hooked up on idealised expectations. I spend some of Wednesday night naked on a bed with two other friends as they gave me a sensual massage. I thought nothing unusual about it. There is not higher level, no expectations. There is just a natural trust and intimacy given and received from friends. Once you normalize sex you free your self. Sensuality and sexuality are but part of normal human interaction. Something good friends share. We have be brainwashed into thinking sex is love. We have been brainwashed into thinking you can only love one at a time. We have been brainwashed into thinking sex is a sacred act. All not true. Learn to forget what you have been told sex is, and embrace the fact that love, lust, and companionship all fall under the same umbrella and it is call friendship.Only fools get hurt. Place to many expectations on anyone and it will always fail, rely on those expectations for your own happiness you will be hurt. Treat all as friends, all with their imperfections, insecurities, and normal human frailty. Forgive and above all enjoy the company of your friends no matter what you do.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I think I love you...again
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Coalseam .' I have been relegated to the 'Friend Zone" more times that I can remember. I have heard the line - I would love a guy just like you... so many times.And yet, there I stood, single, right in front of them.I am romantic, willing to take things at the ladies pace, and yet, let them know that I am interested in more then "friend zone".Hell, I even had one let me past the zone, tell me she has never had someone like me, then turn around and go back to a guy who treated her like shit.I am just curious as to how to get out of the "friend zone" without seeming like an asshole who only wants sex, when there is so much more to not wanting to be in the "friend zone" than just getting into their pants. (If that makes sense) You exemplify what the issue is here. You say you are a romantic, you say there is so much more then sex. It sounds like in your post all you are after is love and commitment. A union of minds and goals. Expectations and requirements. You explain how you have been let down by those you desire. You sound like you are after a relationship.Yet you profile clearly states you are looking for no strings attached fun (vaguely disguised euphemism for random sex)What is it you want, is it just sex, or is it all the other stuff. You get put into the friend zone because you are lying to your self and thus to others.Sex comes from a meeting of minds not body parts, it comes from the same place friendship comes from. Do you run from friendship? Is the friend zone the end of friendship? Do you give up on this person because in reality you are not even interested in being a friends? Is it all just about sex and for you it is all or nothing?Learn to become friends first, true friendship, not hanging around with platitudes in the hope that one day she will put out and you can move on to your next conquest. True friendship as in you enjoy doing all the other things that are not sex. Why do you guys not understand this. There are so many ways to get random uncommitted sex, I just don't understand how you can fear the friend zone. Why would you want to fuck someone you don't want to be friends with.
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madotara69
11 years ago
I think I love him tooMado
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Blindman67'Misfortune????? to have female friends that you don't have sex with. What the fuck. Dude do you not get it. Women are people, you befriend them as easily as a male. You don't care that they don't want to fuck. I think you missed the point of my post, Blindman67, and both the point and some of the shaft of my sense of humour. Relaaaaaax man. There are a lot of sexist men out there who don't always think 'women are people', but I ain't one of them. It doesn't always pay to jump to conclusions. Re-read what I said, I'm actually having a joke at the expense of men. Besides, I can't be prejudiced: some of my best friends are women.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Help her pick out her clothes.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Apologies for missing the sarcasm in your post. But when on a feeding frenzy thinks can get a little wild..#devil
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RHP User
11 years ago
Lol yes definitely give some real advice for this lol had it done plenty of times- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I in my opinion is flexible and a lifestyle choice.At different times in our lives we may wish to lead a monogamous lifestyle,but then our circumstances may change.After a separation for instance,and we find ourselves with a different set of freedoms which enable us to explore what we otherwise would not necessarily have contemplated before our lifestyle change.How many cocks do you have to lick ....how many vaginas do you have to peruse,how many times do you kiss ,lick,suck the same gender,or have them do it to you to earn the label BI ....and why do women seem to be less freaked out about it than men?...
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RHP User
11 years ago
how embarassment..wrong thread...I have no idea what happened,apologies.
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RHP User
11 years ago
You had me wondering...
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Blindman67' Quoting 'Coalseam .' I have been relegated to the 'Friend Zone" more times that I can remember. I have heard the line - I would love a guy just like you... so many times.And yet, there I stood, single, right in front of them.I am romantic, willing to take things at the ladies pace, and yet, let them know that I am interested in more then "friend zone".Hell, I even had one let me past the zone, tell me she has never had someone like me, then turn around and go back to a guy who treated her like shit.I am just curious as to how to get out of the "friend zone" without seeming like an asshole who only wants sex, when there is so much more to not wanting to be in the "friend zone" than just getting into their pants. (If that makes sense) You exemplify what the issue is here. You say you are a romantic, you say there is so much more then sex. It sounds like in your post all you are after is love and commitment. A union of minds and goals. Expectations and requirements. You explain how you have been let down by those you desire. You sound like you are after a relationship.Yet you profile clearly states you are looking for no strings attached fun (vaguely disguised euphemism for random sex)What is it you want, is it just sex, or is it all the other stuff. You get put into the friend zone because you are lying to your self and thus to others.Sex comes from a meeting of minds not body parts, it comes from the same place friendship comes from. Do you run from friendship? Is the friend zone the end of friendship? Do you give up on this person because in reality you are not even interested in being a friends? Is it all just about sex and for you it is all or nothing?Learn to become friends first, true friendship, not hanging around with platitudes in the hope that one day she will put out and you can move on to your next conquest. True friendship as in you enjoy doing all the other things that are not sex. Why do you guys not understand this. There are so many ways to get random uncommitted sex, I just don't understand how you can fear the friend zone. Why would you want to fuck someone you don't want to be friends with. Thanks for the reply.The reason I am here, is I am tired of being in the friend zone, and am over looking for someone to be romantic with. I have basically given up on the notion.This is more in the way of finding out if it is possible for me, and if I am even actually remotely attractive to the opposite sex. So far, the answer is no. LOL But I can also live with that, as I have put limits on myself.I probably haven't explained myself well either, and no, I am not getting defensive, just clarifying.I have never had sex without a deeper emotional attachment. I can count the number of partners I have had without removing my shoes. ;)I am pushing my own boundaries, to see if I can. I won't lie to the person, as that doesn't benefit anyone at all. And if it means that I don't meet anyone from here, that is fine. I can live with that. Thats life. :)Also, just to clarify, I have never chased a girl, just so she would put out. I have never been able to do that. So maybe, I am not in the right place, either mentally or emotionally right now, but there is only ever one way to find out. :)Thanks for the reply, I appreciate it.Coal
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blond_gypsy
11 years ago
For many years I was relegated to the friendone by default. Of course, it took me a few good girlfriends and some perspective to realise my mistake. Why would a woman want to sleep with me because I did everything I could to get on her good side? What, is she supposed to "owe" sex as a payment for my kindness? I think I'm kinder now playing the game with my intentions on the table than I ever was trying to be a nice guy and lying to her and myself. I think if you want to avoid the friendzone, stop acting like her friend before she's made up her mind on what to do with you.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I am told I am often very good at flirting, problem is I tend to miss all those little things that hint that she wants it to move past the flirting stage. I met someone from here, we had a few drinks, I felt very comfortable, a little flirting and a lot more discussion of likes, dislikes and general philosophies and thoughts about RHP, sex and the like. At the end I had very very much enjoyed myself and felt privileged to have met her. I really enjoyed the evening, short though it was but I have no idea if she was putting out those "subtle signals". I was happy enough with the night and this wonderful woman that I elected not to take a chance and try and take things further. I honestly have no idea whether an advance would have been well received or not but I chose to let it just be a great night where I got to meet someone I really liked.I have to say something about the whole "treat 'em mean....keep 'em keen" philosophy that attracts so much affirmation (subtlely) and so much ire, with less subtlety.I rarely do things I am ashamed of, I try always to live up to my ideals and part of that is treating people well and with a little basic respect. This time I failed and the day after I had real trouble looking in the mirror. But it does say something about the keep 'em keen thing.I was out at a pub/club and a young woman approached me and asked if I wanted to buy her a drink. I was in a pretty foul mood (no excuse). What I said in reply to her disgusts me but here it is...I made the observation that she was young, very attractive, like 80% of the women there and then asked "so what makes you so different from any of them". I was absolutely dismissive of her, the only reason I said that was to be left alone and it was inexcusable. For the next three hours she was perched next to me. She wouldn't leave me alone. The more I told her to give up, the harder she tried to pick me up. And after a short while I knew how badly I had treated her and I felt terrible about it but I just wanted her to leave me alone. While I was appalled at my own behaviour to that point, almost as appalling was her response. In every other way she was an attractive, intelligent, confidant woman and yet she pursued me like a person dying of thirst pursues a glass of water. In at least some cases there seems to be some truth to the "treat 'me mean" philosophy. It's not a strategy I pursue but it is something I find a little curious.
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Tall74nHard9
11 years ago
Justfun, was just reading your comments above and looking at your reasoning of the 'treat em mean' philosophy. In particular the sweet young girl in your last paragraph, I believe you may not be looking at it from the correct perspective. Most women have the 'mothering' instinct (for lack of a better description), and from what I read in your story, it appears to me she was showing concern about your state and probably wanted to make sure you would be 'OK'. Apart from the fact that it appears she may have been somewhat smitten with you, she was showing some genuine concern about your welfare. Do the right thing and go back to the establishment, look out for her and buy her a few rounds of drinks. Tall
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Plain
11 years ago
I wonder reading some of the answers in this post, if we are anti friend zone or are we not seeing the possibilities. I have some lady friends who have steered me or had friends that were more into me than I imagined with wonderful results and we are still friends. Is the friend zone a bad zone, or is it that we cannot handle the rejection from the person that you are interested in initially to be placed there.There is also the possibility that you can go from the friend zone to something more intimate and satisfying and still be friends over time. This is the best of both worlds and I have been fortunate for this to have happened to me, sometimes patience is a virtue, in this world of the proverbial quickie!!
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
Shaka..... the "Friend Zone" is often mentioned by guys who wish they hadnt been relegated into it.Sure.... its great to be surrounded by fantastic women....... but if your heart and loins are focussed on one particular woman, ....or.... you are repeatedly sent onto the FZ... then you might well consider it a bugger of a place.My experience and observations are....... a woman makes that decision VERY quickly in the early stages of first meeting a guy, and often, because the guy is not seen as a sexual entity because of his lack of masculine expression.The flipside of that is too much masculinity, which is taken as arrogance or leerish behaviour... and such guys are dismissed out of hand and never make the "friend" part..... but go straight to the Creep Zone.DG
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RHP User
11 years ago
Being in the friendzone is considerably better than being in the creep zone!- Posted from rhpmobile
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Plain
11 years ago
Quoting 'Kaleidoscope' Being in the friendzone is considerably better than being in the creep zone!- Posted from rhpmobile You can always graduate from the friendzone, circumstances change in life its up to you in the end to be patient. I dont regret still staying in the friendzone, it is liberating talking about anything, with out the sexual tension between people and as I wrote earlier a couple of friends we have crosses the line a few times but still remain good friends.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'hiatusfornow' Call me Mate..... Or i'll consider that you just put us in the friendzone It's curious that in the animal kingdom mating means something Aussie mates don't usually do!
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RHP User
11 years ago
I'm talking about the quicksand that is!So I've been chatting to a nice girl for about 3 months now, we've met for coffee, talked on the phone and have regular online chats. I asked if she thought we might become lovers and her reply was that she wasn't sure...I won't smother you with all the details but she has a valid point and only time will tell what becomes of our friendship. Anyway if she doesn't want to be my lover or more specifically we can't agree on the terms of engagement then I guess we have to accept the situation for what it is. The respect is mutual so we won't crap on each other we'll just get on with our lives.I've found out a bit about what she wants by finding out what she does't want... anyway better to be in the friend zone than the creepzone to state the obvious...however I can feel that quicksand sucking me in...now if I could find a married woman who live not too far away then I might find a suitable part time lover.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I think that if she isn't sure after 3 months but she's still talking to you, you have been relegated to the FZ. Personally, I know after a first meet whether I want to be more than "just friends" with someone. Unless there are other under lying factors that make her unsure?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Your comment about stick around because over time it will pay off. I don't agree. If someone is just not interested in you in a romantic way, sticking around hoping is just wasting your time. I think anyway. - Posted from rhpmobile the parking zone is like this those with chemistry park in my Y those with no chemistry park where ever they like. I have had lovers that become friends, and only friends I do not have the desire to sleep with them again, it might have been a one or twice roll in the sheets but then I have the sexual concentration of a bee. But I do stay good friends with most of my x lovers and I thikn they are the same as me. Have a little fling then get on with life. I have a few good male friends that I would never think about bonking . One I know has been in love with me for thirty odd years, and we are great mates, he has been married twice in the time I have known him. He often says, when your single I am married and when I am single your are unavailable, and even if I was available I could not go there. I once stumbled into bed with a good mate, we were both pissed, and started to do the wild thing and then stopped, looked at each other and said...nahhhhh. and just curled up naked and slept. No chemistry and even a few bottles of the good stuff could no manufacture any. LadyT parking officer
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'looking4quality' I think that if she isn't sure after 3 months but she's still talking to you, you have been relegated to the FZ. Personally, I know after a first meet whether I want to be more than "just friends" with someone. Unless there are other under lying factors that make her unsure? There most certainly are other factors in play here my being married and her not being married are significant but not the whole story...or is that what I want to think?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Jack_Denials' Quoting 'looking4quality' I think that if she isn't sure after 3 months but she's still talking to you, you have been relegated to the FZ. Personally, I know after a first meet whether I want to be more than "just friends" with someone. Unless there are other under lying factors that make her unsure? There most certainly are other factors in play here my being married and her not being married are significant but not the whole story...or is that what I want to think? story, she will invest herself in someone and she may risk her emotions. that is why single women stay away from married men if they are smart.that's why single men love married women , as they know that they are only investing their cock for ten whole minutes
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RHP User
11 years ago
she is smart...she only wants to make a limited investment which is why she's looking at a married man such as me.We do like each other but...as she predicted some time ago it's not all plain sailing.Then there's my other friend,she's married but the tyranny of distance and her only being available while I'm at work make that a bit difficult tooI would really like to find someone who's married and looking but these things don't just happen do they?
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RHP User
10 years ago
I was looking for more...so was she...she knew I couldn't deliver!
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