How to be Dom?

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  That is my first advice, there is more than one way to be a Dom. Does she want you to be her Dom? Submission is a gift, work out what it is she wants to give you and create the situation which allows her to do that.

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  Mr_MrsAraps

  9 years ago

  One of the things that lept out at me when I read your post and how you worded it is, are you trying to replace her Dom or feel jealous of the things they have together? You have obviously given her that space to get her needs met elsewhere in the relationship so far ..... So what's changed that you want to be doing this now? Some subs prefer to be dom'ed by someone than their significant other and this may be the case with her? Does she want you to Dom her as well as her current Dom as while they don't have a relationship as such there is certainly a d/s dynamic/relationship there she currently trusts that person to be her dom. Am curious also about how honest and open the communication is in the relationship. You can read something like screw the roses pass me the thorns which I think is great for newbies. Cheers, W. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  tylannister

  9 years ago

  I recommend you do a Google search on just that question - there are a lot of good resources out there on the net for how to be a good Dom. Articles deal with everything from how to find a Dom style that fits your personality to handling a BDSM lifestyle when you have kids in the house. Lots of well-written, thoughtful articles if you just do a quick search.

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  Bend over and ask. "Please can I be DOM?" NO!

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  chevtrek

  9 years ago

  However if she just wants you to be more dominant Isuggest get reading and learn more .

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  Safety safety safety safety! First and foremost is the safety and wellbeing of your submissive/s. If you're a dominant personality then you can learn the rest I suppose. Always keep in mind the needs of your submissive though. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  Hottie1

  9 years ago

  I like your contributions to the fora 😊 OP, I'm of the belief that you are who you are, you will find it difficult to go from passionate lovemaking to Dom, even they are not mutually exclusive. I'm a switch, but as a Domme, it is inherently in my nature. My hubby is gorgeous but not a Dom. We have talked about this and he is wonderful at letting me get that side of me, met elsewhere. I don't have a significant Dom in my life, but I have a playmate who meets my needs (no where near often enough but hey and I'm actively looking). I have no doubt she gets what she needs from you, trying to be someone you are not may make it awkward and make either of you feel uncomfortable. Talk to your partner about ' is there anything more she would like from you?' And go from there. Like me, she may have what she already needs, passionate man at home and Dom elsewhere. All the best, Mary xx

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  So is MrsM, mostly. Tried and tried to switch, but it's just not right. I suggest finding someone to dom/me you both together. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  If so, perhaps go to a munch, ask questions and when you are comfortable, attend a play party and see for yourself what people do. The most important things are to talk to her and ask her what she wants from you and to decide for yourself what your own boundaries are. For some people, the idea of inflicting pain is quite abhorrent and so impact play and punishment are not things that they can get their heads around. For others humiliation is an edge. Some would never consider needle play or knife play, breath play or suspension. Once you know what you both want and are capable of giving and receiving, start slowly and incorporate some aspects into your love-making until you feel ready to have a BDSM specific scene. Join fetlife to get a general understanding of the different types of activities people like to engage in. Be honest with yourself as well as with her and if you really don't think you can give her what she needs and gets from her current dom, accept that and be comfortable sharing what you do have.

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  Thanks for the responses. The reason for my interest in pursuing this is that after being on here for a while we have decided to take a breather (hence the really bad profile) and enjoy each other for now. What she will miss the most is being dominated. I would like to help with that. We communicate well and she is happy for me to be her dom (in the bedroom) were just not sure if it can work or if it needs to be someone else. I will look for the book, sounds like it will help. Thanks SK

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  - then join BDSM training in your area- make sure its what your partner wants- and its who you want to be. Are you talking about being a full time Dominant or just in play? I recommend you read books by Michael Makai at least.

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