M48 F51

How to create the ingredients for success

November 22 2020

My wife and I have been experimenting and exploring for the last 5-6 years - lots of different scenarios, couples, with some, but limited success. As our journey continues, it becomes clear that we think very differently in how we approach finding good matches. He: meticulous planner. Uses RHP to find and vet potential mates, then meet at a prearranged venue and hope that sparks fly She: spontaneous party person. When the mood is right (usually after a few drinks), apparently happy to find a fun bar and see if anything takes her fancy. The last few dates have mostly been on his terms. She doesn't get very involved in the lead up and is quite slow burn, which I think is why we don't have a lot of success. Last night, we were at a fun, but very vanilla dinner party. Mr. was driving and therefore sober, Mrs. was drinking. He got tired about 10pm and pushed to go home. In the car, she suggested she'd like to go out for a drink. There was some subtext in there that she might be open to seeing what was out there, which he didn't really register. His lack of enthusiasm (to a drink - would have been much more interested if she'd been clear she was open to more) dampened the mood pretty quickly and we ended up at home in a small and not very intense argument. I said (of course) that I needed a bit of warning so I could plan a little (at least have an idea of what kind of bar would be good - any suggestions for Brisbane?). So this is the first time she has expressed herself like this. Obviously I am happy to go along with her ride, although it does make me a little uncomfortable (this has also given me more empathy for how she feels about my militantly planned excursions). I suppose this is where compersion comes in. Anyone else have similar struggles. Any help with how to overcome it? Happy Sunday everyone!

Comments

SpicyKale

4 years ago

I’d imagine it’s hard when you both have different preferences on meeting people, but it would be damn sight harder if you’re looking for different types of partners! Maybe next time you see a meet and greet listed up your way start looking at the interested list on the events tab here and contact a few. That’ll get his needs sorted, then turn up and mingle.... find the people you’ve already chatted with and wing it with the others and you've got her needs sorted! At least you know everyone there is looking to some degree, better odds than a vanilla bar🤷🏻‍♂️Oh and communicate, communicate, communicate

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FeistyFatty

4 years ago

Why do you have play the same way though? You both seem happy enough doing your prospective playtimes in polar opposite ways so keep doing that maybe..... with each other's encoiragemengand support.

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teamaj2

4 years ago

Like anything in a good relationship and as Spiceykale so eloquently pointed out , it’s all about communication. This lifestyle , in my eyes is about enhancing your relationship through exploration, experiences and adventures together . If it creates conflict , it’s about negotiating a way around that . I can only see you moving forward with good communication , with respect for each other’s differences, wants and needs . Good luck . Ax.

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2EssesExploring

4 years ago

Haha your description sounds somewhat similar to us. My partner hates the pre-meet stuff, finds it laborious. She just wants to meet for real and have some fun. Only problem here is she’s very shy when it comes to flirting so those chance meetings pass her by, I’ve seen her miss so many blatant come on’s, I must say it’s more endearing that frustrating to me. Now I feel a bit bipolar here, I love to research/plan/organise but then I live on impulse and our nights out usually happen on a whim with no notice so we never have time to line up to meet anyone. What I really enjoy is that we are on the same page with our desires. We lament in bed about our naughty yearnings and how we wish we could indulge more often but just even this shared desire seems to keep us happy with the resultant 2some that ensues. We do live in hope that the next real connection is just around the corner :)

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How to create the ingredients for success

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