M56
How to ease wife into this lifestyle
April 20 2015
Comments
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Smilingwithfun
10 years ago
There have been a few posts on this subject, check out history. I would kill the profile page or make it more a work in progress. if she sees it, mmmm. Communication would be the key, I don't think its something you can put a time line on. A swingers club or party would be the best place to have a look. Be careful you don't damage a relationship that is good.
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RHP User
10 years ago
You cant use manipulation to coerse your partner into it.Ive known women who only did it to please the hubby as it was what he wanted, and they wanted to keep them happy( and not go off alone) total disasters!! You say you have only spoken of the subject once?? And you assume she will be thinking about it?? So. Obviously she doesnt know about this couples profile? Sounds like you are jumping ahead of yourself just a tad.( going by your couples profile-it reads like it actually is a couple).Are you under the impression that you will find a willing couple who will be interested in your predicament and will want to be a part of "turning"your wife into a swinger? That wont happen.Some things are better discussed with your partner more than once before starting an "action plan", and if shes not interested... Shes not interested. Watching porn together is a lot different to partner swapping. So what is it that excites you about the thought of swinging, may I ask? Is it seeing your wife enjoy herself with other men? Or is it the thought of you enjoying yourself with other women? What ever the outcome, take care of each other.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Hi Willowtree, thanks for you comments (& Smilingwithfun, for your's to.) What I don't want to do is try to get my wife to do any of this unless she's a willing participant. I'm just looking to see how best to open up the discussion without it being seen in a negative way. I realise I'm playing with fire here & don't want anyone burned. Manipulation is really not what I'm trying to do. I know she's thinking about it as the occasional teasing (in a nice way) comment has cropped up since. You are right, this profile is only known to me right now. I'm only here for advice at the moment, that's all - I most certainly am not here to find a couple who I might just bring home one night in the hope she'd like that :-D I may be a little naive, but I'm not that crazy ! I wasn't too sure what to do on the single vs. couple profile part. In the end I set the profile up as a couple as we'll either be here is a couple together one day, or neither of us will be. I'll not be playing here alone. In answer to your last questions - in all honesty - Yes & Yes. Thanks.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Hi, You pose a difficult question to answer. I find myself asking is this something you want to do pure and simple. So would you play on your own...what is your motivation for wanting to swing. Now you have to be honest and open with your self first. Is that you want to have the opportunity to have sex with outer women. Do you want to see your wife having sex with other women. Do you feel, that as a couple you can grow my swinging. You have to be careful here as you are looking at two people not just one. You will never convince your wife that this is right if she thinks it is wrong...pushing the subject can only lead to disaster. Watching pron is one thing, making it reality is entirely different. Fantasy, is often best when kept from the realm of reality. Communication is indeed the key you have to have a discussion with your wife but tread carefully and listen to her. Talk in terms of we and us not I and me. LC
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RHP User
10 years ago
Be very careful about your motives here, you are gambling with her heart here and there is no way back if she isn't interested. Just raising the idea breaks the trust you have in each other, you need to be able to explain yourself, not just say I want another pussy. If she likes women encourage her to explore this with your blessing, if you feel she isn't satisfied by you alone or might be interested in another take on things, same thing you encourage her to explore with other men. When she tells you no to both, you have your answer. If this is just about you having another girl instead of your wife, coupling is not the answer. Keep it simple, solve that problem on your own and don't lie about your status, you will attract the wrong type of girl.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Changing your profile wording was a good decision. Your original wording made it sound like it was a consentual couple's profile. Its better to be honest so you can get some good advice ,that you may find ,benefits your thought process on trying to get your wife to play😃
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RHP User
10 years ago
Dude, you said " she's indicated that moving from fantasy to reality is not something she's keen on." That sounds like that "No" you said you'd respect to me. Ask her about her fantasies and explore those if they're something that interest you as well. Sometimes it's a case of "when trying one new thing, the more other new things you want to try". I don't think you can create a swinger, OP, you can merely awake what was already there. Good luck.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Even.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Thanks Meander, all good advice. We'll certainly talk together more. I'm not going to push her into anything she's not wanting to do out of genuine desire. I'm just curious how others have gone through the same stage as us. Presumably one partner brought the topic up. When they did, did the other partner start jumping up & down with glee going ' Yes please! Yes please!' - or was it a little more measured, a little more reticent ? I imagine there must have been some degree of shock when the subject is first brought up ? One partner must take the first step to talk - is the other always secretly ready & wanting to do the same? or does it usually take some time to discuss & reflect ? I guess there are as many answers as there are couples. From our side, a lot to talk through - desires; worries; reasons; each other
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inspirit
10 years ago
That would be a good start - otherwise if you don't have the balls - forget it. In my honest opinion. Swinging is never for the one sided.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I don't know anything about your relationship, so anything I say could be way off the mark, but it sounds to me like you're a loving, caring couple, and that's a rarity that is worth preserving at all costs. I'd say, though, it's possible that having initiated this discussion has already sown a seed, and not necessarily the one you want. The fact that she's making the occasional teasing comment might be because she's worried and she's trying to sound you out about it. Any number of scenarios might be going around in her head, such as "is he bored with me", "if I say no will he cheat on me", "if I say no will he leave me" or even "is he already cheating on me". I reckon the fact that you've already initiated the conversation actually requires that you have another one, a very careful, open and emotionally assuring one. You need to let her know that this is a fantasy of yours, that it's something you would only want if she's really in it too, and that if she doesn't want it you will drop the whole idea without any regrets. And if she says no, which she probably will, follow through on that promise. And make sure she knows you're happy with the outcome. If she says yes, make sure that's a real yes, and not a yes for your sake.
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Darkerthangrey
10 years ago
Meanders words That is all - Posted from rhpmobile
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LifeUnscripted
10 years ago
Simply don't have it in them to be a swinger. I think most people have a level of jealousy that is hard to overcome, that is hard wired. On the other hand there are people who are high on the Compersion scale....I.e. The opposite of jealousy. They like the idea of their partner being pleasured by others and it turns them on. Your wife might be in the second category, but unfortunately it sounds like she might be in the first. You can't change that. That said, it isn't always something that people jump on immediately. Keep up the fantasy talk. Watch porn. Talk about her fantasies and who she would like to see you with. If those conversations wake something in her then that is wonderful. But please also accept that she might never get there and that is ok too. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
There's some good advice for you. Much love, Elle xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
i also think that sometimes a women will get into her head that you are loosing interest in her when you bring up these swinger discussions and could cause major trust issues going forward. Treat very very very carefully.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Sorry. Tread very very very carefully I mean.
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RHP User
10 years ago
All, Thank you all for taking the trouble to answer my questions & offer some suggestions/observations. They have all been very helpful. I shall proceed with great care to try not to destroy what we have, by simply trying to broaden it further. If I'm back here in a number of months - as a single male - you'll know I f***ed up badly :-)
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RHP User
10 years ago
Like you said ' you have a good sex life anyway.. Forget trying to persuade her and leave it up to her to decide if this is interesting enough for her to want to venture into. All you can do is plant the seed and wait and see if she shows interest or not.. I've never been to a swingers club ' so I can't pass on any first hand advice, but according to those in the know ' it's a good place to start, specially if you just want to dip the toe in to see if it's what you want. Nothing better than being faced with something that scares you if you can't decide . If it's good ' well in good, if it's not you can always walk away ... Failing that, find a third party that's understanding , meet in a neutral place , talk then talk some more... If she doesn't feel comfortable after that.. Leave well enough alone... Jay
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RHP User
10 years ago
The single most important factor I have found with successful swinging couples is open and honest communication.So begin this potential journey the right way....with her by your side. If she is even slightly interested she will be open to investigating it, even if it just reading forums, asking questions etc and mabey chatting with an experienced couple. Take your time and do it right the first time otherwise there won't be a second one!
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Vengeance
10 years ago
we started many years ago with me booking her in to a girl on girl massage with happy ending while I watched. She enjoyed it so much that the discussions of what happens next flowed on naturally. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
And if baby steps are needed, and she's keen, rather than jumping right into the thick of it by attending a club or party, perhaps try attending a meet and greet so she can see swinging couples aren't what most would consider seedy people but normal people with a little extra going on in their lifestyles lol. Of course, this is after you've broached the discussios some more. Luckily for me, my wife was open to the idea as I actually encouraged her to explore her bisexual leanings (without me btw, for those thinking this was my way of getting "in" to the scene). Before I knew it she suggested a 3some with another male (a muggle we met at a meet and greet who wasn't associated with RHP in any form) and we've just left ourselves open to expanding our experiences from there. Mis-steps have been taken, but as we've kept the lines of communication open its nothing we haven't been able to move on from and learn from along the way. Good luck in ur journey, whether it leads to swinging or just a more open and loving relationship with your partner.
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DynamicCouple36
10 years ago
If you feel that you need to "ease" her into the swinging lifestyle then it's never going to work. She should not have to be pushed or coerced into anything, as if she does now engage, sooner or later she may have regrets and may then blame you and or say that she only did it so as to please you. If she does not know that you have a "couples" profile on here, then you need to change it to a male profile, in all fairness. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Hi Jason-Leslie, Yes - 'Ease' was not a good choice of words. It doesn't actually reflect what I'm trying to do. I'm not trying to coerce, manipulate, push her into anything - I'm just looking for advice on how to deal with my desires & how to raise them with her. It's bound to be confronting whether she's receptive to the idea &, I guess more so, if she isn't. Sorry, these things don't always come across exactly as you intend them when you write them down I've created a couples profile as we are a couple; I'm looking for advice for us as a couple; & we'll only progress (or not) as a couple. It wasn't clear whether your profile should represent your situation; or indicate that we would both access & use it. Plus, I didn't want anyone to misinterpret my situation as being a single man looking for advice etc. Anyway, I do see your point of view. I'll probably change or delete this profile in the near future anyway, depending on what happens. Thanks for taking the trouble to post.
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madotara69
10 years ago
I started by telling Tara how wonderful and sexy she is, how lucky I am to have such an enthusiastic lover and how much of a turn on it would be to see some other lucky bugger have his mind blown by her playful raunchy and oh so committed sexual energy. It made her wet, that was a good sign. Mado Mado Tara xx
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