How to steer the ship of an open relationship safely

Comments

• 

  teamaj2

  3 years ago

  Boundaries that can be negotiated and changed by mutual agreement, honesty and being transparent at all times , communication is paramount , respect of each other’s feelings and thoughts . Good luck 🤞 Ax

  reply

  like

• 

  FeistyFatty

  3 years ago

  Talk to Ur wife🤷

  reply

  like

• 

  Freaky_Fun

  3 years ago

  Not sure this is something you should be learning on the fly but that's just me 🤷‍♀️

  reply

  like

• 

  Ex007

  3 years ago

  Talk, talk and talk some more the writing it down and make sure both of you understand exactly what has been written.

  reply

  like

• 

  nightingale8

  3 years ago

  Making an agreement not to fall in love is bound to fail. Though you can set limits on what that looks like in how you treat each other - eg no texting dates while the other is around, your relationship as primary, set days when you’re allowed out, how you show appreciation for each other, what you each need. And the big one - being ready to forgive. Often you won’t know your boundaries until they are crossed. Define your hard limits and your soft ones. I’m not a fan of the idea of talking out all the minutiae of different scenarios or ways things go wrong. It gets tedious. Go have fun listening to people like Dan Savage and perhaps just have fun watching each other playing with others first in swinging set ups if that floats your boat.

  reply

  like

• 

  ddlbm

  3 years ago

  Start with having a couples profile , or some might believe the open marriage is one sided .

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  3 years ago

  Thank you all honestly for you valuable insights and advice. I find myself more towards a FWB interest where it is not just a sexual only encounter as I am naturally caring and emotionally in tune. The wife is more capable of separating the feelings to be a transaction with nothing more. She broke down this morning worried that I would fall out of love with what we have and I felt as if I had kicked a puppy, truely heartbroken to see her like that. It is a lot to consider and we have decided to not go ahead, instead spending more time building a stronger foundation again however long that takes. I appreciate your thoughts and wish you all the best ❤️

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  3 years ago

  There are heaps of podcasts to listen to about the lifestyle, I've found the Our Secret Spot one quite informative and one by a couple called that couple next door. Both offer a very different take on being in an open relationship. I think you both really need to talk (and understand) why you're trying this. It needs to come from a place of open, mutual respect and agreement otherwise it will be tough to navigate. We are still very new to it all, but we discuss everything. Good communication is the key.

  reply

  like

• 

  countrytouch82

  3 years ago

  I'm hardly an expert, but I would be interested in what you are currently seeking to achieve by the opening of your relationship, not that it's necessarily wrong on any level, but if you have defined this. Ie for couples seeking in person group or swaps, it's sexual encounters that are simply not possible just between the two of them. If you are avoiding sleepovers and emotional connections with new people, then it appears to be just new sexual encounters. Which is fine, but for a couple, both parties have to be equally into it. That is, assuming an occasion where one is out on an experience with a new partner and the other isn't, that the other alone partner still finds some excitement and fantasy from the thought, especially if that remaining partner is not witnessing what sex goes on. Being a long term +1 to a couple myself, this is different to your suggestion as the couple is always together, and emotions and sleepovers are included. So there is hardly much risk to THEIR connection, because they are always together present as a couple, without the uncertainties of things occurring while being physically seperated. The connection with me is an addition, not a subtraction. Perhaps the first step is to explore together before exploring apart? Not sure, just my thoughts.

  reply

  like

• 

  ReyandJean

  3 years ago

  nonmonogamy, ENM on reddit has an active thread just for you swingers on reddit covers some similar ground

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  3 years ago

  Well that happened fast As soon as it wasn’t about my partner and being able to control the situation the way she wanted, it ended. Before you feel sad and it is to a degree don’t get me wrong. There is still love there but not the same after seeing who I was truly married to. I’ve left and I’m doing well considering the abusive emails, msgs etc I was learning on the fly because this originally wasn’t my idea to open the relationship and she had already created a profile elsewhere without telling me. It snowballed from there and here I am single again but actually happier without the extra stress and manipulation I put up with for nearly a decade without seeing it. I’m much stronger mentally and I’m comfortable with this situation. Unfortunately I think deep down it would have always driven up apart and we had fractures in our relationship we ignored because there was love but not enough to completely fix things before heading into an open relationship. Thank you all for the advise and comments I never expected to feel the amount of support from you all when I decided to write this I hope you all are happy, enjoying yourselves and each other, communicating effectively to each other and wish you the best. My profile is still on here if you would like to chat sometime

  reply

  like

• 

  teamaj2

  3 years ago

  Sleepless , I was saddened to read about the end of your relationship. The end of any relationship where there once was love , friendship and the hope of a future , is sad . From reading what you wrote , you can see light at the end of the tunnel . I divorced many years ago . Once we separated and we weren’t living together, I could see our relationship with more clarity. Usually one person is left hurt and disgruntled, hence the emails you are receiving . Time is a great healer and hopefully your ex will see that perhaps this is for the best . As you stated , if your relationship wasn’t rock solid , open , honest and 100% transparent I don’t believe it would have thrived by entering into this lifestyle . I wish you luck in all your endeavours, may you find peace , love , laughter and all you hope for . Ax

  reply

  like

• 

  Ron_and_Ginger

  3 years ago

  Communication is key. Go at the pace of the slowest person. Try not to have too many rules as they are just likely to get broken. One particular newbie rule to avoid us the guy not being allowed cum inside another girl-, this is an unfair rule and a recipe for disaster. Fantasy and reality are not for everyone and that's OK. Realise that once something is done it can't be undone. Communicate until you are sure you're on the same page but even then be aware that one or both of you may react differently than expected. If this happens try to approach it with kindness and the acknowledgement that you both agreed to go down this path.

  reply

  like