I'd rather choke

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  compressor

  9 years ago

  Something I have thought about a lot and there is no easy answer from what I can see. Love your pics by the way.

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  My marriage is great!.Ho hum hardly describes it lol..We do fight a lot, we also laugh a lot..We enjoy our sex life... he still turns me on. And I only have to look at him... hehe!.It has been totally worth it for over 25 years..It is my wish every time I see a falling star or blow out candles on another cake..We are both important and are still establishing boundaries all these years later..Relationships take work... as much as we would like it to be all fun and games. We have other stuff going on in our lives and life together. .I love him. Peachy 🍑💑

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  social_suicide

  9 years ago

  “One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall back in love again.”.........and....... “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”

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  PurePeony

  9 years ago

  Quoting 'social_suicide' “One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall back in love again.”.........and....... “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” _______________________________________________________________________________________________ I'm single, never married, but I fully agree with that quote! I feel that people these days are too self-centered and they walk away from relationships way too quickly. If only they had hunkered down to weather the storm, they might realise that it was just a passing shower afterall and the rainbow has made an appearance and all's well again. People give up way too easily these days.

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  PatchworkGirl

  9 years ago

  I've always been terrified of heights, so jumping was hard for me. I was just doing ok in my marriage for a long time - things weren't horrible, but I wasn't really happy. I stayed for probably far longer than I should have, because I was terrified of the fall ... what would it mean for my children? What if I just kept falling and falling and never found land? What if when I did, I discovered that the problem wasn't that I was unhappy in my marriage, but that I was just really unhappy with me? What if, what if, what if .... In the end, my hand was forced by a number of factors. Some things happened in my relationship that were too big to ignore, and we both went through a year of turmoil before I finally said that it was time. Taking that first leap was terrifying, but I've discovered that falling isn't so bad. The view on the way down is different, and I'm ok with different, as scary as it was to start with. It helped that I had some great people in my life to talk to, and some wonderful survival tips from some forumites on a "newly single" forum I started here. The hardest thing for me was making the decision that my happiness was worth it. It was heartbreaking to see my children initially hurt and upset by the separation. But now, they get to see their mum happy. They get to know that if a relationship isn't making their heart happy, they can leave - they don't need to stay because they are scared. They get to know that it's ok to do the scary thing, because you'll get through it with people who love you. And, most importantly, they get to see that, just because we aren't together any more, doesn't mean that we don't love them, as my ex and I are working hard to make sure that we continue to be the parents they need, and the family the deserve.

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  inspirit

  9 years ago

  I did and as much as I stumbled and fell on that leap, the discovery of me was worth it. ☺ - Posted from rhpmobile

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  sweetgem

  9 years ago

  I have not yet met a man whom I would want to put him or his life before me/mine! I'm still waiting 😛 Hence, I did not stay in an ok relationship in the past for the sake of anything. In my former marriage, when I first got married, I silently made a promise to myself that I would work hard with my ex husband to make our marriage last because, apart from loving him, I also did not want to bring a divorce into my family. I later on shared this view with my ex and he thought I would tolerate him no matter what simply because of that promise I made to myself. So, when he became evil and brought me endless hurts and pains, he didn't think he needed to care about my feelings because I had that promise in mind! But he was mega wrong and I proved that to him by kicking him out of my house and life without showing any sign or warning prior to the actual ending day! Surely, the process/journey of regaining my freedom emotionally and legally was a hell of a mental fight! I went through a period of emotional darkness and pain for making the jump! But it was all worth it at the end when I saw the light again! Maybe because I am naturally a survivor, hence I won't be staying in an ok relationship for the sake of money and/or convenience. i don't have children, so I won't say too firmly that I would not stay for their sake, if I had any. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  PatchworkGirl

  9 years ago

  Well put. I think I'm still discovering me, but it's a happy discovery - I'm glad I'm liking what I find! - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  It sounds like you have someone who compliments your life - cudos!!!!! Compressor - thanks I'm glad 😙 Patch - I have read some of that thread! It takes a lot to leave a situation that's not ideal but not horrible. I know so many women (especially where children and a lack of financial independence is involved) stay because the thought of being alone, being independent, how will they live, how will it affect the kids etc is just too scary to entertain. As I've gotten older I'm a lot clearer in the fact that nothing is permanent. People evolve - you are never with the same person you started a relationship with - every life experience and person they have come into contact with has touched them. I guess it depends on whether you can continue on the same path? A lot of women become someone else and lose themselves. They are wives and mothers and that becomes their identity rather than the women they are apart from those roles. I'm not sure what answer I would choose? I would like to say choke because being the best version of myself will benefit everyone in the long run. But will I lay the guilt on myself that comes with upsetting others so thickly it would be counter productive? In writing this post its brought some feelings to the surface that have got my mind ticking over! - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  I ran away from home when I was seventeen.My father was a cruel and abusive man,but I refused to be his victim. My boyfriend and I lived in share houses and we stayed together for a few years..and then I fell in love and got married. We were together for nine years but I realised that he didnt love me,he wasn't interested in sex,at least not with me,and I was lost. So I left and a short time later met the father of my child,it was another painful disaster,except for her. I have not been in any significant relationship since. I have lived my life according to me..I truly value my independence ,and I think that includes my emotional independence.... I don't think all of us are suited to coupledom,I don't believe there is a man just waiting to find me. I like my life,I would not have been able to do the things I have done if I wasn't single xx Freya

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  Is this another one of those topics about penis size...? But seriously. In the past, when in a serious relationship...when I've loved my partner, then I may be willing to change a lot for her. My job, where I live...these sort of things aren't what's most important and have some scope for adapting besides.But it's easy for me to talk...I've only ever had to look after myself. I have no dependents.And that's not to say that I've always remembered to be thoughtful of my Others in the past...I'm not perfect. But I do learn lessons from my mistakes.

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  I think staying together for the kids is one of the great lies of our times, why? Do you want to teach them how to live a miserable life as a lie, to be two faced and dishonest with people. Kids aren't stupid, they see what's going on, my kids struggled for a bit but now they are thriving, especially not witnessing the war of the roses ! Happy parents =happy kids.

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  And you are a much more beautiful woman as a result 😚 Kool - I think we can adapt but should never change to suit another person. the only people we should change for is ourselves. There is some sort of saying that goes "a wife looked at her husband one day after spending years changing him into who she thought he should be. She was sitting across the dinner table one night and said to him ""you're not the man I married anymore"" I think it's selfish to expect people to stay or change into who you want them to be. In a partnership you have to freely accept someone as they are and not hold on tight. The problem is we go in blind filled with lust and love and the things that we were blinded against in the beginning can become detrimental in the long run. But realising and doing something about it are two different things. It's not your partners fault you didn't read them properly (unless they are manipulators etc) if they showed you who they were and you went in thinking things would change you have to accept the decision you made. But I don't know whether living with it or making a choice to value yourself and walk away to be true to who you are is an easy choice to make? - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  I think that in Life compromise take place all the time, and sometimes hard questions have to be asked regarding relationships. Like...what is the one I'm in at the time worth to me?I won't change myself to suit another...I rather like myself the way I am and I'm well aware that what makes me individual is what they are attracted to in me.But, to let a genuine relationship progress and grow...I wouldn't have a problem with giving up my job or moving to a new town or country...people do it all the time. Of course, I wouldn't do it just out of a whim, the practicalities of it would have to be fleshed out.I have my own belief of what is most important in life.

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  There comes a time in every woman's life,perhaps when she realises that whatever she has been clinging to ,her pride her virtue,or perhaps just her sanity,really isn't worth hanging onto anymore. Or perhaps she just meets the one person that is well worth throwing it away on. Liz Carlyle xxFreya

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  PatchworkGirl

  9 years ago

  I love that quote. For me, this one of Anais Nin has really been my inspiration: And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. What a relief it has been to finally let myself blossom. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  Don't pick it up Because if you pick it up it dies and ceases to be what you love. So if you love a flower, let it be. Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation. Osho This is one of my favs

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  So much to all of our stories but very personal for me. Some nice quotes there ladies 😃

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