Missb4u

Missb4u

F52

If you don't want to know why do you ask?

December 20 2013

Ok, so no doubt this has been done before but there must be other new members like me that don't want to go trolling back through all the previous threads. I have a template that I send when I am not interested and its a very polite "thanks, but no thanks" it readsHi,Thanks so much for your message, but I do not want to take it further at this time.Best of luck in your search!MissB twice in the last two days I have been asked for further information as to why I am not interested. So, stupidly (?) I said I did not find them attractive..... Well that didn't go down very well. They both indicated they would have rather not known that. So... my question/s What the hell am I supposed to say?If you don't want the truth, why do you ask? Why do you feel the need to ask for more information? Its a conundrum MissB

Comments

  • cremecaramel

    cremecaramel

    11 years ago

    It's your profile. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    At least you replied to their original message. You can't be attracted to every one on here. Thank God! It's already incestuous enough

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Your response implies that you may be busy now but that you could be available or keen in the future. Hence their question..., they want to know when they can approach you again. You haven't told them you are not interested. I have a template that say something like this, "thanks for your message but unfortunately you are not my type, but I wish you the best of luck with your search" or something like that. I have always received a positive response from that, men thanking me for getting back to them. :)

  • ruby_blossum

    ruby_blossum

    11 years ago

    I think it maybe more your choice of words than your honesty. If you really need comment on their looks, maybe something a touch more gentle .... eg "I am not attracted to men with dark hair-blonde hair-beards- no beards etc" Make it about your preference, not their looks. Or....You are mighty fine, just not the one for me.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    My template says:."Hi, thanks for your message. I'm afraid you're not who I'm looking for, but good luck and happy hunting"I've also used "I'm afraid you're not my type.".Only a handful of times have I received a negative response, most men send a "Thanks for responding" message back.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Except...... You're clearly fending them off with sticks while you wait for me :D .... What they're really saying is they didn't expect THAT level of honesty as clearly they're so used to not delivering that honesty and usually smudge it over by simply ignoring others.... I've done that before myself in not wanting to be a complete prick, as I find it quite scary rejecting someone. As you can quite easily imagine, over time constant rejection hurts like hell. But... It is all in how they see it. Honesty is a positive, but I think it was Kaleidoscope that said to me once "stacking evidence of the negative is easier....and unfortunately the most powerful". If I remember it correctly. I still struggle with changing that mindset at times too, but Mozart(thank you miss Freya) helps to reset the bad stuff :) - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    But as the others have said don't leave a window of opportunity. And as for the wishing them best in their search, that sounds formulaic and cheesy. Either silence, or saying, thanks but I'm not interested works for me, but I know some guys don't get it and will be gluttons for punishment. If they aren't cluey to take subtlety then hit them with the truth. You aren't my type, or I just don't feel anything from your profile or photos. Just don't leave anything or misinterpretation. The ones that didn't take it well, either they thought you were hot (so take it as a compliment) or just silly! - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    On the left there is "I'm just way too picky" and on the right "You is uuuuuugly". .The trick is to have your reply be somewhere in the middle I think..I must say, when I receive a message from someone who sounds modest and has read my profile, I'm much more likely to make it sound like I'm just picky then when contacted by someone rating himself "Very attractive", and saying "Hi babe"..

  • Originalbadboy

    Originalbadboy

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'Meeka100' Your response implies that you may be busy now but that you could be available or keen in the future. Hence their question..., they want to know when they can approach you again. You haven't told them you are not interested. I have a template that say something like this, "thanks for your message but unfortunately you are not my type, but I wish you the best of luck with your search" or something like that. I have always received a positive response from that, men thanking me for getting back to them. :) But I agree with Meeka, Be clear, concise, polite and leave no other avenue for them to approach you by. Obbi "The ebb and flow of the Atlantic tides, the drift of the continents, the very position of the sun along its ecliptic. THESE are just a FEW of the things I control in my world!" - Viggo Mortensen as Master Chief John Urgayle

  • Missb4u

    Missb4u

    11 years ago

    to be rude or hurt anyone's feelings. Hence the very generic "thanks but no thanks" response. I have been on the receiving end myself and its nasty. All I said to them after they had come back and asked why the no thanks was "the distance and I am not attracted to your pic". I don't think that is harsh, I didn't critique everything I didn't find attractive about them. Should I just ignore the follow up message in future? Are men really that sensitive on here??

  • Missb4u

    Missb4u

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'Stir_it_alot' Except...... You're clearly fending them off with sticks while you wait for me :Dhmmmm I seem to remember something about sympathy thrown at me?

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Well when you get rejection after rejection it can be a little hard to swallow. :p

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    However, I agree that if the person in question didn't want the answer, then he shouldn't have asked. I can't speak for every guy on RHP, but for me, your first reply would have been adequate to ensure that I didn't message you again.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Totally nailed it... - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Feeling a little sensitive about that are we??? :p - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    If someone sends me a one liner message I usually just send the generic "not what I'm looking for", but if they take the time to write a decent message I reply with something more gentle.

  • ruby_blossum

    ruby_blossum

    11 years ago

    saying you are not attracted TO them are 2 different things... Stick with the "not attracted to them".

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'Missb72' the very generic "thanks but no thanks" response. I have been on the receiving end myself and its nasty. Think about what you would find a better way for a guy to tell you you're not for him, than use that answer yourself..I've told guys that, good-looking as they are, they just weren't quite my type. Damn laws of attraction and all. It's hard to feel offended after that.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    You are exactly what i am looking for, after i go to the clinic to get the cream for this rash that will hopefully also destroy these mites that seem to be frequenting my crotch area i shall be contacting you to meet up.That will solve the issue,if not contact me and i will think of another tact to take ! The issue is the numbers game here.There are very few women to the number of men here.So what happens is ,most men get rejected by every woman they contact and men get to a stage where they just loose it and take their frustrations out on you! I think you are doing the right thing by telling them your not attracted to them or they are not your type.If men can learn to accept that ,they will realise they are better off placing their time and energy in looking for someone else rather using their time/energy in abusing you for being honest! I sometimes feel, if attraction is all people are looking for here,when they reach an age where they have lost their looks they will find life rather difficult and self destruct. Just an observation and i am not having a go at you OP. We all want what we want! Cheers.

  • Missb4u

    Missb4u

    11 years ago

    finally I understand! the devil is in the detail. curb my bluntness and pay attention to how it reads and would feel to be on the other end...

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I'm well known for my bluntness.

  • Tall74nHard9

    Tall74nHard9

    11 years ago

    Does sound like you've got all the good oil by now. As was said by one earlier, personally I would have clicked at the first message, but your line does leave the interpretation a little open-ended for further exploration at a later time. Most if the guys n gals have already given you good advice about how to 'close' the deal so you don't have to wait for seconds, so maybe just re-word your line a little differently for your desired effect. Cheers,Tall

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I'm not a good liar but don't want to put anyone down for their looks so I've often used the line, "Thanks for your interest but I'm not seeing new people right now." which I now see (from a guy's POV) as a window of opportunity. Will rephrase - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    As some guys can't take a hint, I will rephrase my response. Thank you for the suggestions. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    I believe the answer is just as good as anyyou can't be attracted to everyone who sent you a message. so they better to learn to handle the truthrejection is a bitter part of our lives

  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    ...there's no real right and wrong way to deliver rejection... Telling them ' Sorry ' i just don't feel there's enough chemistry and I'm sorry if I wasted your time.. Is about as gentle as you can be. If they come back with a why, a reply of "sorry"is about all you can do. Getting all upperty only digs a deeper hole...

  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    "Dude, you're ugly".Just saying

  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    Its the same with the flirts, some days you get so many and often from the same person over and over. Im thinking I need a template as well Im with you MissB nobody likes a nasty rejection. Guess honesty is the best policy

  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    If your worried about the replies you receive, then you shouldn't be on here!!! You only reap what you sew!!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    That's what the block button is for... Used wisely it is your friend... But with great power comes great responsibility... Hp xo💋 Because you're worth it...

  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    I used a lots that . block button,i just have so much luck here😂😂😂👻👻 - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    Quoting 'Tight_Fit'You only reap what you sew!! Just a warning to everyone: There's no point in reaping what you sew, because generally it won't be edible.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    Comes down to respect if a person says no, than move on it's simple. I think there;s a lot of halfwits that look at the pics but don't take in the profile.....correct me if I'm wrong.