M52
In need of inspiration
April 09 2008
Comments
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RHP User
17 years ago
ever considered discussing it with her?
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RHP User
17 years ago
Just get some on the side ffs...bn there done that... i never wanted it either....my ex tried but i wld never give in....never wanted it from him....hence now im seperated and am lovin my sex life.....sorry !!!!
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RHP User
17 years ago
helps so many who are frustrated. and then you could talk to her about it too as has been suggested. Maybe wanking first would keep the desperation out of your voice. lol Wilds
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RHP User
17 years ago
ask yourself why you have such a "desperate" need....dont tell us.. answer to yourself..
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RHP User
17 years ago
My questions first would be 1. what have you attempted so far 2. what are you expecting your wife to do (just shag or something extraordinary) Angelica
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RHP User
17 years ago
Yes, we have discussed it a number of times over the last few years. And sometimes we get back into the spirit for a while, but eventually (always) it drops off to where we are now.. I need something... maybe an inspiration of my own to get the spice back... Anyone else been here and came through the other side?
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RHP User
17 years ago
hi John i have been going through exactly the same thing for the last 5 years of marrige. You are right in saying that at times it improves though only for a brief fleeting moment. I have head it all from to stressed out/ money strains/ never spending enough time at home and or with the kids etc, etc, etc- the list just keeps getting longer. Well over the last 3 years i have worked very hard to become financial secure, spend more quality time at home, become more attentive and in tune and it hasn't worked. I am fairly attractive have had many partners in my life and and have allways until marrige experienced a great sex life. The only thing i can think of is that i am probably to good a husband and i actually care about her to much. So i can either stay or piss off though my heart really doesnt want too. I have been on this site for a while and have not met or found a suitable partner that is in the same situation as myself. I was haveing an ongoing affair with a married women near bunbury for 2 years though she moved away with her husband for work-- and i still miss and crave the sex from her. There was no expecation from her only sex. So good luck Marc
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RHP User
17 years ago
Just get a bit on the side, hmmm and they wonder why marriages dont last nowdays. John, you need to communicate with your partner see why she doesnt want it, find out and discuss the problem. Having a bit on the side is not always the answer, always sound exciting but i think in reality can you live with the guilt. shy
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brenbob_68
17 years ago
Not2 is still around and will live to dance another day wahoo. How much longer are you in exile sweetart? andy&jo xxx /
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RHP User
17 years ago
Well now : I was gonna answer, this however I was also gonna suggest you get a real copules opinion. Mr and mrs shy not2shygirl, are a real copule and have good knowledge on the subject. I suggest you bounce ideas off the couples in here. Regards The_DOC
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RHP User
17 years ago
ok brenbob, was that sweetart or sweetheart hehe, i know im naughty but jeesh :), alas, i do not know the answer to your question, depends on how long rhp keep me there,i have been sentenced without a reason *sighs* shy xxxx
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RHP User
17 years ago
Ok so gettin a bit on the side was a little harsh...i must admit as much as my marriage was failing neither my husband nor myself had an affair...wld never go there. We tried counselling, we tried spending quality romantic nites 2gether, but the inspiration was just not there. I think sometimes cples tend to drift apart and the desire for intimacy fades away with them. I think u need to talk to her, ask her what she is wanting and what her desires r...mayb seek some prof advice.... Good luck
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RHP User
17 years ago
Smack her arse! Point to the kitchen table! Order her to strip! Kick the cat! Pull out your cock! lol...good luk! xx SnS
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RHP User
17 years ago
Is it inspiration u are seeking ?? or is this your way of getting approval to cheat ? "yes its ok cos everyone said it was ?? If u cant sort it out urselves then go to counciling .. I for one dont approve of cheating just because one partner is not as sexually inclined as the other .. No wonder marriages dont last these days - no one is willing to work at them anymore. Stay faithful
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RHP User
17 years ago
Well so far I get the following suggestions: 1. Talk to her about it - and yes i know it's the right thing to do and we will talk again. The frustration is that it appears to "wear off". From what I can gather, I like it more than she does. This doesn't seem to be an uncommon difference of opinions. 2. Get some on the side - well i'm not so sure about that. It may work for some. Maybe I have some thinking to do! 3. Rip her clothes off and bring out the animal - sweet, I like the sound of it and I'd definitely be keen, but a bit nervous about it all going pear shaped. But I do like the way you think. All good... still a bit short on inspiration... and a plan for a more satisfying sex life... Keep the ideas coming please.
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RHP User
17 years ago
Love and accept her for who she is and wank a lot ... there are some amazing sex toys out there now for men ... but if u want to cheat - then just go do it . dont be involving every man and his dog
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RHP User
17 years ago
COMMUNICATE, talk, make an ass of yourself, but COMMUNICATE, and DO IT WELL, make yourself understood and (importantly) understand your partner Be suggestive and open to OTHER ideas, be open, use your imagination, think outa YOUR square, experiment..what harm can it do. Confidence Build up the imagination..its an amazin tool, to be utilised n enjoyed fully. DON'T look to others for inspiration, or a mild excuse. Its an ever-evolving thing....if the evolution ceases you get to, eeerrrrrr, , where you are NOW!?!!? You have everything you need in YOUR head, realise that and USE it. I guarantee you'll be surprised at the outcome. °~~ƒherkin ƒ~~° **OH, did I mention COMMUNICATE, effectively X 100**
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RHP User
17 years ago
Christina, I'm fully aware that if I decide to look for something on the side, then it will be totally my decision and will be made with or without approval from everyone here. I guess most people in a similar situation think about it - but doing is a very big step. My question, as it always was, is whether there are any bright ideas from anyone that I can use to inspire me and my wife to bring back the spark! I'm quite happy to use someone else's great ideas that have worked for them... Or simply just a good idea. Cheers
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RHP User
17 years ago
Inspiration is the most important thing in my life. It's not there ALL the time and that's ok but if it's been too long between drinks, I know something is off. How do I recognise inspiration? Goosebumps (been getting them alot lately), wide eyes and relaxed jaw with a realisation of something, increased heart rate and rapid breathing with excitement, wanting to cry having witnessed something amazing (usually children doing something cool) or the magic of somebody stepping totally out of the box... My point, which I have not made very clear yet, is that a sorry sex life is often one symptom of a sorry life. What increases the chance of inspiration happening more often (for me)? Honesty - the more transparent the better. Excercise. Following my hearts desire to the Nth degree. Giving unconditionally. All manifestations of love. These are all things that seem to be assigned to children and the religious. It's a shame because we're missing out. What do we settle for instead? Lies, cheating, nastiness, competition, materialism, taking it up the arse from bosses and the government and any "authority". We feel disempowered and despirited. A word comes to mind...we feel impotent. You can take the piss all you like. But it's still true. All these things are manifestations of fear. Fear slowly erodes everything that is amazing about us. You want inspiration? Well what ya gonna do about it!! O and yeah. Negative Ions: "Remember that feeling you've experienced near a waterfall or high in the mountains? Those are two places that thousands of negative ions occur. They create an effect on human biochemistry." "The normal Ion count in fresh country air is 2,000 to 4,000 negative Ions per cubic centimeter (about the size of a sugar cube). At Yosemite Falls, you'll experience over 100,000 negative Ions per cubic centimeter. On the other hand, the level is far below 100 per cubic centimeter on the Los Angeles freeways during rush hour." Basically, there are HUNDREDS of things we take for granted as just being "The way it is" that are slowly eroding the good shit.
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RHP User
17 years ago
What tina said is very true... and sure you not asking for approval from everyone in here but it was your decision to make it public and you have asked for ideas from people, if you dont like what they answer then dont put a post in. Ok, you want an answer for your frustration... go have a wank shy
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RHP User
17 years ago
Johnabel, I see you are seriously looking for ideas to help you and your prtner reignite the flame. Step 1: Have a discussion and make a commitment to work on it. Think through some strategies before you have your discussion. Some strategies: Regular time for the two of you: Too many ppl make excuses about not taking time for you as a couple. Go on a date every week. Don't break the dates. Dates can be dinner and movies, going to the pub to see a band, going on a picnic on a weekday. If you and she both work, take an extended lunch break and have a lunch date. Walk along the beach. Lots of negative ions caused by waves crashing on the shore. No need to stick to the same time and day every week, just ensure the date is made and kept. Surprise her with her favourite sweets, flowers, or bottle of wine or a gift voucher for a hair cut or beauty treatment. Cook her dinner or take her breakfast in bed. If you have kids, take the kids out and give her some time alone occasionally. Take a break for aweekend. If you have kids, get the rellies or good friends to look after them for a few days and go and do something that attracted you to each other in the first place. Ask her if she thinks counselling would help or even a sex therapist. Good luck with it. I hope you get it sorted to everyone's satisfaction. Go well, Wilds
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RHP User
17 years ago
Johnabel1 incase ur unaware this is a sex site ...... so why are u here?? remind me again .... oh yes - inspiration - pffft
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RHP User
17 years ago
I don't think it is fair to be glib when dealing with Johnabel1's situation. Some here have offered genuine advice, whilst others have been less sympathetic. Not everyone enjoys an ongoing loving partnership and has the added benefits of living the swinging lifestyle. How lucky are those who can eat their cake and keep it too. To have the best of both worlds, and live the life is fine, though it demonstrates selfishness if one cannot see the trees for the forest. It reminds me of the I'm okay Jack, fuck you mentality. We're not guaranteed of having any more than one lifetime on this earth, so everyone is entitled to maximize their joy while they are here. I'm sure Johnabel1 would appreciate all creative feedback, the negative is just a reflection of other's value judgements... correct or otherwise.
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RHP User
17 years ago
I say it once before.. and i'll say it again... "ask yourself why you have such a "desperate" need....dont tell us.. answer to yourself.." :)
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RHP User
17 years ago
My lover knew I hated my last job so he rang my mobile phone and began to jerk off and talk dirty until he cum. I found it about an hour later on msg bank and listened to the whole thing in front of the boss with the BIGGEST smile on my face eva....lol..... BTW, he is never desperate. Go figure...lol.. xx SnS
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RHP User
17 years ago
Hi john I just have to wonder if maybe your wife just doesnt have a big need for lots of sex? People are all different and its a sad fact that sometimes people marry and one partner loses thier interest in sex and the other doesnt. I dont think there is much you can do about it if that is the case. Mrs xxx
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RHP User
17 years ago
Howdy John, Just one quick question, when was the last time your wife & yourself had quality time away (together) from the cycle of work/eat/sleep? Perhaps, quality time outside of establsihed patterns can ignite & inspire to new levels of understanding. Sometimes Knights still roam. Good Luck
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RHP User
17 years ago
Hi John. I have read the comments and here is my 2 bobs worth. I assume you have talked to her about it in a proper manner. Cards on the table. Did she say if you dont like it then leave..pack yu suitcase and go...thats what I heard for many years. Being a slow learner I stayed for many years frustrated to hell. Do you love her? If not go. Does she love you? If not go. Have you told her you love her? If not why not as these are the magic words. Do you talk to her as a woman? Spoil her, cook brekkie, take her out, flirt and sex it up with her. Wank often if you have to and dont be desperate. Thats a real turnoff. Sure wanking is not the same but its a relief. Is she on the same sex level as you? If thats the case leave as it wont get better unless you change. ie dont have sex apart from on your birthday if you are a good boy. And maybe Xmas day...Are you miserable to be around feeling pissed off all the time because you dont get what you want? ....If so leave as your attitude will affect everyone you touch. Is it going to get any better? If you think its a NO then leave. If you stay one day you will be regret it. Will it be better in greener pastures? Maybe if you are lucky. Lots of questions. My story 20+ years married, 2 kids, feeling pissed of and no end in site to a good healthy sexual relationship with my now <5 years ago> X wife. One day I just left and it was the best thing I ever did. It wasnt easy but now I have what I have always wanted. These are the places you can meet the right one. Maybe if I was as enlightened as I now are things would be different but I grew up in a different world and I was not an easy man to be with....and then there was the kids and all the stress they bring. Now they are grown up and I am not that angry pissed of dad we get along fantastic. And I still see and talk with my ex and no we dont have sex and she is fine with that. Mars
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RHP User
17 years ago
well, there could be a gazillion reasons why she's not into it, and just as many tips to help you out so, I can only offer something from my experience there's a book, called Way of the Superior Man by David Deida, which changed my marriage incredibly as a counsellor, I aslo recommended it to many many people, especially men because it's about men, and the feedback has always been awesome also, some women are just really into sex, and others need to feel connection and tenderness (yes, emotionally) to get into the mood - and this is not just about feeling those things throughout intercourse, but also through the day the importance of intimate emotional connection is one of the biggest things men need to 'get' about women good luck
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FunInWesternSyd
17 years ago
Have to agree exactly with what “not2shygirl” said in her post. It certainly sounds like all you are doing is going on a fishing trip to get others to tell you should be out going behind your wifes back cheating on her rather than trying to fix the problem at home. Posting something like on here also makes it petty obvious that you think if you get enough from here to tell you there is nothing wrong in doing that then you can use that as your reason.
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RHP User
17 years ago
Thanks for your feedback all - even though some have taken the opportunity to take a few potshot's. Apparently when you post a request for advice in here it's an invitation for a bit of judgement as well. Well all's fair and all that, and you take the good with the bad. For those who've chosen to give some well thought out advice, I appreciate it and I have some things to work through with my life partner - leaving is not a consideration for me. As such, I would enjoy some more advice. I think I may have misused the word "desperate" although I do sometimes feel that way. Yes I would like more sex, but the fundamental difference between us is that she needs less sex than I do. Given this situation I have three choices: fix it, deal with it or leave. Personally I'd like to fix it so as I said, all constructive suggestions are welcome. And for the next poster - if you feel like sniping, go ahead! It shows more about your personality than mine... and everyone here can read it too. Cheers, John
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RHP User
17 years ago
John I hear you. My life is also along similar lines. This isn't going to get you excited, but after years of trying so much - there has been little in return. Fact is if I have learnt anything - it is that some people are givers and some takers. Some seek intimacy, and some don't. Some people are so into themselves, they leave no room for others. Quite a sad revelation - but true. I can't give you any answers as I am still searching for them myself, however if this helps, you may want to do some research on personality disorders. I say this not for you but for your partner. The fact that you are trying to find ways to spice things up and reignite those fires, tells me you are committed to making some efforts/changes. She perhaps is not. In the interim you are beating yourself up asking what is wrong with me - even to some degree, Fact is you may find there is nothing wrong with you, or your need for healthy intimacy with your partner. The easy answer is to leave and find someone else, but there may be a million reasons you feel you should stay - and I commend you for that. Whatever your reasons may be. Fact is you say you want some sexual attention, however you probably want more then that. I suggest intimacy and being loved, respected, ackowledged is perhaps what you are also lacking. Sex in many ways is a physical display of these. From the things I have been researching, one item really stands out and it basically translates as follows: 'Allow yourself to love and be loved, allow yourself intimate pleasures in your life.' I acknowledge that this may be easier said then done, but with this in mind I seem to get through things. There are people out there that will enjoy your company/frienship/initmacy for who you are. It can get complicated, but if your honest from the outset then yes you will limit your options, but at least when you meet someone it will be on a known basis. Carpe Diem. Hope this helps. Cheers
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RHP User
17 years ago
Get her out of the house and do some fun things together. Go to your library and find out about courses in your area. Latin american is a good start, will get you communicating, laughing and feeling sexy!
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