F47

Indecisive flibbertigibbets!!

April 12 2014

Article by Tania Browne from The Guardian: "Are you a cat person, or a dog person?Do you like Blur or Oasis, The Saturdays or Little Mix?Do you drink tea or coffee?Make up your mind, you can't like both! And once you have chosen it's a decision for life. No changing your mind, now …I'm assuming that you'd be quite taken aback if somebody gave you such a stark decision (well, apart from The Saturdays or Little Mix, which is a no-brainer). Aside from it being none of their business if you like tea but find coffee best in the morning, or if you have a couple of cats and three dogs, you wouldn't see why you're expected to choose. What's wrong with liking both? Why does it matter to anyone else? Just because it allows them to fit you into a box, man! Screw categories, screw the system!But you'd be wrong. New studies have shown that making such choices gives people a sense of empowerment, a stronger sense of identity and that people around you in social situations will feel more comfortable with someone they can clearly categorise according to expectation. This follows on from fMRI studies, which have already shown that decision-making areas of the brain are impaired in a sample who claim to like both Game of Thronesand True Detective. It is thought that the research could be extrapolated to people who show no preference for any particular contestant in Dancing on Ice.This will be good news for all right-minded fans of Jessie J, who recently announced that she no longer considers herself a bisexual and wants to find a nice man to marry and settle down with. Well thank goodness for that, it was just a phase and she's normal really! She's not going to turn out to be another Tom Daley, born into this world merely to confuse all right-minded journalists … oh. Wait. After all, if you like men and women where will it end? Pets? Actors in DFS sofa commercials? An attraction to wellington boots?The confirmation that you are in a long-term relationship (or wish to be) with a partner of the same or opposite sex, naturally, means that you have picked a side. Well done! You finally picked your team! And if, in a few years, you find your long-term bonding is less long term than you thought? Tough. No going back, no wobbling. Your path is set from now on. Even if it's not with the person you thought it might be, it must be the same biological sex as them. To do otherwise would be ungrateful and impolite, and demonstrate your lack of decisiveness and Moral Fibre, whatever that is.It has been scientifically proven, again and again, that bisexuals are indecisive flibbertigibbets who want to have their cake and eat it, and are so swamped with people they are attracted to (which is, let's face it, everyone) that they are in a constant state of exhaustion from wild, abandoned sex with multiple partners. Studies have found that productivity in bisexuals is lessened by their inability to make decisions, and that the working hours lost due to last night's wild orgy in Clapham are comparable to time lost through hangovers and alcohol abuse in more normal types.In short, bisexuals are a menace to society, and the sooner we get them to choose, the better. Except for the bisexual women with false nailsin the porn industry who are, naturally, a boon.Many young people go through a phase of being unsure which sex they prefer, or even experiment with members of the same sex's happy bits. This is perfectly alright, they can do what they like at university, but if they haven't shown a clear preference for male or female by the time they're 22, a new study shows, this can permanently damage the decision-making centres in the brain and further help may be needed.Parents also live in fear, at this delicate stage, that if their darling has a boyfriend or girlfriend then they will "stay like that if the wind changes" and they'll end up desperately stuck in the wrong sexuality for life. But this, while important, is a separate issue.If you are concerned that you, or someone close to you, may be a bisexual there are steps you can take to alleviate the symptoms.Gossip about bisexuals you know at every opportunity. Make them feel shame for their lack of decision-making skills and refusal to be categorised easily. Indicate that you would approve of them more if they showed a clear preference. Lower your voice when they walk into a crowded room and ask them what they got up to at the weekend with a broad wink. If they say they went to the garden centre and bought a new dishwasher in Curry's, sound mildly surprised that actually, they are just like you.If someone close to you claims to be a bisexual and tells you they're going out with someone new, ask them if it's a same sex partner or an opposite sex one. Then you can either express approval (if it's the same sex as their previous partner) or roll your eyes in exasperation (if they're still being a jelly) accordingly. These cues are vital to guide your bisexual into decision making.Sometimes, bisexuals will attempt to marry either members of the opposite or same sex. There are two schools of thought on this: a) Those who express gratitude that the bisexual had finally made a decision and can be cured, and b) those who show concern that it will all end in tears, as the bisexual is genetically programmed to be unfaithful with a member of the opposite sex to their partner, and will run away, cackling evilly, from their suburban home at midnight like it was all a big joke.Try to push them to make up their minds. Ask them if they want to have children one day, or if they fancy a night out at that new leather club in Vauxhall. Once they choose, try to gently keep them on track with reminders when any behaviour shows deviation from their path. It's just that little decision switch in their brain that isn't quite right. And hopefully, one day there'll be surgery for that. In the meantime, treating bisexuals with suspicion and confusion will have to do."

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RHP User

11 years ago

Because we all know bisexuality is a choice, right? "MRI studies, which have already shown that decision-making areas of the brain are impaired in a sample who claim to like both Game of Thrones and True Detective." Well, at least I know what's wrong with my brain now!

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RHP User

11 years ago

Quoting 'Meander' "MRI studies, which have already shown that decision-making areas of the brain are impaired in a sample who claim to like both Game of Thrones and True Detective."Guess that explains why I can stand for 10 minutes in the supermarket trying to decide which flavour yoghurt to buy...

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madotara69

11 years ago

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RHP User

11 years ago

Is she the author of this article? And what credentials if she wrote this, does she have?

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RHP User

11 years ago

I really like Jessie J, I really doShe can do it like a brotherDo it like a dudeGrab my crutchWear my hat low like you... "In short, bisexuals are a menace to society, and the sooner we get them to choose, the better" - did someone actually say this out loud?

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Dryphuz

11 years ago

the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen) - Baz Luhrman Bet ya bisexuals have more fun miss Browne! Sounds like she's a prude and trying to justify it with statistics. I'm not bi, but this article offends me. Who is she to say we aren't supposed to be indecisive. And what does she mean i can't categorise them. They're bisexual. That IS a category. She probably pronounces homosexual as three words too. Hope you die of gonorrhea miss Browne.

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RHP User

11 years ago

I couldn't help but feel this entire piece was entirely sarcastic, especially the last bit: It's just that little decision switch in their brain that isn't quite right. And hopefully, one day there'll be surgery for that. In the meantime, treating bisexuals with suspicion and confusion will have to do." I did a search, and found this statement in The Guardian: "Tania wants to make it clear that she fully supports both Jessie J and Tom Daley in their recent announcements and knows sexuality is a bloody complex thing. Her issue is not with them, but the way the media chooses to portray such statements." Ah.

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RHP User

11 years ago

The article on Facebook, and one of the comments said this: I like it, very tongue in cheek and satire. really shows how conservative the media still is about stuff that is none of their judgmental fucking business. Like.

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RHP User

11 years ago

For anyone who still isn't sure, this article is sarcasm / satire from beginning to end. The author herself is bisexual and has experienced a lot of the treatment and attitudes she mentions.

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RHP User

11 years ago

Quoting 'Dryphuz' the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen) - Baz Luhrman Bet ya bisexuals have more fun miss Browne! Sounds like she's a prude and trying to justify it with statistics. I'm not bi, but this article offends me. Who is she to say we aren't supposed to be indecisive. And what does she mean i can't categorise them. They're bisexual. That IS a category. She probably pronounces homosexual as three words too. Hope you die of gonorrhea miss Browne. Woah dude...the article is satire (the author herself is bisexual) and regardless, wishing someone to die of an STI is NOT cool. I thought about specifically stating in the OP that it was satire but really didn't think it was necessary, it seemed so obvious to me *sigh*.

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RHP User

11 years ago

I was trying to write it nicely, but just wanted to yell it out! Hehe, I loooooove sarcasm.

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RHP User

11 years ago

Quoting 'Meander' I was trying to write it nicely, but just wanted to yell it out! Hehe, I loooooove sarcasm. suppose I should have mentioned in the OP that the author is bisexual...that was in her byline on the original article along with a bit of other info and immediately gave context. But even so I did think it was apparent that it was tongue-in-cheek, but guess I should know better than to assume.

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RHP User

11 years ago

Ok cool..now I know where the author is coming from...thanks for clearing that up

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RHP User

11 years ago

I read it to the end....I wanted to say what a load of Shit

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RHP User

11 years ago

If I bang my head against a wall, in the right way, can I flick that switch on and off?

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RHP User

11 years ago

Quoting 'leoman' Ok cool..now I know where the author is coming from...thanks for clearing that up sure. Although I'm still baffled as to how anyone can think a sentence like, "After all, if you like men and women where will it end? Pets? Actors in DFS sofa commercials? An attraction to wellington boots?" is anything but sarcasm . I suppose I do read / watch quite a lot of satire, and use sarcasm quite a lot myself, maybe that's why I immediately recognised it as such.

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RHP User

11 years ago

Quoting 'Funlover71' If I bang my head against a wall, in the right way, can I flick that switch on and off? Why don't you give it a go and report back to us on the results Funlover

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RHP User

11 years ago

You can't have your cake and eat it too... Why else do I have the cake?? - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

11 years ago

I will also just mention, that misunderstandings like this could largely be avoided if RHP would get with the times and allow us to include links in our posts, instead of having to copy and paste!!!

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RHP User

11 years ago

It hurt the first time, so I don't want to do it again but I want to get back to my old self. I can't make up my mind. Does this mean I'm going to be bi?

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RHP User

11 years ago

Quoting 'Funlover71' It hurt the first time, so I don't want to do it again but I want to get back to my old self. I can't make up my mind. Does this mean I'm going to be bi? Bashing your head against a wall is like waxing. Keep at it and it will hurt less and less. Promise.

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Missb4u

11 years ago

That's hilarious, the article that is.

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RHP User

11 years ago

LD, I really really really want to pull down that zipper!

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Violetincredible

11 years ago

No... I prefer to describe myself as... Opportunistic ;) Xxx

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RHP User

11 years ago

no one 'decides' to be bi, straight, gay, trans, queer, lesbian, etc....that IS who they are! On a different, but similar note, it humours me when a straight person says someone "chooses to be gay/bi/lesbian".....when, I wonder, did they 'decide' to be straight?

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RHP User

11 years ago

I meant When did they 'choose' to be straight (not decide :p)

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RHP User

11 years ago

When I read the OP I immediately assumed it was satire, It seems with the printed word though some things need to be stated explicitly to avoid misunderstanding. Indecisive? I'm a bi switch, just sexually greedy ;) - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

11 years ago

Quoting 'Meander' LD, I really really really want to pull down that zipper!

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RHP User

11 years ago

another thing I should have mentioned in the OP...the original article has links within it to the various studies and other things quoted, to give even more context. Should be easy enough to find via google I assume.

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RHP User

11 years ago

Quoting 'Meander' LD, I really really really want to pull down that zipper! please do I was thinking along the same lines

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Extra_Spice

11 years ago

Bahahaa - pretty sure that choice of who I put my tongue on has zero to do with population TV series, more to do with who makes me girly bits stand up and salute :). But it's also worth noting that without being granted the exciting opportunity to explore, maybe I'd never have enjoyed the opportunity to wonder why all gals don't enjoy a little gal on gal. Sexuality is an interesting mix of upbringing, personality, personal sexuality and opportunity. I don't believe it's black and white, more a 50 shades of grey scenarios where individuals identify with a 'totally into girls' or 'totally into guys' or some arbitrary number in between. I love the sensational people who sit firmly in the middle, who love what I love - fabulous sexual pleasure in all it's shapes and forms.

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Dryphuz

11 years ago

Well i did, but it seemed like she was using it to be even more derogatory. I guess i took it out of context and then the tone of the piece ruffled my feathers. And i would never actually wish an STD on someone, its just a part quote from Ace Ventura i use sometimes when someone pisses me off. Dan Marino should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell. - Mrs Finkle I've wondered if i was bisexual before, because i know an attractive man when i see one and might find myself taking in his features longer than a casual glance would dictate. But since i dont even like seeing another mans junk in porn unless its POV and looks like mine i'm pretty sure i'm hetero. As adam sandler said in 'I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry', "i can't be gay Larry. I can be a lesbian for you, but that's about it." I am 100% pro choice though, and for gay marriage too.I hate bigotry in all its forms.

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Indecisive flibbertigibbets!!

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