M55
Is Being Married a Dealbreaker?
January 18 2013
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
I would rather play with both of you than one of you!!!
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RHP User
12 years ago
many women will not have anything to do with married men because they are not emotionally available,often not physically available,even if you have an open marriage.The odds here are just not in your favour OP no matter how open and honest you are about your situation. Many single available men struggle here too. I didn't look at your profile but put attached there and say that you are happy for women to speak with your wife.Also make sure you are an interesting prospect,don't misrepresent your self just highlight your interesting and charming differences.
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RHP User
12 years ago
It's just the nature of the game. ...Waiting, ...waiting, ...waiting...
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Zsuza69
12 years ago
I have often wondered wether to bother with single accounts or not but then we decided not to if the women didnt want to chat and see where things go they miss out lol or rather i do while Mrs Zsuza plays but that cool because every now and then someone decent and caring and playful comes along to play ;-)Mr Zsuza
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RHP User
12 years ago
The simple fact is YOU'RE MARRIED!! MARRIED - you took an oath to your WIFE - this mean no matter you legalized your love for one another - vice versa...THERE IS NO MAGIC WORDS YOU CAN PUT ON YOUR PROFILE TO REASSURE PEOPLE - JUST BE HONEST!!!DON'T LIE AND SAY YOU'RE SINGLE...That's one way to "PISS" a women off!!! KARMA TRAIN will bite you in the arss....believe you me a women can sniff out a married male rat a mile away...WTF?? Contact your other half - are you serious?? You are a grown man not a PUPPY......I can not tell you what to do...you have to decide for yourself and make the right choices...That's the key for the answers you are looking for - do a lot of soul searching first.For me as a single woman I just don't go there...REASONS BEING* Why would I if I can have a single man at the tap of a text??* Even if your wife say so (yeah yeah) we women are jealous little creatures when it comes to THEIR MAN!!You go there and your wife meets your new lover; expect your wife to be ok at first but over time she start to question you repetitively etc etc first she will be supportive then then green eyed monster will appear...it will do your brain in because she will feel intimidated/jealous towards the other woman spending time with her man..Simple FACT this does happen!! I am not going to put myself in that situation-EVER!!* If your marriage has issues (I don't know??? ) NOT getting involved there...what a mess!!* I will NOT be someone's escape goat* I will NOT give them my shoulder..* I will NOT have sex with a man knowing he is returning to his WIFE.* I will NOT take on someone else's " baggage" when mine is only a coin purse.GOOD LUCK and ALL THE BEST - I wish you well
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RHP User
12 years ago
yes....for us....its a deal breaker... doesnt matter how you 'dress' your cicrumstances, or how attractive an option you might be....that you are married or attached removes you from our 'radar'.......we simply dont see anothers partner as an attractive option....
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RHP User
12 years ago
if you play together....and operate as a couple...with a couples profile....you'll be inundated with responses, messages, pleas.....whatever.....and you wont be able to keep up with the traffic..at least...thats our experience...lol
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RHP User
12 years ago
Yeah it is. For some, no it isn't, but as you've discovered, the statistics aren't in your favour. And don't lie. People can deal with truth however they want, but as for dishonesty, sure, plenty of it out there, never pleasant though. I wish you well, just be honest. You'll get better results.
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RHP User
12 years ago
reference this username on your singles profile so people can check it out, it makes alot more sense than just saying "you can speak to my wife", alot of men posing as couples use this line followed by alot of "oh she's out at the moment/ washing her hair", whatever.
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RHP User
12 years ago
My template reply said..... If your married, make sure your wife is home as I swing past your place in the convertible to pick you up. As long as she gives her blessing, it's ok with me. Only once did I get taken up on that offer and it was real. She had other lovers and wanted him to have the same option. They play together and separate and it seems to work for them. We had a lovely wine all three where she happily gave permission. Back in the day when my profile was live and looking, the best filter for marrieds ( if you were suspicious ). Is sure lets go to your place and watch the excuses Come out. I have a strong bullshit meter just ask my kids, who still don't know how I know when they are lying. The world is a better place when honesty and communication are in the forefront. The next most important skill is negotiation and compromise, but without the base trust in truth, you are wasting your time.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Super fox nailed it beautifully When I was part of a couple , we used to swing and of course occassionally I swing as a single girl But Ive always wondered about couples that swing together - and then /play seperately from their partner - Im not judging you at all, but when is enough enough...???? Ive yet to see this managed successfully (seen plenty of grief and brokens marriage though from couples going down this path - relationships that I always thought was rock solid....... ) . I must be missing something.. .just curious not judgemental
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xFunlovingx
12 years ago
I find it funny how the woman on here have gone off at the OP...ie: "Don't lie" and so forth! Obviously noone took the time to read his profile at all! He has "Attached" on his profile...he isn't hiding the fact that he is in a relationship and yet he is copping it like he has single written on his profile! What he meant by single profile is the fact that he has a seperate one to his couples profile and a single profile like his wife does! Noone is having a go at his wife! . I know that he asked a question...but that is no reason for anyone to get all high and mighty and give him a serve! A simple answer without putting him down would suffice! He hasn't lied, he is not saying he is single, his wife has a profile just like him...give him a break! . JP there are many women on here that are looking for what you are offering...I am guessing most don't come into the Forums! Don't give up and if you do send out Flirts/Messages...just make sure that you fit their criteria. Good luck xFunlovingx
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RHP User
12 years ago
as an intensified version of the status quo. The difference between male and female single profiles is already staggering. With my position on the list as a guest and my lack of 6-pack profile pic, I get about 50 looks a month at my profile (which some males would kill for and I'm not complaining!) A gorgeous female playmate of mine gets that in an hour, and has had something like 3,000 profile views this past month! She gets a dozen messages overnight and as many flirts. It's almost unfathomable for us single guys how many opportunities women have on this site (however, it's definitely a case of quantity vs quality)...The point is, if that's the case for two unattached single profiles, the differences are going to be even more pronounced when you're married. Being married, though you're in an open relationship, is not going to be a turn on in all but a few cases, will probably be inconsequential in some cases, and a turn off in many cases. So you're starting from a difficult position (being a single male) and THEN adding a handicap! Your wife, by contrast, is starting with thousands of potential suitors, is probably losing some interest because of her situation, but still has thousands of others to choose from.My advice would be to a) definitely don't lie (or lie by omission) but as Mischievouslad says, outline the particulars of your arrangement. As Saskia says too, mention your wife's single and couple's profile, and have them in the #1 and #2 friend spots. b) Even then, don't expect much to come from your single's profile. You'll probably have a lot more luck meeting people as a couple and then having the opportunity to play solo with them. Clubs and parties seem to be the best place for couples to meet new single women, so consider that as an option (because once again, even couples have difficulties finding interested single ladies, who are spoiled for choice.)Good luck, be honest, and it should work out eventually.N_D
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RHP User
12 years ago
It's the men that cop the flak for doing as OP has stated but there are heaps of women that are part of a couple and have single profiles and it's not an issue whether they are looking for males or females. As already said by the OP, makes not one iota of difference to his wives profile, she's raking them in!! Only thing I can think of besides some of the answers above OP is yes there are a rather heap of yummy nice "single" Guy profiles..and women are kidding themselves if they actually think that these ones don't have at least a girl friend in the shadows that may or may not know they are even on this site, that they can choose from. I'd offer up you may have come onto this site a decade too late.
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RHP User
12 years ago
There are heaps of 20 and 30 year old somethings willing to take care of there needs!! (this is general comment ladies-don't get your tightie whities in a Knot) plus on a side note perhaps if like philosopher poet you had a nice face pic in your main profile...if you were are as good looking as him I'm sure some may be willing to have a turn of you!
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RHP User
12 years ago
To give you my perspective as a single woman....I don't play with married guys, regardless of whether their wife knows about it or not. I'm not judging you or your situation, for me the reasons are purely selfish. As another poster mentioned a married man's time is always going to be limited, and I like regular sex, long sessions, where the time isn't limited because he has to rush off for some family commitment. Also, you must understand that even if YOU are sure that there will never be any issues of jealousy coming up between you and your partner, the fact is that it happens all the time....I don't know your wife at all, and I am not prepared to take the risk of ending up in the middle of that type of shitstorm if it happens. And I think you will find that a lot of single women have the same feelings in that regard. Also as other posters have mentioned, even the single guys on here have a tough time due to the fact that men outweigh women in numbers on these sites by a significant amount. I'm sure you will find someone if you persevere....since you also have a couple's profile perhaps an option is to try and find other couples who play separately as well.
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RHP User
12 years ago
We are so preconditioned on what is right and wrong, the same as men. We still have to fight in our minds the upbringing and good girl/ women don’t do that. Men have to understand, most women as open as they are and even joining a site like this, most single women have the hope to find this one special male. And when you guys are honest deep down you too, only you can more easily just fuck and go, we women hang on for a bit. Shit hormones after we have been sexually involved. It’s hard work for us in our mind to switch this tiny or big switch and try to think and behave like men… Have a one nighter or dayer and that’s it, bye, bye never to be seen or heard from again. I am working on myself to see and behave in this way, but I am honest its not always easy. So to get back to married men and single women…… most of us judge you. Men on the other hand don’t care wether the next women they are interested in is married or not, because they don’t want you to change anything, just have fun with you. I hope now you males don’t find this statement negative it is not, its intended to offend you. I think I get it, slowly, slowly when I reach my last day of sexual pleasure, I got over this female thinking,,,hopefully? So do I find men, married men doing a bad think by having fun outside the marriage……quite honest I don’t care. I am meeting people on RHP not because of there status of anything, I meet them when I like them. Should they lie to me, I don’t know, I am not a judge. Again it’s up to the individual to live with what they find right or wrong, not mine. In my mind I am doing nothing wrong because I am not taking any men away from the wife. I did not make the decision to go out and fuck other women beside the wife, they did.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Some of the above posts have some great advice but at the end of the day your prospects are fairly dismal. I've been on here around a year on and off and though I've had plenty of contact via flirt or message, actual meets always seem to fall through. The wife and I used to have a couple's profile on here which was great as it generated some great contacts but always as a couple or wanting just the missus never me alone. My wife has her own profile on here and it seems many couples and singles of both sexes have no compunction about contacting her, yet steer clear of me. So it seems it's ok to meet and fuck a married woman or actually try and entice her away from hubby, but if it's a guy, grab your torches and pitchforks??
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ruby_blossum
12 years ago
After having a look at your profile, I think its fine.( change the attached to married )Just make sure the women you contact are also married - attached or open to seeing a married man.There have been many similar posts here from men in your situation, take a little time to go back into page 2 & 3 of all the topics and find the ladies who say they are looking for someone like you.As a single female, I have no interest at all in an attached or married man.I want more than you have to offer,by that I mean I want to spend the night with a man, wake up with a man, go out in public or away overnight.That is not going to happen with someone in a relationship.(unless they are lying cheats )I really dont care why males and females who are attached are here, every one has their reasons, I dont need to know.Just dont take away my abilty to choose single over attached.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have met women from this site and others. They intially query the, 'I am Polyamorous' on my profile with the fact that I choose to select, 'single'...but eventually and after some healthy discussion realise that I am open and transparent about my lifestyle.When RHP adds a category that describes the <1% who are truly Polyamorous I will select it. Even a status for 'open' would suffice.People are very quick to judge (and they are entitled to). The judgement, however, is often without understanding.The women I meet are open minded, intelligent and do not swim with the stream of conventional thinking......The ones that seek to throw down the blanket-ridicule etc are of little interest to me.....Each to their own...I do not need a 'stamp of approval' from anyone.....'Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law' AC
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RHP User
12 years ago
Deal breaker for me.
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Twisted_Mister
12 years ago
Guys/Girls, I appreciate your comments, all of them. There's some constructive stuff in there, and that's very cool - it also confirmed what I'd been thinking about the subject. As I said at the start, lying's not an option for me - I might just have to gird my loins for battle and crack on. Bassman, your thoughts ring true for me. And Funloving - MWAH! You're my damsel in shing armour!
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RHP User
12 years ago
It's been suggested that people will judge a polyamorous person without understanding it's true nature.....my question is who is the understanding exactly for??? Them or the polyamorous person?? I'd suggest it's an understanding of selfish calibre's personally....but I could be wrong....the fact is we ALL judge....we judge a person simply on their suitability, based on what WE look for, am I wrong?? There will always be THAT judgement presence on Internet dating sites...why?? Because these sites don't guarantee you anything but exposure to a wider scope of potentials....
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RHP User
12 years ago
People in relationships are a bonus for me as I too am in one, and play with my partners consent. Occasionally we play as a Couple but mostly I play alone.I would much rather be with married men as it's a safer option from the point of view that we are less likely to fall for each other and want a relationship (I know it's still possible, but the risks are less)We are both on the same page that play dates are just that, no more, no less, no mess, no emotional tangles.It's working brilliantly so far and fingers crossed it remains this easy.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hi!JP1970. All I can see you've made something simple into an issue.. I'm perplexed as to why you need seperate Profiles . Your Couples one would accomodate everything you want and need to do . .Just add you're a couple who also like to Seperate and enjoy Sexual Encounters with your own Playmates at times .You can each have a section that you use to state Personal stuff about you ..What you're seeking as a single Playmate .. Then it's obvious your Partner is Ok with it and you are too for her to Play seperately . You can arrange these liasons and enjoy that at different times or Locations .. End of Story .Think about it ..I feel this is a win win solution ..Cheers Lu :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
....totally relate to what you said.... ;-)
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have an amazing close friend with benefits, while there is no romantic connection like in JP1970's case we still get along like a house on fire and talk highly of each other to others (when prompted or necessary). We don't lie about our sexual relations (pretty upfront about it) and we sometimes play with other couples in the swinging scene. We're looking for other playmates to share the same experience with and it's been a bit of a bumpy road.Saskia72 had some good advice that I'm going to take (put the couples/her name in my profile) but there are some other things I'm thinking about:1) A married guy in an open relationship is perfect for women who don't desire a relationship and want their own space/time (surprising number of women who like this type of arrangement)2) A woman seeing a married guy in an open relationship is secondary to his wife and family life (Heavy on the cons but there are some pros)These don't necessarily relate to me, but the idea of any kind of sexual relationship implies them in a lot of people's minds, and so puts me in the "married" guy pool by default
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RHP User
12 years ago
I would have no problem sleeping with a married woman if everyone was clear with what was happening, no secrets and all out in the open. But then in this stage of my life I am just looking for fun and friendships, not a partner to go home to. Maybe 2 years from now my view might have changed but for now I am open to whatever.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Everyone has individual needs to be on here I'm an attached man that lives in the same town as (JP1970) and like himself I hope to happen upon a discreet like-minded female playmate for a sexy liaison, I funny to read we’re seeking the same woman on here, the same (very similar) age group, we have the same home life style and we properly have the same issues and thoughts about how to improve our profiles in the effort to attract a likable female in this little city. (For forum readers) Darwin is predominantly a town for horny single men and the nearest other options are international or 3000 km to the nearest Australian capital city What’s that saying about a needle and lots of hay? Hay..I feel the same frustrations but in the end we are attached/married and on this site we are as fashionable as corduroy pants on a scarecrow, the majority of the population choose not to wear them and no wants to be sneaking about with someone else’s corduroy pants if they don't have too, I guess even the Married and Attached woman don't want go sneaking about to pull down a scarecrows pants for their jollies when there is a buffet of dishy single men who are more accesexsible to discreet fun. If you can travel interstate this is your best potential to gain some sexy fun from this site otherwise you will go crackers on here. I only check my profile every now and then but it lights up a bit when I'm planning to travel to a major centre. Good Luck
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Luckdragon23'To give you my perspective as a single woman....I don't play with married guys, regardless of whether their wife knows about it or not. I'm not judging you or your situation, for me the reasons are purely selfish. As another poster mentioned a married man's time is always going to be limited, and I like regular sex, long sessions, where the time isn't limited because he has to rush off for some family commitment. Also, you must understand that even if YOU are sure that there will never be any issues of jealousy coming up between you and your partner, the fact is that it happens all the time....I don't know your wife at all, and I am not prepared to take the risk of ending up in the middle of that type of shitstorm if it happens. And I think you will find that a lot of single women have the same feelings in that regard. Also as other posters have mentioned, even the single guys on here have a tough time due to the fact that men outweigh women in numbers on these sites by a significant amount. I'm sure you will find someone if you persevere....since you also have a couple's profile perhaps an option is to try and find other couples who play separately as well.LuckDragon23 nailed it perfectly. being slotted into an already busy family schedule can a lot of the time be off putting. Trying to pack hours of passion into a shorter time span can be a deal breaker.
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RHP User
12 years ago
is your burden to carry, not mine.I could care less.
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RHP User
12 years ago
So you haven't a problem with it? Great lets do coffee lol
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