F71
Is it better to have loved and lost
January 12 2017
Comments
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RHP User
8 years ago
That's a tough one. When the pain is acute, and continues to be, though to a lesser degree, one does wonder whether it's worth it, but I hope to find it again one day and am genuinely happy for all those who have it now 😃
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RHP User
8 years ago
People in love live longer don't they? qefenta - to answer your question I will ask another. Is falling in love a choice you can make? Or is it an uncontrollable emotion when you have met the right one(s)?
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RHP User
8 years ago
...I think it's better to have loved and lost than to have never experienced it. Looking back, my 20's and early 30's were completely unmemorable as far as emotional maturity, love and relationships go. I'm not suggesting at all that love and relationships are some be all and end all to happiness...i dont believe that at all. But when i truly loved someone for the first time, and the life that went with that, I was happier than id ever been before. And a few years later, when it petered out and we went our seperate ways, i hurt more than id ever hurt before too. But, in time I healed, and I'm certainly stronger for it. Such is life.
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Limited_Editionx
8 years ago
There is more power in doing something active than the passive position. I feel like if I am the one that loves I am in control. I know it sounds weird and most people see it the other way around. Xx Miss L.Ed.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Ignorance is bliss......and to a point they'd be right..... But in terms of love.....I'll quote Garth Brooks.... "Life is not tried, but merely survived, when you're standing outside, the fire" - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
is a wonderful thing. I cannot imagine my life without the highs and lows of loving and being loved. No regrets!
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'CucknShells' I don't know if you really know how much you love someone until you have lost them. ...i know it sounds cliche....but I think this is the crux of it.The trials of life can be distilled down to such simple principles, it seems.
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EarthQueen
8 years ago
Imagine never having felt intense love for someone. That would be worse than pain of losing them. Humans are resilient. We can get over almost anything if we know how.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Here for sure. Summer and Shells said it beautifully. I think a life without love isn't living. It doesn't have to be romantic - family members, friends, or even falling in love with nature or community. It's painful, raw and crushing. But it's also inspiring, heart swelling and uplifting. I'd rather be the lover than to be loved. Don't get me wrong - being loved for everything I am, flaws and all is amazing. But to love - especially unconditionally as you do a child or a pet is something money just can't buy.
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Lovinit28andKC72
8 years ago
I love being the LOVED AND LOVER, they are equally enjoyable..... For me I will say it's better to have loved and lost, than not loved at all. To have been able to experience these things (feelings/emotions), how I've dealt with these things and everything else associated with love and loss, this is what makes me who I am.💋
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PatchworkGirl
8 years ago
I've started to embrace the experience of loss in my life. I'm a much richer person because of the people I've lost. Some of them (my grandparents, my sister) have left an indelible mark on my soul, and I'm a better person because of the memories I carry of them. Others (my first boyfriend, my ex husband) have helped me recognise what I deserve in my life, and have given me an appreciation of what it feels like to be finally loved properly.
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AnnieWhichway
8 years ago
Love brought memories that will always remain till my last breath. Love brought hindsight that l may need one day Love made me the person l am this day Love is a feeling that is like a warm spring day Love can make you anything Love can make you everything Love can make you feel like nothing Love can hurt like hell Love can make you feel numb Love can make you feel like giving up Love can Love cannot Love Yes i know it.... ..
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RHP User
8 years ago
Great topic Q :) Nailed it Summer in Sydney.👍 Proven fact backed by research that people in a healthy happy relationship regardless what format it is live longer, opposed to staying single. Life experience through heartache and being with the wrong person only strengthens and moulds us to learn who we are today and what we're searching for. (Also we won't put up with. !) For me I could say both.Have loved and lost at few times including losing two houses,furniture, pets family and friend's.etc etc.Yet as hard as it is to restart your life a few times those memories and life lessons make me the person I am today. Someone who is better, Not bitter. (Within myself) Life is a journey regardless if it's 100 mtr sprint or a marathon. As long as your happy within yourself and the life choices you make then you will never be alone. (We can't go backwards.) Find someone who wants to walk with you slowly at first, who's not in a hurry. That is able to look from your shoe size'.Then encourages you to run and never look back. That is living ☺
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sweetgem
8 years ago
It is better to have loved and lost. I would not be where I am today, in terms of relationship handling, if I hadn't loved and lost. I used to box myself up in a frame of expectations and rules, etc. prior to the breaking of my previous life, which I now look back and can laugh at my own silliness 😜 but lessons learned and I've turned those experiences into some true wisdom and skills of survival. Therefore, to me, I rather have loved and lost than not have loved at all. For me, I would want to love and be loved. I wouldn't know how to appreciate my family, friends, and wonderful man, if I hadn't been loved before; and I wouldn't be able to do what I'm doing now for my parent, nor would I know what true love and happiness were either, if I hadn't loved in life. Hence, I rather have, and do, both instead of one way or another. - Posted from rhpmobile
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clarky1976
8 years ago
The pain of losing someone knowing that they have made the decision not to be with you after so many years of building a life together is something I have had to battle with for so long now. Surely the worst pain ever anyone could experience the combination of so many feelings tearing the mind and heart in many opposite directions at once it takes grate metal strength and support of friends to get past the initial blow it can deliver. I could of done with out that experience.
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RHP User
8 years ago
We heal when we want to and not a moment before. Love! Yes! With your everything, if it fails it fails - but my god it's worth the fall. The pain of an ended romance is quite unlike any other...but it does heal. I would choose to love and break 100 times over a life with no love at all. We all deserve love, to give it and to be the recipient of it. ❤ - Posted from rhpmobile
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Eiliethiya
8 years ago
Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.It teaches you that though there is heartbreak...you'll survive.The pain of loss is inevitable, but learning from it is optional (for some) lol
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RHP User
8 years ago
It sure is....it teaches you who to avoid next time
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Sawadee
8 years ago
..but I also like my freedom. Almost every other day I see this really cute girl through work who's shy way caught my imagination. At Xmas and like most of my female customers , I gave her this little flashing coloured snowman , nothing expensive, just a friendly gift . Her reaction caught me off guard as she seemed so genuinely moved when she leaned over kissed me on the cheek. That was nice , but then our eyes started doing the talking and we shared a kiss. What the ? Seriously , it's amazing how these things can just creep up on you... But being the control freak I am in these situations, I'll find a way to move on..
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RHP User
8 years ago
For me, I feel it is better to be loved than to give love...to know that someone truly cares about you. Just like oral, I like to give but it's always a lot nicer to receive 😊 But to have love returned by someone you love is the greatest feeling ever! And I wish for everyone to find a requited love 💞 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
read the source of (or about) the quote? In Memoriam A. H. H. OBIIT MDCCCXXXIII: 27 By Alfred, Lord Tennyson (1849). It is quite a long poem (very). I've not yet read it in its entirety. Wikipedia reveals: "The last two lines are usually taken as offering a meditation on the dissolution of a romantic relationship. However, the lines originally referred to the death of the poet's beloved friend." I guess that demonstrates the propensity for people to infer/confer (?) their own meanings to Art. LI To make allowance for us all" With larger other eyes than ours, Ye watch, like God, the rolling hours Be near us when we climb or fall: The dead shall look me thro’ and thro’. There must be wisdom with great Death: Shall love be blamed for want of faith? I wrong the grave with fears untrue: And I be lessen’d in his love? See with clear eye some hidden shame I had such reverence for his blame, Shall he for whose applause I strove, No inner vileness that we dread? Is there no baseness we would hide? Should still be near us at our side? "Do we indeed desire the dead
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RHP User
8 years ago
"The last two lines are usually taken as offering a meditation..." * * of the relevant stanza, not the complete poem. ----------------------------------------------------------- For some reason, the portion of the poem I quoted in my previous post copied across in reverse order! It now appears in correct order here: LI "Do we indeed desire the dead Should still be near us at our side? Is there no baseness we would hide? No inner vileness that we dread? Shall he for whose applause I strove, I had such reverence for his blame, See with clear eye some hidden shame And I be lessen’d in his love? I wrong the grave with fears untrue: Shall love be blamed for want of faith? There must be wisdom with great Death: The dead shall look me thro’ and thro’. Be near us when we climb or fall: Ye watch, like God, the rolling hours With larger other eyes than ours, To make allowance for us all."
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RHP User
8 years ago
You didn't answer the question :) Q
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'Qefenta1' You didn't answer the question :) Q that's 'cause I really don't know. I genuinely find it a really nebulous topic, and I am still wrestling with it. (My post in the 'Word of the Day' thread quoting the Devil's Dictionary the other day was outright facetiousness). I am well versed/experienced with the phenomenon of unrequited love. I have now also learned there are circumstances whereby you're far better to have lost, and may have been better still not to have loved in the first place... Once bitten, twice shy. Still working on it (and lots of other stuff concurrently).
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RHP User
8 years ago
Drinking until you're absolutely wasted, you have so much of it cos it's fun and then it leaves you worse for wear, like you're gonna die! You're friend might hold you hair and support you or you might cry in a cubicle on your own... it hurts all the same. Next morning you swear off alcohol like it ruined your life. But in a few weeks, all you friends are drinking and so you drink again. I prefer to be loved because he thinks I'm worth it and leaves me a bit breathless. I've had my fair share of guys that didn't genuinely appreciate me. I just want to be enough for that person and vice versa, even if it's only going to be for a period of time. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
I would have rather been naive to love rather than to have loved and lost - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Maybe look at the same situation from another angle. Can you turn down someone who is clearly into you, who you are also into - and not regret it. I have done exactly that once since my divorce a year ago and its a regret that doesnt go away. A bad relationship can be devastating, the arguments, nasty things said and done can be incredibly painful. Regretting something you did is one thing you can eventually reconcile and rationalize it for the lesson it was. Regret for something you didnt go through with is a constant torment. In my humble opinion, i think loving and losing is the lesser of two evils. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'clarky1976' The pain of losing someone knowing that they have made the decision not to be with you after so many years of building a life together is something I have had to battle with for so long now. Surely the worst pain ever anyone could experience the combination of so many feelings tearing the mind and heart in many opposite directions at once it takes grate metal strength and support of friends to get past the initial blow it can deliver. I could of done with out that experience. I've been on both ends of this situation. The pain of walking away is difficult too. Staying in a relationship where I was deeply unhappy was destroying me and would have eventually destroyed him as well. The death of love is painful and difficult for both parties no matter how long you have been together. I left after many years in order to heal myself and to allow both of us an opportunity to move on and perhaps find someone to love and be loved by.. I was asked if I regretted leaving. No regrets. All the challenges in the last 15 months have brought me to a very good place. For me, loving and losing is better than not loving at all. It is for my ex as well. I want to love and be loved as both are a part of life. Both can be difficult but they can be wonderful as well.
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RHP User
8 years ago
The poet needs the pain... I think to truly appreciate the highs of life you need to go through the lows. And losing a loved one for whatever reason is likely one of the lowest. Although people will experience love in many forms through friends and family etc, and the loss that goes with it. No one wants such loss to happen, but certainly it is inevitable with family/friends, but coming out the other side does generally make use stronger. Having said that, going through life without having experienced the deep, intimate love of a partner, wouldn't exactly kill you. As above, we experience love in many forms. I'm sure most of us were doing mostly fine before our first romantic love, even though some lows from loneliness or longing may have been present. I'm sure someone still looking for their romantic love in their 30's, 40's or later can still be a respectful, appreciative and worldly aware member of society, and with few hangups if/when they do find such love. Yet again, when a relationship has ended unwillingly or amicably, few of us will want to forget the positive memories that came with it. When we get much older and our the functioning of our mind is of high importance, we will appreciate all the memories throughout life we have not yet forgotten. In short, I'm not sure there is an answer. For those that have loved and lost and survived, they have found some benefit to the challenge of life and the experience/s, and of course would rather have had that love, than have never had it. However, what is the case for someone who has not yet found their romantic love? Love involves commitment and dedication, perhaps they have found other types of love in other people, and dedication in other parts of their life. Are they so poor compared to the others?
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RHP User
8 years ago
All for your thoughtful and varied responses so far ..hugs Q
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MsSuperFoxy
8 years ago
I think these two things are very similar...both grief, make you appreciate, makes room for personal growth and both are felt from the heart and soul. Ms Foxy
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RHP User
8 years ago
Easily better to have loved and lost!!! Life is about experience and taking every opportunity to learn and grow as a person. Both by yourself and with others. It's easy to say that i guess with the good stuff but we have all had a sad and negative experiences at times and we always will and if your like me, you take it on the chin, learn your lessons and move forward and grow! At the tender age of 37 I've lived. Ive experienced some crazy things and had my heartaches but i wouldn't change a thing...I'm happy with the man i am and who knows with out the ups and downs...maybe would be completly different? On a side note I'm really enjoying these forums. There are some great conversations and comments.. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
I should probably add I know some people fall harder than others and take longer to get back on their feet...I meant no disrespect to these awesome people in terms of making it sound easy...but I'm sure everyone can read between the lines on that one.... - Posted from rhpmobile
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MsSuperFoxy
8 years ago
Your last post...do you mean a Love addict? BTW, Hubba Bubba! Ms Foxy
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RHP User
8 years ago
I just spent the night in tears of laughter, heart melting moments and a bit of grief. I watched Bright Lights - the documentary of Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds. The love they had for each other is something that words could never capture. I was honoured to be able to watch their interactions and their devotion to each other til the very end. It reminded me of my mother and I, sadly we didn't get that much time. But it also cemented to me that love is the most cherished and powerful emotion anyone could possibly hope for. Even though it will inevitably end in loss - whether through break up or death.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Repeatedly. Family. Foster family. Structure. Trust. That is not a plea for sympathy. It is the second half of my life with my partner and family that has given me reason for living. To work around the catastrophising that is my way of knowing beforehand. To trust there can be stability. It is an interesting thing how often my path and his have crossed long before we met. It still took work to make it work. Friends have become something more in my time here.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Not precisely on topic, but something interesting to consider from Machiavelli's 'The Prince' (ISBN: 9780486272740): "CHAPTER XVII OF CRUELTY AND CLEMENCY, AND WHETHER IT IS BETTER TO BE LOVED OR FEARED... ...And here comes in the question whether it is better to be loved rather than feared, or feared rather than loved. It might perhaps be answered that we should wish to be both; but since love and fear can hardly exist together, if we must choose between them, it is far safer to be feared than loved. For of men it may generally be affirmed that they are thankless, fickle, false, studious to avoid danger, greedy of gain, devoted to you while you are able to confer benefits upon them, and ready, as I said before, while danger is distant, to shed their blood, and sacrifice their property, their lives, and their children for you; but in the hour of need they turn against you. The Prince, therefore, who without otherwise securing himself builds wholly on their professions is undone. For the friendships which we buy with a price, and do not gain by greatness and nobility of character, though they be fairly earned are not made good, but fail us when we have occasion to use them."
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RHP User
8 years ago
I should point out (particularly for those who've missed certain of my posts to various threads, and those who've not read 'The Prince') I neither endorse nor excuse domestic violence. This work of Machiavelli was written just over 500 years ago and presented as a gift to his Prince. At the time, it was customary for subjects to make gifts of their most valued possessions. Machiavelli reasoned his most valuable possession was the knowledge he had gained by extensive study and observation. I've merely quoted the above passage in the context of how readily 'fair weather friendships' disintegrate when subjected to pressure. Irrespective the professions made in courtship and marriage vows, Divorce rates are astronomical. This would seem to suggest such relationships were not actually founded on love, but convenience or perceived advantage. Who knows or can tell the difference? Shakespeare said, "All the world's a stage". There may be many more Academy Award winning performances than trophies available, huh?
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