F50
Is it really that hard to ask?
February 28 2011
Comments
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RHP User
14 years ago
I have been there done that PBG...was in a very vanilla relationship and found others on the side to explore the kink side of myself...to start off with (and please remember this is my personal experiences only) I just thought I wanted to explore it - try it just once to see what its like - but over the years (nearly 8 to be exact) it became more of something I didnt just want to explore but something I wanted maybe needed more and more... . Yes it did take its toll on my relationship - now over for about 13 months - but the topic wasnt exactly something I could raise with him...why?? because I knew it wasnt something that interested him...and I knew this by our discussions about other aspects of sexual behaviour..sure we were open with what we discussed (and in the end it was an open relationship) but knowing him the way I did I also knew he couldnt perform/do what I wanted/needed...really thats the only way I can word it . This isnt the easiest topic to put into words as to why we dont approach our boyfriend/girlfriend to undertake these kind of things especially in person and it is probably why many go looking for it online - much easier to approach someone with our requests through the relative annonymity of the internet than face to face . Kisses Focus
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RHP User
14 years ago
See.... the trouble is that we are suckers for love. Guys can fall in love with regular ordinary vanilla girls. It's absolutely unavoidable sometimes... and then we're trapped there.... compromising our extreme pissing and scat fetishes for an afternoon tea with jam and a Tom Hanks movie.Don't blaim us... we're the victims! It's all you gorgious bitches that twist our minds and our desires and then make us follow you around and do what we're told! HugsS
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RHP User
14 years ago
That a relationship should at least go the major way towards satifying your needs. I fail to understand why these men marry women who are so obviously sexually incompatable to them. I am with you on this one PGB. If she is not gonna be compatable before the wedding, she sure as hell aint gonna do it afterwards. Do these men think that the "naughty" girls cannot raise kids, work and hold thier heads up in society? Maybe they think that if they are playing around now, they will continue to lay around after the big event. They marry these lovely vanilla girls (because she knows how to play the game just right and Mummy thinks she is sooooo wonderfull, all your mated agree she really is hot and you have been going together forever) They settle down, have a few kids and she shuts up shop. Sorry, maybe once a month....if you are good enough, beg enough, plead long and hard enough. Most of them wont even give basic head.This is where the playing around comes into it.....because you are just not getting what you want or need at home. You single guys need to think about this a bit. Ditch the vanilla girlfriend. Let her become someone elses wife. Find someone who will give head, suck you, fuck you and do all those delicious naughty things you like. Makes for a better honeymoon. l Good girls dont? So wrong...all the good ones do!
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MissSarahCurious
14 years ago
Quoting 'fionabee' That a relationship should at least go the major way towards satifying your needs. I fail to understand why these men marry women who are so obviously sexually incompatable to them. I am with you on this one PGB. If she is not gonna be compatable before the wedding, she sure as hell aint gonna do it afterwards. it's like when you see a guy dating a girl who can't even speak nicely to him, then the idiot goes and proposes to the mean-spirited bitch and she screeches at him about every little thing right up to and past the wedding day. Or a girl dates a guy who belittles or takes her for granted. . They just stick it out and complain about it cos it's easier and less scary than making real change in their life.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I think on Some level that is why I am on a site like this, part of me wants to explore and run a muck, another wants to settle down, have kids, buy a house, buy a dog etc... I nearly did it years ago and have to say the sex life was miserable, she didn't give head past the first 6 months and after 5 years as much as I loved her I have to say I was nearly tempted by the kinky girl at work, and often faked an orgasm (yes, believe it, she never worked it out)! We often talked during of kinky things, but of course as soon as it was over she would always confess "I'll never actually do it". I think part of me hopes that I will find a great outgoing girl who "gives head, sucks me, fucks me and does all those delicious naughty things I like". However part of me hopes it is something that grows in to the real deal as well... How good would it be to marry the naughty girl you would ordinarily just wank about after your wife is in bed?
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'curiousnewgirl78' Quoting 'fionabee' That a relationship should at least go the major way towards satifying your needs. I fail to understand why these men marry women who are so obviously sexually incompatable to them. I am with you on this one PGB. If she is not gonna be compatable before the wedding, she sure as hell aint gonna do it afterwards. it's like when you see a guy dating a girl who can't even speak nicely to him, then the idiot goes and proposes to the mean-spirited bitch and she screeches at him about every little thing right up to and past the wedding day. Or a girl dates a guy who belittles or takes her for granted. . They just stick it out and complain about it cos it's easier and less scary than making real change in their life. I was out at Dinner with my son and we couldnt help over hearing the couple at the next table. She was so nasty to her partner I felt embarrassed for him. I told my son he is never to let a girl treat him like that. It was horrible. How can that be love????
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'fionabee' That a relationship should at least go the major way towards satifying your needs. I fail to understand why these men marry women who are so obviously sexually incompatable to them. You are assuming that people know what they want in a sexual relationship. At our age, then we might have a pretty good idea.... but the clock back 30 years and I was a very different man... I thought I know what I liked.... but in hindsight all I think I really knew was what I didn't like. Decisions of love are made through rose colored glasses.... I mean to say when you know you are in love with someone... are you going to determine your relationship purely on sexual satisfaction.. or are you going to weigh up all the other elements and figure that it's perfect with a bit of compromise... a small price to pay for eternal happiness. With the benefit of hindsight a person might think differently... or may not regret the decision at all. There has always been more to a loving relationship than sex provides... so why is it the right thing to do to ditch the love of his life because she isn't everything he needs?.... And for the young and inexperienced how would he necessarily know what he is missing out on anyway?HugsS
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'stalky' Quoting 'fionabee' That a relationship should at least go the major way towards satifying your needs. I fail to understand why these men marry women who are so obviously sexually incompatable to them. You are assuming that people know what they want in a sexual relationship. At our age, then we might have a pretty good idea.... but the clock back 30 years and I was a very different man... I thought I know what I liked.... but in hindsight all I think I really knew was what I didn't like. Decisions of love are made through rose colored glasses.... I mean to say when you know you are in love with someone... are you going to determine your relationship purely on sexual satisfaction.. or are you going to weigh up all the other elements and figure that it's perfect with a bit of compromise... a small price to pay for eternal happiness. With the benefit of hindsight a person might think differently... or may not regret the decision at all. There has always been more to a loving relationship than sex provides... so why is it the right thing to do to ditch the love of his life because she isn't everything he needs?.... And for the young and inexperienced how would he necessarily know what he is missing out on anyway?HugsS ... Nailing stuff again! Agree.
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N4November
14 years ago
Quoting 'stalky' See.... the trouble is that we are suckers for love. Guys can fall in love with regular ordinary vanilla girls. It's absolutely unavoidable sometimes... and then we're trapped there.... compromising our extreme pissing and scat fetishes for an afternoon tea with jam and a Tom Hanks movie.Don't blaim us... we're the victims! It's all you gorgious bitches that twist our minds and our desires and then make us follow you around and do what we're told! HugsS Ahhhhh yes, the female of the species are the evil doers of course But thats the way we like it
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'flirty_bi_fem' Quoting 'stalky' .. Nailing stuff again! Agree. Yep... Baygirl and Flirty are both right. There's something about the way Stalky nails things. Like he's nailed one or two things in his time....
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'stalky' Quoting 'fionabee' That a relationship should at least go the major way towards satifying your needs. I fail to understand why these men marry women who are so obviously sexually incompatable to them. You are assuming that people know what they want in a sexual relationship. At our age, then we might have a pretty good idea.... but the clock back 30 years and I was a very different man... I thought I know what I liked.... but in hindsight all I think I really knew was what I didn't like. Decisions of love are made through rose colored glasses.... I mean to say when you know you are in love with someone... are you going to determine your relationship purely on sexual satisfaction.. or are you going to weigh up all the other elements and figure that it's perfect with a bit of compromise... a small price to pay for eternal happiness. With the benefit of hindsight a person might think differently... or may not regret the decision at all. There has always been more to a loving relationship than sex provides... so why is it the right thing to do to ditch the love of his life because she isn't everything he needs?.... And for the young and inexperienced how would he necessarily know what he is missing out on anyway?HugsS I guess we had better blame the parnets then. Yes Stalky...you and me.....for not raising our kids to have the maturity to shop around for the bargains and to wait until old enough to decide on a lifes partner. Well I managed anyway. Admittedly one is still out there looking and the other...well...I may not like my daughter in law but I admit she is perfect for my son. It is not all that difficult to get into your childs head and break up a relationship. I have done that a time or two. And yes...there is more to a relationship than sex provides. However, we have seen how heated this forum can get on topics involving cheating and while not the most importnat aspect of the relationship, when not right it assumes gigantic proportions. Sexual satisfaction plays a major part in those rose coloured glasses.
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RHP User
14 years ago
lolz @ the parenting idea..... see... some things kids DO NOT WANT TO BE TOLD FROM THEIR PARENTS>...... take scat play for instance.... "Hey son, did you shit on her tits yet?"... not so graphic is the idea that they should shop around for a lover when they think they've dated two people and now they have found the one... at 18. They just don't want to hear it, no matter how "right" the advice might be.Nope. I could tell you from very graphic experience, that children ought to be able to remain innocent of the sexual deviations open for them and explore their sexuality as adults. Having protected mine from all of that as children I'm not going to accept responsibility for their sexual exploits as adults. I think its much more appropriate to work that out from a childish foundation of innocence, awe and mystery in their own time, at their own pace.HugsS Quoting 'fionabee'I guess we had better blame the parnets then. Yes Stalky...you and me.....for not raising our kids to have the maturity to shop around for the bargains and to wait until old enough to decide on a lifes partner. Sexual satisfaction plays a major part in those rose coloured glasses.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'stalky' lolz @ the parenting idea..... see... some things kids DO NOT WANT TO BE TOLD FROM THEIR PARENTS>...... take scat play for instance.... "Hey son, did you shit on her tits yet?"... not so graphic is the idea that they should shop around for a lover when they think they've dated two people and now they have found the one... at 18. They just don't want to hear it, no matter how "right" the advice might be.Nope. I could tell you from very graphic experience, that children ought to be able to remain innocent of the sexual deviations open for them and explore their sexuality as adults. Having protected mine from all of that as children I'm not going to accept responsibility for their sexual exploits as adults. I think its much more appropriate to work that out from a childish foundation of innocence, awe and mystery in their own time, at their own pace.HugsS Quoting 'fionabee' I guess we had better blame the parnets then. Yes Stalky...you and me.....for not raising our kids to have the maturity to shop around for the bargains and to wait until old enough to decide on a lifes partner. Sexual satisfaction plays a major part in those rose coloured glasses. I am not talking about telling them how to conduct thier sexual exploitations. That is thier business. I am talking about finding a life partner here and waiting until they are old enough to make an informed choice. They can experiment all they like...at thier own pace. l I certainly understand that some do not like to be told and are not open to listening to advice from thier parents. Do you honestly think actually TELL my kids? Do you think Focus would listen? Ohhhhhh noooooo I am way more subtle and sneaky than that. I am sure that my children think that thier major life decisions have been thier own. l Personally I dont think any one is mature enough to pick a life partner at 18. Yes...die for your country...yes vote, drive, enter a contract and go to the pub....BUT JUST DONT GET MARRIED!
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RHP User
14 years ago
I am certainly not adverse to beginning a wedding speech with - "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING"
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RHP User
14 years ago
So maybe I should have asked "WHY?" it's so hard to ask someone you're supposedly in love with, who you want to spend time with, to come enjoy a little bit of fantasy play. You don't have to start with "So, can you shit on my chest?", how about a "I was reading this article online that said male prostates are like female g-spots... wanna test that out?"Ahhh fuck, obviously I'm just strange and not normal and I'll never understand it.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'Polar_Bear_Girl'So maybe I should have asked "WHY?" it's so hard to ask someone you're supposedly in love with, who you want to spend time with, to come enjoy a little bit of fantasy play. You don't have to start with "So, can you shit on my chest?", how about a "I was reading this article online that said male prostates are like female g-spots... wanna test that out?"Ahhh fuck, obviously I'm just strange and not normal and I'll never understand it. Well, not on this issue, anyway . Communication. It all boils down to communication. In any relationship. Between parent and child, husband and wife, shitter and shittee. If you build a strong foundation of it early in the piece, then I think you can weather almost any kind of shitstorm. And rather than bore anyone senseless with my strong beliefs on communication, I guess it would suffice to say: If you cannot envisage being able to have any of the sample conversations PBG suggests in her original post with your partner, without fear of judgement, ridicule or the like, then this does not bode well for the unconditional acceptance and unconditional love that goes hand in hand with most people's view of a traditional marriage or even a committed long term partnership.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'fionabee' I am certainly not adverse to beginning a wedding speech with - "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING" Oh lordy lord no! ... my job in making decisions is over when they become adults.... I would never do that especially not at their wedding. The thing about it is, no matter how wrong their decisions seem to me, I'll trust them enough, being gifted by greater intelligence and better opportunity than me, to let them find their own paths... see how it pans out for them, see how they manage..... I mean.. .stand by them and like the parent that I am, I'll always be there (at least while I'm alive) to put out my hand should they fall.hehe... yeah... I snuck that other bit in about sexual exploration just for fun.. hehe... but I'm not as devious as a woman damb it! Anyhow, we're way off topic now I guess. HugsS
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RHP User
14 years ago
I'm upfront with my girlfriends and let them know what I'd like to do and they do the same (well, one more than the other). I think if you're not mature enough to talk about sex then you need to think very seriously about whether you should be having it in the first place. Yeah, it's scary to be rejected or judged, but I preface the conversation in such an honest and sincere way that outright rejection is unlikely. They might say, "Sorry, I'm not comfortable with that," but they'd be unlikely to say "OMG, you sicko, get away from me". One girlfriend had her own kinks that I was then able to accomodate and we had a very satisfying sexual relationship. . My problem is that the girls agree to do things but we never set a particular date and then they ended up leaving me for entirely different reasons before we got the chance to do it. :( You'll notice in my profile I say I don't want to miss sexy opportunities anymore. That's because I've had the green light to experiment with this or that kink and just haven't gotten around to it while I had the chance. Hot damn. :(
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'fry1379' I think part of me hopes that I will find a great outgoing girl who "gives head, sucks me, fucks me and does all those delicious naughty things I like". However part of me hopes it is something that grows in to the real deal as well... How good would it be to marry the naughty girl you would ordinarily just wank about after your wife is in bed? The naughty girls are often really nice and do all that other stuff that "good" girls do... they're just more open about the fun they're having.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Stalky: g'day mate. I do like reading your stuff... well.. some of it.. and like reading lots of others stuff too.. *See.... the trouble is that we are suckers for love. Guys can fall in love with regular ordinary vanilla girls* That damned LOVE word again.... I DON'T like it... :) We are all suckers for the CONCEPT of love and THINK we are in when we meet someone who is nice to us..:) My mate walks up to a girl and says - "my cock, your arse.. game on" He doesnt do so well eh :( But, yeah... we do need to get it out in the open about what we want... I have met some "NICE" girls... who.. well, have taught me some stuff... and I didnt think this old dog could be taught new tricks... have fun all! i go back to my cave now!
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RHP User
14 years ago
I think, in general, we put waaay too much pressure on our life partners. We seem to think this one person has to satisfy absolutely every need we have. I think this is ridiculous or at least a tad naive. It is good to share the load, good friends and family are oh so helpful in helping keep us happy and many a relationship fails due to one or both partners not having this support. So why should our sexual desires be any different? These Pups are pretty much 95% sexually compatible, we know the few little things that one likes and the other doesn't. We could pretty much live with that but hey, there are other ways of getting the 5% as well. I love eating cake!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'puppy' I think, in general, we put waaay too much pressure on our life partners. We seem to think this one person has to satisfy absolutely every need we have. I think this is ridiculous or at least a tad naive. It is good to share the load, good friends and family are oh so helpful in helping keep us happy and many a relationship fails due to one or both partners not having this support. So why should our sexual desires be any different? These Pups are pretty much 95% sexually compatible, we know the few little things that one likes and the other doesn't. We could pretty much live with that but hey, there are other ways of getting the 5% as well. I love eating cake! We *do* place too much emphasis on finding a "soulmate", someone to fulfil our each and every desire. It's unrealistic and I also think it's really selfish! However, I think it's really selfish being in a relationship and just going out without letting your partner know, to get what you want, without even asking them first.Ahh, but what do I know, I'm not in a relationship :)
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'fry1379' I think part of me hopes that I will find a great outgoing girl who "gives head, sucks me, fucks me and does all those delicious naughty things I like". However part of me hopes it is something that grows in to the real deal as well... How good would it be to marry the naughty girl you would ordinarily just wank about after your wife is in bed? After playing the good polly wife in and out of the bedroom for 8 years I have decided enough is enough...am happy to be a good girl in public (if I have too)....but once those doors are closed...watch out!!! The naughty minx comes out to play . Kisses Focus
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RHP User
14 years ago
Oh yes I do agree with that Polar, it's a shame not everyone can bare their souls to their so called "soul mates". But there are so many variations on a theme, what is love to one may not be so to another. It takes all sorts and there's definitely all sorts out there!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Focus? Good in Public? Excuse me while I ROFLMAO
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RHP User
14 years ago
Focus? Good in Public? Excuse me while I ROFLMAO
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'fry1379' .. How good would it be to marry the naughty girl you would ordinarily just wank about after your wife is in bed? It is very, very good and it's out there for sure. Hope you find it too
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'fry1379' .. How good would it be to marry the naughty girl you would ordinarily just wank about after your wife is in bed? It is very, very good and it's out there for sure. Hope you find it too
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'fionabee' Focus? Good in Public? Excuse me while I ROFLMAO If I have to - sheesh woman give me a break...I did learn from the best afterall...lol . And besides it depends on what public places we are discussing...hehe . Kisses Focus
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RHP User
14 years ago
what are we talking about here? i've got the MUSIC LOUD in the backround
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RHP User
14 years ago
Having only just recently started to look into fetish lifestyle I can't really give an informed comment but I wonder if guys marry "vanilla" girls because its "safe" love. The "vanilla" is less likely to want to explore other ways of sexual satisfaction. She is less likely to play with another partner and find them more daring, stimulating or intune with their fetish desire. This is my personal opinion but I'm pretty sure the one I experiement with isn't going to be the one I want to fall in love with. Why? because I'd be worried that our desires may change, or he may want to up the extreme and it would be out of my comfort zone or maybe I"d be well I've had my fun now its time to settle down and revert back to the safety of being a good little vanilla.
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RHP User
14 years ago
If they are the right person, you should be able to bare every aspect of your being and soul to them. Meaning you're not afraid to show them all of you, the good, the bad, lies, truths, happy, sad; everything you've ever thouht about or done, regrets and successes. If you find someone you can do that with, completely free of fear and thoughts of judgement or repercussions, then marry that person!! I did thank god, sharing with each other is so easy cos there is nothing we fear to reveal, we're both bi and love RHP. We've slept with way more beautiful people as a married couple than either of us did previously. The right person loves and embraces all of you without the possibilty of that ever changing, no matter what. . .
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RHP User
14 years ago
The quality of sex, the fulfillment of sex, the vanilla sex, the pissing the anal fixation......are not "ever important" issues. If there is a shared future involving kids and career and assets and common goals and family life and all its involvement with community, responsibility, integrity and living a life you love.... . I assume you're referring to the deviant basket cases in denial of a mindset they cannot ever let go, and in settling for less with a woman.....I agree they're inevitably screwed when it comes to desire and fulfilment. life is a fantasy. On the side of them, the number of women to settle down with who are sexual dynamo's as well..... is not good odds.
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