T48

Is life happier without sex?

December 21 2018

This is something i always wonder and curious for peoples opinions. In a relationship, apart from money, what can truly divide it? Sex, or the lack of it, be it due to stress, arguments or whatever. And those of us who are single, what do we want? One of two things; companionship or sex or both. The longer you are single the more you crave both, but what oftens takes over is the desire for sex. So if sex happens on a first date are you left thinking 'did he or she only want a fuck, and where do we go from here?' Im a bit of an oddity in that the longer i go without sex, the less i want it, and can concentrate on other important things in my life. Some of the most successful relationships ive seen are ones where sex is not high on the priority list, rather loving one and another for who they are on a mental level, rather than physical. - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

6 years ago

No

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DynamicCouple36

6 years ago

A very good post Well written and very true in all respects

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RHP User

6 years ago

I think of you lost that physical side of the relationship, if I became absent then that would be almost like a key that something is missing from the relationship. For me sex is a way to show your partner how you feel... it’s primal and it’s physical and it’s raw. It’s base desire for your partner. It’s wanting to touch them and to be touched in return. It’s aching for their touch and aching to please them. Speaking from my age and as such the perspective from my age only - if there was no sex then I would be starting to wonder why... it’s not key to life and relationships - there certainly are many other foundations to a relationship but sexual attraction and it’s related activities is a key foundation I feel to an all round healthy relationship...

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sweetnsensual

6 years ago

Agree with red mustang As someone who put up with my partner not wanting me sexually for many years and being extremely traumatized by it i think sex is extremely important. I've spent a lot of time and energy and money on therapy to reclaim myself and my sexual energy. But i still feel extremely rejected if any aspect of sexual intimacy is missing. Probably my issue but like all of us I'm very much flawed and a work in progress. Ms sweetnsensual

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OkeyDoke45

6 years ago

I haven't had any kind of sexual contact in about 18 months now, and I have found it a curious evolution of feelings. Simple frustration at the beginning turned to almost a kind of anger, followed by a sense of futility. That all took about a year to transition from one phase to the next. Over the past 6 months I have found myself becoming increasingly indifferent in regard to all things sexual. I got a message from a couple the other night that quickly headed into frustrating territory. Once I would have persisted to see if something might pan out, but I went back to what I was doing and didn't pay it any further mind. As you mentioned CD Ali, I find not being concerned about sex quite liberating. Apart from wasting time on the forums here, I find myself being more productive elsewhere.

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RHP User

6 years ago

For me, if I'm in a relationship and there is a lack of sex, I will get frustrated and feel rejected. It's happened in the past with sexually incompatible partners and mismatched libidos. So, I guess sex and intimacy is very high on my priority list for a relationship. However, when I'm single, I can go for months without it and not really be too bothered. Yes, I do get frustrated but, like you, the longer I go without, the less I crave it. Is life happier without sex? In a relationship - definitely no. As a single, sex gives me a temporary high and provides a release, but I wouldn't say it adds a great deal to my mental well-being and happiness.

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noeleena

6 years ago

Hi, The last 3 years not included I quess for 25 years I had no interest in any thing sexual and I mean nothing . would not let a guy touch me just no way ,I,m 71 as every one know,s yet 3 years ago my body went into some more changes so looked at oh no not this I,ll explain later, was time for myself to get interested in a guy or two and that was going to be sexually , so my body goes in to a sexual over drive and then would a guy be interested in me, after a lot of time 3 months of talking I invited a guy to spend time with me just playtime nothing to sexual just trying to see if it would work and I could enjoy being with a guy , I wont say I,m this hot sexy chic very below average and thought okay I,ll need more time and .enjoy it more, So 6 hours with a guy / guys 5 of, with in those 3 years now I know others would do that in a night / day ,so nothing now for over 3 months. I would like to be more sexy and enjoy my sexualness more, if you read my profile you see my background and understand as I see it I,m failing and little interest in myself , so quess ,I,v little hope of a partner and little hope of any thing sexual, and funny enough I cant find a dancing partner, so I,m not sure what is worse... ya ya ….at least have a laugh.. ...noeleena...

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HotNightsGC

6 years ago

Agree with Jince’s comments. For both of us, sex is something we both need so it’s high on our relationship priority list. Not sure if either one of us could live without it for long. Perhaps that’s in part why we ended up together. And I guess a persons need for sex or it’s place on our priority list would depend on what situation we are going through in life. Great topic OP. A topic that definitely facilitated self reflection. Ms HNP xx

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RHP User

6 years ago

I’ve not had sex for about 18 months and I have to say I’m not particularly fussed. I went through the frustration but got passed it. If I come across someone and there’s a joint attraction I’ll be in but in the mean time life is all good.

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EarthQueen

6 years ago

From a single perspective. I think it's different. The cycle of meeting people, online dating, trying to work out compatibility or even if it's just a straight hook up for sex.It can mentally draining. For me I have to take breaks and sometimes that means going with out sex for my own good. This times it's been a long break. Sure I miss it sometimes. But at this point I'm not sure of cycles of hook ups is healthy. and I don't have the energy to give to a relationship of any sort really. So at this point I'm in limbo. Do I miss it yes. Enough to do something about it? Not sure? I'm kind of really sick of online dating so unless it happens organically in the wild I'm OK to let sleeping dogs lie for the moment. Yes I'm happy. ATM. Sex preoccupied a lot of my time when I was looking for it. So it's good to have the headspace for other things.

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countrytouch82

6 years ago

It's hard to say. As a single, I can't really speak about frequency or lack of sex in a long term relationship and the difference in happiness, but generally, it was more the concept of dating, and looking at couples around, them doing basic things like walking hand in hand, that I was more desiring of experiencing. Sex was a life bucket list item among other things, something I wanted to experience at least at some point. There was frustration in there, but also I did not really know if it was all it was cracked up to be either. Having had sex now, both in and outside of a relationship, I can say I am happier, but experiencing the highs of a relationship risks bigger falls and feeling much lower at times which happens, than the life of the more mundane, uneventful singledom. Essentially I feel all things more strongly now (having opened myself up emotionally to love and to make love properly), the ups and down, and yes that includes stronger feelings of happiness of knowing someone else wants you. However, regardless of my current or past experience/s, my interest in sex lately and in all of the past was still high. It's hard to say that being without sex means you are less interested and then focus more time on other things. Because, without sex (or in the the gaps), comes masturbation. Masturbation for me is the result of hormonal tension and excitement, and sometimes is it in effect a form of literal procrastination, taking away time from more useful and perhaps important things I should have been focusing on. If my losing interest in sex means also losing interest in all sexually arousing things, and much less or no masturbation, then you might say you are really able to focus on other things. My interest in masturbation has been ever constant. Even without having sex, or if possible taking away having a focus on sex, or masturbation, my interest and much time is and would be still spent on the concept of finding a date and dating in general. I agree in principle with most conventional wisdom that you are supposed to be complete and be your own independent, fulfilled and self-driven person in life, and then add to that life another complete individual who compliments you and you are now a team. But if you were only ever that sole person and life was without sex and associated intimacy, would that be preferred? I guess that depends on who you are. Some people more than others are content without sex and being purely single (and I'm not talking about those coming out of bad relationships etc), and some are defined as purely asexual, and neither may be right or wrong or good or bad for you, depending on what your needs are. Whilst in our sexual prime we all imagine we will still be having sex until we are old and frail, I do admire the simplicity of some elderly connections that I have witnessed happen, and how simply having company and someone to talk to, with the basic touch or kiss and close physical companionship, being the priority. Without our hormones raging and our issues about finances and children and work stresses and seeking all our check boxes and convenience, perhaps it is because of this simplicity, that both my relatively recently seperated parents have found such companionship again and much more quickly than many of us singles in our prime where dating opportunities supposedly abound. They are of course not that much older and still sexually interested, but it is perhaps less of an impact on their overall wellbeing whether they are actually having sex or not. But of course, I don't really pose such questions to them to really know, because I don't want to answer such questions about my own sex life :P

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inspirit

6 years ago

Single here... I think so. Personally I would want to sexually satisfied daily. In saying that, you do mean sexual intimacy of any kind. I can only go a day or

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inspirit

6 years ago

Stupid fat fingers. Anyway, as I was typing... I can only go a day or two with out stimulation to climax. In saying that I don't need a man in my life either. I would like one at times tho its just not a necessity to feel secure or needed for me. I have great friends as companions. We even have a retirement plan in the making.

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RHP User

6 years ago

Very interesting comments from everyone, but i definitely resonate with Snap_Dragon the most. The longer i go without sex the better i feel and i never masturbate which suprises a lot of people. Though im sexually attracted to women a lot; im meeting and making a lot of female friends lately, and with sex off the table its so much easier, plus i love shopping with them!

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