M71
Is sex that important?
May 14 2014
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
Initially sex is everything when a relationship begins , and then dwindles away as life commitments take over . But i like how you mentioned that sex is a reaccuring thing that will never go away and the intimacy that exists can be more important to most than the act of sex itself . Sex maybe ! could be ! just some of the very important glue that holds a relationship together ?as when the sex no longer exists in a relationship i think the relationship eventually is non existant also . - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
live without sex with another,I can pleasure myself .Casual sex is no substitute ,for a black tie affair ,sadly there are no formal suitors on the horizon :-) xx Q
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madotara69
11 years ago
That depends on what life's commitment becomes. Sex can indeed become an increasingly committally thingy. Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
I am the same, I have a problem with being intimate. I am happy to give hubby the head job when he needs it but neither of us can sleep together. Its just a booty call and he says, thanks for that and heads to bed we don't kiss at all there is no chemistry, so sex is clearly not that important or neither one of us would be here together.However when he wants his little visit he gets it, as he keeps me happy in lots of other ways. I have lovers, but not that often as other things in my life have complicated my sex life. could I do without sex, yes in a heart beat, if I get horny I can play with myself but to be honest I can turn it on and off like a light switch I think the thing is that everyone wants to be wanted Every person needs to feel valued and to be held that is why I do take a lover now and again, as my lovers hold me, talk to me make me feel all woman.some men can just turn on my switch when they do then sex becomes important. I think most men would not stray if women gave them some simple affection and warmth and held them. I am rather good at that nice warm nurturing sex LadyT pressing the op to her ample boosums
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
Show me a healthy capable couple not enjoying a sex life and I'll point to a couple in crisis. Now, that said.... My definition of 'sex' is different to most people. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'LadyTuscan' I think the thing is that everyone wants to be wanted Every person needs to feel valued and to be held that is why I do take a lover now and again, as my lovers hold me, talk to me make me feel all woman.some men can just turn on my switch when they do then sex becomes important. I think most men would not stray if women gave them some simple affection and warmth and held them. and I think it goes the other way also, women would put out more if they felt valued as a person too. That is the problem with relationships, you become complacent and comfortable and begin to take advantage rather than be appreciative.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Being wanted, loved and valued. Spot on, LadyTuscan. - Posted from rhpmobile
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
It's a human being touch, that creates bonds and intimacy between each other. Is sex that important to me? At this stage of my life and being honest...not really. I want, need and look for Soul Sex...that's what I want! If I don't get or have that then I am not interested. My libido and sexual desire wants only that. I can't explain why, it just does. Sorry, but I can't just have "sex" with just anyone, nor an undesirable partner. Once upon a time, yes I could. I have other priorities in my life right now, to worry about going out and having "sex" just for that human touch and all hat messy stuff that happens in relationships....I'd rather choose not to have it. It's too much, so I would rather go with out for the time being, plus 2nd drawer bedside table, there's a buzzing choice. Foxy
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RHP User
11 years ago
I am new here and find your topic interesting. I think I can relate to what you are saying. I am married and only very rarely get the sex, and then its just not satisfying for me. I think that you can have a love of your life but the sex needs to be there as well otherwise you need to find it somewhere. Its just nature. If you are married and your partner decides to stop having sex, that doesn't mean that you have to does it? Doesn't that mean that person is controlling your choice for sensual sex?
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
I look for someone who wants to have sex with me and finds me sexually desirable, just as much as I want to have sex with them and sexually desirable too - mutual. Foxy
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Circe
11 years ago
Doesn't sex tell someone that they are loved, wanted and valued? Certainly that's one of (maybe even the most effective) ways we let our partners know that we love them?? That they are desirable? That they are valued for who they are? Seriously! Yes, I think it's very important... If I wasn't able to have sex with my partner I would need to have some sort of physical affection, at least, with them. It's the thing that sets your partner type relationship apart from all other relationships...
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RHP User
11 years ago
Hubby & I have been married coming up 24 yrs... Before swinging, we hadn't had sex for 4-5 yrs, we had been doing counselling for around 2 years. Yes, the divorce papers were drawn up................ I, me, myself needed intimacy...... I am a sensual/sensory person, I understand that about myself............... Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, but I knew what I needed............... I instigated swinging and all I can say is thank g-d......... We are together more than in the last nearly 10 yrs of marriage, we have opened up to each other, touch each other, DESIRE each other more.......... Yes, he knows I have an exceptionally high sex drive........... YES, sex is that important!!!
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RHP User
11 years ago
how do you like posts on here?
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RHP User
11 years ago
When I am with a lover it is all about the intimacy. The kissing, touching, holding and teasing. Laughing and whispering silly things, spooning and hugging. When all of this leads to mind blowing sex then yes, sex is important.
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RHP User
11 years ago
From what I've read and what I feel and just instinctively know, maybe from experience or just a learning curve relative to my specific circumstances, INTIMACY is important and "FEELING WANTED" is important, and expressing love physically via "SEX" is equally important. For both men and women. But ALL THREE must work together, or someone loses out and misses something. Sex, as purely a pleasurable release of 'sexual tension' (better known as 'horniness'), isn't as important as the previous two. It can be substituted by a wank, or simply done without altogether. I personally can't (and won't have sex with a Lady that I don't have some degree of intimate connection with, and it will always involve, fun, cuddling and kissing, touching in intimate and gentle ways. I lost my wife 18 years ago. She was the love of my life and I would have gladly and literally given my life to save her (cancer). I was totally 'dead' inside and was a virtual recluse for 10 years. I only began dating 8 years ago. During that 10 years, I couldn't have had sex if I wanted to and I didn't even think of it. But thanks to a very good friend (female) who was one of my wife's best friends, I got through. After 5 years, she decided that what I needed was the 'INTMACY and BEING NEEDED' that I had in spades when my wife was with me. So, one night when she was staying over (we used to accompany each other to functions etc), she came and got into bed with me. I almost had a heart attack, but she just held me and told me she loved me and never did more than hold me and kiss my cheek. We have never done anything more than that. So my answer is... Yes sex is great and important... But it's not worth a damn if you don't have the INTIMACY and are WANTED. But I will say about a couple who are still married and together and still love each other, if all three aren't there, including the sexy, lusty feelings and actions, there is a problem existing that can be (and in my opinion, for the sake of the couple), should be seen to. Definitely at 60 years old, you should still be polishing the kitchen table with her butt. This is the age where your kids have left (or are self sufficient and you both (especially the main carer and giver of love and affection, the wife and mother), needs to fill a huge hole. Only her caring and intimate husband can do that. If there is no other barrier, she should be open to all the affection you have and be very happy to receive and give of herself in all three ways. many women shy away from the 'cuddling and kissing' that you were happy to stop at, because they have experienced a thousand times, where it eventually leads. So, if she's not feeling like SEX, she'll shy away from any closeness for fear it will lead there... Because, unfortunately, we men spend most of our younger lives (say up to 50 or so), showing that it always leads there... or tries to (unless, of course, we know better). Go for some couples counseling and I bet you'll find that is where her 'blockage' is. For now, just TELL her she's beautiful and wonderful...
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RHP User
11 years ago
Since joining the swinging community 5 years ago, I've found I'm in a community where I can be far more open about who I am. My first Mariage was so bland sexually it was sad. We had 10 good years together. Unfortunately, we were married for 20 but we were monogamous. My second mariage burned fast and glowed bright. A much better relationship where we were both very open to each other sexually. We make better friends than spouses for each other these days. I've definitely found that having 'all cards on the table' is a much better way. Will I look for another relationship? Hell yes. When it works; there's nothing like it. Bruised and battered, but back into the ring I go...
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Smilingwithfun
11 years ago
Sex in a long term relationship isn't the crux of the relationship, until it doesn't occur. I would suggest go see the counsellor if your wife is open to the idea. You never know it may be the answer. Whether its the answer you want, that may be a different question.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I found in my failed marriage I just didn't want sex, but was more than happy to snuggle on the couch or caress each other in bed. But my ex saw that as "launch sequence commenced". He assumed by me touching him it would lead to sex within minutes. He didn't just view it as a sensual touch or intimacy. He seemed to view it that if I didn't follow through I was teasing him (and not in the good way). Ultimately this attitude between us lead to me touching him less and we lost that connection. Sex became a chore for me. No foreplay, just "get it over with". Which was not pleasurable for either of us. Ultimately it lead to the destruction of our relationship. Wish I knew then what I know now about swinging.... but I guess that's a whole different thread.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Looking back at my marriage after it ended, I found toward the end I did not want sex for the reasons listed. I enjoy sex often now
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RHP User
11 years ago
Women who are post menopausal do not feel attractive and so they switch off the sexual, sensual side of themselves.....it is dormant but not dead.... if their partner is continually pressuring them ,that does not make them feel desired,it just makes them feel convenient ,simply because they don't believe that any man could desire them...How do you change that Jack?.....tune in to her needs,what makes her happy,court her without an agenda of fulfilling your needs,be patient and perhaps when her confidence builds she may switch on again xxQ
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'MissBlissBomb' Doesn't sex tell someone that they are loved, wanted and valued? Certainly that's one of (maybe even the most effective) ways we let our partners know that we love them?? That they are desirable? That they are valued for who they are? Seriously! Yes, I think it's very important... If I wasn't able to have sex with my partner I would need to have some sort of physical affection, at least, with them. It's the thing that sets your partner type relationship apart from all other relationships... I agree with you MissBlissBomb
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Docklands_Babe' I am new here and find your topic interesting. I think I can relate to what you are saying. I am married and only very rarely get the sex, and then its just not satisfying for me. I think that you can have a love of your life but the sex needs to be there as well otherwise you need to find it somewhere. Its just nature. If you are married and your partner decides to stop having sex, that doesn't mean that you have to does it? Doesn't that mean that person is controlling your choice for sensual sex? Welcome D_BI came from a 20 year marriage where sex was far and few between and when we did have it, It was less than satisfying.With out the intimate relations of a partnership eventually you will grow apart. If you value your marriage talk to him before you make the move of finding it else where.marriage or sex counselling. You are young, If this doesn't work it would be better to end it now rather than 20 years down the track. This is not gospel advice just experience.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I did ask my husband if he wanted to join here as a couple, at first he said yes then I said to him, what if you look over and see me having great sex, seeing what you have never seen and that's me have an orgasm. He said he could not handle it at all. It took a lot of guts for me to say, I cant come back to you unless I am allowed to have lovers. It took a hell of a lot for him to say ok, but never to expose that to him in anyway and to be very discreet. I love my husband for a range of things, he is the most amazing man I have ever met, so protective of me, kind and has the most integrity of anyone I know. We never had chemistry at all from the get go, yes I married him because I knew he had all the other things that I wanted in a man. The sex in the end drove me crazy , like many other women said, as soon as you walk past or just touch its game on. I could not even go in the shower and he would be on me and I went nuts in the end. I hated myself more than him. I can thank RHP for finding my sexuality. I have enjoyed myself and have some fantastic lovers that are intimate with me, but I have my husband and that's enough for me. If he said no more sex then I think at this stage of my life I would have to compromise and keep my family together and happy. I would not give up what I have now for sex. But I am older, if I was young it would be different for me. If my husband tried to get intimate with me I would really not want that at all. but there are reasons for my struggle with intimacy. One of my lovers is very good at it, and coaches me to open up a bit but that can be problematic as its a balance to keep heart and mind away from my sexual life. Sometimes thought in intimate moments I feel a deep connection and I make love to a stranger.
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RHP User
11 years ago
It may be some deep disfaction in her that doesnt allow her to be feeling sexual or intimate anymore. Or it may even be something as simple as a imbalance of hormone levels. Which is very common change during our lifetime maybe a thought for a review on sexual drive and the loss of it with a GP check up.
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madotara69
11 years ago
I've had a habit for years looking too and seeking advice, wisdom from our elders. I believe that over the time by listening for these advices and not even understand them when given, often later they come to light when the time they are meant for appears. I am happy too share these advices once I believe that they mean something and are well understood. An advice for helping me understand and care, maintain and cherish the relationship with the woman I fall in love with is to keep her in the centre of my life always, what it means to me is that falling in love can stay close for all of time. What I have learnt has become We and that being friends so close it is a constant thought that has become second nature through respecting the advice was true and meant for us, if we stop listening and caring and remaining close to each other then that is the moments where we may begin to wander apart, the longer we wander the further apart we may travel. Out of respect, I am not attempting to advise you, only passing on advice from.... well the likes of you. ha ha. Mado Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Openly1' From what I've read and what I feel and just instinctively know, maybe from experience or just a learning curve relative to my specific circumstances, INTIMACY is important and "FEELING WANTED" is important, and expressing love physically via "SEX" is equally important. For both men and women. But ALL THREE must work together, or someone loses out and misses something. Sex, as purely a pleasurable release of 'sexual tension' (better known as 'horniness'), isn't as important as the previous two. It can be substituted by a wank, or simply done without altogether. I personally can't (and won't have sex with a Lady that I don't have some degree of intimate connection with, and it will always involve, fun, cuddling and kissing, touching in intimate and gentle ways. I lost my wife 18 years ago. She was the love of my life and I would have gladly and literally given my life to save her (cancer). I was totally 'dead' inside and was a virtual recluse for 10 years. I only began dating 8 years ago. During that 10 years, I couldn't have had sex if I wanted to and I didn't even think of it. But thanks to a very good friend (female) who was one of my wife's best friends, I got through. After 5 years, she decided that what I needed was the 'INTMACY and BEING NEEDED' that I had in spades when my wife was with me. So, one night when she was staying over (we used to accompany each other to functions etc), she came and got into bed with me. I almost had a heart attack, but she just held me and told me she loved me and never did more than hold me and kiss my cheek. We have never done anything more than that. So my answer is... Yes sex is great and important... But it's not worth a damn if you don't have the INTIMACY and are WANTED. But I will say about a couple who are still married and together and still love each other, if all three aren't there, including the sexy, lusty feelings and actions, there is a problem existing that can be (and in my opinion, for the sake of the couple), should be seen to. Definitely at 60 years old, you should still be polishing the kitchen table with her butt. This is the age where your kids have left (or are self sufficient and you both (especially the main carer and giver of love and affection, the wife and mother), needs to fill a huge hole. Only her caring and intimate husband can do that. If there is no other barrier, she should be open to all the affection you have and be very happy to receive and give of herself in all three ways. many women shy away from the 'cuddling and kissing' that you were happy to stop at, because they have experienced a thousand times, where it eventually leads. So, if she's not feeling like SEX, she'll shy away from any closeness for fear it will lead there... Because, unfortunately, we men spend most of our younger lives (say up to 50 or so), showing that it always leads there... or tries to (unless, of course, we know better). Go for some couples counseling and I bet you'll find that is where her 'blockage' is. For now, just TELL her she's beautiful and wonderful... thanks for the read :)
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RHP User
11 years ago
Sex is the physical expression of the words I can't say to you. - Posted from rhpmobile
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On_Safari
11 years ago
Tell me I am beautiful, wise and sexy. Feel me in every move you make, ache for me. Walk in the room, touch me, kiss me and whisper that you need me to give myself to you. That's desire...a burn, an empty space that nobody else in the world can fill. Then again, unless you already feel that desire for yourself like everyone else has said, how can anyone else desire you? I would enjoy this kind of need and desire but it would also feel restrictive, smothering unless that same level of desire and love was reciprocated....then I could just drown in it. As for RHP encounters of this nature, perhaps it happens for some, you never know where lightening is going to strike. It's nice to be found desirable, the depth of that desirability though is also subjective as to what the other person wants from you, is prepared to share with you and or give to you for themselves. Bottomless Desire....http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2011/11/09/relationshipstrategies/what-men-need-from-women-no-not-sex/Don't laugh at the source but I found it interesting : Men don’t fantasize about a handsome prince & a big wedding & a high-status steadfast provider for their children. But they do dream about a woman they will burn with in mutual desire for all eternity. Many men’s deepest need is to feel desired to the extent that they feel desire for the woman they fall in love with. Because men, as a rule, feel sexual desire much more acutely than women, their experience of that need being met is very rare. I was once asked what was the most important thing I looked for in a relationship & I said ‘bottomless desire’… This morning I was asked the same question more or less and my response, "Sparks, Fireworks, heat and passion. That feeling of wanting more and knowing that it's there for you to have with that one person who you can't get enough of. He doesn't have to be Adonis or have a six pack but he has to have SOMETHING that I find alluring, irresistable....." ~ Indy Mrs Me, you know I never feel put out talking to you....Quoting 'him_and_me'Quoting 'I_N_D_A_G_I_N_E' Many men’s deepest need is to feel desired to the extent that they feel desire for the woman they fall in love with. Because men, as a rule, feel sexual desire much more acutely than women, their experience of that need being met is very rare. Do you mean that a man falls in love with a woman because she desires him? As opposed to any other factor? Why is it rare for their need to be met? Because that desire fades in intensity the longer you're with a partner or just because women don't (as a rule) feel the desire? I'm not having a go, Indy, I'm just curious what you meant exactly. x MeIt's not my quote I'm afraid it was something I was reading, I think what was meaning to be said is quite simple; mutual desire (that bottomless desire thing), we all know that over decades love fades and evolves into a deeper bond of affection and "mateship" (is how my mum puts it she married over 50yrs so I guess she'd know right?)..... When a man desires you I think that "knowing" for him that he is desired equally gives him that immense sense of self-worth and dare I say "love" that we women go on about? Don't shoot me for saying this BUT we women focus on love, we make men dance on a string, perform acts to prove their caring and what do we give in return? "Playing hard to get" because we are culturally pre-disposed to "make THEM chase US" I'm sorry but a man I respect recently said to me, "You are very discerning G, but once you make your mind up you're very EASY" it was a backhanded compliment yes, but if I desire someone, truly desire them why can't I show it? Why is it wrong to be the "Man Hunter" (hate that term) within the boundaries of course? It made me think, men DO only experience physical contact generally through sex. Any other time it's contact sport, shaking someone's hand or being hugged by their kids (if they have them) and kissed by thier mummy's.... Why wouldn't they CRAVE physical touch, the softness of a woman's companionship, friendship, their heated DESIRE for them. They also want to feel wanted, desired, sexy, hot, gorgeous, beautiful all that shit we just expect to be given by them to us not US GIVING TO THEM. I guess I'm thinking it's not love that needs to be kept ignited in a relationship, it's that burning desire to "truly have" the person you're are with above all others. Meeks I am not talking monogamy if you read this, as the lovely MadonTara, Cheeky's, Paradisepair and other couples like yourselves have shown. It's simply maintaining that awareness that HE NEEDS to be touched and held as much as YOU do. To have that bond and mutual attraction, lust, desire reaffirmed. I dunno, I'm not that smart......but if I can look at the man I've chosen to be with as my primary partner in 20-30yrs time and he looks at me the same way and still feel that burning desire and pride in each other than I think that would be "bottomless desire". FROM our little FORUM VAULT OF TREASURES......http://www.redhotpie.com.au/Adult-Forums/The-need-to-be-desired-42859-Page3 Yes....I'm feeling melancholy today. Indy in love with love
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On_Safari
11 years ago
You MEN give me too much credit!!Mrs Me, I guess in final answer to your question: Yes I think the physical connection for a man is as important for them as the emotional one is for a woman. That men fall in love with us because our desire for them mirrors their own for us. it's not necessarily the sole reason but it's definately up there. Men can't always feel they are loved, wanted and still desirable without their woman physically asking/expressing to him that she wants him to give of himself to her as a MAN, not husband, father, provider but as the Man you first lay with and thought you'd died and gone to Heaven. I mean how many wives "not of this place" actually grab their husbands on a regular basis and drag him off to the bedroom laughing and giggling because she just wants to ravish his body after 20+yrs of marriage? Or tear one off at the kitchen sink while the kids are in the backyard playing or go down to the toolshed and ride him on the ride-on? The possibilities are endless, I also think these men prefer to be made love to deeply, intimately, passionately and completely as much as we do. Or maybe I'm just so damn frustrated I'm developing my own kind of lover's nuts. As for being desired by others OP on a site like this....it's nice to know others find you desirable, sexy, hawt, pretty, funny, whatever BUT the attention of the horde has absolutely nothing on the attention from that ONE or for some FEW other(s) that truly touch the very essence of your being. Without sounding narcissistic attention and desire is not something I've lacked in my life, the motivation behind those interested however has not always been Safe, Sane or Consentual.
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Antzy
11 years ago
Important to me! It's a huge part of a relationship and developing a bond, trust and excitement... I love the intimacy it creates when it's meaningful, more that the act itself (don't get me wrong... I just lurrrvvee the act too) If I don't want it, it usually means I don't really want the person...
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RHP User
11 years ago
As I said... If it gets to the point where the lady is unable to be 'intimate' without it always leading to sex, she will shut down and the male (who doesn't understand women, will take it personally and a 'cycle' begins that can only be stopped by intervention. One of the Counseling exercises they promote (and I'm NOT qualified), is 'prescribing' that 'heaps of intimacy be practiced for possibly weeks' but definitely NO sex afterwards. So the lady can feel comfortable and not under pressure to have sex and the man can realize that it's actually FUN... Experience when I was far younger and less knowing, is obviously where that was learned.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I've heard it said a million times that "Sex is 10% emotional and 90% physical to men... But 90% emotional and 10% physical to women." This is probably true in many places, many relationships and in many minds... But this man found out very early in life that I was a little different... I often wonder how much. I can't honestly put a percentage on it, but I certainly feel FAR more emotionally stimulated and 'alive' than 10% when I am 'making love' (That's what I call it, because I believe that's what it is and is meant to be)...
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RHP User
11 years ago
I'll read the rest later, it's breakfast time on a work day...There is no answer I'm looking for, I'm enjoying the diversity of the answers.Thanks to all the posters for sharing their thoughts.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Docklands_Babe' how do you like posts on here? I don't think you can Docklands... Other than 'Replying with quote' and saying so as ralf74 has for one of mine on this thread... (Thanks by the way ralf...)
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On_Safari
11 years ago
There is nothing in my posts about percentages..... and if there were they'd be 110% mutual.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Openly1' Quoting 'Docklands_Babe' how do you like posts on here? I don't think you can Docklands... Other than 'Replying with quote' and saying so as ralf74 has for one of mine on this thread... (Thanks by the way ralf...) Wow what a read...the only dumb question is the one you DON'T ask...thanks for all the posts...*stuck for words right now*
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RHP User
11 years ago
Attraction - honesty - respect - trust - connection followed by great sex is the order I see any type of play mate :) otherwise it sorta root em n boot em
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On_Safari
11 years ago
Did you just stumble on this dear? 😊
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RHP User
11 years ago
So much wisdom coming through this thread - it should be on the school curriculum. Glad I'm not the only man who feels sex to be more emotional than physical. It's just important to remember that when it's the physical that feels it is getting more and more urgent. I'm sure we all have both these elements and they fluctuate - maybe more for some than others. There's also something else in the mix that the tantric people tap into about a flow of energy - which begins when we meet someone and there's either that chemistry or there isn't. I have felt that even with people I don't really like on the personality level but know there is a physical thing there. When we make love we are about as open as we can be and so being conscious of that and being in a place of ultimate respect and appreciation of the person you are with is crucial. And you can do that with more than one person. I think this is what was mentioned earlier and is "making love with every touch". It's the sensuality angle. But most people need all elements of that sensuality. Being flexible and ok with any differences with our life partner's desires seems key here. For me it all gets stuck when we don't know what to do in our lifelong relationship with such an important element missing. And in this damned "monogamous Society" some of us are still really new to trying to communicate and be aware of our own sexual being. There are so many on this site who are so clear it's inspiring. As someone so tied up in knots about what to do next to get some physicality back into a relationship it seems to end up with counselling. At least there'll be some communication and movement in the situation. New ways of talking about what's going on. No one thing is the most important thing in a relationship as others have said above. It's complex. But burying things away in the ground will still end up with something sprouting at some point down the line. Not sure if I've added anything but it's sure helped me to read this thread and write something out...
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RHP User
11 years ago
Sex is not always important for me unless it comes with a healthy dose of intimacy. - Posted from rhpmobile
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inspirit
11 years ago
Sex is very important in relationship I partake in, in the future. When I was married, NO it was not important - why, I ask myself these days??? Because I didn't really love him as a lover eventually. I loved him as a husband and the father of our children. Sad as it is, that was our love in the ending years. I often wonder about couples.........who put their kids first in every way............ I believe if I hadn't BUTinstead put my husband first things may of been different. I believe we lose sight of our real love for each for other and place everything in our kids. I was chatting to some one just the other day - I said to them, "why don't you and him go out for dinner on your own" she said wtf will we talk about? As sad as it is..............it is true in many couples and then at the end of the day the kids leave home and what are you left with .........silence
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RHP User
11 years ago
Without sex, I am sorry but I think the relationship will eventually fail. However eventually is the operative word. We have been through both sides of that. There was a time when I couldn't give her enough; she was bored and wanted it every day, morning and night. I was working hard and just could not offer that level of performance. Mandy years later, kids, work etc and it's the other end. Weeks would pass, even longer. Frustration is at it's peak. Arguments reigned. Be patient, give at least some time. IMO don't go outside your marriage at this time. If we are talking months.... Abuse the fuck out of mrs palmer and porn. Give time and understanding If we are talking years then yes counselling may be in order. Just my thoughts...
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RHP User
11 years ago
I have seen too many couples who forget to be a couple in lieu of being parents. I love my kids and would do anything for them. But if an occasional weekend at grandma's or at friends is going to make mum and dad happy and stronger then we are also doing right by them.
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madotara69
11 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit' Sex is very important in relationship I partake in, in the future. When I was married, NO it was not important - why, I ask myself these days??? Because I didn't really love him as a lover eventually. I loved him as a husband and the father of our children. Sad as it is, that was our love in the ending years. I often wonder about couples.........who put their kids first in every way............ I believe if I hadn't BUTinstead put my husband first things may of been different. I believe we lose sight of our real love for each for other and place everything in our kids. I was chatting to some one just the other day - I said to them, "why don't you and him go out for dinner on your own" she said wtf will we talk about? As sad as it is..............it is true in many couples and then at the end of the day the kids leave home and what are you left with .........silence post inspirit
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Cassy_74
11 years ago
I find it interesting that someone would ask a question on a site like this lol............ But apart from Dolphins, Human's are the only other living creature that use sex for pleasure. I don't think its the driving force for people that are in some form of relationship, I believe that it's more important for couples to like and respect each other, and more importantly be friends even throw that "L" word in there... To me sex in a relationship is just the icing on the cake, its the physical interaction between people that use it to bond, use it as pleasure to share together and use it as a release. BUT I am single and I use sex for similar reasons pleasure and release. So I don't think it's a whole sex is important for a relationship, maybe its just the fact its our human nature and our needs varies from person to person. Just because one person needs it more than the other, doesn't mean they have issues just they have a greater need compared to others. Have no idea if that makes sense, have had a couple of reds lol
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RHP User
11 years ago
I often read Toby Green the psychologist in the Sunday Times...she says two things...firstly if there's no sex then there's an elephant in the room Mrs D & I acknowledge that. She also says sexless marriages can work if the sexually active partner gets there sexual needs taken care of outside the marriage...I'm prepared to go there if I can fins someone who wants the same as I do. I will have feelings for the lady who wants to share her body with me however Mrs D is over 25 years ahead in the love I have to share. Mrs D has given me two beautiful kids & stuck by me through the hard times...to say I owe her is an understatement.I'm still looking...
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Cassy_74'But apart from Dolphins, Human's are the only other living creature that use sex for pleasure. I think Bonobos have sex for fun...have you read Sex at Dawn?
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RHP User
11 years ago
I hope she is open to the idea or at least to sit down with you and honestly open mindedly talk about why she feels the way she does about sex without an argument or blame shifting spack. I adored my ex partner. But he just didnt want sex and despite what reasons are given like the ol "im just tired"...and 50 other things... of course theres things that dont get said out of fear of hurting one another. Then its a vicious cycle because we feel like were not sexy anymore (im sure men feel like that too) then we end up all depressed and it just goes KA Boom!
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RHP User
11 years ago
I could do without sex but I could not do without affection. Affection is definitely more important then sex.
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RHP User
11 years ago
It's is so refreshing to read your feelings. I only wish I had experienced more men who think and feel the way you do. My husband was one like you, unfortunately he died far too young. I hope I find another who thinks and feels the same way, but fear it may be too late now.
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madotara69
11 years ago
Yeah sex is important in our relationship, personally I crave for the effections from Tara, always have and always will, It's more than sex though it is making love, the passion and intimacy. If for any reason we could no longer have sex, be it for whatever reason, I could live with it as long we still had the friendship for the affections. I don't know how you are feeling, but I can imagine it and it is not something I enjoy pondering on so it must be tearing you too bits and wish it upon no one. So may I ask a question, does participating in the forums and just even talking about these worries you have help to relieve some of the tensions? I hope so any way. Mado Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
I left my husband of nearly 20 years because I wanted a hot lover as a partner my just a male friend. I think sex in a relationship is very important to. Without it you are just living with your friend. Counselling would not of done anything for me. I just didn't have those feelings towards him and I don't believe I could change no matter what someone said to me.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Yep sure is and if she don't put out she's outta my life.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I went back to NZ to see my elderly Mum...I managed to get out and visit a working girl...seeing as prostitution is legal over there...I wasn't especially horny at the time but the window of opportunity was open so I dived in...metaphorically speaking.So I was bit nervous...luckily she was a very professional girl who showed me a great time gave me some good advice & treated me with respect. I too showed her respect & now I have new face book friend... I LOVE SEX...thanks Anna
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Jack_Denials' I often read Toby Green the psychologist in the Sunday Times...she says two things...firstly if there's no sex then there's an elephant in the room Mrs D & I acknowledge that. She also says sexless marriages can work if the sexually active partner gets there sexual needs taken care of outside the marriage...I'm prepared to go there if I can fins someone who wants the same as I do. I will have feelings for the lady who wants to share her body with me however Mrs D is over 25 years ahead in the love I have to share. Mrs D has given me two beautiful kids & stuck by me through the hard times...to say I owe her is an understatement.I'm still looking... Even if for whatever reason Mrs D isn't willing why would she want you to spend time money invest yourself intimately with another woman. I know I wouldn't! Does she think seriously there is just a woman her age who would be willing to let you just come fuck her with no connection?. oops yes but Lady T not so common. I am not calling you a liar just saying your wife is being totally I cant even think of a word..............ignorant. Thats why I keep saying she's kidding herself and so are you. I can tell from what you have expressed in the past you are after more than sex a partner a person you can be to be initmate with and share with. Medication, Depression, menopause, Psychological, Exhaustion, and many many factors Complacency. I don't know what your sex life was life or why there is this problem but it seems only fair for her to help by addressing it and go to counselling. Quoting RHP101 Yes, sex is important: but so is intimacy for a relationship I found in my failed marriage I just didn't want sex, but was more than happy to snuggle on the couch or caress each other in bed. But my ex saw that as "launch sequence commenced". He assumed by me touching him it would lead to sex within minutes. He didn't just view it as a sensual touch or intimacy. He seemed to view it that if I didn't follow through I was teasing him (and not in the good way). Lady t discusses a sexless marraige but concludes she enjoys and needs sex It is common with men, touch leads to arousal and they want that and then ...roll over. I have discussed this before with reasoning as to why women often shy away at times because they only feel he touches her when he wants sex. Quoting 'Openly1' As I said... If it gets to the point where the lady is unable to be 'intimate' without it always leading to sex, she will shut down and the male (who doesn't understand women, will take it personally and a 'cycle' begins that can only be stopped by intervention. One of the Counseling exercises they promote (and I'm NOT qualified), is 'prescribing' that 'heaps of intimacy be practiced for possibly weeks' but definitely NO sex afterwards. So the lady can feel comfortable and not under pressure to have sex and the man can realize that it's actually FUN... Experience when I was far younger and less knowing, is obviously where that was learned. Even in loveless marriages people individuals crave desire and need human touch and intimacy. I had been asked once how had had children with my ex whose bedside manner was -well put on a porno was fore play and if I dared take myself to bed without first finding out if he wanted sex could be terrifying. So I suppose I stayed up waiting for him to go first. But I needed touch and sex I needed that when we fucked to gain the maximum from it to ensure that I was in my own world and make sure I came as much as I could and with a drawer full of toys YEAH sneek some solo play during the day. In the end with years without sex because of his ED it was agrivating your not the only one who has suffered years without sex theres a clan of male and female posters here who have too. I do wish you the best which ever way this goes. Great you got laid but a continent away.
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RHP User
11 years ago
C'est la vie thanks for posting...I'll digest that in due course.
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gazpacho
11 years ago
Sex isn't important to me in a relationship. I have lots of relationships with people in which no sex ever occurs between us. Of course, this doesn't mean I will agree to have my libido shelved indefinitely, should a lover decide that they no longer have any interest in getting sticky. It's a two way street and if you're headed in the opposite direction, move the fuck over and let the traffic pass by your slow load. I'll take a shortcut if I have to. Anybody who knows me, knows this and I wouldn't expect any more. Don't ruin Christmas, ffs! HugsGazpacho
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
I believe Naked soul sex is the closed one can ever get to another human being. To me it's fully exposing your mind body and soul, your vulnerabilities, your emotions, your body and knowing who you are. To me that is the icing on the cake. I also believe sex can leave an empty feeling, especially if people don't talk about their needs, wants and desires. Sex can sometimes make things more confusing and make one question, is this the person for me? Is this relationship for me? Foxy
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RHP User
11 years ago
It is not a priority but its at best a necessity! Heck its AWESOME and we are all Born to DO it!
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RHP User
11 years ago
Relationships may be in bother when they lack physical intimacy and/or sexual desire/connections.When an individual pulls away and stops wanting some sort of physical connection on a continual basis, trouble may be brewing.Libidos may be affected by external stresses of everyday life, but usually sort themselves out. I can live without sex when I am not in a relationship, but I do want and need it when I am seeing someone special. Soulful sex, giving all of myself to that special person in my life, makes it all worthwhile. Being able to reach out, touch, connect and let him know I want him, as much as he needs me.
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RHP User
11 years ago
The End...Rocky
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