F53
Is there really anything in between this & a relationship?
May 23 2013
Comments
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Mischeviouslad
12 years ago
O.E.Ive dallied in the dark arts of RSVP... and I dont agree with your housemate.That is not to say they are wrong.....its probably because of my views towards sex is that it is simply a normal, everyday part of getting to know someone with a view towards determining their suitability.... and that unless you have a particular religious, cultural or ideological direction.... I recognize all relationships are casual until both parties decide otherwise.You dont meet someone on a Friday, like them, and decide youre in a relationship, even if you REALLY want a relationship. Its an evolving situation.The truth of the matter is, of the people Ive messaged back and forth in here, versus RSVP.... the numbers in favour of rsvp are considerably higher.... and rarely, did that develop towards what most would consider a "relationship", for one reason or another.In particular, two women decided upon a casual and ongoing friendship.. and they have been genuine friendships, with social outings and events and not merely bedroom sports. I am (just) still friends with one today. The simple truth is that all casual friendships end... either through attrition, or because they develop into a relationship.This is merely my experience.... but to me, it indicates your housemate is a bit too black and white when most of life occupies the grey middle ground.DG
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RHP User
12 years ago
I would say a one nighter would be the baseline, a FB or FWB would be in the middle, then an exclusive or open relationship (preference is yours) is the top/other side. Here you can get any of the above arrangements, and RSVP is mainly for those after exclusive relationships. Sorry OP, if you could clarify a little more that would be great.
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RHP User
12 years ago
truth is honey, this is dick and lick land and lots of fun banter but it is not the place to find the guy you will set up house with they go for the good girls for that,and after the honeymoon go looking for the bad girls you just have to decide what kind of girl you want to be for a guy the world is conventional, the internet is not I am sure there are some hot fishermen where you are .....or farmers? there was a hot tradie on here from where you are he was worried people would think him a man whore if they knew he was on rhp and he is right, they would tis the nature of the beast and the in between takes time , and effort, bit like cooking and to may of us go to the drive through sex burger shop instead of staying at home and learning to cook
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RHP User
12 years ago
There is so much variety in life. Do not give up on the chase for the perfect friend. All I can say is the more people you meet the more likely you will finds the jewels in the ore. Don't give up they do exist if you can share.
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RHP User
12 years ago
The (great majority) of men who say they want a 'FWB' actually mean they just want the benefits. They don't want the 'friend' bit. So in most cases, yes, it's either just sex, or it's a relationship.And before the usual suspects jump on me, remember that I'm generalising, and that guys who post regularly on this forum often don't fit into the 'generalised' categories.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have to disagree with your comment not all of us mear males are the same, yes there are the players but there are some women who are players also. As for your question OneEmerald in the big world of internet dating it doesn't matter what site you are on you will find players and people who don't match up with what you are looking for,at least on RHP you get a good idea of the other persons sexual desires straight up unlike the vanilla sites and that is what most of us are looking for in a partner either as a FWB or a relationship someone who matches up and scratches the itch we have. oh im just down the road :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
prior to my wife and I beginning our relationship....I was here as a single. I met and established an 18 month relationship with a lovely woman...an English school teacher. so yea, it does happen...you are as likely here to meet your significant other, as anywhere else...its really up to you and how you screen the men you do choose to meet.... no need to be cynical or anything negative, just be open and accepting...if its going to happen, let it. as for RSVP? that's worse than this site, if its at all possible...do a few 'meet n greet' nights with that crowd......its a wakeup...it was my experience that the women throw themselves at you.... I found myself saying 'no thanks' over and over........not nice at all..
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RHP User
12 years ago
A FWB... Like I said, so far the men I've met seem to really only want try as many women as they can, including me, even though apparently they're not into quantity over quality. Or is it because I'm simply not the FWB they want? If so how many potentials do I have to go through before I find a real FWB? I'm picky enough as it is, but I never expected this...- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Think I'm a whore too? God I hate that word! So how long & how many before one finds a FWB?? I was expecting to see heaps of hot cray fishermen, that's what I'd heard, but I think they're hiding with the crays...- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I've found a few good men over the past few years that have led to lovely FB and FWB's relationships, some online, some in RL. They've lasted from 6 months through to 18 months and counting. I think for a true ongoing FWB relationship sometimes it's easier to find that within your own circle of friends. There is one man in my life who will always be a friend, we may pause the sexual side occasionally due to partners etc, but will still be in each other's lives, and may one day take things up again.
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ruby_blossum
12 years ago
who have met their partner on rhp which is fabulous.Both open minded adults realising they have found a treasure, open and honest about their sexuality.Sadly there are many (men & women) who still believe if you meet someone on an "adult site" they are only good for sex and nothing else.I have come across many men on rsvp who have a profile here as well as I am sure men have come across women on both sites too.The double standards never cease to amaze me.Meeting someone on rsvp is no assurance they are in for more than just sex either.The whole www.internet world has made "dating" & "courting" irrelevant.Many these days are after instant gratification, no strings attached, they want the relationship scenario withoutany commitment....it is way to easy to just call NEXT !I find the whole thing quite sad.
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RHP User
12 years ago
What you allow it to be- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
There are many guys that seem to have one task only and that is to notch their belts. I can understand that mentality. When i first joined dating sites I had come out of a long term monogamous relationship and had not been with many women. I really felt I had some catching up to do. I was a hunter and conquest was my single minded goal. It was insecurity that drove me, and was surprised at quickly I lost interest once the prey had been taken. Maybe it is something I should have done when younger but circumstance prevented that. But things have changed, confidence in my sexuality is now strong. I still have insecurities but they have nothing to do with my manhood anymore. There are many guys here that are as me. I case friendship, a connection for my quirky nature an ongoing friendship. I am a very sexual being and openly display it, I will use it if I can to entice but the goal is no longer sex (sex is easy to get). Company and ongoing respect (both given and taken) does not have a ending and there is no greater joy than a night with like minded friends, laughs, conversation, free sexuality, and above all acceptance and understanding. So let the boys play, it is in their nature, it is the path that must be taken to become men. Unfortunately we must meet many to find the gems but the reward is worth the adventure. Never give up OP.
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RHP User
12 years ago
OE, I see you like driving in the middle, in case you have to turn right or left, you just have to switch one lane.I have also heard from people that RSVP is where people look for relationships. I sometimes wonder if they own shares in Fairfax. That is beside the point.You need to be clear in what you want from the relationship. Do you want to marry, do you want to have children? If yes, then even the middle is not going to work. If you want your independence but also companionship, then it could work. That is what a FWB is really, a companion. You can also stipulate that you want an exclusive FWB arrangement. It is up to you how you want to define your relationship.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'sirlurkalot'What you allow it to be- Posted from rhpmobile we make our own experiences here...mine was very rewarding.....ours now is equally as rewarding
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RHP User
12 years ago
I am learning more everyday being on this site.. I was naive to what was on offer and mistakenly thought it was all about strangers hooking up and moving on.. I'm sure there is that part of it, but it's not what I'm looking for.. Since I have been actively reading the forums my whole outlook is changing, there are genuine people on here looking for similar things, interests and companion ship.. I think for a lot of people the sex is a bi-product. It is for me anyway, more than ever.. I want to have sex don't get me wrong, but I want to know the person a little and it would be ideal to have an ongoing FWB situation.. I'm not looking to add notches to my bed post.. I hope you find someone genuine ;-) x
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RHP User
12 years ago
Its pretty naive to think everyone is just here for sex.Its pretty naive to think everyone is here for a relationship.This place is like a cake shop ,plenty of colours and flavours for all to choose.The hard bit is finding someone ,that wants what you want !I keep searching for what i am looking forRegards
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'OneEmerald'Think I'm a whore too? God I hate that word! So how long & how many before one finds a FWB?? I was expecting to see heaps of hot cray fishermen, that's what I'd heard, but I think they're hiding with the crays...- Posted from rhpmobile in a place not to far from you. we did not meet on the net I went out with one of his mates,who went on the boat withhim the next day and thought it was a good idea to tell all and sundry what a good root I was. Though my end of the good root was not much at all. so hubby thought If I was a good root I may just make a good wife. but then hubby is a man that knows what he wants and does not care whatothers may say the fishermen are there, and some might just read your post. yes you have to kiss a lot of frogs , and sometimes you get a bit pissed off, like I am of late. with the ones that bulshit beyond belief. Its not always as easy as everyone says to cut out the bullshit artists, as those guys are pretty good at what they do. There are not many places to meet guys these days and as some say, most want the benifts not the friend part, But not all men are the same,neither are women but women are get the attention and the numbers but at a price.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'ruby_blossum'who have met their partner on rhp which is fabulous.Both open minded adults realising they have found a treasure, open and honest about their sexuality.Sadly there are many (men & women) who still believe if you meet someone on an "adult site" they are only good for sex and nothing else.I have come across many men on rsvp who have a profile here as well as I am sure men have come across women on both sites too.The double standards never cease to amaze me.Meeting someone on rsvp is no assurance they are in for more than just sex either.The whole www.internet world has made "dating" & "courting" irrelevant.Many these days are after instant gratification, no strings attached, they want the relationship scenario withoutany commitment....it is way to easy to just call NEXT !I find the whole thing quite sad. Quoting 'ruby_blossum'who have met their partner on rhp which is fabulous.Both open minded adults realising they have found a treasure, open and honest about their sexuality.Sadly there are many (men & women) who still believe if you meet someone on an "adult site" they are only good for sex and nothing else.I have come across many men on rsvp who have a profile here as well as I am sure men have come across women on both sites too.The double standards never cease to amaze me.Meeting someone on rsvp is no assurance they are in for more than just sex either.The whole www.internet world has made "dating" & "courting" irrelevant.Many these days are after instant gratification, no strings attached, they want the relationship scenario withoutany commitment....it is way to easy to just call NEXT !I find the whole thing quite sad. sad but then what do they do? give up sex I think , no wonder men and women are so far apart these days we are not even in the same book, let alone on the same page.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Cheeky smile going on there Fella he! he! I agree it is what you make it but it helps to attract the right People for you to make it so. That begins with your view of yourself;) Hmmm I think we covered this recently he! he! See I am Posting in the Forums and came to say Hi! Cheers Lu :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
We are looking for similar, a man who can be a good mate and have a few drinks/dinner at the pub ( getting all hot and bothered with sexual banter) and then come home and have a great time, it is hard to find the balance. We don't want to have to keep seeking new people as it is tiresome and at times frustrating. I think also if I were to become single again I would want the same sort of arrangement, don't come in and upset my life or take over my couch and remote, just go out for dinners and maybe a few dirty weekends, be able to connect as two people in a relationship without the constraints of one, with great sex heaped on top. I am not sure really how to weed out those that really want one nighters, they can say everything you want to hear and then after the first 'real date' sex included, never be seen again. Have you found this to be truer of the younger men in your preferred age range, or across the board?
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inspirit
12 years ago
Quoting 'FWithBenefits' I'm not looking to add notches to my bed post.. I hope you find someone genuine ;-) x wanna be a notch on mine I am also free to good home
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RHP User
12 years ago
I can't reply to individual comments, as I've got a stupid phone that doesn't work properly, so for now... HellenHeels... Your question... Have you found this to be truer of the younger men in your preferred age range, or across the board? I've found this to be across the board. And yes I agree we are looking for the same thing. MischievousLad I agree that my housemate's view is black & white... However I was beginning to seriously think it true, due to my experiences so far, then after reading all of the comments, I realised something that I think is the common denominator amongst them, they've all been only recently out of LTRs... Of course they want to get as many notchesc in their belt! (Not all are like this, but I'd bet the majority) They're deluding themselves by putting out they want an FWB, as a few have said on here, some only want the benefits. It is I suppose a way of easing their way back into the game. Now that I've realised this, I've decided that I'm not going to meet men who are recently single. They're unlikely to be in a position to truly only want a FWB largly due to the stage in life they're in. I've been single for 3 years & I've only just realised I wanted a FWB, so I can't see how men just out of LTRs would be ready for a FWB, how could they?? I've updated my profile, no recently single men. Perhaps this will make a difference...
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RHP User
12 years ago
A profile is like a resume, it needs to be adjusted slightly for every position you apply for, or in this case, for the type of person you wish to attract. (I quickly changed mine after joining when I realised what it was drawing in) Screening is like the vetting process in recruitment, you go through the applicants to see who meets the basic criteria. The next stage is interviewing, which would be engaging in one on one interactions via messages, text or phone calls. Finally a social meeting is like a trial shift, a one on one get together to see if you can communicate and have the chemistry. Only after all this is completed do they get the job! Once the position is filled you may decide to change the profile again to attract a different type of person. Most people change their profiles several times after joining. I quickly learned to take out about half of my sexual interests and leave the word "fun" out of it entirely! And yes, I also learnt anyone recently out of a LTR probably wasn't looking for the same thing as me- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Your Head is full of beliefs....What's more, Your head is full of other people's beliefs (the things you've learned up till now).This belief you are currently updating (in-between relationships) is your housemates belief..Add it to the list of other's thoughts in your mind if it suits you?
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RHP User
12 years ago
My 2 cents worth,you are all unique and yet similar, so many thoughts and actions will seem similar but in reality are unique to you, you will have an appetite the girl/guy next to you will not, having said that I think we all make our own relationships and create them as we go, their is no manual, or hard and fast rules, excpet those you bring or invent, so...Just be creative, have fun, adventure, make a V line for your wants and goals and those who share similar ideas will join you, adding their unique slant to it, those who are more unique than similar will depart, you cannot change it, you have to simple be resolute in seeking what you want and don't deviate (excpet in your appetites...lol), it is how you find what you are looking for.practically you see those whom you set your unique standards to find, age, race, dress, sexuality, etc...and most of us miss the unforseen similarities in unique circumstances, because we wont do this, or don't like that, but if you simply try to look with seeing, not look for what you want to see, the things you are missing will make themselves obvious.Just My 2 cents worth.
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RHP User
12 years ago
That my beliefs are influenced by others? They're not my own? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
They do exist. I've had three over my life that lasted more than 6 moths. One is still a good buddy even. You just need to be patient and filter well.After all, If they were really that easy to find The Bakery would possibly not even exist?
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RHP User
12 years ago
Of course O.E. some of the beliefs you hold as true and valid today are reasoning exclusive to you and a judgement value you've arrived at yourself (usually from the input of others or your own experiences). However many of the beliefs Told to you as a child have been updated by newer information (C.) and if you're a parent (P.) you'll have all the child data required (if not your data will be the input of your own parents plus other parents.) . The Adult belief/s in question here (A.) and your judgement call final will be arrived at by your adult reasoning and not C. or P. You follow? . Yes the influence of your housemate may factor and possibly the input from the contributors to your post, but ultimately your value (true or false) will be your judgement call.
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