F43
Jealousy in the swing scene.
November 11 2016
Comments
-
Limited_Editionx
8 years ago
Hello 😘 I have had girlfriends stop attending events because of this exact scenario... I am looking forward to reading these comments! XxMiss L.ed
-
RHP User
8 years ago
They're projecting their views of themselves onto you..... - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
Yes. Very common. Some want the single unicorn ladies there but think we are there to snag their man. They can make you feel very outcast. God forbid if you walk in all bubbly, happy and social on your own .But in my experience, some of the husbands need to stop sneaking around and trying to set up a private meet behind their wives back. It has happened on 3 different occasions with me. And it turned me off private swingers venues & parties. Appologies to the 90% of loyal partners that I havent met at these events.
-
Grouse33
8 years ago
And perhaps it's because unicorns are conventionally considered the apex predator in the swinging food chain - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
on this very subject. I've found the same thing in the past... Not in meet and greet social functions, there everyone is very friendly, but in clubs/parties? Single women often get treated quite poorly by other women on the scene in my experience. How do you deal with it? I pretty much have stopped attending anything like that. Unicorns we may be, but the swinging scene is for couples.
-
RHP User
8 years ago
So many threads on here advocate the swinging scene as being the way to go. Ive heard so many stories from male friends about jealousy issues. So its not just about women. It has reared its ugly head here and I am thinking that maybe its not as cut and dried as its made out to be?
-
RHP User
8 years ago
Yeah you hit it there. Its deffinately more suited to a couples scene. Or parties that majority are singles. Or bi parties. Then the dynamics shift focus.
-
Paradisepair
8 years ago
And when I do, I have learnt it's better to bring a wingman as otherwise it can feel quite isolating as so called bi women look past you for 'your man'.
-
RHP User
8 years ago
chicks are a pain in the ass chicks in coffee shops, I have them spike my coffee, with full cream milk
-
RHP User
8 years ago
is a wasted emotion IMHO and makes me avoid placing myself with couples, I'd much rather get together with a group of singles where the women aren't giving you the daggers
-
RHP User
8 years ago
We can't comment on clubs as a single woman but as a couple at social meets & private parties Mrs Adelaide has been put on the outer with some women for no apparent reason. (Not at a]our most recent meet) Jealousy has no MO it's just some people are insecure for whatever reason and unfortunately it leaves a bad taste in your mouth.
-
DynamicCouple36
8 years ago
We have been to several events & parties and chatted to you briefly at one in Prahran. As your post seems mainly aimed at the conduct of women, at these events, we will try to answer based on our experience & observations over the past few years. Many women are coerced & pushed ,to attend parties and events, by their male partners. Let's not beat about the bush here. The male partner is looking to have fun with another woman and his female partner is very aware of this. It's a male driven industry / lifestyle. Jealousy can thus creep in, in the event that the male half gets chatting with , takes a liking to , a single female at such an event. His female partner, in the event that she is an insecure & jealous type , might then become threatened by the "competition" and might then react in various ways . Snubbing is but one. Rudeness and disrespect another. Don't take it personally "Tarte". It's not you who has the issue / problem, but rather the relationship of the "couple" If the male half had not pushed his partner to attend, or she was secure in her relationship and trusted him, she would not be threatened by, nor jealous of, him wanting to give attention to other females at such events/parties. It's not just a female thing/issue. We have seen males getting all pissed off as their female partner is having fun and is attracting other males, and so insecurity & jealousy occurs on both ends of the scale. If one wants to venture into the swinging scene /lifestyle , one needs to have a loving, trustful and respectful (for one another) relationship . If one partner feels pushed into this so as to take one for the team, then there are going to be issues with jealousy, insecurity and the resentment that follows. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
DynamicCouple36
8 years ago
We have been to several events & parties and chatted to you briefly at one in Prahran. As your post seems mainly aimed at the conduct of women, at these events, we will try to answer based on our experience & observations over the past few years. Many women are coerced & pushed ,to attend parties and events, by their male partners. Let's not beat about the bush here. The male partner is looking to have fun with another woman and his female partner is very aware of this. It's a male driven industry / lifestyle. Jealousy can thus creep in, in the event that the male half gets chatting with , takes a liking to , a single female at such an event. His female partner, in the event that she is an insecure & jealous type , might then become threatened by the "competition" and might then react in various ways . Snubbing is but one. Rudeness and disrespect another. Don't take it personally "Tarte". It's not you who has the issue / problem, but rather the relationship of the "couple" If the male half had not pushed his partner to attend, or she was secure in her relationship and trusted him, she would not be threatened by, nor jealous of, him wanting to give attention to other females at such events/parties. It's not just a female thing/issue. We have seen males getting all pissed off as their female partner is having fun and is attracting other males, and so insecurity & jealousy occurs on both ends of the scale. If one wants to venture into the swinging scene /lifestyle , one needs to have a loving, trustful and respectful (for one another) relationship . If one partner feels pushed into this so as to take one for the team, then there are going to be issues with jealousy, insecurity and the resentment that follows. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
Swinging started as wife swapping and was a gender balanced arrangement, hence usual for married couples to attend. The invent of the internet and the ease of getting involved attracted oodles of singles to call themselves swingers, hence the gender balance went out the window. In the good old days you were either a couple swinging or a solo person having sex on the side or loose sex. The kinks have of course added to the blur with the likes of cucks where most every solo male believes every couple wants a cuck, when most couples are not interested in an additional male with a lot wanting the 'softer' side of an additional female company outside parties. For us, frequent extra females but no single males as is her preference.As DC states a lot of couples attend parties have a problem relationship where the wife is there only to keep the peace. We've seen it at parties, met these types for introduction drinks and it's certain not to go to any fun. OP, above all I'd disagree with your take on Jealousy, it's more like protecting their position than being jealous of you. Pecking order is important and when the chain of command is threatened nasty actions can occur, it's more indepth than jealousy. The others should be the ones to change, but try a little different focus for yourself and see if that makes your time at parties happier.
-
inspirit
8 years ago
Well my my...who would of guessed. Although I have found the "Unicorns" to be the worst for it. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
MsSuperFoxy
8 years ago
It's not just women, men do too. I think females are more nasty, mean (as we are more verbal) out of the sexes. As for the jealously, I believe if people behaved themselves and conducted in an ethical way (with open honest communication), felt secure as well as not make it all about who is rooting who (what not), then there would be issues. Half the issues come from gossip and competitiveness I reckon anyways, which at times makes the swinging science messy at times. Too much crap goes on at times. People attend because they can, it's a choice they make. Ms Foxy
-
RHP User
8 years ago
Jealousy comes from insecurities that haven't been dealt with or talked about i say, the masses are right when the say communication is key - Posted from rhpmobile
-
MsSuperFoxy
8 years ago
* would NOT be issues. * science should be SCENE. Ms Foxy
-
MsSuperFoxy
8 years ago
You have a choice - remove yourself from certain situations in the scene and ignore, or openly discuss how it makes you feel, rather then put blame onto others. If you say you are polite, others may not see your politeness the same way you do. Ms Foxy
-
RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit' Well my my...who would of guessed. Although I have found the "Unicorns" to be the worst for it. - Posted from rhpmobile "Unicorns" turn up to these things alone... Who are they jealous of?
-
Andyjayyy
8 years ago
Not that any lady should be made to feel so uncomfortable like that just for going on their own (I'm amazed that should happen); but if it's something that does happen and any lady would like a half decent companion to keep an eye out for them and act as their partner, then I'm sure there's a nice guy or two (like me) that would love to accompany them with no expectations.
-
RHP User
8 years ago
The complexity of human emotions and relationships! I am a single woman and have held off going to events for a variety of reasons. I have a natural aversion to crowds as socialising wears me out. Added to this is the fear of being singled out (no pun intended) as a unicorn and having to deal with the attention that may bring. This thread has made me more resolute. I think I will continue to stay away from events as I don't want to feel as if I m back in school dealing with the insecurities and issues discussed here.
-
Tezhez
8 years ago
In all honesty I think It depends on the couple and the "unicorn" I have been to a party with my hubby and still received nasty daggers and things. Some women do it without realising or just don't like too much competition. But I was not offended by this as I am secure within myself. Some women are put off by "unicorns" that come on too strong and feel shunned - so like a previous comment can be a pecking order thing. If a couple are secure in their relationship and have trust and have talked through different scenarios then it should not be a problem. I enjoy seeing my hubby getting attention and vice versa so it all depends on the individual and the couple.
-
Paradisepair
8 years ago
I have learnt too that another method of ensuring fun, friendly satisfaction at a couples night is to focus on the f of the couple, even if he's the more charming and talkative, make it about the 2 of you ladies with the m as an added bonus. Also really, truly parties and nights for or with a good amount of swingles of both sexes are the best parties put the IMO, except I've only found them overseas.
-
Paradisepair
8 years ago
Out there...
-
inspirit
8 years ago
Use to be really bad here. Jealous of other "Unicorns". - Posted from rhpmobile
-
MsJonesy
8 years ago
The Unicorn is actually a man eating and stealing magnet, who is going to weave a net of spells around their husbands and spirit them away into their single female abode, where the wedding planning book takes centre place on the coffee table. *sigh...and ffs* Yes, the jealous wifeys are at minimum a pain, but more regularly just downright unpleasant. How do I deal with them....I tell them clearly and pleasantly I have no desire to own their man, that they are quite silly to think I have any desire to steal them and be stuck washing their cruddy jocks for the rest of my life...that pleasure is theirs and theirs alone. If they continue, I will call them out on their behaviour....and suggest they really do need to check their emotions at the door when entering a swingers club. I don't muck around, I tell them straight (retaining my manners of course!). They don't have the right to make others feel uncomfortable in a club, to make them feel they should slink out the back door mumbling apologies for being so forward to attend in the first place. This forum has made me think about another group with peculiar behaviours....the soft swap couple. I shall start my own thread for that conundrum.
-
RHP User
8 years ago
Unicorns jealous of unicorns.... I can only imagine. Were there horns at dawn? MsJonesy, I look forward to your soft swap thread. Should be interesting.
-
Andremmo
8 years ago
If you are worried about jealousy, why not attend a venue that welcomes single men as well as single women. You'll be the centre of attraction with several men to choose from and the other women will be too busy to spare any time getting jealous. On top of that, you'll most likely get in for free or enjoy a considerable discount.
-
ReyandJean
8 years ago
Tarte, Possibly the dynamics are different when the female of the couple is bi and out hunting? As an "experimental" orientation has this been your experience? But agree with Andremmo. If the female half of couples is worrisome, and you're less interested in attention from women, attend where there are lots of males.
-
mvagusta9
8 years ago
Was at a party once that the lady got extreamly jealous screwed most of the night up,if any one who has 1% of jealously do not go to swing party,and soft swing just stay at home. Unicorns jealous of unicorns.... I can only imagine. Were there horns at dawn? MsJonesy, I look forward to your soft swap thread. Should be interesting.
-
RHP User
8 years ago
Those parties you suggested, with single guys included, are the only parties I have attended. I have never wanted to go to a couples/single women only event. So your suggestion didnt make a difference to some of my negative experiences
-
RHP User
8 years ago
for both sexes - whether you're a single girl, or single guy. The best way to avoid jealousy reactions is to make sure you're paying the greater amount of attention to the person you might be rivalling in the relationship ... and make sure to get their approval before you go anywhere with serious flirting. If *they* think you're charming and seductive, they'll 'recommend' you to their partner, either subtly or overtly. Also, with 2 guys, it's less about making her the added bonus, and more about building the best duo you can so that she has a blast (while he is still very much in charge).
-
cat_n_the_hatter
8 years ago
We have never been to those events you describe, but women see interaction as a vehicle to establish and maintain connections. Women are not more jealous than men. An intimate friend is a cherished treasure. My husband is my intimate friend, and if another woman is to be with him, she must be a special person indeed, but she would have to connect with me first. Because she would be an honored guest. There is a difference between feeling threatened and feeling intimidated.The difference is fear. When a woman feels threatened, she is afraid that you will take something she has (her man, her confidence, her best friend, the role she has established in her group) Here are examples when SOME women may find you a threat : If the women around you think you’re prettier than them, your fate is sealed. It’s okay to be smart, but the bigger the words, the smaller is your audience (keep the conversation light). Know the dress code and don’t over-do it. Once the women perceive that you’ve out-dressed them, the only line you will be crossing is the one marked “enemy" territory. And the thinner you are, the easier you are to dismiss. The heavier woman is prone to think that the thinner woman just doesn’t know what it is like. She is less likely to be vulnerable with you, fearing your judgment of her. Some women have an opinion on everything, and she’s not afraid to share it. Women connect over their weaknesses as much as their strengths. Any of these could be a reason why you felt they were "jealous"...but then maybe they were just rude women. And men are no better. It is a human thing until they get to know you. She will judge you on the basis of your behaviour. Same as you judge her. It's not easy to find people we connect with. (MS)
-
RHP User
8 years ago
That's good advice, it's not so much about jealousy but politeness and respect. We have just started going to parties but the same applies to messaging on here, single guys that contact us (we are open and play separately) need to remember they're talking to a couple. I don't choose who Mrs D plays with but I have said no to some guys because of their approach. If they don't show me any respect in messaging then how can I trust that they'll respect my wife during a play? Mr D
-
RHP User
8 years ago
In my short term newbie experience in the swinging scene, I still cannot call myself a swinger, but the only jealousy is what I hear from others. I've been jealous too when I went as a couple. I was very blunt with what I wanted too. It was still very new. Nothing tugs more at your heart strings than what you don't want to see. It's ok if it's agreed that it turns both people in the couple on. Swingers don't understand monogamists and vice versa. I'm trying to shift my mindset to be more free, but man it's hard. Give it time... I always wonder who initiates the swinging conversation in a couple. Relationships have always been a power struggle. I believe that jealousy at different levels have its good and bad. It's not completely wasted. Just if you care about something it's very natural to feel jealousy. Everybody wants to protect what they care about. I can go out have my fun and sometimes the after thought is always different. I don't know why. In the moment I could be enjoying it, then when I snap out of it, my head either laughs at the experience or shies away from it. Jealousy is just a symptom of more deep-seated issues. When the mind unconsciously traps us in that pattern of thought - like "oh he wants her more than me", that's when it becomes dangerous. I was there not too long ago. It took me 2 days to process it all and suppress my feelings in front of everyone at a party. So no more couple parties for me for while lol - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
I think single women who get jealous or mean to other women are just competitive and want to be the alpha female. I'm not competitive cos I always hate losing, but who said we were ever competing in the same race? We're all different. Just accept that those women have issues of their own and don't make it your problem, OP :) it's not just women, it's anyone with that mindset, egotistic, think they're all that. They need to get over themselves TBH lol I love talking about jealousy. It's such an interesting topic and how people enslave themselves to their own destructive thoughts. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
MissRedFox
8 years ago
Attending events as a single woman - I've read through the comments with interest. The advice given to single women - be careful to play more attention to her, be careful not to overdress etc may be well intentioned but quite off putting. I'm a girl with curves myself and get that's not everyone's thing - so I'm not walking into an event thinking everyone wants me. And you know I may just want to just talk to you with no expectations because I'm on my own and would enjoy the conversation. Partnered ladies - put yourself in the singles ladies high heels - you're there with company she had just walked in alone - it's incredibly daunting. So she looks confident and she dressed sexy - that's likely it means she's open and looking to play. Use her outfit as an opener to conversation and give her a compliment. If single women are so desired in the scene - then welcome them. It really shouldn't be that hard Giggles Oh I forgot - sometimes that the point😜 - Posted from rhpmobile
-
Paradisepair
8 years ago
Quoting 'MissRedFox' If single women are so desired in the scene - then welcome them. But that's the irony, while online a single lady will be getting lots of attention, IRL they're not quite as prized as everyone thinks. And remember I am talking from personal experience. Perhaps some of those couples listing the lady as bi-curious or bi have shifted her further across the kinsey scale than she is in reality. And look at all those profiles with NO SINGLE GUYS, I had one night out where it felt like the lady of a couple at the party was internally shouting NO SINGLE GIRLS... Because couples aren't being bombarded with 'hey' messages from unicorns there's no need for them to advertise it's not what they are actually after. So yes if playing more than one on one is your thing, the grass is not greener once you step away from the computer screen. Unicorns are not mythical, they're certainly can be special (re: the balls it takes to go to a party or club completely solo) but they're also not as sought after as everyone thinks. (disclaimer: this does not take into account any shy couples at parties, and totally discounts the couples who hit on me but lacked chemistry).
-
MissRedFox
8 years ago
What you've written Paradisepair and perhaps it's a bit of a myth that "unicorns" are so sought out for swingers events. But understandable given that most events have a significantly lower entry fee for single ladies - perhaps giving the impression that they are highly sort after. What is probably important here is expectations - and that no one should attend a swingers party with the impression play is guaranteed Having said that though attending a swingers event on my own is not very enticing if there's a reasonable chance I'll be sitting on my own with no one to at least talk to. Well I guess a male companion is always an option 😉 - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
Now we know we are definatley not ready for swingers parties!!! Will keep to low key friendships , life is better without the crap of unneccessary hardships bought on by the desire to seek happiness and sexual satifaction amounst strangers. We will just keep to getting to know people , finding friends and enjoying there company! Thank you all for your input. Its been an interesting thread. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
If any female's are looking for a wingman i am happy to fill in the position for the night..... - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
Could it be that the woman is ether just going along with it for her hubby or likes the idea of swinging but not really the practical 😉 part of it or partner won't let men play with their lady so lady is a but resentful (know a few cpls like this. Man to insecure to allow other man to play with his partner. They don't play a lot and it's usually him that complains oh we don't get to play very often) woman to insecure and thinks man will run away with other lady. You need to work out these things before you start enjoying the lifestyle or it doesn't end well Mrs B - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
.... but in saying that, I have learnt not to go alone to parties or clubs. I only go if I have a friend going wether a single or a couple. Makes me more comfortable. When I go to parties or clubs, I find that if a couple approaches me, they tend to be less likely to be jealous as they have specifically sought me out. That said I don't ignore everyone, but I keep those conversations more general. I haven't had a problem with jealousy, I have had more problems with couples that I have turned down. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
... When I gave a man attention. Just in passing, I simply touched his chest and he dragged me over to his wife and introduced us. Boy did I regret that tiny interaction. I guess they had this deal, of wanting to know exactly what and with who. It was supposed to be a friendly 'hello, you're cute' and moving on. But it ended up awkward and I felt like they thought I wanted to jump him lol! Can't say I've come across jealousy, but I can definitely say the women aren't always on board. It seems they are tagging along for the sake of their partner. Getting that vibe is a turn off and we walk away... - Posted from rhpmobile
-
Limited_Editionx
8 years ago
Cat n the Hatter made some very good points... a few of my gfs who now avoid parties etc due to nastiness are actually in couples. I attended events as a "unicorn" for quite a while and find it absolutely no different attending as a couple. I don't actually believe it has anything to do with Alpha female and sometimes not even the relationships and the dynamics within the couple... also sometimes it is not just the ladies, men can be just as bad, it's often just like school-yard bitchiness which has more to do with the person's individual self esteem/ego. I tend to try to put blinkers on, ignore it and just find a dance floor lol. Xx Miss L.Ed.
-
RHP User
8 years ago
In our limited experience, I'm relieved to say that we haven't felt any jealousy towards single women from my wife and I haven't felt jealousy towards single men and we've been with both as well as couples. For us, we encourage that attention for each other, it's what we want for one another! The sexier the better as long as they are considerate and respectful to both of us we will only do our best to make you feel welcome, wanted and comfortable. We don't understand why anyone would behave like this because for us this is the thrill we are after. On occasion I have felt a little insecure about my wifes lack of attention to myself but that is never directed or about the new friend we have made and we would never display that as negative energy. It's something we'd talk about between the two of us afterwards. Mr Frendlycouple. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
When I say I've felt a little insecure because I've felt I wanted more attention from my wife when other men are involved. What I mean is I'm not jealous or resent the attention she is getting, in fact I invite it. The fact is that I intensely lust after my wife and I too want some of her attention... - Posted from rhpmobile
-
swingalingson
8 years ago
Swinging in simple terms.. Share, Enjoy and just be, just be. Enjoy a situation, be your true self not to worry about competition because sooner or later if everyone gives... one day one will receive. If insecurities overcome you. Then stay home and empower yourself to overcome those insecurities. It does a favor for yourself and to others. Or simply look the other way and let others do their thing until one is ready then when ready join in the scene and the fun.
-
RHP User
8 years ago
@Limited_Editionx Miss L.Ed - touché! Love your good attitude. If only everybody could be like that :) most people I've come across have been. I go in with that attitude. Nobody wants drama. Depends how people can catch their thoughts of jealousy and how to deal with it. People deal differently with their insecurities in the open. Insecurities are internal, also loneliness and jealousy. Some people put up a wall and get aggressive, while others are more passive and deal with it internally. I haven't come across any aggression thank god @Mr Friendly Couple! Good going! High 5! :D - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
As a BDSM Sub & a a willing Unicorn.....I have found that some woman are very cautious...because not all relationships are as strong as they are perceived....whether the woman is not as committed or the man...after all they are swinging ...and takes a dam string relationship to do.....I would simply tell them I choose to be single for a reason.....mine is mainly due to not finding a man that can meet all my needs with exploration and my need for BDSM. Maybe if a single woman was to show more attention flirting wise to the women at these events it may help....nothing sexier than having a man's wife in front of him...😋😋😋 - Posted from rhpmobile
-
Shane_Claire
8 years ago
Honestly i been in the scene for 3 years now unless im very ignorant the parties i been attending....i can honestly say ive seen maybe 2 jealous incidents.....other times i just may see a couple leave early then i assume there might have been an issue but never seen anyone disrespectful to another because of jealous issues. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
Totally agree....ive encountered the same thing and surprisingly its usually the 'stunners" who behave that way. WTF? 😯 I say everyone has their insecurities...but if theyre going to affect someone ELSE'S good time...perhaps those lind of women need to reconsider attending these events so the REST of us can have a good time...which is what its all about in the first place..... Dont let them get to you....just have a great time and let THEM ruin their OWN night with their petty insecurities...not YOUR night. ☺ xx - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
Any doubts in any part of the relationship and you shouldn't be swinging simple as that..... - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
I have been attending swingers for 6yrs and i agree with some parties you do get the cold shoulder but if you make it clear your just there for fun and most of the time im there for the woman. I think unicorns just have to be themselves and find the right party that suits them. I have found my favorite and only go to those ones. Other ppls issues have no affect on my pleasure, it doesnt matter where you go theres always going to be a few nasties. Just be yourself have fun and go home, don't get caught up on their issues. I love swingers and im not going to stop because of 1 or 2, theres always more willing to enjoy the experience with a unicorn. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
boxestotick
8 years ago
If we met you at a party we promise not to exclude you. Not one little bit. No jealousy issues here. What's good for the goose....
-
RHP User
8 years ago
Oh my gosh, yes! I've only been to a party once and left rather disappointed. I was there as a single girl, but arrived with a couple I'd had a "meet and greet" with once before. I went not only to interact with them, but with whoever else struck my fancy. We ended up being 3 couples and me. The kicker: only me and the woman of the couple I went with were bi, so the numbers just weren't on our side. I really felt quite a bit that I could have left the room and nobody would have noticed because me being there meant that one woman was always left waiting. I won't lie, I did feel somewhat intimidated by the three other women, who were all either super fit and/or really sexy; I just felt average, but that didn't make me act badly towards them! It also didn't help that I ended up really favoring one of the men over the other two and wished I'd had more time with him. In the end, I think I decided that, while I'd be open to trying a party/orgy again, I may be better oriented towards threesomes. The group didn't "need" me, but a couple does. Quoting 'Paradisepair' So yes if playing more than one on one is your thing, the grass is not greener once you step away from the computer screen. Unicorns are not mythical, they're certainly can be special (re: the balls it takes to go to a party or club completely solo) but they're also not as sought after as everyone thinks.
-
RHP User
8 years ago
Partners who get jealous of other people are insecure and not suited to the swinging lifestyle, and are probably attending parties because they dont trust their partner. Its as simple as that. We have experienced several couples like that. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
@teatree - you're right... if I let my partner play separately, I'd probably drift. If my partner let me play, it could be dangerous because I could fall. It's all or nothing for me. There is no try. If a partner wants to share me, it feels like playing games. I didn't think I was a jealous person, until I am asked to share something I kind of hold sacred. Actions speak louder than words IMO. I couldn't swing. Messes with my head. I can be a free agent, no problem, cos I don't have to be held accountable to someone... even if I want to be. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'DynamicCouple36' We have been to several events & parties and chatted to you briefly at one in Prahran. As your post seems mainly aimed at the conduct of women, at these events, we will try to answer based on our experience & observations over the past few years. Many women are coerced & pushed ,to attend parties and events, by their male partners. Let's not beat about the bush here. The male partner is looking to have fun with another woman and his female partner is very aware of this. It's a male driven industry / lifestyle. Jealousy can thus creep in, in the event that the male half gets chatting with , takes a liking to , a single female at such an event. His female partner, in the event that she is an insecure & jealous type , might then become threatened by the "competition" and might then react in various ways . Snubbing is but one. Rudeness and disrespect another. Don't take it personally "Tarte". It's not you who has the issue / problem, but rather the relationship of the "couple" If the male half had not pushed his partner to attend, or she was secure in her relationship and trusted him, she would not be threatened by, nor jealous of, him wanting to give attention to other females at such events/parties. It's not just a female thing/issue. We have seen males getting all pissed off as their female partner is having fun and is attracting other males, and so insecurity & jealousy occurs on both ends of the scale. If one wants to venture into the swinging scene /lifestyle , one needs to have a loving, trustful and respectful (for one another) relationship . If one partner feels pushed into this so as to take one for the team, then there are going to be issues with jealousy, insecurity and the resentment that follows. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
I don't think the snubbing is limited to single women. We've recently been snubbed at a party. I think party hosts need to make a big effort to ensure feelings of inclusiveness with all guests rather than collecting your money & making that their only interaction with you all night. Clicky snubiness is the enemy in this scene. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
DonnaBrett
8 years ago
In over 17 years in the swinging scene, we have never encountered such treatment.
-
Relentlesjoy
8 years ago
We get that to, some people just suck I guess. :) I like to think we need these people in our lives as a life style bench mark. It's living proof of how much luckier we are to be happy, caring and kind people or they may just lack confidence. Hope you have a great day. X - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
We are a girl only play couple we solely only play with females do not even do same room couple watching just female join to play or watch depending on the situation we have been to several swing venues and 2 private parties and found that it is very much couples to couples very few if any unicorns where there and that we where like oh new people fantastic when you chat you find that oh you guys only play that way oh so it's definitely a couples format and well even if the girl of the couple wants to join where we have found she then has to try convince the partner or find him a other interest so he is not nose out of place we find more that if we go to a club or bar (Brisbane/valley) that we meet more bi unicorns that way for sure and plenty of bicurious girls But it's not one bit of 1 being more threatened by others wanting to play one way or the other we have both had lots say I only want him or myself we both say we play together but we do let everybody body have that solo experience for even if it's 10 as in drinks are needed or a fresher shower time we are able to let the other enjoy that experience and well we both discuss it afterwards and are comfy if good good bad or in between it's how people projected there body styles that make people think there jealous I often am accused of not being interested in flirting girls and I'm more into girls trust me lol it's because I normally wear glasses and when out I don't my occasional contacts but my partner who lucky for me has great eyes and reads people well tells me when a girls is flirty and I or he will make that next interaction but also I tend to hang on to him for dear life because I can not see lol so some times girls it's because of poor eye sight also but I can soon tell you if you have nice breasts and a sexy figure I can see very well at at 3 metres lol 😂 - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
Even if the Ladies are Lifestylers, they are still Ladies. With the same sense of self esteem and feelings, the difference is Lifestyling Ladies tend to be less judgemental. I am sure they don't always mean dis-respect but rather are trying to not be shown up. The Irony is that all Ladies are Beautiful and as long as they're open to fun, everyone should be able to have a great time.
-
Cq_cplPlay
8 years ago
Heard plenty of stories of jealousy and only experienced a rare few really. I think it comes down to (for couples) how many are there because both want to or if it's an underlying situation of repair or pressure. It's a shame when it happens and for that fact we are aware of the unspoken communication in a play and as before will get up and walk away if we feel there are emotional issues. Being a bigger girl, I have had my fair share of judgment of my size but never started as jealousy, however it has changed through plays as the little green eyed monster comes out and boy oh boy women can try to cut deep. Personally I have no interest in engaging in anything but conversation when it happens, it's just a shame that inner restrictions at times makes you lash out on others rather wanting to embrace that little slutty fun.
-
inspirit
8 years ago
Awesome to see some old posters in this thread. Long time. :-). - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
Finally experienced the tail end of young naive female jealousy. So a chick who is apparently dating a stud want to tie him down, finally took hold of his phone after a party I fortunately didn't attend in exchange for a quiet Saturday night... I soon get a text from this girl that I've heard has jealousy issues that affect others in the scene. Feeling being intruded on, there was no other way she could have gotten my contact details but through this guy. She actually took hold of his phone and she was trying to play mind games with me. I didn't want a piece of it. She also tried to make me jealous of someone I don't even like much/ bored of because he didn't have a backbone. Not only not being able to protect himself and pleasing her for whatever fun reason the drama brings to his life, he also wasn't able to protect my privacy. That's not on! So I just didn't play her game, like some highschool girl, trying to force herself into the scene. What's with the unsolicited messaging? Of course I got angry at her 😡 I went from totes relaxed to almost falling asleep to fight mode in 10s flat. "Oh I'm going to cuddle my boyfriend" do I like... care? Lol what angers me is how dumb you are chick and you can't see it. Apathetic about your style, or lack there of. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
...honestly, I've even dropped my "ideal' poly relationship pipe dream. I'm yet to see swinging ir poky relationships work in a happy, loving and blissed out way. I see a lot of hurt people, children in adult dress ups and a whole lot of heightened, juvenile (often substance fueled) drama I can't be fucked with. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
😶 My phone screen is so cracked. My apologies. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
As a single woman just entering the swinging scene, I can say that for me, this has been coming for a while. But I wanted to make sure that my attitude was right and my insecurities dealt with before venturing into swinging. I've tried to keep my thought process simple and have the same attitude to swinging as I do with casual dating. I'm in it to connect with like minded people, have fun and explore my sexuality. If others don't like me then that's none of my business. If others are insecure in my presence, then that's their issue and not mine. I'm most happiest when giving to others so I don't see this scene as any different from 'outside life'. Give to and connect with others. If it works, then enjoy the exploration. If it doesn't, simply move onto something else that makes you happy. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
On_Safari
8 years ago
I've seen and heard quite a bit of viciousness between couples. Mostly the woman. Then again I've also seen couples and poly relationships that are very very successful. My latest observation puts a new slant on things though, what do you do when you have a partner and a single lover who takes an interest in another. The married lover then threatens the Lovers potential interest and then threatens the Lover that if they go there they'll make sure the whole swing set knows about it and (such is their self-belief in their own reputation) no one will touch them EVER AGAIN if it's the last thing they do. Nice hey? I might also add at this juncture that you can't turn shit into plum jam. I've experienced the wife who felt pit out because most conversation was directed at me by my lover and her husband. She then pursued my Lover for weeks trying to get him on his own. Lol lucky he felt we should come as a pigeon pair, eventhough I didn't like the woman he was free to satisfy his curiosity. I'm glad he didn't. I've been the Unicoen with a couple a few times and well....they weee very good experiences for a number of reasons. The main being that she and I had developed a rapport. I made it plain I wasn't out to destroy anything, would never approach her man in private and sincerely wanted her to call the shots. (Sigh) over the years I find Swingers bore me...it's more about the fucking for couples than any potential friendship developing between people. My body is my temple to use or abuse not anyone else's to use without thought for my wellbeing in the exchange. Other scenarios can be so much more fun when a marriage/relationship isn't on the line. ~ Indy (tosses mane and gallops away)
-
RHP User
8 years ago
To the OP and many commenters, I've experienced the same unwelcome feeling as a single in the scene. It really put me off. It's definitely a couples game.
-
RHP User
8 years ago
First, no way, really? The married guy is fucked up to behave like that 👎 He has tickets on himself if he thinks he has control over who fucks who. Breaking news there is if they want us, they will ignore recommendations by others, as I would, because each encounter or connection between two people (or more, whatever the case may be) is entirely different. Even after my bad encounters, I have never assumed they wouldn't successfully meet others. It's so personal. One person's dud can be off the planet great for someone else 😃 And the rest of your comment, the verbal for me is a big part of play/roleplay, and your experience and thoughts on being with couples, reflects what has held me back not only from play with couples, but also parties, which are centered around couples 😃
-
RHP User
8 years ago
Many years ago I was into the swinging scene heavily in North Queensland, and meeting some amazing people. I was with a few couples on Hamilton Island at a lovely organised weekend at the Reef View, it was the second night and we were all pushing boundaries more, a couple that was only soft swapping stepped up, I was really enjoyed my time with her, putting on a show in the lounge. Next minute, WACK straight into the head and I was clocked sideways, looking up, dazed I was thumped again, realising it was her husband and hearing the screaming, he was pulled off me. He stormed off, turns out he'd been caught cheating and couldn't handle the situation. Ruined my night and everyone elses, and I believe their marriage Please only swing if your in a good place. - Posted from rhpmobile
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 14361 Comments: 120840
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1355 Comments: 14709
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2425 Comments: 17234
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2405 Comments: 12737
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 794 Comments: 5154
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1148 Comments: 6957
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 622 Comments: 2145
-
LGBT
Topics: 156 Comments: 1150
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share