F55
Keeping it away from the kids
November 27 2013
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
A hotel. Problem solved. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I have four children, 2 young ones that I share custody of (9&14) and yes I totally understand your desire to keep this aspect of your life away from their eyes. I've never played at home, I either book a room or play out of town, it's the perfect solution. .......I can just imagine my 25 year old wandering in and saying "Hey Mum, who's that tied to your bed?" 😳 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Single mum on a pension, can't afford that!
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RHP User
11 years ago
Can't you go out to dinner or a bar and then return back to your place later in the evening?
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Lifes_great
11 years ago
Your ex isn't reponsible for what you choose to do in your spare time as neither are you responsible for what he does. The only way to ensure you're uninterupted is to do what' K' has suggested above....book a room. Seeing as your ex still plays with the neighbours this could be a common occurance so it's either play somewhere else or move house if you want to avoid the kids finding out. Hope you have fun on your date night MissKay
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Lifes_great
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'Can't you go out to dinner or a bar and then return back to your place later in the evening?
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Mr_MrsAraps
11 years ago
Your ex is certainly intitled to go wherever he likes and what you do in your own time is your own choice. If I was travelling a fair distance and made plans I would be slightly annoyed if cancelled. So if you want to screen your kids, and rightly so imho, then your choices are to be somewhere other than at the house. Hotel, bar/dinner, parking lot or whatever until it gets to the time till Big Dog (lol) and children go to bed and safe to not come around to the house. Cheers, W.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I just got really miffed at his cheap shot about my "lifestyle choices", I've calmed down now. I would change location but it's not possible. Looks like I'll have to cancel as they'll be here until well after 'Big Dog' lol goes to bed.
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RHP User
11 years ago
dates place? Share the cost of a hotel room? I'd be pissed at the 'lifestyle choice' comment too ...
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RHP User
11 years ago
tell the kids you have a date coming over they meet the date .. you shag him later Job done
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RHP User
11 years ago
I think it is unreasonable that you are expecting the neighbour and your ex to change their plans because of your plans. Have your 'date' the next night. Go to a hotel or his place. Go to dinner and come back later. Have your date park around the corner. There are options that you can control. Good luck! Sounds like fun!
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'paint_me'dates place? Share the cost of a hotel room? I'd be pissed at the 'lifestyle choice' comment too ... I'd love that comment as I know my choices have pissed him off because he is probably not 'getting any'!!
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RHP User
11 years ago
Make sure everything they need is at the neighbours or in your ex's car and lock all the doors. Candlelight is night when you're having a play date. Either that or just tell them the truth, you're having a friend over and you'd prefer that they not meet him yet so they'll need to organise and take all their stuff with them and put it in dad's car before they go to the neighbours. Reality is not a bad thing for children. I can understand you don't have the money for a room but what about him, can't he take you to dinner as Meeka suggests? Nice conversation and sexy banter would ensure the sparks are flying by the time you get back. And lifestyle choice? What? having a life after divorce? Good luck
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RHP User
11 years ago
Just ate humble pie with the ex, my last text to him wasn't pleasant at all. Still, I said I over reacted to his cheap shot which is why I lost my rag. Defence rests. We had a talk about it when he came to get the kids just then and bless him the ex said he will leave by 9.30, rang date who was wonderfully understanding and we will go out until then. Yay!!!! No cancellations, everybody wins. So glad as this guy is AMAZING! (Ex would normally stay until 11.00) Paint me - No I can't, he's from waaaay outta town and as a pensioner, food and petrol comes before hotel rooms. Wowow11 - Ah, no, not an option they are 6 & 9 and don't need that confusion in their life. They are still getting their heads around Mummy & Daddy not living together anymore. I'd rather cancel than confuse them. Sorry for bothering you all, I was a bit wound up this morning. But happy dancing now.
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Mr_MrsAraps
11 years ago
Glad you have it all sorted now :-) - Posted from rhpmobile
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Lifes_great
11 years ago
Quoting 'MissKay' Just ate humble pie with the ex, my last text to him wasn't pleasant at all. Still, I said I over reacted to his cheap shot which is why I lost my rag. Defence rests. We had a talk about it when he came to get the kids just then and bless him the ex said he will leave by 9.30, rang date who was wonderfully understanding and we will go out until then. Yay!!!! No cancellations, everybody wins. So glad as this guy is AMAZING! (Ex would normally stay until 11.00) Paint me - No I can't, he's from waaaay outta town and as a pensioner, food and petrol comes before hotel rooms. Wowow11 - Ah, no, not an option they are 6 & 9 and don't need that confusion in their life. They are still getting their heads around Mummy & Daddy not living together anymore. I'd rather cancel than confuse them. Sorry for bothering you all, I was a bit wound up this morning. But happy dancing now. when a plan comes together! Meeka...you're in charge from now on!
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RHP User
11 years ago
means the ex, move on, who's running the show
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RHP User
11 years ago
Good for you for the way you handled your advice Misskay. And good for your ex tthe way he handled your explanation... you musta chosen him for a good reason. Have a great weekend! :-D
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Smilingwithfun
11 years ago
If its his access weekend then don't hang around. Have drinks with the neighbours on his non access weekends. No way should you have to pay for a hotel room. He has his free space when he doesn't have the kids & so should you
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RHP User
11 years ago
I feel as though you're feeling a little awkward about the fact you met this person from RHP, like as if it's some kind of second rate meat market. The reason for this, is you seem to think the kids will think you're having sex because you know you might be. However.... If this person was just a male friend, with no possibility of sexual involvement would you feel different about it?? Or.... Do your kids know that you're on RHP, and know also what that means?? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Smilingwithfun' If its his access weekend then don't hang around. Have drinks with the neighbours on his non access weekends. No way should you have to pay for a hotel room. He has his free space when he doesn't have the kids & so should youThanks for agreeing with me. That is my point to him. Yes I know he has every right to drink with my neighbours whenever the f*&% he wants, BUT, he KNOWS that I have lovers when the kids aren't here so why come around during 'my' time? They are too young to understand and I sure as shit wouldn't know how to explain it to them. And that's why I asked him to put the kids first and stay the hell away during 'my' time. He knows there will be a car in the driveway when he gets here as it unfortunately happened 2 weeks ago and I nearly died. We've been separated for 12 months and it has just become an issue as of 2 weeks ago. Hence him sending me the text as a warning so it wasn't awkward again. Quoting 'Stir_it_alot'I feel as though you're feeling a little awkward about the fact you met this person from RHP, like as if it's some kind of second rate meat market. The reason for this, is you seem to think the kids will think you're having sex because you know you might be. However.... If this person was just a male friend, with no possibility of sexual involvement would you feel different about it?? Or.... Do your kids know that you're on RHP, and know also what that means?? - Posted from rhpmobile Firstly - Please change your name back to Sir Lurk, I'm not comfortable with your new tag. "I like your old stuff better than your new stuff" And I in NO way think my lovers are pieces of meat. My kids are young at 6 & 9. Daddy has a live in girlfriend and 2 new teenage 'step' sons. I have, um, not. I am choosing to have several lovers that just can't be explained to kids that age. Yes it would feel awkward explaining that Mummy is dating several gents. God I feel cheap now. And a non sexual male visitor is happily paraded in front of the kids. I had two male visitors on Sunday and happily shared time with them with the kids as I could relate history and experience and context. I just can't do that with lovers. Maybe if it was just 1 or 2, but it's not, getting cheaper by the minute....
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RHP User
11 years ago
If the kids don't know.....and you're not all touchy feely in front of them....which I'm sure you're not.....then it seems to be only your perceived view that makes this an issue.....doesn't it?? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I get that if it was just one or two, MissKay would be okay with that. I could also imagine not wanting the kids to meet a string of men coming and going. At some point, they will likely ask questions. Awkward questions. In my own case, I already had a child when I met Mr. P and I made sure he was the only man who ever passed through our life that my child knew of. . I do see your point better when you expand on it MissKay, if this 'visiting' is becoming a habit, it IS becoming intrusive and IMO, crossing boundaries. Cheers.
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BrightBubbly
11 years ago
I am in a very similar situation here and my kids are 4, 7 and 10. I don't let them know I see anyone when they are with their Dad. I would have moved both cars around the corner and snuck back home and locked the doors. Then you can have your friend over in peace...
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RHP User
11 years ago
you got it. I have nobody I'm willing to introduce the kids to. Sir Lurk, it's a matter of numbers. Kids aren't stupid. I'm a salesperson and have an awesome poker face and could get away with it, but I choose to protect my kids from seeing anything at all. You've got kids of similar ages, you know how many questions the little bastards ask.
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inspirit
11 years ago
what calm communication can do and accountability. I do like humans sometimes
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RHP User
11 years ago
:p
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RHP User
11 years ago
You know I love ya though x And inspirit - calm went to a whole new level, sigh, if that communication persisted all would be well, but unfortunately...... big ugly heap. Assumptions are a bitch, and boy I paid.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'BrightBubbly' I am in a very similar situation here and my kids are 4, 7 and 10. I don't let them know I see anyone when they are with their Dad. I would have moved both cars around the corner and snuck back home and locked the doors. Then you can have your friend over in peace... Exactly, you make things work! We were happy to go out till they left. Ends up date flew into Sydney late and didn't get here till after they left. They assumed date was here when I was alone and was sent awful judgemental texts. As if I would sit here after 'freakin' about the kids with the door open & music blaring with a lover in the house? BAD BAD BAD communication. Awful assumptions and no idea what he's said to the kids. Groan....
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