F43

Label fluidity

February 18 2019

On a platform that offers everyone the opportunity to express who they are and what they want, to lure, verify and meet potential partners, I wonder why people hardly put in the effort. A moment on the forums offers the standard line of ‘put in the effort and ...don’t be a dipstick’ and be clear about what you want and verify, verify verify. I also agree with the generalised unhelpful nature of labels...but the lack of these labels can make selecting potential partners difficult. I’m also not sure that most people know what they actually want... or who they really are, to be honest. I hadn’t realised that I’d need to unpack the various meanings of ‘sexual identity’ if only for the impact that it may have on my experience here on RHP, particularly as I seek women that are both strongly heterosexual and strongly same-sex-attracted. To effectively get the best of both worlds ;) I thought that bicurious and bisexual would really yield the same outcome. My experience suggests something very different. Female bicurious? This seems to mean, ‘I’m sort of interested in the same sex but i get my rocks off with the boys or... I really like it when my partners’ getting his rocks off with you and I’ll sort of be involved’. I’m sure I’m part of the problem, but the dynamic between couples seems to be difficult to navigate when I’m trying to determine if the women are actually interested. Maybe I should just state.. ‘only interested in strongly bisexual women within couples or lesbians’. Ahh! Struggling... especially as the men seems to be the main drivers on the platform, profiles, at ‘meetings’ and in almost all of the interactions... So how are people using the terms ‘bicurious and bisexual’ especially for women OR... should I just throw away these labels and accept that people are fluid and that terms aren’t helpful at all.... - Posted from rhpmobile

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mango69er

6 years ago

Its a stab in the dark when looking at profiles. Anyone can write or put down anything on there profiles. Best to meet the people you may be interested with. Get a way better clue who they are.

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usrightnow_Again

6 years ago

Yeah, agree with Mango69er, people Can write anything and meeting them, even at M&Gs, which are a great starting point, can provide a better indication of people's wishes and aspirations. I also think you hit the nail on the head when you said you should look for "strongly bisexual women within couples or lesbians". Being specific about what You want, is a part of the equation and will probably relate to any eventual success. .. Remember, many are on a journey, everyone is at their own point along that line. True, some don't state clearly enough what they would like, equally, some just aren't yet sure. You being clear and persistence are part of what You Can do. .. When Mrs. urn. and I began our relationship thirty years ago, she identified as very heterosexual. Now, thirty years on, she identifies as polyamorous. Yes, bisexual, however, she only wants a sexual relationship with one man, me, and would one day like a similar relationship with a woman, who joins us in a triad relationship of three equal parts. For her to reach the point in her thinking where she is now, which also relates to our username usrightnow, she has gone through other stages, including bi-curious. So yes, for some, over time their is fluidity. Likewise, some are fluid on a continual basis. I think people in general are beginning to better understand Modern Human sexuality, sexual preference and gender, which is a good thing. .. All the best on Your journey and with your wishes. .. Mr. & Mrs. urn. .

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RHP User

6 years ago

Mrs & Mr Urn, I appreciate your personal insight and pragmatic response. I’ve been incredibly lucky to meet kind, patient and experienced couples whose conversations have offered wonderful inights into the kaleidoscopes of personal preferences! Often I wonder how I contribute in a positive or negative way to the normal process of searching.. establishing if you’re interested in the person behind the profile.... without wasting their time too! I think that updating and analyzing my profile regularly will help individuals determine if I’m right for them too ...as I know what works for me ;) I’d be interested how you present your interests on your profile too! I’ll check it out ;)

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RHP User

6 years ago

Mrs & Mr Urn, I appreciate your personal insight and pragmatic response. I’ve been incredibly lucky to meet kind, patient and experienced couples whose conversations have offered wonderful inights into the kaleidoscopes of personal preferences! Often I wonder how I contribute in a positive or negative way to the normal process of searching.. establishing if you’re interested in the person behind the profile.... without wasting their time too! I think that updating and analyzing my profile regularly will help individuals determine if I’m right for them too ...as I know what works for me ;) I’d be interested how you present your interests on your profile too! I’ll check it out ;)

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OkeyDoke45

6 years ago

Your topic seems to ask two questions so I shall give two opinions. Label, label, label. I am of the opinion that there is nothing wrong with labelling, it serves a very practical purpose in that it allows us to distinguish one from another. Were we to have no category for sexual preferences it would be akin to walking into a crowded room and finding someone that is wearing tartan underwear, without actually being able to ask. You would instead have to take a really long way around with questions. That analogy really sucks. Anyway, to me labels are fine - it's what you do with them that matters. As to what constitutes bicurious versus bisexual, I will use another equally dodgy analogy. Bisexual is walking into a cake shop and ordering one of everything. Bicurious is walking into a cake shop and asking if you can just touch a little bit of each cake on display, you're really not sure if you want any of it. Personally, if I ran the cake shop, I would just tell the bicurious customer to fuck off.

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usrightnow_Again

6 years ago

Thanks leelud. Yeah, since we returned a year ago, we decided to have the bare minimum in our profile. At the moment we are more here for the Forums and those we know. Our health and family have been a focus for the last year, so a relationship as of above mentioned type, has gone on the backburner for a while. That will change one day, still it is a narrow focused wish for our future, however, we hope for that one day. We think what you said in the comment you posted yesterday is an excellent approach and step. Keep reading threads, they're full of information, and keep posting too. Over the last three years we have posted more in the Forums about ourselves and views than we could possibly fit in our profile .M&Gs are good for initial contact too. .. Mr. & Mrs. urn. .

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